NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, I have come, seen and posted on a few of the relationship based threads over here. Now I got a question of my own; however, it is not advice that I am seeking for myself, it is advice I am seeking for a friend, so bear with me.

My friend (male) has an interest in a female, however, being the reasonable sort of person, he wants to know whether or not she is single or not. The problem is that he is worried that he would reveal his intentions by just asking the question, Are you single? I thought about some advice that I could give him, however, I felt that seeing that many people here on NSG are experts in this field, I decided I would ask you nice people first before giving him any advice - the last thing I want to do is say something idiotic.

So, NSGers, How do find out whether or not someone that you have an interest in is single or not?

Stalking

Stalking

And the cool thing about that, is it doesn't really matter if they are single or not.;)

Stalking

I can help with that.

For proper stalking, you need a fake mustache - it's essential

Why not tell your 'friend' to slip, into the conversation with the said girl, a question of what does she think that her boyfriend would think of........., or would your boyfriend mind you doing........

Then the friend would either receive th answers:

a. My boyfriend would...........

or

b. I do not have a boyfriend...............

or possibly

c. I don't have a boyfriend, but my girlfriend would probably............

Heh can't you approach her and say summit like 'My mate really fancies you!'

Well, I have come, seen and posted on a few of the relationship based threads over here. Now I got a question of my own; however, it is not advice that I am seeking for myself, it is advice I am seeking for a friend, so bear with me.

My friend (male) has an interest in a female, however, being the reasonable sort of person, he wants to know whether or not she is single or not. The problem is that he is worried that he would reveal his intentions by just asking the question, Are you single? I thought about some advice that I could give him, however, I felt that seeing that many people here on NSG are experts in this field, I decided I would ask you nice people first before giving him any advice - the last thing I want to do is say something idiotic.

So, NSGers, How do find out whether or not someone that you have an interest in is single or not?

If you look at my bolding, you'll see that you've already said something idiotic. ;)

Hmm I like the way this has been made an oh-so-sinister thread about stalking.

Anyway - my advice is thus :

*devises evil scheme*

Put a tracking device into her purse if at all possible, if she's going to someone else's house a lot, then try and discover it's a family member through the phonebook, or turn up as a deliveryman, pretending to be delivering to some random, but got the wrong house.



Or alternatively -

*acts on previous experience*

Ask an innoculous question like "did you do anything at the weekend?" - if the answer involves "with my partner / boyfriend / girlfriend / etc.", then they have a partner already, fairly obviously, and if they don't mention it but do have one, then they probably won't take it badly if he asks her out, it'll be more "oh, I already have a partner, sorry" than anything else most of the time.

Try Wikipedia.

Hmm I like the way this has been made an oh-so-sinister thread about stalking.

I have that effect on people. :D

Try Wikipedia.
*giggles*

Google knows all, Wiki doesn't.:p

*giggles*

Google knows all, Wiki doesn't.:p

Nuh-uh! Wiki knows all! Google merely sees all.

Nuh-uh! Wiki knows all! Google merely sees all.
The eyes...they are watching!:eek:

The eyes...they are watching!:eek:

Case in point: Google Earth.

Yeah.. It's been said. Stalking
Especially since your from Auckland. That's all you Jaffas do up there. Stalk eachother and drink coffee.

Heh can't you approach her and say summit like 'My mate really fancies you!'

I approve this.

First, it's clear and concise.

Second, she will have some sort of reaction that you can report to your friend.

Third, I like the use of the word mate in this context because it's hilarious to my US-centric ears

Fourth, it might horribly embarass said "mate".

Ask an innoculous question like "did you do anything at the weekend?" - if the answer involves "with my partner / boyfriend / girlfriend / etc.", then they have a partner already, fairly obviously, and if they don't mention it but do have one, then they probably won't take it badly if he asks her out, it'll be more "oh, I already have a partner, sorry" than anything else most of the time.

this is probably the best advice so far. or like that "my mate fancies you" line. that'd be funny.

I approve this.

First, it's clear and concise.

Second, she will have some sort of reaction that you can report to your friend.

Third, I like the use of the word mate in this context because it's hilarious to my US-centric ears

Fourth, it might horribly embarass said "mate".

You've got a really mean sense of humor, Smunkee. You should be ashamed of yourself.


It sounds like something I'd do.:D

So, NSGers, How do find out whether or not someone that you have an interest in is single or not?
Get one of your friends who she doesn't know to talk to her for a bit, maybe happen to run into him while you're talking to her and have him ask.

Ask one of her friends - it will all get back to her and you will soon get to know whether she is interested or not.

Tell him to just ask her out to get coffee or something. I mean really, at the most basic level, she's interested, or she's not. If she's seeing someone, at least he tried and got it out of the road rather than going through an "onoes i like a gurl that is taken!11" phase and then debating over whether or not to tell her anyway.

What's wrong with, "Are you married?"

If someone is interested they get a direct answer. If the answer is no, there is the opening to ask. If the answer is yes, you go on and never mention it again. So what if they realize that you were interested? You didn't "hit" on them. You got the go or stop before that happened. And they might feel complimented that they are still attractive.

im with good lifes.

your friend should grow up. there is nothing wrong with letting a woman know that if she were single you would be interested in dating her. so the question "are you seeing anyone?" is always an appropriate start to any conversation that you want to end in her accepting a date with you.

He should just ask her if she's married and depending on the reply :
I have a boyfriend / I'm married
He could just respond with " Well he's a very lucky guy " ( or girl ! )
Then he has asked a simple question and given a simple compliment. Hard to take offense to that.
If she responds that she is single....... well that's another thread. :)

Be all smooth and be like. "So did you do anything with your boyfriend?"

Or be direct (and smooth) and go, "I'm just wondering, are you fucking anyone on a regular basis?"

im with good lifes.

your friend should grow up. there is nothing wrong with letting a woman know that if she were single you would be interested in dating her. so the question "are you seeing anyone?" is always an appropriate start to any conversation that you want to end in her accepting a date with you.

well, of course, but nobody has the chance to get embarrassed that way.

If all else fails, try chloroform.

If all else fails, try chloroform.


i think i read that in the bible........

My friend (male) has an interest in a female, however, being the reasonable sort of person, he wants to know whether or not she is single or not. The problem is that he is worried that he would reveal his intentions by just asking the question, Are you single? I thought about some advice that I could give him, however, I felt that seeing that many people here on NSG are experts in this field, I decided I would ask you nice people first before giving him any advice - the last thing I want to do is say something idiotic.

What's wrong with him revealing his intentions? Really, I hate all that coy bullshit.

What's wrong with him revealing his intentions? Really, I hate all that coy bullshit.

because it would have the potential of turning a really great friendship into something awkward

Or be direct (and smooth) and go, "I'm just wondering, are you fucking anyone on a regular basis?"


I do wonder how the average woman would respond to this...

xD

because it would have the potential of turning a really great friendship into something awkward

If it's a really great friendship, why doesn't he know if she is single or not ? :confused:

If it's a really great friendship, why doesn't he know if she is single or not ? :confused:

Exactly what I was thinking.

Also, it is far from impossible to be friends with someone who knew you were once interested in them.

If it's a really great friendship, why doesn't he know if she is single or not ? :confused:

uh oh, you got me


DAMMIT!!!!!!!!



sigh, i guess i agree with you

uh oh, you got me


DAMMIT!!!!!!!!



sigh, i guess i agree with you

Yeah, your friend sounds really insecure.

Yeah, your friend sounds really insecure.



what friend?

what friend?
Ooops. Thought you were the OP.

Ooops. Thought you were the OP.

lol, nah, that's not my style



i'm more of the "just fucking ask them" type :cool:

well, of course, but nobody has the chance to get embarrassed that way.

there is always the chance to be embarrassed when asking a woman out.

there is always the chance to be embarrassed when asking a woman out.

yeah, like if you pass wind loudly in the middle of your pick up line......

because it would have the potential of turning a really great friendship into something awkward
Meh, it would only be awkward for a week or two. I've had male friends hit on me when I had a boyfriend and I've just been like "umm... I'm taken" they usually apologize and we get on with our lives (though they may not be the first person I tell when I'm back on the market).

yeah, like if you pass wind loudly in the middle of your pick up line......

loudly or quietly with a rank odor, its all embarrassing.

I really have a lot of sympathy for guys in this situation. No one likes to be shot down.

I asked a guy out once a long time ago and he turned me down flat.:mad:
I never asked anyone again.

I've always been careful to decline gently when someone that I'm not interested in asks me out. It takes courage to open yourself up like that.

Good Luck to your friend, OP !

Well guys, thanks for all the advice. I was just speaking to my friend now and he was amazed at all the bits of advice, and he found the chloroform suggestion quite funny. Being serious, however, much of the advice that was here will be helpful.

I do understand about the comments about my friend needing to grow up, however, as one of the posters indicated, it can makes things awkward and has happened to him before, he asked a girl out that he had known for some years and for four months afterward, everytime he bumped into this girl, it was an awkward situation.

In terms of why he does not know whether she is single or not, all I have been told is that it never entered conversation and so he doesn't know.

Yeah.. It's been said. Stalking
Especially since your from Auckland. That's all you Jaffas do up there. Stalk eachother and drink coffee.

Do we really? I know about the drinking coffee endlessly, but the stalking?

Or be direct (and smooth) and go, "I'm just wondering, are you fucking anyone on a regular basis?"

Believe it or not....When I was in college I knew a guy that always started with "Do you want to f---?" He said it's just a matter of playing the odds. 20 will say no but that 21st will be worth it. I never saw him without a beautiful woman and never saw him with the same woman twice.

I asked a guy out once a long time ago and he turned me down flat.:mad:
I never asked anyone again.



Really? I can't imagine any man turning down a woman that asked. Heck, I even let them pay for that first date if they wanted. Back in my dating days, I was thrilled to know someone was interested. And it was great knowing that there wasn't a chance of getting turned down. My advice to women, if interested ask. I'll bet less than 1 in 100 will turn you down. (Unless he is married or engaged.)

Now women are different. I'm sure every one of them keeps track and compares notes on how many men they have turned down. I think there's a quota or something.