NationStates Jolt Archive

If Santa went toe-to-toe with Jesus, who would win?

I'm assuming you can't have any special guest interferer's, because if you could then I doubt Santa would have much a chance against God.

Which Jesus?
http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q100/TheSteveslols/jesus_jeezus.jpg

If Santa went toe-to-toe with Jesus, who would win?

Santa, obviously. He has the advantage of bulk, plus he can summon elves and flying reindeer to help, where as Jesus can only summon fishermen who can ...fish opponents into submission.

And really, what advantage is walking on water, when you walk on ice every day?

Neither of them exist, so The Flying Spaghetti Monster wins by default.

Neither of them exist, so The Flying Spaghetti Monster wins by default.

Santa.... Santa isn't real? :(

Santa.... Santa isn't real? :(

that's right. You should know by now.

This offends my views. I will report you all to the mods!

I am joking about that, you can all have your own views, but this is insulting. I have seen allot of this from these boards. I am going to see if the mods can add a new rule for ripping on ones religion for no reason.

If Santa went toe-to-toe with Jesus, who would win?

That is a tough one..
Jesus most probably either wore sandals, or walked barefoot, so he might have toughened toes...
But Santa probably has had multiple instances of frostbite which may have forged them as hard as ice.

I wouldn't bet exclusively one way or the other.

This offends my views. I will report you all to the mods!

I am joking about that, you can all have your own views, but this is insulting. I have seen allot of this from these boards. I am going to see if the mods can add a new rule for ripping on ones religion for no reason.

Ehh...

What?

Santa, hands down. He brings little kids toys in order to recruit them into his unstoppably mighty army which, in 20 years or so, will contain the world's most loyal (and spoiled) soldiers. In comparison, Jesus had only twelve apostles, and one of them betrayed him; which makes eleven. In toe-to-toe combat, Jesus and his apostles would hold out bravely—giving out as good as they get—but would eventually be overwhelmed by sheer weight of numbers. Thus, Santa wins, and eventually takes over the world.

If Santa went toe-to-toe with Jesus, who would win?

I'm confused as to the difference between the two.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2Q3QE3LL1Dk

Here is how it goes down

(BTW, this cartoon was widely circulated on the net and its popularity led to Comedy Central picking up South Park)

Without this cartoon, there may be no South Park.

That's easy. Jesus wins in a heartbeat.

The human body is mostly water. He need only change Santa's to wine.

;)

I'm assuming you can't have any special guest interferer's, because if you could then I doubt Santa would have much a chance against God.

I think we have to assume that Brian Boitano shows up.

"What would Brian Boitano do?"

That's easy. Jesus wins in a heartbeat.

The human body is mostly water. He need only change Santa's to wine.

;)

Could be too late. You know why it's always milk & cookies, and why his cheeks are so rosy?

Besides, there actually *was* a "saint nick", in Turkey or somewhere near there, iirc.

Jesus ... well, Mithra, Horus, et cetera.

jesus would get totalled by one tummy bump from santa. plus santa has an army of elves for a tag team. jebus just has 12 wallies.

jesus would get totalled by one tummy bump from santa. plus santa has an army of elves for a tag team. jebus just has 12 wallies.jebus? wallies?

Surely the evil robot beats the hippie every time.

If Jesus did win he could take Santa's bag and then go and find Saint Luke and say:

Luke, I can feel your presents.

And they would all laugh.

:(

This offends my views. I will report you all to the mods!

I am joking about that, you can all have your own views, but this is insulting. I have seen allot of this from these boards. I am going to see if the mods can add a new rule for ripping on ones religion for no reason.

God where's that we're being oppressed pie chart when you need it?!

God where's that we're being oppressed pie chart when you need it?!

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e142/leftyflecken/100.gif

And really, what advantage is walking on water, when you walk on ice every day?

Ah, but when the polar ice caps melt, Jesus will have the upper hand!

Santa, obviously. He has the advantage of bulk, plus he can summon elves and flying reindeer to help, where as Jesus can only summon fishermen who can ...fish opponents into submission.

And really, what advantage is walking on water, when you walk on ice every day?

You owe me a new keyboard. :p

Jesus: Behold my glory

Stan: Holy shit! It's Jesus.

Cartman: What are you doing in South Park Jesus?

Jesus: I come seeking retribution

Stan: He's come to kill you because you're Jewish Kyle.

Kyle: Oh fuck! I'm sorry Jesus don't kill me!

Jesus: Fear not, I love all my children

Kyle: Phew!

Jesus: Tomorrow is my birthday and all is not right.

Stan: Your birthday's on Christmas! That sucks dude.

If Santa went toe-to-toe with Jesus, who would win?

Ask the kiddies at Christmas.

One fictional character versus another fictional character, huh?

Hmm...

I'll go with Santa, because Jesus is associated with Christianity and thus cannot be allowed to win.

I'll go with Santa, because Jesus is associated with Christianity and thus cannot be allowed to win.

Santa Clause is an amalgam of Father Christmas (who has very interesting pagan roots) and the Dutch version of the Christian Saint Nicholas of Myra. So that argument is void ;)

Santa Clause is an amalgam of Father Christmas (who has very interesting pagan roots) and the Dutch version of the Christian Saint Nicholas of Myra. So that argument is void ;)

Damn it.

Fine...I'll kill them all and let God sort them out.

...

Wait a minute...DAMN IT! :headbang:

Jesus he can summon legions of Angels and produce swords from his mouth

Remember that this is a fight between Jesus and Santa, and there are no outside bodies (God, angels) to interfere.

Santa would nail him... literally. And then body slam him.

Remember, Santa is technically a saint. Because he is by default a servant of Christ, he would be powerless to harm him.

Old news.

Went to Court, Jesus was suing Santa Claus for monopolistic behaviour back in 97´, and Santa Claus lost

Santa appealed to the heart of the judge by making him imagine what it's like to fly raindeer and having to smell their farts... but the Judge decreed:

"Santa doesn't exist"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKvnfvyCM3g

Old news.

Went to Court, Jesus was suing Santa Claus for monopolistic behaviour back in 97´, and Santa Claus lost

Santa appealed to the heart of the judge by making him imagine what it's like to fly raindeer and having to smell their farts... but the Judge decreed:

"Santa doesn't exist"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKvnfvyCM3g
When defending yourself against charges of professional misconduct, a ruling that you do not exist should be in your favour. One cannot lose a case against them if there's no "one" to prosecute. If anything, Jesus's action should have been thrown out and fines charged for fraudulent lawsuits. Perhaps even a charge for perjury may be in order.

Hey, that'd make an awesome sitcom...

In winning what?