Anti-Social Darwinism
08-08-2007, 08:51
Gotta love these guys. Does it strike anyone as strange that over the history of the Darwin Awards, the vast majority of the nominees have been men and not women?
DARWIN AWARDS 2007
And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwins
are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid
manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.
This year's nominees are :
Nominee No. 1 : [ San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2 : [ Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he
was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns
got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath
so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
B urns clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found
Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft".
Nominee No. 3: [ Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December
in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside is
bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38
Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto ]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged
2 4 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell
into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday
evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to
visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of
window strength a ccording to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing
partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper
that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man
association.
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had
spent several years awaiting South Carolinas e lectric chair on a murder
c onviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV
set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk,
IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his
fa ce, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in
his parent's rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said
Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the
gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium
apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his
death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident
occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It
appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer
said.
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [ Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after
midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray
Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog
catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck
headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight
fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was
not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullets from his
pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel
column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate
properly and the two men proceeded o n eastbound toward the White River
Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing
the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck
Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the
pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and
abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair
the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank
God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his testicles off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis "I've been a trooper for 10
years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said
Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia** (Poole's wife) asked
how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the
truck??? (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their
misadventure as nor mally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it
can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from
the gene pool.)
DARWIN AWARDS 2007
And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwins
are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid
manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.
This year's nominees are :
Nominee No. 1 : [ San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2 : [ Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he
was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns
got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath
so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
B urns clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found
Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft".
Nominee No. 3: [ Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December
in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside is
bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38
Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto ]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged
2 4 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell
into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday
evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to
visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of
window strength a ccording to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing
partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper
that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man
association.
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had
spent several years awaiting South Carolinas e lectric chair on a murder
c onviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV
set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk,
IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his
fa ce, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in
his parent's rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said
Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the
gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium
apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his
death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident
occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It
appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer
said.
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [ Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after
midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray
Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog
catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck
headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight
fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was
not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullets from his
pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel
column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate
properly and the two men proceeded o n eastbound toward the White River
Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing
the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck
Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the
pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and
abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair
the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank
God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his testicles off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis "I've been a trooper for 10
years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said
Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia** (Poole's wife) asked
how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the
truck??? (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their
misadventure as nor mally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it
can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from
the gene pool.)