NationStates Jolt Archive

The neighbor next door had always been physically active. He sold and stocked sundries to convenience stores for a living, enjoyed yard work, and loved restoring his vintage VW BUG. About six months ago his legs started giving him a lot of problems, he had to quit doing yard work and made the decision to retire at 64 years old.

It turns out he has either Mad Cow disease, a disease closely related to Mad Cow disease, or a very rare genetic disease that has the same symptoms as Mad Cow disease.

In about six months he has gone from an active, outgoing, vibrant individual to a person lying in a hospital bed at home who can only give a weak smile when you talk to him and is terminal.

What the hell can you say to him when you go over to his house to visit the family? What the hell can you say to his wife and family?

Tell them to pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy (http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm) in his prescence, for Our Lord promised St. Faustina that "If this is prayed in the prescence of a dying person, I shall stand before him, not as Just Judge, but as Merciful Saviour." Further, encourage them not to let this man die without the sacraments of the Church.

Suggest, on top of this chaplet:

A last confession (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confession)
Last Rites (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_rites)
And the Viaticum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viaticum)

For the Church promises us and reassures us that whoever dies with Christ will rise again with Christ on the last day.

Tell them to pray the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy (http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm) in his presence, for Our Lord promised St. Faustina that "If this is prayed in the presence of a dying person, I shall stand before him, not as Just Judge, but as Merciful Saviour." Further, encourage them not to let this man die without the sacraments of the Church.

Suggest, on top of this chaplet:

A last confession (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confession)
Last Rites (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_rites)
And the Viaticum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viaticum)

For the Church promises us and reassures us that whoever dies with Christ will rise again with Christ on the last day.

Yup, that should bug the hell out of them.

Unless you liked the guy of course, in which case express your condolences and let them know that if you can help in any way, you will.

Yup, that should bug the hell out of them.

Unless you liked the guy of course, in which case express your condolences and let them know that if you can help in any way, you will.

If he loves the man, however, then he shall desire for that man the highest good. The highest good is Heaven. Therefore, if he loves this man, then he shall desire Heaven for that man. At which point, he shall follow my advice.

Yup, that should bug the hell out of them.

Unless you liked the guy of course, in which case express your condolences and let them know that if you can help in any way, you will.

religious wingnut:

stfu and gtfo the internet. we dont need your crap here

barringtonia: get yourself a cookie

as for me i'd tell em

"sux2bu"

but thats only cuz im an asshole

If he loves the man, however, then he shall desire for that man the highest good. The highest good is Heaven. Therefore, if he loves this man, then he shall desire Heaven for that man. At which point, he shall follow my advice.

Look, the advice to give here should be practical and a household with a very sick person needs help and courteous visitation. Anything from helping around the house, doing any shopping required, simply popping by to say hello, is often greatly appreciated. If the guy loved his VW, even washing and polishing it every week may be a small favour greatly appreciated. Not to be obtrusive, but to simply let them know they have a good neighbour.

If you want to pray for them then fine but, if they are believers, then they probably know what's needed on that front already, if they're not it can be a major pain in the ass.

The neighbor next door had always been physically active. He sold and stocked sundries to convenience stores for a living, enjoyed yard work, and loved restoring his vintage VW BUG. About six months ago his legs started giving him a lot of problems, he had to quit doing yard work and made the decision to retire at 64 years old.

It turns out he has either Mad Cow disease, a disease closely related to Mad Cow disease, or a very rare genetic disease that has the same symptoms as Mad Cow disease.

In about six months he has gone from an active, outgoing, vibrant individual to a person lying in a hospital bed at home who can only give a weak smile when you talk to him and is terminal.

What the hell can you say to him when you go over to his house to visit the family? What the hell can you say to his wife and family?

I am so sorry is a good start. Is there anything I can do for you? is a good second sentence.

Chatting about the past is nice, too.

What the hell can you say to him when you go over to his house to visit the family? What the hell can you say to his wife and family?

I'd box him, and intentionally lose to make him feel accomplished and happy.

I'd say they'd probably appreciate it if you just acted the way you did before he fell ill. They're no doubt sick to the back teeth with everyone coming round and putting on displays of sympathy and trying ever-so-hard to think of 'nice' things to say.
They'd appreciate the normality of someone coming round and just chatting to them the way you always did before this happened.

either that, or ask to borrow his lawnmower and promise to bring it back, "in a month or two".

religious wingnut:

stfu and gtfo the internet. we dont need your crap here

barringtonia: get yourself a cookie

as for me i'd tell em

"sux2bu"

but thats only cuz im an asshole


New poster:
Cut out the flaming now. We don't need your vitriol here.

Look, the advice to give here should be practical and a household with a very sick person needs help and courteous visitation. Anything from helping around the house, doing any shopping required, simply popping by to say hello, is often greatly appreciated. If the guy loved his VW, even washing and polishing it every week may be a small favour greatly appreciated. Not to be obtrusive, but to simply let them know they have a good neighbour.

If you want to pray for them then fine but, if they are believers, then they probably know what's needed on that front already, if they're not it can be a major pain in the ass.

Thank you. You are the first poster to take my post seriously and I appreciate that. We have taken the family a couple of meals and we did get a faint smile from him when we talked to him but it is so difficult to see him in that condition. :(

tell him that you hope he feels better?

If he loves the man, however, then he shall desire for that man the highest good. The highest good is Heaven. Therefore, if he loves this man, then he shall desire Heaven for that man. At which point, he shall follow my advice.

If he loves the man and his family, he would not throw crap like that in their face.
Unless of course they are the religious type, but then they would already know what to do.

I would just go talk to the family, offer condolences and help.

Chatting about the past is nice, too.
or you could pretend you're in total denial and enroll him into next year's London Marathon. Talk about nothing else.

Another tact is to become so upset and grief-stricken, they're forced to forget their own misery and spend their energies on making you feel better.

I'd box him, and intentionally lose to make him feel accomplished and happy.

You sir are an ass. :mad:

He is unable to move or even speak. Yesterday they brought some medical equipment so the family could clear his throat in case he has trouble swalowing.

Thank you. You are the first poster to take my post seriously and I appreciate that. We have taken the family a couple of meals and we did get a faint smile from him when we talked to him but it is so difficult to see him in that condition. :(

Totally - to be honest, it can be as miserable for him to see that you are miserable, no one wants to be a burden, especially if he was a fit and active man. I suspect the main thing on his mind is that his family will be ok after he's gone. To provide him with a little sense of that by being as good a neighbour as you seem to be, well that's possibly the greatest gift you can give.

Still, I'm not half your age given the 'Final resting place' thread so I'm sure you know what's needed anyway - hope it makes you appreciate the good health you're, with some assumption, in

They'd appreciate the normality of someone coming round and just chatting to them the way you always did before this happened.

Thanks. We are doing that with is wife now and bringing over some meals for the family. They are having a tough enough time dealing with his condition and taking care of him and don't need to be cooking and all every day.

If he loves the man and his family, he would not throw crap like that in their face.
Unless of course they are the religious type, but then they would already know what to do.

I would just go talk to the family, offer condolences and help.

Or perhaps it is this point in time, this tragedy, that will make them most open to God's call to receive His Love.

I have one last piece of advice:

Tell the dying man to remember the sufferings of Our Lord, and to offer up his own in union with Jesus's suffering, and keep it always in mind. Tell him to offer it up for souls.

Totally - to be honest, it can be as miserable for him to see that you are miserable, no one wants to be a burden, especially if he was a fit and active man. I suspect the main thing on his mind is that his family will be ok after he's gone. To provide him with a little sense of that by being as good a neighbour as you seem to be, well that's possibly the greatest gift you can give.

Still, I'm not half your age given the 'Final resting place' thread so I'm sure you know what's needed anyway - hope it makes you appreciate the good health you're, with some assumption, in

Thank you.

Or perhaps it is this point in time, this tragedy, that will make them most open to God's call to repentence.

Yes, that's what cults do, prey on the vulnerable.

Can you not be humane?

Or perhaps it is this point in time, this tragedy, that will make them most open to God's call to receive His Love.

I have one last piece of advice:

Tell the dying man to remember the sufferings of Our Lord, and to offer up his own in union with Jesus's suffering, and keep it always in mind. Tell him to offer it up for souls.

You're creepy.

Yes, that's what cults do, prey on the vulnerable.

Can you not be humane?

Humane? As far as you care, this man could burn in Hell for all eternity. As far as you care, this man could never know the mercy and love of the Saviour who died for him. As far as you care, this man could die forever.

Is that humane, my friend?

Or perhaps it is this point in time, this tragedy, that will make them most open to God's call to receive His Love.

I have one last piece of advice:

Tell the dying man to remember the sufferings of Our Lord, and to offer up his own in union with Jesus's suffering, and keep it always in mind. Tell him to offer it up for souls.
yeah. that'll make them feel so much better. "Hey you think you got it bad? Check out this guy!"
FFS, it's creepy - nay downright obscene - the way religos creep out of the woodwork and hang, vulture-like, around the sick and the dying.
It feels less like they actually want to help the person and more like they want to make themselves feel better. 'Saving' a dying man justifies their own beliefs. It's not for the benefit of the sick person, it's just a selfish act from a person unsure of themself.

Whoah. I think I just channelled the spirit of Fass there for a moment.

Humane? As far as you care, this man could burn in Hell for all eternity. As far as you care, this man could never know the mercy and love of the Saviour who died for him. As far as you care, this man could die forever.

Is that humane, my friend?
You're Jesussaves aren't you?
Please tell me you're Jesussaves.

You're Jesussaves aren't you?
Please tell me you're Jesussaves.

Dude, earlier I got accused of being some guy named "Sacred Property" here. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12842003&postcount=46)

Who the heck are these people?

yeah. that'll make them feel so much better. "Hey you think you got it bad? Check out this guy!"
FFS, it's creepy - nay downright obscene - the way religos creep out of the woodwork and hang, vulture-like, around the sick and the dying.
It feels less like they actually want to help the person and more like they want to make themselves feel better. 'Saving' a dying man justifies their own beliefs. It's not for the benefit of the sick person, it's just a selfish act from a person unsure of themself.

Whoah. I think I just channelled the spirit of Fass there for a moment.

What is obscene, my friend, is the way that people such as yourselves do everything in your power to lead souls on their merry way to perdition.

Humane? As far as you care, this man could burn in Hell for all eternity. As far as you care, this man could never know the mercy and love of the Saviour who died for him. As far as you care, this man could die forever.

Is that humane, my friend?

I did not answer your first post because I did not feel your post worthy of an answer. However, you have raised my ire.

I would never presume to impose my or any other religious beliefs on a dying man or his family. I have little idea what his or their religious belefs are, nor do I care.

What I do know is he is a good, kind, and loving husband, father, grandfather, friend and neighbor. I will not judge him. I will not tell him while he is dying what he should do. That is not up to me to do do, and despite what you may have been taught that is not the Christian time or place to do so.

This depends a bit on how close you are to him, but possibly devote some time of the day to just spending time with him. Obviously, give him space if he wants to be alone. I would think that when someone does not have long, he would want to spend time with people as much as possible. It also shows that you are thinking of him (and also that you're able to see him even though it hurts to see him like that).

As for what to say...I'm not exactly sure, but as someone previously posted "talking about past events" or bout stuff you'd normally discuss with him sounds pretty cool.

Or perhaps it is this point in time, this tragedy, that will make them most open to God's call to receive His Love.

Umm..no. If you do not believe beforehand, the act of someone dying is not very likely to change your mind. You spout stuff like that to someone who does not believe..they might be kind to you but inside want to kick your ass.
(my aunt did something like that when my father died..I did not feel too kindly toward her)


My advice is just like everybody elses..talk to the family like normal. Offer to help around the house..mow the grass..etc. so they can have more time with the guy.

As for talking to the guy..I have been in the same boat (I work as a nurse). I almost never know what to say to a dying person who can't speak. I just usually end up talking about my day

Dude, earlier I got accused of being some guy named "Sacred Property" here. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12842003&postcount=46)

Who the heck are these people?

People who trolled as a really creepy christian.

What is obscene, my friend, is the way that people such as yourselves do everything in your power to lead souls on their merry way to perdition.

Ok you're going on the increasingly long list of people who's posts I really don't want to ever see again. And you've been around a whole week!

What is obscene, my friend, is the way that people such as yourselves do everything in your power to lead souls on their merry way to perdition.
You call it obscene. I call it funfunFUN!

Well, speaking as a nurse that has done quite a bit of end-of-life care, I think the most important thing is to just be there and be available. Talk about whatever your friend wants to talk about. Some people want to talk about their illness and some people don't want to. Sometimes just having someone to talk to is enough.

Other than that, many people have offered great suggestions, like bringing over food, running errands, etc. If it really looks close to the end, hospice is a wonderful program with some excellent support for the loved one and the family.

Well, speaking as a nurse that has done quite a bit of end-of-life care, I think the most important thing is to just be there and be available. Talk about whatever your friend wants to talk about. Some people want to talk about their illness and some people don't want to. Sometimes just having someone to talk to is enough.

Other than that, many people have offered great suggestions, like bringing over food, running errands, etc. If it really looks close to the end, hospice is a wonderful program with some excellent support for the loved one and the family.

Thanks, I appreciate the advice.

what did you talk to him about before. that is what i would go with.

i know that if i was dying and knew it i wouldn't want to be reminded by everyone that came to see me.

You sir are an ass. :mad:

He is unable to move or even speak. Yesterday they brought some medical equipment so the family could clear his throat in case he has trouble swalowing.

That makes his victory all the more impressive.

Try to comfort them anyway you can, did he finish restoring his vintage VW? If not finish it for him. Or fix it up or shine it or whatever, Be sure to tell him so also. He must have put alot of love into restoring it. Take care of it for his memory... And tell them that even random people on the internet feel for them. And that he's obiviously a great person for helping out everyone so well.

Dude, earlier I got accused of being some guy named "Sacred Property" here. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12842003&postcount=46)

Who the heck are these people?
Trolls who pretend to be christians... Just like you.
Welcome to my ignore list.

ooh, ouch. I get caught much less touchy situations not knowing what to say... Nice advice, maybe I can use it...

Maybe you can try to be as unaffected by it as possible? While taking in mind his condition of course.

Gens Romae: You're one creepy guy/gal... Then again, maybe you're being sarcastic and having a right good laugh now... just maybe? I try to look on the good side...