NationStates Jolt Archive

Replacing the endearing Baghdad Bob...

I can't make this shit up ('http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/30/AR2007053002157_pf.html')

Where do they get these guys?

Genocide in the Darfur region? "The United States is the only country saying that what is happening in Darfur is a genocide," Ukec shouted, gesticulating wildly and perspiring from his bald crown. "I think this is a pretext."

Ah. So what about the more than 400,000 dead? "See how many people are dying in Darfur: None," he said.

And the 2 million displaced? "I am not a statistician."

Khartoum Karl went on to say that, all evidence to the contrary, his government does not support the murderous Janjaweed militia. "It cannot happen," he said, "so rule it out." As for the Sudanese regime itself: "We are the agents of peace, people like me, my colleagues who are in the central government of Sudan."

What's more, the good and peaceful leaders of Sudan were prepared to retaliate massively: They would cut off shipments of the emulsifier gum arabic, thereby depriving the world of cola.

"I want you to know that the gum arabic which runs all the soft drinks all over the world, including the United States, mainly 80 percent is imported from my country," the ambassador said after raising a bottle of Coca-Cola.

A reporter asked if Sudan was threatening to "stop the export of gum arabic and bring down the Western world."

"I can stop that gum arabic and all of us will have lost this," Khartoum Karl warned anew, beckoning to the Coke bottle. "But I don't want to go that way."

As diplomatic threats go, that one gets high points for creativity: Try to stop the killings in Darfur, and we'll take away your Coca-Cola.

Ah, that's a good threat. If we shouldn't go to war for oil, we certainly shouldn't go to war for Coca-Cola.

The gems kept tumbling from his lips. "Sudan is the breadbasket of the world," he boasted, and it is setting up "the best democracy in the world." Further, "we have opened our arms to the rest of the world." All this genocide talk "is just a concocted idea." After all, "Darfur is a very small spot," he argued, and "we are not warmongers."

ROFLCOPTER

Maybe he got his education by watching Westerns...

A reporter asked Ukec how he would describe the situation in Darfur. The ambassador compared it to the American West: "The farmers are being squeezed by the herders, just like you had here in the 18-something, when the cowboys were fighting . . . with the farmers over land for grazing."

Yeah.... it's like the range wars.... or was it like Tombstone?

I don't think that being a spokesman is this man's forte. I really wonder if the people that hire people like Karl here, and like the previous Baghdad Bob actually realize how stupid their spokesmen look?

Huh? Did Karl Rove move to Sudan?

What? The United States actually found oil in Sudan so they're going to start "liberating" the country?

What? The United States actually found oil in Sudan so they're going to start "liberating" the country?

Gauthier, as usual, you seem to be blissfully unaware of the background behind what is going on in Sudan, so I'll bring you up to speed:

The Sudan is the largest country in Africa is the first thing you need to know. Secondly only the Northern part of the Sudan is Arab, the Southern part is made up of Christians, some tribal religions and a very small percentage of Arabs. The problems currently getting the worlds attention have been going on for over 20 years now and nothing new has taken place.

Darfur is not new only the headlines are, the war in the South and on it's Western and Eastern borders has been going on for a very, very long time. Religion plays a large part but there are also tribal and ethnic differences entering into it. The South is part of Africa! The North is Arab! The oil is in the South as well as other minerals, you do the math on that one and figure out what is going on.

The war started over twenty years ago due to lots of already mentioned differences but one of the biggest being a huge oil discovery in the South by Chevron and a few other big producers.

A deal was made between the North and South at the time that the oil profits would be split 50/50 between North and South. The only profitable way they could get the oil out was via the Northern port of Port Sudan on the Red Sea, enter the the problem. Very little of the oil money made it's way South.

John Garang and his followers began the fighting the war as African against Arab. In 1986 China saw the potential oil and political vacuum starting with a rise in Islamic feelings in the North and a soon to be void once the US was seen as a threat in the region.

China saw its future oil needs being partially met in the Sudan and a chance to start filling the void that would be left by the US and other Western nations. The Government of China established a huge embassy in Khartoum, became involved in providing large scale aid projects, building roads etc. China was not seen as a threat due to the growing Islamic government and no threat to the Government of the Sudan.

When the Mahdi and his Islamic followers took control and the US closed it's embassy (for about the third time) the Government of China began pouring in huge numbers of it's folks to again fill the void left by the Americans.

Once again the Whiz kids at DOS didn't do a very good job at reading the streets and figuring out the coming events. From 1983-1991 the rise of the Islamic movement was all over the place, the pro Western government of Namari was toppled in a bloodless coup, the Mahdi took over, started Shari law, Religious courts, banned just about everything, every terrorist group you can think of had offices and training camp in the Sudan (most right outside of Khartoum). Clinton tried to send a signal to the terrorist that he was coming after them and bombed an aspirin plant killing a few Sudanese in the process and generally making us look pretty lame.

Fast forward to 2007, The Chinese are in the Sudan now in very large numbers performing projects that we started and providing support to just about every ministry in the Sudanese Government.

The US is trying to reestablish good relations with Khartoum having sent numerous delegations to Khartoum but once again we are behind the eight ball.

The African Union is made up of countries that have been present in every war or conflict in Africa. Like the UN most of what they do is purely show. There are a few good African military units there but for the most part they are corrupt, ill trained, pooly lead and in some cases as responsible for crimes against the local tribes as the waring faction in the Sudan.

If we do get sucked in, the military needs to rethink it's war fighting tactics and get ready to fight a war that is dirty, no rules and pretty much like it was when General Gordon fought the Sudanese at Omdurman in the 1800's

Sorry this turned into such a long post but I spent a number of years there both at the embassy and even after we closed it.

I still have lots of Sudanese friends that keep me posted on events there.

Wow. This is pretty surreal. As a lawyer who sometimes has pretty lousy folks to defend, I feel for this Ambassador and can kind of relate. Still, I never had to defend a genocidal government with Al-Qaeda connections.