NationStates Jolt Archive

Who would win in these brawls?

Jackie Chan versus Jet Li?
Jay Leno versus Conan O'Brien?
Adam Sandler versus Rob Schnieder?
Paris Hilton versus Nicole Richie?
Chris Rock versus Chris Tucker?
Mr. Rogers versus Shari Lewis?
Koby Bryant versus Shaquille O'Neal?
Batman versus Ironman?
Jason Alexander(Costanza) versus Michael Richards(Kramer)?
Jesus versus Mohammed?
Eric Cartman versus Kenny McCormick?
Scooby Doo versus Jabberjaw?
Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog?

Batman versus Ironman?

Ironman. Two words: Super strength.

Jesus versus Mohammed?

My money's on a guy who can walk on water.

Eric Cartman versus Kenny McCormick?

Kenny always dies. Need I say more?

Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog?

Sonic's much faster, but if Mario ate one of those giant mushrooms from New Super Mario Bros., he would easily beat Sonic just by stomping on him.

Chuck Norris. *nods*

Who would win in these brawls?

Jackie Chan versus Jet Li?


http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=%22jackie+chan%22&word2=%22jet+li%22

And the same for all the others...

Jackie Chan versus Jet Li? I like Jackie Chan movies better but he's too old. Maybe in his prime he could have taken Li but not now.

Jay Leno versus Conan O'Brien? Conan... definitely Conan

Adam Sandler versus Rob Schnieder? Sandler

Paris Hilton versus Nicole Richie? Nicole Richie, no contest. Wasn't she like a heoin junkie or something?

Chris Rock versus Chris Tucker? Chris Rock

Mr. Rogers versus Shari Lewis? Who the hell is Shari Lewis? But Mr. Rogers was a pacifist so he loses even though I don't know who the other is (and btw, the whole story about Mr. Rogers being a Navy Seal or Marine sniper or whatever... it's an urban legend)

Koby Bryant versus Shaquille O'Neal? Shaq

Batman versus Ironman? Don't care
Jason Alexander(Costanza) versus Michael Richards(Kramer)? Kramer

Jesus versus Mohammed? A cosmic brawl of divine powers... Jesus; An actual fistfight, Mohammed b/c Jesus would not resist

Eric Cartman versus Kenny McCormick? Kenny. Anybody who can withstand that much is too much for any mere mortal

Scooby Doo versus Jabberjaw? Scooby
Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog? Mario b/c Sonic annoys me

Jackie Chan versus Jet Li?

Li would knock the goofy grin off Chan's face and through the closest wall.

Jay Leno versus Conan O'Brien?

My money's on the Irishman.

Adam Sandler versus Rob Schnieder?

Schneider never got beat up by Bob Barker.

Paris Hilton versus Nicole Richie?

<obligatory and way too easy "break Nicole Richie in half" joke goes here>

Chris Rock versus Chris Tucker?

It's actually impossible for me to care about this one.

Mr. Rogers versus Shari Lewis?

There are rumors that Mr. Rogers was a Navy SEAL. Those rumors are completely false, but completely false is good enough for me.

Koby Bryant versus Shaquille O'Neal?

The big man.

Batman versus Ironman?

Ironman, because I've never seen anything on superdickery.com that makes him look like a moron. Can't say as much for Batman.

Jason Alexander(Costanza) versus Michael Richards(Kramer)?

Richards. He's an angry, angry man.

Jesus versus Mohammed?

Only one of these guys ever led an army.

Eric Cartman versus Kenny McCormick?

Ancap took care of this one already.

Scooby Doo versus Jabberjaw?

Call it a forfeit win for Jabberjaw, because there's no way Scooby would actually fight.

Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog?

Sonic, for no better reason than that I grew up with a Genesis.

Zombie Jesus would eat mohammed's brains out
http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/zombie-jesus.jpg

Zombie kenny would kick cartmens ass

http://www.gifmaniacos.com/SouthPark/Kenny/Zombie/Kenny-03.gif

hmm maybe not

Chuck Norris. *nods*
"One time, Chuck Norris beat a dead horse so hard that it came back to life and he beat it to death again." ~ Evan "Pantfish" Wade
Who would win in these brawls?Jackie Chan versus Jet Li?
Jackie Chan- Jet Li would be too distracted by the unhelpful antics of Chris Tucker.
Jay Leno versus Conan O'Brien?
Conan O-Brien- Mind control powers
Adam Sandler versus Rob Schnieder?
Adam Sandler- Could easily convince Schnieder to kill himself, which is like saying Sandler could easily peel a banana or spell his first name.
Paris Hilton versus Nicole Richie?
Paris Hilton- She's been on the Inside.
Chris Rock versus Chris Tucker?
Chris Tucker- Chris Rock would be too busy actually being funny to fight, unlike his opponent.
Mr. Rogers versus Shari Lewis?
Mr. Rodgers- His corpse is fresher.
Koby Bryant versus Shaquille O'Neal?
Shaq- He's just bigger really.
Batman versus Ironman?
Batman- He's taken down tougher.
Jason Alexander(Costanza) versus Michael Richards(Kramer)?
Jason Alexander- He can reportedly lift 100 lbs like it was nothing
Jesus versus Mohammed?
Mohammed- Christians tell me the whole point of Jesus being born was so he could die, so I think there wouldn't really be much motivation there.
Eric Cartman versus Kenny McCormick?
Cartman- He would simply distract Kenny with money, as he tends to do.
Scooby Doo versus Jabberjaw?
Jabberjaw- He's a fucking shark.
Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog?
Mario- Furries have ruined Sonic fandom. I can not in good conscience support Sonic, ever. I am sorry.

Batman- He's taken down tougher.

Ironman would pwn Batman.

Ironman would pwn Batman.
One's ability to debate this topic is directly proportional to the age at which one will loose one's virginity.

Having said that, I've actually very little idea who Iron Man is.

Jackie Chan versus Jet Li?
JC because of humour.

Jay Leno versus Conan O'Brien?
Adam Sandler versus Rob Schnieder?
Paris Hilton versus Nicole Richie?
Chris Rock versus Chris Tucker?
Mr. Rogers versus Shari Lewis?
Jason Alexander(Costanza) versus Michael Richards(Kramer)?
No clue about these people, never heard of them, except for the Brat Hilton.

Koby Bryant versus Shaquille O'Neal?
Meh, NBA sucks anyway.

Batman versus Ironman?
Batman out of brains and general coolness.

Jesus versus Mohammed?
Hope they kill each other so we'll be free of fundies.

Eric Cartman versus Kenny McCormick?
They killed Kenny. Easy one.

Scooby Doo versus Jabberjaw?
SD rules. Period.

Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog?
Italians do it better.

Mario beats Sonic. The reasoning behind this is that Sonic has to remain 2-D so Mario can just side-step him. Everyone knows that Sonic turns to shit when he tries to go 3-D. Well there was Sonic and the Secret Rings but that was on-rails so presents similar problems :P

Ironman. Two words: Super strength.
Clayface. Bane. Blockbuster. Man-Bat. Killer Croc. Scarebeast. Harvest. Charaxys.
All have super srength. All got their asses owned by Batman.

My money's on a guy who can walk on water.
You mean the guy who wouldn't use his magical powers even to save his own life as opposed to the guy who conquered half the Middle East through force of arms?

Kenny always dies. Need I say more?
Kenny's astreet kid. Cartman can't fight for shit.

Sonic's much faster, but if Mario ate one of those giant mushrooms from New Super Mario Bros., he would easily beat Sonic just by stomping on him.
Yeah, and get his foot impaled for his trouble. When Mario gets hit, he shrinks. When Sonic gets hit, he just loses rings. Sonic can last a lot longer.

Who would win in these brawls?

Jackie Chan versus Jet Li?
Hmm, the Chinese theatre trained fighter or actual tournament-winning martial artist... got to go with Jet Li here.

Paris Hilton versus Nicole Richie?
Paris Hilton: Have you seen Nicole Richie. I'm not sure a slight breeze wouldn't kill her.

Mr. Rogers versus Shari Lewis?
Mr Rogers wins... always.

Batman versus Ironman?
Ironman, the smart guy with real weapons and a full body suit of flying armor.

Jesus versus Mohammed?
Didn't you watch Mind of Mencia? Jesus wins until Scientology starts cheating.

Scooby Doo versus Jabberjaw?
Magilla Gorilla.

Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog?
Druggy plumber vs giant talking hedgehog.. I think the latter might be the product of the former so Mario wins.

Mr. Rogers versus Shari Lewis? Who the hell is Shari Lewis? But Mr. Rogers was a pacifist so he loses even though I don't know who the other is (and btw, the whole story about Mr. Rogers being a Navy Seal or Marine sniper or whatever... it's an urban legend)


She wrote that one song; you know, the one that didn't have an end to it. That song that pissed me off every morning for several years as a kid. :p

You mean the guy who wouldn't use his magical powers even to save his own life as opposed to the guy who conquered half the Middle East through force of arms?

Yeah. But then again, Jesus was kinda middle class, while Muhammad was dirt poor. I'm guessing Jesus would've had superior size and strength, if he ever actually chose to use it. :p

snip
Come on, Pantsy! Use your brain!
Jesus is completely nonviolent, so Muhammed wins by default.
Sure, Iron Man (two words) has great armour but Batman's a lot more dexterous and has plastique bombs capable of blowing up Metallo.
Mario is unlikely to be able to even hit Sonic and even if he could, his only method of attack is jumping on his enemy's head. Not a good thing with Sonic's spikes.

Yeah. But then again, Jesus was kinda middle class, while Muhammad was dirt poor. I'm guessing Jesus would've had superior size and strength, if he ever actually chose to use it. :p
But he never carried weapons and I'll bet Muhammed has some kind of awesome scimitar.

Who would win in these brawls?

Jackie Chan versus Jet Li? - Jet Li. Jackie would be too busy trying to make him laugh, and I don't picture Jet as being capable of laughter.

Jay Leno versus Conan O'Brien? - Leno. That chin is a deadly weapon.

Adam Sandler versus Rob Schnieder? - Sandler. The hero always beats the sidekick-turned-opponent, and Schneider isn't even his main sidekick.

Paris Hilton versus Nicole Richie? - Paris. One punch to Nicole's kidneys and they'll fail.

Chris Rock versus Chris Tucker? - A draw, but Rock would be considered the winner by most spectators.

Mr. Rogers versus Shari Lewis? - Shari. I bet she'd fight dirty. She also brings her puppets with her. She'd distract Mr. Rogers while LambChop punches him in the groin. Mr. Rogers' reinforcements would have to come all the way from the Land of Make Believe, and that'd be too late.

Koby Bryant versus Shaquille O'Neal? - Shaq. He has the height advantage.

Batman versus Ironman? -Batman, as people have actually heard of him.

Jason Alexander(Costanza) versus Michael Richards(Kramer)? - Kramer, by a hair.

Jesus versus Mohammed? - Jesus. He has magical powers.

Eric Cartman versus Kenny McCormick? - Kenny. Zombies are ruthless.

Scooby Doo versus Jabberjaw? - Scooby, but only after an infusion of Scooby Snacks.

Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog?[/QUOTE]Mario, with the assist from Luigi.

Was bored, and just thought of some new confrontations:

Solid Snake(Metal Gear) versus Sam Fischer(Splinter Cell) versus Gabe Logan(Syphon Filter)

David Hasselhoff versus Lou Ferrigno
Ray Romano versus Brad Garret?
Roseanne Barr versus Jaime Pressly?
Goku versus Naruto?
Bill O'Reilly versus Al Frankin?
All the cast of The View versus Oprah?
Superman versus Captain America?
Dr. Phil McGraw versus Dr. Keith Ablow?
Isaiah Washington versus Patrick Dempsy?
You versus Kurt Angle?

Jesus is completely nonviolent, so Muhammed wins by default.
But he is immortal.

Sure, Iron Man (two words) has great armour but Batman's a lot more dexterous and has plastique bombs capable of blowing up Metallo.
But Iron Man has laser beams.

Mario is unlikely to be able to even hit Sonic and even if he could, his only method of attack is jumping on his enemy's head.
Except when he can shoot fireballs, use magic tail attacks, throw hammers, kick stuff in the face...

Except when he can shoot fireballs, use magic tail attacks, throw hammers, kick stuff in the face...

Hah, yeah. Mario in the racoon suit is badass. :p

Jesus versus Mohammed?
Mohammed, hands down. Jesus may have special powers, but his real strengths only kick in after he dies, and by then he's lost. So Mohammed, the army man, wins. Now if it was a zombie fight... it might be different.

Eric Cartman versus Kenny McCormick?
Kenny. Cartman can't take punishment like Kenny can, and I'm sure Kenny would be more then happy to pound Cartman into the ground.

Super Mario versus Sonic the Hedgehog?
Mario of course. He's an Italian plumber. That just screams mob boss right there. And the fact that he looks like Stalin doesn't help Sonic much either.

Goku versus Naruto?
Goku. Naturo can't do half the crap Goku can. And let's not forget Goku does it all with some really stupid plot turning handicap every freaking battle.

All the cast of The View versus Oprah?
Oprah, she eats them all.

Superman versus Captain America?
Superman, because he is an illegal immigrant.

Dr. Phil McGraw versus Dr. Keith Ablow?
This is one where they both fail. They both die of heart attacks when forced to actually do real work.

You versus Kurt Angle?
Me, because I'd just shoot him and leave.

Conan, Max and the rest of the band, teamed up with Vomiting Kermit and the Masturbating Bear would wreck shop against everyone.

Hah, yeah. Mario in the racoon suit is badass. :p

Have you seen that guy that draws really weird Mario art's pictures?

Mario vs. Sonic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario_%26_Sonic) You'll find your answer soon, assuming you have a Wii (tm).
Sonic, the old school, or the new princess saving one?... Mario beat him to it about 20 years ago.