NationStates Jolt Archive

After Ilie's advice thread, I thought I'd start another incarnation of a thing we did a while back. (Ruffy started the original one)

For an idea of the mood of these threads (Not serious confessions, obviously.) check out the thread which originally inspired this post:

Ruffy's "A Chance to Confess": http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=509440&highlight=confession

Now confess, I say!

Now confess, I say!

No.

I killed a man in a duel at 10 paces... with a Super Soaker.

I have nothing to confees to you. Goodbye.

I killed a man in a duel at 10 paces... with a Super Soaker.

Impressive.

I mean...10 hail marys, sinner!

I have nothing to confees to you. Goodbye.

Except a lack of spelling ability in English. ;)

I... *breathes* I... let the dogs out. :(


There, are you happy now?!

Except a lack of spelling ability in English. ;)

I didn't know how to express a Spanish accent to English in text before.


Uhh, I used to be a klepto when I was around 7?

I confess that I find this thread rather pointless.
Yet fascinating.

I confess that I find this thread rather pointless.
Yet fascinating.

We got better responses on the old ones. I still remember one of Ifreann's confessions...Something about seducing a minister's daughter in the back of his car or some such.

We got better responses on the old ones. I still remember one of Ifreann's confessions...Something about seducing a minister's daughter in the back of his car or some such.

I was that car!

We got better responses on the old ones. I still remember one of Ifreann's confessions...Something about seducing a minister's daughter in the back of his car or some such.

Wait, he felt the need to confess that?

Those are the kinds of stories I tell at parties, family reunions, weddings, on lines at the foodstore, etc etc..

I stole the Golden Gate Bridge, and sold it for beer money. :(

I stole the Golden Gate Bridge, and sold it for beer money. :(

Yes, but can you steal your own pants without you noticing?

I compared toilet paper to a national flag.

Luckily Soheran was on the scene and chided me before I went too far.

I might have been stealing babies and eating kittens next...

*repents*

Yes, but can you steal your own pants without you noticing?

Hm. That might take some doing. :p

I killed 500 peeps w/ my bare hands and a comically misshapened vegetable. It was violent, and I show no remorse -_-

i didn't do it.

i did it.

hey, look. i managed to get two consequtive posts in the same thread with opposing wiewpoints and not even realise it. NB kids, booze is bad... in a good way. yeh.

i did it.

Aha! I knew it! :eek:

i didn't do it.

Aha! I knew it! :eek:

hey, look. i managed to get two consequtive posts in the same thread with opposing wiewpoints and not even realise it. NB kids, booze is bad... in a good way. yeh.

God finds you guilty of using lame outdated ghetto slang by using "bad" to mean "good" and consigns you to say "Hail Mary" ten Carl Sagan Billion times.

I'm a hypocrite (surprise, surprise.)

Luckily Soheran was on the scene and chided me before I went too far.

I am a firm believer in correcting other people's moral failures. Glad to be of aid.

I hAs A bUcKeT!11!!!!11one@@434!!!!

God finds you guilty of using lame outdated ghetto slang by using "bad" to mean "good" and consigns you to say "Hail Mary" ten Carl Sagan Billion times.

*brain explodes*


*mind implodes*


buh.... whut...?

Watch this

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I came up with more secrets to tell you today

These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
So now I gotta give you part three of my confessions

First I told you 'bout the skank that I was cheatin' with (with)
Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid
That's not all, now I recall more, you see
So now I'll give you part three of my confessions

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two
Like, remember when I told you that I knew Pauley Shore, Pauley Shore
That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for

I borrowed your ChapStick from you without asking
Oh, and I tried out your nose hair trimmer too
And by the way, that "diamond" ring is cubic zirconium
I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one

These are my confessions
Just when (oh) I thought I said all (oh) I can say
I need to get some (yeah yeah) things off my chest right away

These are my confessions (these are my confessions)
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh

Threw up on your dog the last time I had too much to drink
There've been times I've peed in your sink
Don't know why (don't know why, no) but you and I (ah) should agree (ah)
That blongs in part three of my confessions

Baby forgive me, I'm still trying to figure out
Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout
Oh, and sometimes in private, really like to dress up like Shirley Temple
And spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)

My boss thinks I'ma a jerk, didn't get that raise
I haven't changed my underwear in twenty seven days
And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you're a midget
I'm so sorry Debbie - I mean Bridget

These are my confessions
Just when (oh) I thought I said all I can say
I got a few (got a few more) more secrets I'd like to convey

These are my confessions
Slipped my mind (my mind) the last two times (my mind), silly me (silly me)
Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh

Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor
FYI (I), it was not a cold sore (not a cold sore)
Whoops, my bad (hope you're not sore at me)
You'll be madder (ah) at me (ah) when I (even more mad, yeah, baby) finish part three of my confessions

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this
But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday?
Ahh, well, I returned it for store credit
That thing was hideous; what were you thinking?
Oh, by the way, I wasn't really sick last week
I just didn't want to go to your stupid office picnic
Oh, and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of Rice Krispies?
What I meant was, there was only enough left for me, sorry

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I thought of some more things that should scare you away

These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions

Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat (cat)
And I lied - yes, that dress makes you look fat
Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore
'Til I give you part four of my confessions

I mean, I'm just getting started here
I'm not even halfway down the list
This thing could go on for...
Hey hey, where you goin'?
Honey?
What?
Was it something I said?
Women!


Weird Al is a sort of minor deity.

Watch this

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I came up with more secrets to tell you today

These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
So now I gotta give you part three of my confessions

First I told you 'bout the skank that I was cheatin' with (with)
Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid
That's not all, now I recall more, you see
So now I'll give you part three of my confessions

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two
Like, remember when I told you that I knew Pauley Shore, Pauley Shore
That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for

I borrowed your ChapStick from you without asking
Oh, and I tried out your nose hair trimmer too
And by the way, that "diamond" ring is cubic zirconium
I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one

These are my confessions
Just when (oh) I thought I said all (oh) I can say
I need to get some (yeah yeah) things off my chest right away

These are my confessions (these are my confessions)
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh

Threw up on your dog the last time I had too much to drink
There've been times I've peed in your sink
Don't know why (don't know why, no) but you and I (ah) should agree (ah)
That blongs in part three of my confessions

Baby forgive me, I'm still trying to figure out
Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout
Oh, and sometimes in private, really like to dress up like Shirley Temple
And spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)

My boss thinks I'ma a jerk, didn't get that raise
I haven't changed my underwear in twenty seven days
And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you're a midget
I'm so sorry Debbie - I mean Bridget

These are my confessions
Just when (oh) I thought I said all I can say
I got a few (got a few more) more secrets I'd like to convey

These are my confessions
Slipped my mind (my mind) the last two times (my mind), silly me (silly me)
Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh

Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor
FYI (I), it was not a cold sore (not a cold sore)
Whoops, my bad (hope you're not sore at me)
You'll be madder (ah) at me (ah) when I (even more mad, yeah, baby) finish part three of my confessions

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this
But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday?
Ahh, well, I returned it for store credit
That thing was hideous; what were you thinking?
Oh, by the way, I wasn't really sick last week
I just didn't want to go to your stupid office picnic
Oh, and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of Rice Krispies?
What I meant was, there was only enough left for me, sorry

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I thought of some more things that should scare you away

These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions

Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat (cat)
And I lied - yes, that dress makes you look fat
Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore
'Til I give you part four of my confessions

I mean, I'm just getting started here
I'm not even halfway down the list
This thing could go on for...
Hey hey, where you goin'?
Honey?
What?
Was it something I said?
Women!

I shot the Sherrif but I did NOT shoot the deputy.

Well...This one time, at band camp....

oh...And I'm Spartacus...and batman...Batmanacus?

I got kicked out of Wal*Mart tonight.

I got kicked out of Wal*Mart tonight.

Was this why?

*gets naked*

I killed the electric car.

I killed the electric car.

You disgust me.

But all is forgiven!:)

Except the electric car thing..

You disgust me.

But all is forgiven!:)

Except the electric car thing..

the thing couldn't carry my fat ass down the highway.:mad:

Yes, but can you steal your own pants without you noticing?

Please tell me that was a KoL reference. DB/AT guild test anyone?

I framed Roger Rabbit, right after shooting Liberty Valance. :p

That's all I got for movie titles, though I feel I'm missing a few.

Aha! I knew it! :eek:

Aha! I knew it! :eek:

:eek:

I stole the cookies from the cookie jar.

Guess who?

Couldn't be!

Wait...yes, it could.

After Ilie's advice thread, I thought I'd start another incarnation of a thing we did a while back. (Ruffy started the original one)

For an idea of the mood of these threads (Not serious confessions, obviously.) check out the thread which originally inspired this post:

Ruffy's "A Chance to Confess": http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=509440&highlight=confession

Now confess, I say!

i once,,in the spirit of this thread watched a man die....he had a shotgun wound to his head,and everyone wanted me to put him in my truck and take him to the hospital..i wanted to drink the beer that was in my truck.
i knew he was going to die ,i knew the cops would run roughshod all over me cause they want to know who shot him.
i did not shoot this fella..he was gonna die,and i certainly did not want to spend my evening being interrogated.
my wife/ex wife always hated me about it,this guys head was blown to shit,i wrapped my shirt around his head and knew he was dead..but my girl kept saying..take him to the hospital,i said this guy is dead,and if we go to the hospital,cops are going to show up and we are going to spend the night explaining how we did not shoot him!
long story short...she got mad at me..i rolled on her...my friend ralfy took the corpse to the hospital,my ex went of coarse,to make things better..lol...and guess what..i was dragged in for interrogation for hours,and i was nothing...but my ex told them my name...so long story short...dont help out..it just jams you up in the end,and the guy was dead to boot.

I am an alien from Mars.

Except a lack of spelling ability in English. ;)

Actually, it would be a shitty keyboard. SEriously, sometimes things don't work out well with it.

i confess i was horrendously drunk last night. but i must say that all but one of my many drunken posts were rather amusing for me this morning.

:eek:

apparently i was in fact shockingly drunk :D awesome! :D

This one time, at band camp.....

(has that particular poor joke been aired yet?;))

This one time, at band camp.....

(has that particular poor joke been aired yet?;))

Well, what?

I confess, I woke up at my regular time, even though I could have slept in.......and I ate something horribly unhealthy for breakfast.

Please tell me that was a KoL reference. DB/AT guild test anyone?

Yeah. I'd heard it before I played Kingdom of Loathing, but yes.

There is, in fact, a spoon. I'm sorry that you have all been misinformed. That is all I have to confess.

I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.






..And after he was finished, I fucked him in the eye.

I gave a Rottweiler bird flu and now I've created a killing machine that can't be stopped. Remember kids rottweilers infected with bird flu are not toys.

Iam the Walrus,
I am the Eggman
Goo Goo ga Choo!!!

I gave a Rottweiler bird flu and now I've created a killing machine that can't be stopped. Remember kids rottweilers infected with bird flu are not toys.

It's true. They're pets, not toys! God has urged me to remind all of you of this.

I confess that I used up all the batteries.

I confess that this is SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I confess that this is SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

*looks around*

Nope, most certainly not. There's a distinct lack of muscular, half-naked Greek men.

*looks around*

Nope, most certainly not. There's a distinct lack of muscular, half-naked Greek men.

They're busy. Will skinny nerds do instead?

They're busy. Will skinny nerds do instead?

Well, seeing that I'm all out of batteries (as confessed), I'll take what I can get.

I stole the cookies from the cookie jar.

Guess who?

Couldn't be!

Wait...yes, it could.

I stole the jar afterward... v.v

And put a crack in it! :(

Well, seeing that I'm all out of batteries (as confessed), I'll take what I can get.

*gives moar batteries*

When I was young, and inexperienced in the ways of life, I did something I shall regret forever. I sold weapons to the Iranians and used the money to fund Contras in Nicaragua. It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Just recharged mine. Now, if you'll excuse me for a moment... :D

Only a moment?

*gives moar batteries*

Just recharged mine. Now, if you'll excuse me for a moment... :D

I confess I don't like confession threads.