NationStates Jolt Archive

Let's say you were offered two jobs, we'll call them Job A and Job B. Job A is a job that you'll be happy with, happy going to and it pays well, and depending on where you're employed at, determines your health coverage. However the job market for Job A isn't that strong so finding Job A may be a challenge. Job B is a great paying job (pays more than A) with great health coverage no matter where you work at and the job market for Job B is strong. However you may not be as happy with Job B as you would be with Job A. So presented with the two facts, which job would you more likely go to?

*poll coming.

Right now, any of them sound a hell of a lot better than what I have going for me now.

Right now, any of them sound a hell of a lot better than what I have going for me now.

Crappy job, with low pay, and poor health coverage?

Let's say you were offered two jobs, we'll call them Job A and Job B. Job A is a job that you'll be happy with, happy going to and it pays well, and depending on where you're employed at, determines your health coverage. However the job market for Job A isn't that strong so finding Job A may be a challenge. Job B is a great paying job (pays more than A) with great health coverage no matter where you work at and the job market for Job B is strong. However you may not be as happy with Job B as you would be with Job A. So presented with the two facts, which job would you more likely go to?

*poll coming.

Uh? The difference between the good and the bad is that you might have to relocate, and it's harder to get?

Simple - apply for both, hope for the best, take 'Job B' on a temporary basis if you don't get 'A' and keep looking for another 'A' while working at 'B.' Makes sense to me. :)

Crappy job, with low pay, and poor health coverage?

Close. No health coverage at all.

I went with Job B. If you are shallow like I am, you'll never regret it.

Uh? The difference between the good and the bad is that you might have to relocate, and it's harder to get?

Simple - apply for both, hope for the best, take 'Job B' on a temporary basis if you don't get 'A' and keep looking for another 'A' while working at 'B.' Makes sense to me. :)

Your impeccable logic has no place here!

Simple - apply for both, hope for the best, take 'Job B' on a temporary basis if you don't get 'A' and keep looking for another 'A' while working at 'B.' Makes sense to me. :)

That seems like the most reasonable solution to me. This year, I decided to take a year off between 3rd & 4th year of University to do an internship. I am in computer science and got several interviews, the place that hired me was the 2nd most interesting of the jobs I applied for, I held out for the 1st choice a bit but it never came. I might have enjoyed doing research and development in computer graphics more than playing with virtual machines, but that doesn't mean I'm going to reject the offer I have just because I didn't get the one I wanted.

Take it from a cancer survivor: Life's too short to work at a job you hate.

I took my personal Job B after I had a Job A. I went back to Job A.

That seems like the most reasonable solution to me. This year, I decided to take a year off between 3rd & 4th year of University to do an internship. I am in computer science and got several interviews, the place that hired me was the 2nd most interesting of the jobs I applied for, I held out for the 1st choice a bit but it never came. I might have enjoyed doing research and development in computer graphics more than playing with virtual machines, but that doesn't mean I'm going to reject the offer I have just because I didn't get the one I wanted.

Exactly. Getting a job doesn't mean you can never look for another. Most people take the job they need, and search for the one they really want in their spare time.

never rest your happiness on your job.

do whichever job makes it easier for you to do the things that really make you happy.

Well... my uncle is the rich one in the family... but I'd go for job A. I get bored extremely fast. As for my job choice, life has an end, might as well enjoy as much of it as possible until then.

Why work...why mooch of your uncle...Do what Bukowski did...write

Why work...why mooch of your uncle...Do what Bukowski did...write

He had a rich uncle? I thought it was a rich women he mooched off of. :p

never rest your happiness on your job.

do whichever job makes it easier for you to do the things that really make you happy.


..and if your job is really the only (non-animate) thing you really love?

never rest your happiness on your job.

do whichever job makes it easier for you to do the things that really make you happy.

What if you can be happy at your job and still do the things that make you happy outside your job?

Why work...why mooch of your uncle...Do what Bukowski did...write

The world is full of shipping clerks who have read the Harvard classics.

..and if your job is really the only (non-animate) thing you really love?

...you're a robot? ;)

...you're a robot? ;)

INSUFFICIENT DATA. DOES NOT COMPUTE.

What if you can be happy at your job and still do the things that make you happy outside your job?

Then you're lucky. I think she just meant something like - put in your 9-to-5, but find meaning in other things.

I'd take just about any job over my current one. I'm just happy that this is only temporary and I get to be a paid student starting in the fall.

Job A with some freelance on the side.

I'd take just about any job over my current one. I'm just happy that this is only temporary and I get to be a paid student starting in the fall.

A professional student? Are you an arts major?

I think no matter where you work, you are not going to always like your job. It's part of life and humanity.....we seldomly enjoy anything we do on a daily basis. I mean showers are good, but how many times do you actually sit there and think about getting one? They become more a part of just your normal day and you cease appreciating them unless you are extremely sweaty and filthy or haven't gotten one in like three days.

So I guess to answer this question, I would have to say that the job that offers me the most stability, money, and coverage would win. I'll learn to love the job, even if it's frustrating. Can't be all that bad....there is probably something less enjoyable I could be doing.

Uh? The difference between the good and the bad is that you might have to relocate, and it's harder to get?

Simple - apply for both, hope for the best, take 'Job B' on a temporary basis if you don't get 'A' and keep looking for another 'A' while working at 'B.' Makes sense to me. :)

What, i'm agreeing with you? :)

Bah, non-fullfilling work as a life purpose is soul destroying and has nothing to do with humanity. If you don't like your job, then whats the point?
You only live once, so grab what you really want by the horns and don't let go.

I've got job B right now. I used to have job A, but job A being in a library meant it was taken away when the town reduced library staff because who needs libraries anyway? *sigh*
Well, job B isn't bad, there are new challenges every day, the money's ok, it's nice and flexible.

Let's say you were offered two jobs, we'll call them Job A and Job B. Job A is a job that you'll be happy with, happy going to and it pays well, and depending on where you're employed at, determines your health coverage. However the job market for Job A isn't that strong so finding Job A may be a challenge. Job B is a great paying job (pays more than A) with great health coverage no matter where you work at and the job market for Job B is strong. However you may not be as happy with Job B as you would be with Job A. So presented with the two facts, which job would you more likely go to?

*poll coming.

Job B without a doubt. Once I was settled securely in the job, I would start actively looking for work that I liked better. There are reasons for this.

1. It's easier to get a job if you already have one
2. If you have a job, you aren't under pressure to get one
3. Your job is only 40 hours a week that leaves 128 hours - 56 of those hours will be spent sleeping, about 20 will be spent doing maintenance (cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.) that leaves 52 hours at your disposal (more time than you spend working!). So most of your life is not spent working and you will need money to fill those hours (books, music, movies, time with friends). You need options in order to be happy, moneys buys you the options

(snip the OP)

Spam applications for both.
Work in a supermarket.

Uh? The difference between the good and the bad is that you might have to relocate, and it's harder to get?

Simple - apply for both, hope for the best, take 'Job B' on a temporary basis if you don't get 'A' and keep looking for another 'A' while working at 'B.' Makes sense to me. :)


I'd agree if this choice would be between two jobs that require the same sort of education/training/etc.

However, I'm seeing this from the perspective of, say, the student who'll have to decide between two very different jobs requiring completely different, say, uni majors, and will have to decide *before* they even apply for jobs which route to take, without the option to switch from one to the other once they completed their education and failed to enjoy the one / get employed in the other.

And in this case, I'm still young and untainted by the cruel reality of the world and naive enough to say "Go with Option A and try for the job that'll make you happy/happier", because I think you work too much time in your life to really not enjoy it if you have another option. I cannot possibke advocate getting up every day to spend 8+ hours on something you despise - and no, I don't think I can "buy" happiness and/or fulfillment with the money I might make from job B in my spare time, because I definitely need to feel at least balanced, if not even at more or less satisfied, during something longer than the evenings and weekends off in order to be happy, no matter what awesome things I do in that free time.

A professional student? Are you an arts major?
Bachelor's in astrophysics and I'm going for a Master's in astronomy in the fall.

I don't know if arts majors get paid liveable wages as graduate students.

Also, if anyone wants to know something absolutely disgusting, I made my last post last night before going to bed after coming off work and this post is being made before I have to go back to work... my last post from last night is still on the front page. yeah for 4 hours of sleep and 7 hours between shifts (I had to wash my damn uniform before bed) huh?

yeah for 4 hours of sleep and 7 hours between shifts huh?

Try two and five, respectively; you won't like it.

But, you know, if you pick that job B, you can afford to buy yourself a major luxury bed to sleep in those hours, and a supreme super-smelling washing powder, and the best-ever high-tech TV to veg out in front of because you lack energy to do much else, and that'll make you pretty damn happy in that off-job time.. right?

..and if your job is really the only (non-animate) thing you really love?
then you are in a lot of trouble.
What if you can be happy at your job and still do the things that make you happy outside your job?
then you are really really lucky because that almost never happens.

then you are in a lot of trouble.

then you are really really lucky because that almost never happens.

... wow, cynical much?

... wow, cynical much?

how old are you?

in my experience, work is almost always about work, even if you like it in the beginning you will hate it one day, and searching around looking for "a job you love" is idiotic because you are unhappy while you are looking and then unhappy shortly after you get it.

I am not saying to do a job you hate (although sometimes you might have to) but if you are looking for a job to fulfill your need for happiness, it's not going to happen. Just like looking for "Mr. Right" or "Ms. Right" isn't going to make you happy either.

In the end your "happiness" depends on you. Resting it on external factors will almost always backfire.

... wow, cynical much?

Doesn't mean it's not true.

I reckon that "cynicism" and "wisdom" are synonyms.

how old are you?

in my experience, work is almost always about work, even if you like it in the beginning you will hate it one day, and searching around looking for "a job you love" is idiotic because you are unhappy while you are looking and then unhappy shortly after you get it.

I am not saying to do a job you hate (although sometimes you might have to) but if you are looking for a job to fulfill your need for happiness, it's not going to happen. Just like looking for "Mr. Right" or "Ms. Right" isn't going to make you happy either.

In the end your "happiness" depends on you. Resting it on external factors will almost always backfire.

I'm sure some people do fulfil their need for happiness through their job. Regardless, that wasn't the question. Wilgrove, at least in the post you quoted, said nothing about having a job to fulfil your needs for happiness, just proposing that some people can have a job at which they're happy and also have some free time to do other things they enjoy. This is hardly particularly far-fetched.

I'm sure some people do fulfil their need for happiness through their job. Regardless, that wasn't the question. Wilgrove, at least in the post you quoted, said nothing about having a job to fulfil your needs for happiness, just proposing that some people can have a job at which they're happy and also have some free time to do other things they enjoy. This is hardly particularly far-fetched.

my point being that a truly happy person can be happy in just about any situation provided they are not being abused, someone who needs a specific situation in which to truly "be happy" is never going to be happy, or if they are, won't be for long.

I tire of people thinking that life is about finding things or people to make you happy.

What if you can be happy at your job and still do the things that make you happy outside your job?

You can. It takes effort on your part, and sometimes you have to scale back what "makes you happy" -- but you can.

I left a B job for an A job and haven't looked back. I don't make as much as I used to, and yes, as with all things in life, the day to day stuff can be frustrating, but I work with people I like (even when they drive me bonkers) for an organization with a decent mission and usually feel good that what I'm doing actually matters to someone. My position is grant funded, so there's always the possibility that it will all end on short notice, but I like where I am so much that looking elsewhere for something more "stable" is not an attractive option for me right now. I have a good work/home balance, sometimes it shifts more towards one than the other, but it all works out. I don't think it will last forever so I'm enjoying it and enjoying what I do while I can.

my point being that a truly happy person can be happy in just about any situation provided they are not being abused, someone who needs a specific situation in which to truly "be happy" is never going to be happy, or if they are, won't be for long.

I tire of people thinking that life is about finding things or people to make you happy.

Then what would be the point of doing 'the things that truly make you happy'?

my point being that a truly happy person can be happy in just about any situation provided they are not being abused[...]

Well, I'd say, then, that your "truly happy" people are as rare, if not even rarer, than those people who are happy in their job as well as in the things they do apart from that, something you said'd happen "almost never".

So, for the mediocre rest of us, it's back to searching things, people, and activities that make us happy, rather than drawing on an ominous all-pervasive internal, causeless happiness, so to speak.

...you're a robot? ;)Or a mad [insert term for technical and/or scientific occupation here].

Then what would be the point of doing 'the things that truly make you happy'?
pardon, I meant he should find a job that lets him have fun outside of said job since most jobs are not fun.

Well, I'd say, then, that your "truly happy" people are as rare, if not even rarer, than those people who are happy in their job as well as in the things they do apart from that, something you said'd happen "almost never".

So, for the mediocre rest of us, it's back to searching things, people, and activities that make us happy, rather than drawing on an ominous all-pervasive internal, causeless happiness, so to speak.
I don't think you ever will be happy then. If you treat your job, or your significant other, or your car, or your family, or your dog like a drug, then you are missing out on real happiness. Real happiness doesn't come from external things.

Let's say you were offered two jobs, we'll call them Job A and Job B. Job A is a job that you'll be happy with, happy going to and it pays well, and depending on where you're employed at, determines your health coverage. However the job market for Job A isn't that strong so finding Job A may be a challenge. Job B is a great paying job (pays more than A) with great health coverage no matter where you work at and the job market for Job B is strong. However you may not be as happy with Job B as you would be with Job A. So presented with the two facts, which job would you more likely go to?

*poll coming.

Take job B and get a hobby.

Having said that, I've quit a couple Job B's, only to find a Job A that outperforms any of the Job B's in salary, benefits, demand, or challenge. Downside is that it's very dependent on the economy.

Depends on the hours.

Job B without any doubt. Being satisfied at work is something I could do without.

Assuming you're in a position to do so, apply for both jobs. If you get job A, great. If not, take job B, and in the meantime continue to do things that will increase your chances of getting job A.

I don't think you ever will be happy then. If you treat your job, or your significant other, or your car, or your family, or your dog like a drug, then you are missing out on real happiness. Real happiness doesn't come from external things.

That's okay, I think I'm pretty happy ATM and it's going upwards the older I get (read: the more I can determine my life my way), but I don't think a discussion about my own personal happiness is going to be all too futile here.

Alright. Look, lest this become heated, allow me to add as a caveat that I'm not trying to rile you up here, but I honestly don't understand. So:

Inhowfar am I treating my job / SO / family / ... "as a drug" when I consider them as possibly capable of making me happy? Is your definition of a "drug" "a thing that can make people happy"? If that's so, I'll agree that oh well, I guess I treat most parts of my life as "a drug", then, but quite frankly, I don't share that definition, nor do I think it holds much meaning any longer when you make it broad like that.

Secondly, you keep repeating that thing about "true happiness" that "doesn't come from external factors". Now I'd agree that "permanent" or "sustainable / lasting" or maybe even something as dodgy as "sincere or deep" happiness doesn't come from external material things such as your car / the money you make / .. , and I'd also agree that hinging your happiness solely on one or another limited number of things such as family / relationships / certain fulfilling activitiess can be very dangerous and possibly unhealthy, but what does that leave you as a means to achive true happpiness if you rule all external factors out completely? Where do you find your happinesss from, isolated in a stimulus-free room without anything "external"?

That's okay, I think I'm pretty happy ATM and it's going upwards the older I get (read: the more I can determine my life my way), but I don't think a discussion about my own personal happiness is going to be all too futile here.

Alright. Look, lest this become heated, allow me to add as a caveat that I'm not trying to rile you up here, but I honestly don't understand. So:

Inhowfar am I treating my job / SO / family / ... "as a drug" when I consider them as possibly capable of making me happy? Is your definition of a "drug" "a thing that can make people happy"? If that's so, I'll agree that oh well, I guess I treat most parts of my life as "a drug", then, but quite frankly, I don't share that definition, nor do I think it holds much meaning any longer when you make it broad like that.

Secondly, you keep repeating that thing about "true happiness" that "doesn't come from external factors". Now I'd agree that "permanent" or "sustainable / lasting" or maybe even something as dodgy as "sincere or deep" happiness doesn't come from external material things such as your car / the money you make / .. , and I'd also agree that hinging your happiness solely on one or another limited number of things such as family / relationships / certain fulfilling activitiess can be very dangerous and possibly unhealthy, but what does that leave you as a means to achive true happpiness if you rule all external factors out completely? Where do you find your happinesss from, isolated in a stimulus-free room without anything "external"?
maybe drug was the wrong word.

if you are always looking to gain something from things you have no control over, you aren't going to be happy.

as far as where I find happiness? I find it within myself and I am pretty much content in any situation (my whining is mostly me dealing with discomfort)

maybe drug was the wrong word.
Fair enough.

if you are always looking to gain something from things you have no control over, you aren't going to be happy.
What are you doing with things like your relationship, your kids, your hobbies of not trying to gain something from them? If you weren't trying to gain something positive from them, why are you doing them?

as far as where I find happiness? I find it within myself and I am pretty much content in any situation (my whining is mostly me dealing with discomfort)
But where does that come from? Don't get me wrong, I don't think my happiness relies only on the current activities / relationships I have now, nor do I say it should be that way for anyone (and I saresay that even despite my young age, I've found / accumulated enough posiitve sense of self to be rather content in most situations, too), but you seem to think that that certain core of situation-independent happiness wasn't somehow "formed" or "developed" during your life and while/through dealing with all kinds of external factors, but much rather somehow completely independently placed inside you, and is able to survive just as independently without any input from external factors. Is that correct?

If so, I disagree.

It's a sliding scale...I'd have to know the numbers to know what I would choose.

It's a sliding scale...I'd have to know the numbers to know what I would choose.

Could you give an approximation of where the watershed would be for you?

Fair enough.
thanks.


What are you doing with things like your relationship, your kids, your hobbies of not trying to gain something from them? If you weren't trying to gain something positive from them, why are you doing them?
don't know. I don't think I conditionally love my kids, or my husband. It's a commitment.


But where does that come from? Don't get me wrong, I don't think my happiness relies only on the current activities / relationships I have now, nor do I say it should be that way for anyone (and I saresay that even despite my young age, I've found / accumulated enough posiitve sense of self to be rather content in most situations, too), but you seem to think that that certain core of situation-independent happiness wasn't somehow "formed" or "developed" during your life and while/through dealing with all kinds of external factors, but much rather somehow completely independently placed inside you, and is able to survive just as independently without any input from external factors. Is that correct?
it's a skill you learn, it's one it took me a long time to learn, lots of pain went with the lessons.

how old are you?

in my experience, work is almost always about work, even if you like it in the beginning you will hate it one day, and searching around looking for "a job you love" is idiotic because you are unhappy while you are looking and then unhappy shortly after you get it.

I am not saying to do a job you hate (although sometimes you might have to) but if you are looking for a job to fulfill your need for happiness, it's not going to happen. Just like looking for "Mr. Right" or "Ms. Right" isn't going to make you happy either.

In the end your "happiness" depends on you. Resting it on external factors will almost always backfire.
You know, this makes me want to stay in academia even more. I don't think any of my profs hate their jobs... they all seem to love it (or at least they love part of it, usually the research, sometimes they enjoy the teaching as well... but there's a reason that most of them keep doing research and teaching well past retirement age despite having more than enough money to retire).

I also think that it's quite possible to do a job that you love because you derive a sense of accomplishment from your work. The problem that some people have (I think) is that they just go for a job that will make them a lot of money and they hate it.

You know, this makes me want to stay in academia even more. I don't think any of my profs hate their jobs... they all seem to love it (or at least they love part of it, usually the research, sometimes they enjoy the teaching as well... but there's a reason that most of them keep doing research and teaching well past retirement age despite having more than enough money to retire)
I am not saying that you can't be happy in your job, if you are a happy person you can be happy. I just don't think a job can make you happy. Work mainly for me is about getting money to pay my bills. If I want something to do that's entertaining......work ain't it.

I would get job A if I could... I don't give two shits about money, I want to be happy.

Job A....I don't need my employer to give me Health Care, and I'd rather do something I like for a living...

don't know. I don't think I conditionally love my kids, or my husband. It's a commitment.
I never said anything about conditional love, or at least I didn't intend to. I wasn't saying "You love your kids/husband on the condition that they make you happy", I was saying "You made the decision to enter into a relationship/marriage with your husband and decided to have kids because you thought that'd make you happy".

What would you mean with "it's a commitment"? I don't think (well - I don't hope) you entered these relationships because of a feeling that there were a "commitment" to do that..

it's a skill you learn, it's one it took me a long time to learn, lots of pain went with the lessons.

This is getting somewhat tedious; I feel you are skirting around the issue (but then again, it could just be me not expressing clearly what I want): Where / how did you learn it? I'm assuming we mean roughly the same thing when I say "establish a core happiness independent from the individual situation" and you say "a skill I learnt", but where do you think that skill comes from? What kind of lesson goes with it?

I have the feeling that we'll come back to the issue of external factors eventually when we discuss that answer; that you learn it from countless experiences and interactions, happy and sad, that teach you about yourself, how to value yourself and what is really important to you and your happiness.

I never said anything about conditional love, or at least I didn't intend to. I wasn't saying "You love your kids/husband on the condition that they make you happy", I was saying "You made the decision to enter into a relationship/marriage with your husband and decided to have kids because you thought that'd make you happy".

What would you mean with "it's a commitment"? I don't think (well - I don't hope) you entered these relationships because of a feeling that there were a "commitment" to do that..
I didn't marry my husband on the expectation that I thought he would make me happy. I married him because I chose to commit to him. I had my kids because I was pregnant.



This is getting somewhat tedious; I feel you are skirting around the issue (but then again, it could just be me not expressing clearly what I want): Where / how did you learn it? I'm assuming we mean roughly the same thing when I say "establish a core happiness independent from the individual situation" and you say "a skill I learnt", but where do you think that skill comes from? What kind of lesson goes with it?

I have the feeling that we'll come back to the issue of external factors eventually when we discuss that answer; that you learn it from countless experiences and interactions, happy and sad, that teach you about yourself, how to value yourself and what is really important to you and your happiness.
sure.

Job B without any doubt. Being satisfied at work is something I could do without.....so are you satisfied at your work on a regular basis? o.0

I didn't marry my husband on the expectation that I thought he would make me happy. I married him because I chose to commit to him.
TBQH, I think saying "I chose to commit to him" is just another phrasing of "I chose to marry him". What I asked, though, is WHY did you choose to commit to him?
I had my kids because I was pregnant.
No kidding.

Why, though? Assuming you knew how to use birth control and didn't just let happen whatever happens (or it was an accident), you made an active choice to have kids. Why?

sure.

Umm.. is that an ironic/dismissing "Yeah, right.." or is that an affirming "Yes, sure" ?

....so are you satisfied at your work on a regular basis? o.0

Doesn't "is something I could do without" mean that you don't particularly care for it / don't need it, thus rendering your question somewhat illogic ?

/not a native speaker

Doesn't "is something I could do without" mean that you don't particularly care for it / don't need it, thus rendering your question somewhat illogic ?

/not a native speaker

It was a lurid inference, and only worthy of certain levels of response, really. :)

INSUFFICIENT DATA. DOES NOT COMPUTE.

You are a collection of bodies without organs after all...

TBQH, I think saying "I chose to commit to him" is just another phrasing of "I chose to marry him". What I asked, though, is WHY did you choose to commit to him?
I didn't get into the relationship looking to get anything out of it, I genuinely like him, I don't expect anything from him other than what he vowed, which was to hang out with me forever......and a few other things. I didn't get married looking for the whole fairy tail happily ever after thing, I was looking for a partner in life, that's what I got.


Why, though? Assuming you knew how to use birth control and didn't just let happen whatever happens (or it was an accident), you made an active choice to have kids. Why?
I was using birth control both times, I am morally against abortion, so I had kids.



Umm.. is that an ironic/dismissing "Yeah, right.." or is that an affirming "Yes, sure" ?
yeah, sure.

I don't have a rich uncle, but I voted that anyway.


If something must be done and only you can do it, do that.
If something is desirable, and only you can do it, do that.
If something is desirable, and you can do it with satisfaction, do that.
If something is desirable, but you dislike doing it, do that.
If something is neutral or harmless, and you yearn to do it, do that.
If something is neutral or harmless, and it satisfies, do that.
If something is dubious or difficult, and it's the best there is, do that.
If something is harmful to others, but you yearn to do it, do that.
If something is neutral or harmless, but you dislike doing it, don't do that.
If something is harmful to others, but it's just there, don't do that.
If something is harmful to others, and you can't bear to do it, return to #1.



Colors to show rough equivalence. All the orange ones are good situations, all the turquoise ones bad.

EDIT: Don't mind me. I didn't read the thread.

If the benefits are equal it is usually better to be employed in a position that you either are happy or satisfied with as you will be more content with your life and more likely to perform better at your job.

Who am I kidding?
I really, really want to rob a bank, and I've almost convinced myself it is morally neutral.

Anyone in the "I believe it's the right thing to do, it keeps a roof over my head, and I enjoy the work" catagory? Tell us how you got there!

It was a lurid inference, and only worthy of certain levels of response, really. :)
Well, good thing I followed my instinct and wrote "/not a native speaker", then.. maybe I should even have added a "/not a TV/movies watcher" or something..

.. and I do wonder what a 'lurid inference' is; must go look it up.
I didn't get into the relationship looking to get anything out of it, I genuinely like him, I don't expect anything from him other than what he vowed, which was to hang out with me forever......and a few other things. I didn't get married looking for the whole fairy tail happily ever after thing, I was looking for a partner in life, that's what I got.
Fairy tail? Sorry, but that's just the cutest typo ever and will leave a most hilarious image in my mind forever ;]

Anyhow, so you were "looking for a partner in life" because.. what? Because you thought that'd feel nicer, because it'd make you happy/happier, no? Or do you want to tell us you've done it expecting to have your emotional level/quality unchanged by the fact you're in a relationship with him?

I was using birth control both times, I am morally against abortion, so I had kids.
Alright, that invalidates that issue for this discussion. Kudos to you for putting this much effort into being the best mother you can for your kids (as I read from your posts) when they came this accidentally.

yeah, sure.

Cheeky.

job A. if i've been offered both the job market doesn't matter.

Fairy tail? Sorry, but that's just the cutest typo ever and will leave a most hilarious image in my mind forever ;]
Freudian slip? perhaps? http://www.helpbytes.co.uk/images/smileys/08.gif

Anyhow, so you were "looking for a partner in life" because.. what? Because you thought that'd feel nicer, because it'd make you happy/happier, no? Or do you want to tell us you've done it expecting to have your emotional level/quality unchanged by the fact you're in a relationship with him?
I like him. I can't really explain it.....I have friends who think their husband's job is to make them happy, or if they aren't happy they think that it means there is something wrong with their relationship. I tend to keep my emotions out of my relationship as much as possible, because they tend to cause problems. Rationally life is easier when you have a partner, he supports me, I support him.


Alright, that invalidates that issue for this discussion. Kudos to you for putting this much effort into being the best mother you can for your kids (as I read from your posts) when they came this accidentally.
it wasn't their fault that my birth control fell through, besides, I am the one who chose not to abort the pregnancies, so it's my responsibilty to take care
of the kids, I always try to do my best at anything I do.....parenting though, is harder than anything I have ever had to do.



Cheeky.
:p