NationStates Jolt Archive

Imagine you are in the future with advanced technology and you are observing a new alien civilization just emerging and if you went to their planet (its like earth) even if they became hostile your technology would make sure you don't get harmed (shields, weaponry to scare them with ect) what would you do?

I'd make crop circles on their agricultural land and steal their livestock and let it free somewhere else as a joke.

I would send cows to their world and convince them all to become dairy farmers. Each region would concentrate on cross-breeding cows with local life to create unique and different types of cheeses, and then I would market those space-cheeses back on earth.

I would send cows to their world and convince them all to become dairy farmers. Each region would concentrate on cross-breeding cows with local life to create unique and different types of cheeses, and then I would market those space-cheeses back on earth.

LOL nice. :D

LOL nice. :D

Well, you can't go wrong with space-cheese, and aliens in overalls and straw hats are priceless.

I'd introduce monetry to them and give them an unused condom and tell them it's money.


So they'll end up making rubber tupes that are closed on the end and fight, kill, start wars, counterfeit and all that other stuff we do for money only for condoms. :D

I'd take samples of their biosphere and the sentient species on the planet and retreat to some remote science facility in the cometary belt to properly investigate everything. Also I'd try establishing communications with the sentient beings to see what makes them tick.

If they had any handy beliefs such as deities or similar spiritual things, I'd pose down on the ground as one of those and lay down some generally good rules about avoiding overcrowding and that killing one another is generally not a good idea... you know, the basic set of "civilized" laws.

And then I'd make sure that check-up calls on their progress would be made every five hundred years or so, if I wasn't able to last that long myself.

I would send cows to their world and convince them all to become dairy farmers. Each region would concentrate on cross-breeding cows with local life to create unique and different types of cheeses, and then I would market those space-cheeses back on earth.

and so begins the second age of colonialism...

and so begins the second age of colonialism...

The Space-cheese would be worth it.

I think I'd spell out funny mesages in skywriting, maybe like "Ex-lax is the true,rarest,best, most advanced and civilized form of money." Ex-lax prices would skyrocket!!!

and so begins the second age of colonialism...

You say it like it would be a bad thing. :p

Then again, I'd probably want to mess with their heads too... can you imagine a whole planet full of living "toys"?! :D

If I'm supperior not only in technology but also in intelligence (super computer brain upgrade, 5 years of anti virus updates included?) and the difference is big like the difference between modern humans and cows then I'd consider myself more qualified to lead them then any of them are.

It would only be worth the effort if it's a mutually beneficial symbiosis. Like with the deal between humans and cows for example. Humans keep cows safe, well fed and healthy while the cows provide humans with milk, meat and leather. I think a half civilized race would have many more uses then just milking them though.

Unless both of the above are true I'd settle down on the planet and consider them potentially dangerous local wildlife. Keep them away from my settlement and ignore them until they learn something useful.


Wait, what if aliens with forcefields we can't damage came here and liked our ideas on what do with the natives, us.:eek:

You say it like it would be a bad thing. :p

Then again, I'd probably want to mess with their heads too... can you imagine a whole planet full of living "toys"?! :D

Oh it's not a bad thing...far from it :p

I prefer to think of them as "expendable natural resources" :D:D

The Space-cheese would be worth it.

totally :p.....corner the space cheese market....:p

totally :p.....corner the space cheese market....:p

Well, that and space-steak. If you don't like your steak mixed with alien dna, just add HP Sauce.

Well, that and space-steak. If you don't like your steak mixed with alien dna, just add HP Sauce.

harvesting aliens for MEAT!?! :eek:

harvesting aliens for MEAT!?! :eek:

Not the sentient ones silly, the cows that bred with local alien life.



Unless the aliens were really tasty... hmmmmmm...

I prefer to think of them as "expendable natural resources" :D:D

Now you're confusing them with Earth-humans. :D

(If anyone needs some Earth-humans for experiments, give me a holler - Araraukarians breed too fast to my taste. :p)

Not the sentient ones silly, the cows that bred with local alien life.

What if you got, like, carnivorous cows as a result? :eek:

Forget regular bull-fighting - the New Bull(tm) really wants a piece of you! :D

What if you got, like, carnivorous cows as a result? :eek:

Forget regular bull-fighting - the New Bull(tm) really wants a piece of you! :D

No, no. Bull-fighting is cruel, even Space-Bull-fighting. Eating them is perfectly okay, though, as is wearing Space-leather jackets.

Imagine you are in the future with advanced technology and you are observing a new alien civilization just emerging and if you went to their planet (its like earth) even if they became hostile your technology would make sure you don't get harmed (shields, weaponry to scare them with ect) what would you do?

I'd make crop circles on their agricultural land and steal their livestock and let it free somewhere else as a joke.

I'd try to make contact in strange ways such as making giant piles of ice cream (or their version of desserts) in random places while no one was looking and abduct people at random. Not mess with them, just like put them on roofs, etc. :D

Then, over time they'll develop and then I'll begin actual contact slowly as they progress to my transcendent level.

Bull-fighting is cruel, even Space-Bull-fighting.

Maybe a little, but I don't mind some casualties and injuries - after all, they're just humans. :D

I'd try to make contact in strange ways such as making giant piles of ice cream (or their version of desserts) in random places while no one was looking and abduct people at random. Not mess with them, just like put them on roofs, etc. :D

Then, over time they'll develop and then I'll begin actual contact slowly as they progress to my transcendent level.

Well, giant desserts are definitely better than making circles in crops. I'd totally want to be abducted by dessert aliens.

Maybe a little, but I don't mind some casualties and injuries - after all, they're just humans. :D

Nah, they'd still rig it for the humans to win. I'd be perfectly happy with hicks being able to ride Space-bulls though. It would be a little more dangerous for the rodeo clowns though.

Nah, they'd still rig it for the humans to win.

I wouldn't let them. :p

But the bull-riding idea does have its merits, I admit... especially if no protective gear beyond normal clothes and gloves was allowed for the contestants and if the Bulls had been fed on human flesh all their lives and then starved a couple of days just before the riding contests...

*withdraws into her lair to come up with more evil plans for her unfortunate citizens*

Well, giant desserts are definitely better than making circles in crops. I'd totally want to be abducted by dessert aliens.

All we'd do is put you somewhere like on a skyscraper so someone has to get you down. And we'll put a <<dessert>> on your head.

Or maybe we could make a dessert tower and put people on it.

I wouldn't let them. :p

But the bull-riding idea does have its merits, I admit... especially if no protective gear beyond normal clothes and gloves was allowed for the contestants and if the Bulls had been fed on human flesh all their lives and then starved a couple of days just before the riding contests...

*withdraws into her lair to come up with more evil plans for her unfortunate citizens*

Damn, all I wanted to do was make new kinds of cheeses, and you want to feed people to carniverous space-cows! I am definitely the kindler, gentler mad space-lord.

SL, do you have some sort of contest with yourself to see how many stupid threads you can come up with in one day?

If so, you're winning.

All we'd do is put you somewhere like on a skyscraper so someone has to get you down. And we'll put a <<dessert>> on your head.

Or maybe we could make a dessert tower and put people on it.

Well, I'd prefer to be on the dessert tower, because then I could at least try to eat my way to safety. (The icecream headache would be excruciating however.)

Leaving me on a skyscraper that I couldn't eat my way out of would only make me want to start an anti-dessert alien cult. (Tinfoil hats would be necessary to stop the desserts from hurting my brain.)

Damn, all I wanted to do was make new kinds of cheeses, and you want to feed people to carniverous space-cows! I am definitely the kindler, gentler mad space-lord.

I am the best though!

I give away desserts and DON'T exploit the races; since I'm transcendent, I couldn't care for profit.

...

I just got reminded of SPORE somehow.

Well, I'd prefer to be on the dessert tower, because then I could at least try to eat my way to safety. (The icecream headache would be excruciating however.)

Leaving me on a skyscraper that I couldn't eat my way out of would only make me want to start an anti-dessert alien cult. (Tinfoil hats would be necessary to stop the desserts from hurting my brain.)

But I gave you the dessert hat...

But I gave you the dessert hat...

While tasty, it adds to my ice-cream headache. Unless of course, it's not a cold dessert, something chocolatey for example. In which case, I would wear the dessert helmet as a badge of honour in my pro-dessert alien cult.

I am the best though!

I give away desserts and DON'T exploit the races; since I'm transcendent, I couldn't care for profit.

...

I just got reminded of SPORE somehow.

I'm just indulging my taste in cheese. I know, I'm a bad person.

While tasty, it adds to my ice-cream headache. Unless of course, it's not a cold dessert, something chocolatey for example. In which case, I would wear the dessert helmet as a badge of honour in my pro-dessert alien cult.

Stop it. Now I'm craving truffle torte.

While tasty, it adds to my ice-cream headache. Unless of course, it's not a cold dessert, something chocolatey for example. In which case, I would wear the dessert helmet as a badge of honour in my pro-dessert alien cult.

I'm not sure what you non-transcendents eat as dessert or what your sense of temperature is... but I took a good guess. About 70 degrees Fahrenheit?

I'm just indulging my taste in cheese. I know, I'm a bad person.

Yes, because you can make cheese yourself. You're an alien-god, a transcendent being of awesomeness.

Stop it. Now I'm craving truffle torte.

*Makes giant pile of truffle tortes outside Neesika's dwelling*

I'm not sure what you non-transcendents eat as dessert or what your sense of temperature is... but I took a good guess. About 70 degrees Fahrenheit?

I have to admit, I'm not up on my Fahrenheits. I think in Celcius, and cold desserts should be below 0. However, not being transcendent, you will likely trick me into anything labelled 'dessert', regardless of temperature.

That depends on what they are. If they're something cool, like big talking birdmen or neo-hippies, I'd either distribute technology (if they were advanced enough to understand the concept of life on other planets), or set up a blockade around the planet to prevent others from disturbing them until they're ready to join the galactic community.

If they're something stupid, like kilometers long bacteria that eat silicon, a race of biological weapons left behind by an advanced civilization, or space-lumberjacks, I'd post a monitoring station in orbit to prevent them from escaping and causing damage to other planets; I'd also prevent other ships from landing on that planet to stop smuggling of the dangerous creatures.

Now, if they're a race of fledgling magic users, I'd make myself known to them as their god, and learn their secrets until I become immortal and all-powerful.

Stop it. Now I'm craving truffle torte.

Oh just give in to your cravings already! :p

After all, I'm endorsing cheese, and Minaris is endorsing dessert. I just happen to enjoy both!

I have to admit, I'm not up on my Fahrenheits. I think in Celcius, and cold desserts should be below 0. However, not being transcendent, you will likely trick me into anything labelled 'dessert', regardless of temperature.

I took some of that stuff you got at that place with the sign that reads (<<Chocolate>>) something or other. I hope it's dessert...

BTW, 70F is about room temp.

Yes, because you can make cheese yourself.

I also enjoy watching aliens wear straw hats and overalls though.

You're an alien-god, a transcendent being of awesomeness.

Why, thank-you!

Oh just give in to your cravings already! :p

After all, I'm endorsing cheese, and Minaris is endorsing dessert. I just happen to enjoy both!

Yes.

Mikesburg is officially the Alien-God of Cheese and I the Alien-God of Desserts.

Give in. Give in. *chants*

I also enjoy watching aliens wear straw hats and overalls though.



Why, thank-you!

*Throws a scoop of mint pistachio ice cream at Mikesburg the Alien-God of Cheese*


That wasn't a compliment. That was a statement of fact.

*Throws a scoop of mint pistachio ice cream at Mikesburg the Alien-God of Cheese*


That wasn't a compliment. That was a statement of fact.

Well some statements of fact also happen to be complimentary.

*licks ice cream*

Mmm, minty...



Alien-God of Cheese.... has a nice ring to it...

Well some statements of fact also happen to be complimentary.

*licks ice cream*

Mmm, minty...



Alien-God of Cheese.... has a nice ring to it...

*Dumps 5 gallons of aforementioned ice cream on Mikesburg*

*Steals some cheese and gives it to the Xantharian peoples of Xanthax III*

*Dumps 5 gallons of aforementioned ice cream on Mikesburg*

*Steals some cheese and gives it to the Xantharian peoples of Xanthax III*

Gah, Ice cream, my only weakness...

Okay, not my only weakness at all, but you get away with my cheese stock this time! The Xantharian peoples of Xanthax III will rue the day they indulged in stolen Zyngoggian Cheddar!

Gah, Ice cream, my only weakness...

Okay, not my only weakness at all, but you get away with my cheese stock this time! The Xantharian peoples of Xanthax III will rue the day they indulged in stolen Zyngoggian Cheddar!

Good, because they're actually the people YOU'VE been looking after.

Good, because they're actually the people YOU'VE been looking after.

Well, I'm a non-transcendant Alien-God after all. Poor bastards....

*invents new maoist uniforms for space-dairy farmers to wear*

Well, I'm a transcendant Alien-God after all. Poor bastards....

*invents new maoist uniforms for space-dairy farmers to wear*

*Creates a non-melting dessert version of the Pyramids for the Minthrates.*

*Creates a non-melting dessert version of the Pyramids for the Minthrates.*

You're just so benevolent! A dessert pyramid!

Damn... I'm not so benevolent, I only want to indulge in my passion for cheese and dressing up aliens in funny outfits. I'm going to have to create rival wonders if I want to keep followers...

*contemplates Hanging Cheese Gardens*

You're just so benevolent! A dessert pyramid!

Damn... I'm not so benevolent, I only want to indulge in my passion for cheese and dressing up aliens in funny outfits. I'm going to have to create rival wonders if I want to keep followers...

*contemplates Hanging Cheese Gardens*

Normally I would beat you to the punch, but I realize that my people need something else.

*Gives the Minthrates a single language for them to use so they can all relate.*

That should prevent racism for a while.

EDIT: Oh, look, they're building two others to align with some stars. How touching.

Normally I would beat you to the punch, but I realize that my people need something else.

*Gives the Minthrates a single language for them to use so they can all relate.*

That should prevent racism for a while.

EDIT: Oh, look, they're building two others to align with some stars. How touching.

Single language! My aliens are deliberately separated as to develop a variety of cheeses, and multiple languages will naturally result from that. The universe will know many different words that all mean 'cheese'. It will be glorious!!

The resulting cheese wars will be troublesome, but such is the price for splendid variety!

Single language! My aliens are deliberately separated as to develop a variety of cheeses, and multiple languages will naturally result from that. The universe will know many different words that all mean 'cheese'. It will be glorious!!

The resulting cheese wars will be troublesome, but such is the price for splendid variety!

Ah, ah, ah. That doesn't sound like a very benevolent alien-god.

As for my people, I better let them forget about me for a while. 6 life spans (a total of three centuries right now) should do it...

... and done. Now my deeds only exist in lore and the pyramid.

Imagine you are in the future with advanced technology and you are observing a new alien civilization just emerging and if you went to their planet (its like earth) even if they became hostile your technology would make sure you don't get harmed (shields, weaponry to scare them with ect) what would you do?

I'd make crop circles on their agricultural land and steal their livestock and let it free somewhere else as a joke.me, observe them, live among them, slowly improve their way of life.

and at the same time... claim a continent for my very own and make sure no one "uninvited" lives there. (it will be one of the smaller continents... of course.)

Unless the aliens were really tasty... hmmmmmm... you know they'll taste just like chicken... :D

Ah, ah, ah. That doesn't sound like a very benevolent alien-god.

As for my people, I better let them forget about me for a while. 6 life spans (a total of three centuries right now) should do it...

... and done. Now my deeds only exist in lore and the pyramid.

Benevolent? No, not I. I wouldn't encourage cheese wars, by any stretch, but free will and all that. I wouldn't be Malevolent per se... just indulgent, and perhaps a bit mischievous. Much more like the Greek gods, than the Biblical one.

you know they'll taste just like chicken... :D

So, the solution is hot sauce?

Benevolent? No, not I. I wouldn't encourage cheese wars, by any stretch, but free will and all that. I wouldn't be Malevolent per se... just indulgent, and perhaps a bit mischievous. Much more like the Greek gods, than the Biblical one.

Ah, I see.

I'm beginning a more Deist phase for a while because the Minthrates are nearing Classical and they need this time for scientific development.

Damn, all I wanted to do was make new kinds of cheeses, and you want to feed people to carniverous space-cows! I am definitely the kindler, gentler mad space-lord.

Well, you know what they say... "the female is the deadlier of the species", so I guess it fits here too... :D

And I fouldn't exactly _feed_ people to the New Bull(tm)'s, I'd give them a fighting chance. In an arena with no escape. Armed with their natural weapons of human intellect, grasping thumbs and puny teeth. :p

I'd probably be the malevolent, cruel, mad space-lady. ;)

Ah, I see.

I'm beginning a more Deist phase for a while because the Minthrates are nearing Classical and they need this time for scientific development.

Wait... you want your people to develop? Should I be worried that you would send them to my cheese colonies, with dessert conquest in mind?

*worries for cheese farms*

Wait... you want your people to develop? Should I be worried that you would send them to my cheese colonies, with dessert conquest in mind?

*worries for cheese farms*

Oh heavens no. I'll ensure that they won't interfere with another Alien-God's work. After all, we must stick together as guides for our followers, yes?

Well, you know what they say... "the female is the deadlier of the species", so I guess it fits here too... :D

And I fouldn't exactly _feed_ people to the New Bull(tm)'s, I'd give them a fighting chance. In an arena with no escape. Armed with their natural weapons of human intellect, grasping thumbs and puny teeth. :p

I'd probably be the malevolent, cruel, mad space-lady. ;)

Well, we needed a malevolent space-lady in the pantheon. Just keep the carniverous space-bulls away from my cheese farms, and we have a working arrangement. :D

So, the solution is hot sauce?

yep... the secret is in the sauce! ;)

Oh heavens no. I'll ensure that they won't interfere with another Alien-God's work. After all, we must stick together as guides for our followers, yes?

*phew!*

Sooner or later someone's going to mess up our perfect scheme. I'll make you a deal; I will trade you Zyngoggian Space Cheddar in return for protection once your people advance to higher technological levels. Can't have my medieval cheese-loving way of life be disrupted by some crazed newcomer.

Well, we needed a malevolent space-lady in the pantheon. Just keep the carniverous space-bulls away from my cheese farms, and we have a working arrangement. :D

The rock candy asteroids should stop those... for now, anyway.

*Narrator* And thus the Triple Alliance of the Gods was formed.

Minaris, the Alien-God of Desserts
Mikesburg, the Alien-God of Cheese
and
Araraukar, Alien-God of the Bull and Beast

yep... the secret is in the sauce! ;)

*Sir, are you SURE you want the Suicide Hot Alien Limbs? I mean, they are really, really hot...*

*phew!*

Sooner or later someone's going to mess up our perfect scheme. I'll make you a deal; I will trade you Zyngoggian Space Cheddar in return for protection once your people advance to higher technological levels. Can't have my medieval cheese-loving way of life be disrupted by some crazed newcomer.

No need for the cheese. I already had the narrator say we were aligned.

No need for the cheese. I already had the narrator say we were aligned.

Hooray for the Narrator! Hooray for the Triple Alliance of the Gods!

*dances beast-cheese-dessert jig*

*Sir, are you SURE you want the Suicide Hot Alien Limbs? I mean, they are really, really hot...*

"Will it burn my mouth?"

"It will DESTROY your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a month.*

"Will it burn my mouth?"

"It will DESTROY your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a month.*

"Yeee-haaawww! Bring' it on! God bless Space-Texas!"

*tongue catches on fire*

"Yeee-haaawww! Bring' it on! God bless Space-Texas!"

*tongue catches on fire*

3...2...1...

*explosion*

3...2...1...

*explosion*

Yup. The secret is in the sauce.

Yup. The secret is in the sauce.

The secret being nitroglycerin. *devilish smile*

The secret being nitroglycerin. *devilish smile*

So much for being benevolent... :D

So much for being benevolent... :D

I'm benevolent to my people. I never mentioned my fellow beings... :cool:

Yup. The secret is in the sauce.

unfortunatly, there was a two second delay of burn... we gotta work on that...

unfortunatly, there was a two second delay of burn... we gotta work on that...

Nah, messing with the nitroglycerin's natural warm-up is a bad idea. Too volatile.

Nah, messing with the nitroglycerin's natural warm-up is a bad idea. Too volatile.

True. As long as we don't mess with the explosion of flavour, I'm fine with that.

Nah, messing with the nitroglycerin's natural warm-up is a bad idea. Too volatile.hmm... maybe you're right.

besides... the last stirring spoon just melted...

True. As long as we don't mess with the explosion of flavor, I'm fine with that.

It's a big priority, after all.

hmm... maybe you're right.

besides... the last stirring spoon just melted...

Hey, sounds just about the right temperature for space-chili!

hmm... maybe you're right.

besides... the last stirring spoon just melted...

What kind of spoon you suing? Nitroglycerin blows at like 0 to 50.

Follow the Prime Directive. An exception is if their survival is in danger - zapping incoming meteors would be in order.

What kind of spoon you suing? Nitroglycerin blows at like 0 to 50.

wait... how much nitro did you put... :eek:


nevermind...


wouldyoumindwatchingthepotwhileIjustnipouttobuyanewspoon?okthxsbye! :D


*runs* :eek:

wait... how much nitro did you put... :eek:


nevermind...


wouldyoumindwatchingthepotwhileIjustnipouttobuyanewspoon?okthxsbye! :D


*runs* :eek:

*Snaps spoon in half*

Sugar. Of course.

*Eats spoon and puts some dry ice around the sauce pan*

Hooray for the Narrator! Hooray for the Triple Alliance of the Gods!

*dances beast-cheese-dessert jig*

Alright. Time to get back to work...

Alright. Time to get back to work...

My legions of alien dairy farmers expect me to do various jigs. It's in the contract, and thus part of my work.

Sure, they suffer through it, but it's in the contract...

EDIT: Uh-oh, one clever farmer has developed some sort of Parmesan cannon, and it looks like there's going to be some kind of powdered-cheese war. I'll need to negotiate a cheese settlement...

My legions of alien dairy farmers expect me to do various jigs. It's in the contract, and thus part of my work.

Sure, they suffer through it, but it's in the contract...

EDIT: Uh-oh, one clever farmer has developed some sort of Parmesan cannon, and it looks like there's going to be some kind of powdered-cheese war. I'll need to negotiate a cheese settlement...

cheese...war...alien steak...I GOT IT!!!! space-cheese filled, steaks!!!! :D

cheese...war...alien steak...I GOT IT!!!! space-cheese filled, steaks!!!! :D

Space-steak filled with space-cheese would be an interesting experiment... and probably really bad for your space-cholesterol...

My legions of alien dairy farmers expect me to do various jigs. It's in the contract, and thus part of my work.

Sure, they suffer through it, but it's in the contract...

EDIT: Uh-oh, one clever farmer has developed some sort of Parmesan cannon, and it looks like there's going to be some kind of powdered-cheese war. I'll need to negotiate a cheese settlement...

Ah, I let mine war if they want to. Being a Deist alien-god and all...

Oh... that's a big ass boat there. And there's another huge boat. Syracusea size, about. And... oh, a solar ray, huh? That'll never work for much.

Nope. That didn't work at all.

Ah, I let mine war if they want to. Being a Deist alien-god and all...

Oh... that's a big ass boat there. And there's another huge boat. Syracusea size, about. And... oh, a solar ray, huh? That'll never work for much.

Nope. That didn't work at all.

Minor cheese skirmishes and the occasional cheese war are one thing, but this new parmesan cannon has the potential to undo generations of cheese production. One cheese can't rule them all... it would defeat the purpose of the experiment!

Luckily, my people are nowhere near 'solar rays'. The parmesan cannon is really just early renaissance tech. Prior to that, the occasional Limberger grenade was their only concern, whilst most battled with giant cheese wheel carts and cheese-cutting knives.

Well, we needed a malevolent space-lady in the pantheon. Just keep the carniverous space-bulls away from my cheese farms, and we have a working arrangement. :D

*Narrator* And thus the Triple Alliance of the Gods was formed.

Minaris, the Alien-God of Desserts
Mikesburg, the Alien-God of Cheese
and
Araraukar, Alien-God of the Bull and Beast

Muahahahaa! You've got a deal! *genetically engineers her bulls to be afraid of cheese farms*