NationStates Jolt Archive

Along the same lines of "what would you tell your kids in 20 years", I thought this might be a better expression of what you would want to say after having accomplished what you wanted to accomplish.

This also gives expression to those who prefer not to reproduce.

My title would be:

Alien On Planet Earth: Why Is Everyone So Jacked Up? -and other essays

What would your title be?

"How Not to Do It"

How to waste your life in 80 years.

Why Abortion is Necessary: The Product of malfunctioning birth control pills and a broken condom.

"Shit happens - here's how it happened to me"

"The ravings of the mad (insert name here)" :p

Dobbsy's Angels, or My Life in Moderation.

An average life in a below average world.

"Meh"

The Unauthorized Autobiography of Cannot think of a name

All For Fun and Fun For All.

Do Not Read!


It'll be a best-seller :p

Life at the Speed of Bitch Slap


It'd be inaccurate, but it just occurred to me.

Beer and Excedrin: College in All of its Glory

Life As Seen from the Eyes of the Mad

Life As Seen from the Eyes of the Mad

That sounds like it'd work better as the title of LG's memoirs.

My Double Life.

Subtitle: By day, I am a mild-mannered reporter.

My Story: A Lesson In Deniability

*All Names Have Been Changed To Protect The Guilty

That sounds like it'd work better as the title of LG's memoirs.

Well, people often tell me I'm crazy...

How about this:
The Only Book Worse than War and Peace

Philosomathemaphysicist: A jack of all trades, a master of none.

Borrowed from a friend-
Cannot think of a name's Big Book of Unsolicited Opinions

What could possibly go wrong?
-A story of quixotic ambition-

The Good Kind of Insane

The Good Kind of Insane

I likes!

Rider: Tales of a Time Traveler Capable of Traveling Forward in Time at the Speed of Time.

Rider: Tales of a Time Traveler Capable of Traveling Forward in Time at the Speed of Time.

How many things of memoirs are you planning on having? :p

What Not to do, to lead a Meaningful Life :p

How many things of memoirs are you planning on having? :p

I'm a stoner, I forget things sometimes and then remember them later and have to release a new memoir. Hell, I might even forget I already wrote one...
I feel dirty for playing on a stupid stoner stereotype for a laugh...ah well...

Nazis and Coconut Oil: A Tale of Love, Lust, War, Famine, and Familial Reconnection (With the Use of the Oxford Comma!)

Upon producing such a masterful title, I would promptly not reference a single one of those things in my book, save the Oxford Comma, which would receive an entire chapter.

"....and she accomplished nothing"

Fuck You: the Story of the Man Who Saved the World (by Killing Everyone)


Well, it would be, if I could actually hope to accomplish my goal...

"....and she accomplished lots o' stuff (including raising two kids in a wintastic way) despite a craptacular upbringing."

Fixed.

Fixed.

*steals*

Dr. Zhivago and his merry "man"
A tale of struggle and hardship from the nonsensical point of view of a revolutionary's penis

It will be an erotic thriller

He Wrote a Poem or Two

I got nothing. :D

He Wrote a Poem or Two

I got nothing. :D

That would be a great title for a biography of Yeats or Whitman :)

Soylent green
- The David Hasselhoff story


:)

Hey dude, where are my pants?

Where's the Pepto-Bismol? (Verbal Diarrhea)

Fuck You: the Story of the Man Who Saved the World (by Killing Everyone)


Well, it would be, if I could actually hope to accomplish my goal...
Somehow, I think that extinguishing all human life might negatively impact sales of your book.

My memoir would be called If I Didn't Do It, and it would contain a "Wonderful Life"-style look over my life and how the world would have turned out for the worse if I hadn't existed. Each chapter would end with "But I did do it, so you fuckers totally owe me. Now go buy another few dozen copies of this book."

Fuck You: the Story of the Man Who Saved the World (by Killing Everyone)


Well, it would be, if I could actually hope to accomplish my goal...

Then no one will read your book, but more importantly....

no one will BUY your book.....

It's all about the benjamins

Then no one will read your book, but more importantly....

no one will BUY your book.....

It's all about the benjamins

*shrug* who else is gonna have the Benjamin's?

Nuke them from orbit
It's the only way to be sure.

Depends upon what I achieve I feel. So far, however, probably "This petty pace from day to day".

Somehow, I think that extinguishing all human life might negatively impact sales of your book.

True. But at that point it doesn't matter, as I would necessarily also be dead (not being from far-off planets like so many of you fuckers must be).

What I really want to do, though, is write a book that kills you.

True. But at that point it doesn't matter, as I would necessarily also be dead (not being from far-off planets like so many of you fuckers must be).

What I really want to do, though, is write a book that kills you.

Lullaby.

From Stratford to Santa Cruz: How I Ended Up In The Bolivian Civil War

(the war hasn't started yet...but give it time)

From Stratford to Santa Cruz: How I Ended Up In The Bolivian Civil War

(the war hasn't started yet...but give it time)

In the same vein:

From Anarchist to Mercenary: How I Propped Up The Bolivian Government :p

Kink With Kool-Aid

We're Boned; Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the EMP Bomb

Hey mom is that a monkey? The story of a teenager who went to too many doctors.

True. But at that point it doesn't matter, as I would necessarily also be dead (not being from far-off planets like so many of you fuckers must be).
What makes me the resident of a far-off planet?
What I really want to do, though, is write a book that kills you.
An unreasonably large encyclopedia would do the trick, then. Of course you'd have to go out and hit everyone over the head with it personally, so it might take a while and be quite a bit of work.

What makes me the resident of a far-off planet?

Anyone who's anyone is from a far off planet and/or moon these days. I for one am looking in to purchasing some land on Enceladus for my asteroid mining and robotics megacorporation.

Along the same lines of "what would you tell your kids in 20 years", I thought this might be a better expression of what you would want to say after having accomplished what you wanted to accomplish.

This also gives expression to those who prefer not to reproduce.

My title would be:

Alien On Planet Earth: Why Is Everyone So Jacked Up? -and other essays

What would your title be?

I'm considering:
Cell Phones: The Curse Of The 20th/21st Centuries
My Life - Or Possibly Something You WANT To Hear About
To Serve Lawyers: A 1,000 Recipe Cookbook
WHAT United States Of America?: The Gradual Dissolution Of The USA In My Lifetime
WHAT First Amendment?: The News Media's Assault On Christianity And Christians
In Praise Of Memphis
Good Evening, I'm (my name here) And You're Not
In Praise Of Manhood And Masculinity
Daffy English Kniggits!: Gleanings From Monty Python
Lucy And This Guy With Diamonds: Misheard Beatles Lyrics
I'd Rather Dance With Your Mother: Misheard Beatles Lyrics Volume 2
She's Got A Chicken To Ride: Misheard Beatles Lyrics Volume 3
Shut Up For The Mystery Tour!: Misheard Beatles Lyrics Volume 4
He Got Walrus Gumbel: Misheard Beatles Lyrics Volume 5
Hey Jew: Misheard Beatles Lyrics Volume 6
Oh My Teeth, Oh My Jaw: Misheard Beatles Lyrics Volume 7

Put this down and please dear God don't read this - the failed ramblings of a self-loathing pessimist.

I like to keep things peppy.

What would your title be?

The Atheist Saint, the story of a modern goody two shoes

Not a total lack of Prudence, but almost.

based on my surname

What The Fuck?

How one man went from NSG poster to world savior

or maybe

www.endofworld.net : How it almost came true


(Egotistical, I know. perhaps more likely is

Life: Is it really that special?)

What makes me the resident of a far-off planet?

Well, nothing in particular...other than my paranoia.

An unreasonably large encyclopedia would do the trick, then. Of course you'd have to go out and hit everyone over the head with it personally, so it might take a while and be quite a bit of work.


Indeed--quite possibly more time than I have remaining on Earth. I need a book that makes you die when you read it.

101 Ways to Get Through Life While Remaining Oblivious

or

101 Ways to Live Life Obliviously, that's snappier i reckon. not sure it's got good grammar though.

'Couldn't be Arsed'

It'd be a very short book

I Wouldn't Do That If I Were You

I Wouldn't Do That If I Were You

OOH! I thought of one!

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T PRESS THE "DO NOT PRESS" BUTTON

The NSG Pancake: From Batter to Spammer
I'll come up with a better one later...

The NSG Pancake: From Batter to Spammer
I'll come up with a better one later...

Spam fritters! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spam_fritter)

Other possibilities:

Don't Do Anything I'd Do
Why Are You Reading This Book When You Could Be Watching TV?
I Hope You Get a Papercut When You Wipe With This
How To Have the Best Sex Ever! (Have It With Me)
Cannot Think of a Name Stole My Title

Memoirs of a Geisha

i'll get around to it

#F=0≡¬∃xFx

Funny Fuckups: Transforming any disaster into an icebreaker.

Undeserved Luck: How I wasn't rejected from college because my Chem AP teacher accidentally gave me a C instead of a D.

I'll think of more...

Comin' Up Short: The Misadventures of Mike S. Burg

I win, bitch!

The Forgotten Years: Stoned, Dazed & Confused
A Kryozerkia Story

The Procrastinator: Coming Soon

Stop eating vegan, you ass!

Popcorn!Popcorn!

F**k You! F**k The Lot Of You! F**k You All!

Catchy, huh? :D

And Then they Became Buddhist
-the story of the Beastie Boys

Among the possibilities I'm considering are:

"Kneel Before Zod!" And Other Survival Tips
Getting Up Out Of Bed And Other Stupid Mistakes
Waking Up And Other Painful, Traumatic Occurrences
Brushing Your Teeth And Other Futile Exercises You Will Have To Do Again
The Origins Of English Place Names
Yawning And Other Inevitable Realities Of Life
Do Not Read This Book Unles You Really, REALLY Mean It!
The Archive Of Uses For The Word "Archive"
Nepotism And Other Reasons I Haven't Been Fired Yet

Where do I send the royalty checks when I steal this one?

What could possibly go wrong?
-A story of quixotic ambition-

I Was On a Breaking Crew
-I owned Nylon pants And Could Do The Kickworm

Please to be sending all royalties to Portland Fucking Oregon.

Cynic:
Why I think you're an annoying little pissant that I'd like to slap across the face and rant at.

I think it'd be the feel good read of the year. :D

"That Day That Thing Happened.. no, the other thing.. well yeah, that too."

Where do I send the royalty checks when I steal this one?

I question your decision to steal said title.

"Stuck on a planet with a bunch of idiots."

"Stuck on a planet with a bunch of idiots."

and soon after that.

I wouldn't be flapping my mouth if I were you Bambi:
A rebuttal to "Stuck on a planet with a bunch of idiots."

Confessions of a Passive-Aggressive or I'm Not Deaf, I Was Ignoring You - The Story of My Life..

"I am crazy. That's the best explanation I can manage. I am wrong in so many ways, but I care about every single one."

That's a nice title, though!

Jacked Up: How I replaced all of my bodily fluids (save one) with Beer and Coffee.