The "Lame Jokes That You've Just Made Up" Thread!
IL Ruffino
10-05-2007, 05:05
Have a joke that you've made up, yet think no one will ever like? Post it here!
Mine:
Q: What does a feminist call a manicure?
A: A mynicure!
South Lizasauria
10-05-2007, 05:06
Q:Why are there barely any drugs used in the Philipines?
A:Hey we're Filipino's we don't need drugs to get high!
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
10-05-2007, 05:20
"Women are like stamps, in that they both have a back and a front, and the ability to distinguish between the two sides is pretty important."
If you've never heard the incredibly stupid joke that this is supposed to parody, it won't make any sense at all, and even if you know what I'm talking about you won't care. I know this is so, because I do and I don't.
Q. What's 7 inches long, 2 inches wide and makes a girl go crazy for it?
A. ...a chocolate bar you sickos!!
Brutland and Norden
10-05-2007, 05:22
Q:Why are there barely any drugs used in the Philipines?
A:Hey we're Filipino's we don't need drugs to get high!
I don't get this. :(
Terrorist Cakes
10-05-2007, 05:22
This happened in Lit class, when the teacher showed us Constatine to help us understand what hell looks like:
Me: Yeah, I agree. That's what I see when I think of hell.
Class: Heather, that's not hell. That's just Keaneau Reeves.
Greater Trostia
10-05-2007, 05:24
Q: A mother-to-be crashed the car as she was driving to the hospital to give birth. Why did she crash the car?
A: Because she's a woman.
Neo Undelia
10-05-2007, 05:25
Women are... incredibly stupid.
:eek:
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
10-05-2007, 05:34
Women are... incredibly stupid.:eek:
I'd say you stopped to soon there, watch how an expert does it:
Women are . . . incredibly stupid. I know this . . . I do
"It ain't done 'till it's overdone", as the pyromaniac who used to live next door to me used to say. Then the authorities took away his grill, flamethrowers and bath tub full of napalm, and the poor guy never recovered.
Bazalonia
10-05-2007, 05:48
Q: What comes around, that goes around?
A: A Merry-go-round
Barringtonia
10-05-2007, 05:51
Q. What do you call an elephant with a mobile phone
A. A telephant
Whatever...
South Lizasauria
10-05-2007, 05:53
Q:What do you get that is really really small and purple?
A: A grape! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Barringtonia
10-05-2007, 05:55
A. What do you call a madman with a mobile phone
B. Telepathic
I could go on all day with phone jokes...
Divine Imaginary Fluff
10-05-2007, 05:55
I once got flamed for posting the first three at another place. (and at another, the first reply was "I want to kill you.". the first joke was appreciated at one place, though)
----------
(note: Wheel of Time reference; you won't get it unless you've read some)
What does Lan fear?
Lanfear!
----------
Brace yourself!
...
I've had braces.
----------
The Drow have a funny religion. Why? Well...
Lolth.
----------
I'll also add another, more recent one. Some familiar with programming will get it.
What did the sourcecode say to the CVS repository?
"I am not afraid of commitment!"
Have a joke that you've made up, yet think no one will ever like? Post it here!
Mine:
Q: What does a feminist call a manicure?
A: A mynicure!
You dink, you kick me out of your sig for Paris! How dare you!
What did the sourcecode say to the CVS repository?
"I am not afraid of commitment!"
CVS? Ew, join the rest of us in the 21st century, please.
Brutland and Norden
10-05-2007, 06:00
We got lots of 'em back in elementary school...
Q: What country is slippery?
A: Greece.
Q: What country is a bird?
A: Turkey.
Q: What country wants to eat?
A: Hungary.
Q: What country does not use money?
A: Czech Republic.
Q: What country tastes like sugar?
A: Switzerland.
Q: What country is hot and spicy?
A: Chile.
Q: What US State has more pencils than any other?
A: Pennsylvania.
Oh I know it's corny...
IL Ruffino
10-05-2007, 06:01
Q. What do you call an elephant with a mobile phone
A. A telephant
Whatever...
A. What do you call a madman with a mobile phone
B. Telepathic
I could go on all day with phone jokes...
Q: What do you call a man with 2020 vision that has a mobile phone?
A: A television!
You dink, you kick me out of your sig for Paris! How dare you!
Design me a sig, then.
Divine Imaginary Fluff
10-05-2007, 06:06
CVS? Ew, join the rest of us in the 21st century, please.Well, the joke works as well replacing CVS with SVN.
Q. How do you remember the capital of Finland?
A. If you wanna get kinky in Helsinki, go inland for Finland.
Q: You hear about that awesome special at the gas station in Manila?
A: You get a free car wash with every Filipino.
Q: Why do cats waste all their money at the computer store?
A: To catch the mice.
Q: What do you call a giraffe with binoculars?
A: A periscope.
Q: What's the same about a whiny girlfriend and a whiny cat?
A: They're both sourpusses.
Q: You hear about the dude who lost his left arm?
A: He's alright.
Q: What are the names of the two sexiest dudes in all of China?
A: Hung Lo and Long Wang
Q: You hear about the rodent who strained a muscle?
A: It pulled a hamster-string.
Q: What kind of motorcycle does a geek drive?
A: A Hardly Dangerous
Q: What is a Viking's favorite car?
A: A Fjord.
Q: Why did the pirate go to the movie?
A: Because it was rated AARRRRR!!!!
Q: What is a baby seal's least favorite sandwich?
A: A club sandwich.
Svalbardania
10-05-2007, 07:06
Q: What is a Viking's favorite car?
A: A Fjord.
Q: Why did the pirate go to the movie?
A: Because it was rated AARRRRR!!!!
And just when I thought you were winning with these...
Q: What is a baby seal's least favorite sandwich?
A: A club sandwich.
:(
Q: What is a baby seal's least favorite sandwich?
A: A club sandwich.First one that is actually funny.
The Brevious
10-05-2007, 07:45
A. What do you call a madman with a mobile phone
B. Telepathic
I could go on all day with phone jokes...
That's a good one!
I can't make any up. I'm not that clever. IRL, i can't even remember how to start jokes.
I always remember the punchlines though, and manage to ruin them for people that invest the energy in bothering to share them with me and a cadre of other semi-attentive folk.
The Brevious
10-05-2007, 07:45
Oh yeah - how long until the Laffy Taffy jokes?
Barringtonia
10-05-2007, 07:50
Q: What do you call a man with 2020 vision that has a mobile phone?
A: A television!
Nice...
Q. What do you call a freestanding toilet, of the type you find at festivals, sporting events and the like, which comes with a mobile phone?
A. Teleportable
Sheesh!
Flatus Minor
10-05-2007, 08:32
I heard this one a while back... (you have to kind of imagine the person saying it with a Liverpool accent):
Q: What do you call an aardvark that regularly gets beaten up?
A: A vark.
Philosopy
10-05-2007, 08:35
Two birds on a perch. One says to the other "can you smell fish"?
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other "how do you drive this thing"?
Wilgrove
10-05-2007, 09:27
This is not a lame or corny joke, but it's pretty funny.
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany .
Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
"I want to make a complex equation involving 2i."
"Please sine this petition to give the maths department better funding."
IL Ruffino
10-05-2007, 09:58
"I want to make a complex equation involving 2i."
"Please sine this petition to give the maths department better funding."
*throws a graphing calculator at Ilaer*
*throws a graphing calculator at Ilaer*
But y?
Has differential calculus ever done anything to you? Or the Riemann-Zeta Hypothesis? Or Fermat's Last Theorem?
IL Ruffino
10-05-2007, 10:04
But y?
Has differential calculus ever done anything to you? Or the Riemann-Zeta Hypothesis? Or Fermat's Last Theorem?
Q: How would you explain Ruffy's math skills?
A: Pitiful.
Lacadaemon
10-05-2007, 10:07
Alfred Phule got a call from his dead great aunt's attorney telling him he must liquidate the estate quickly or forfeit it. While searching the attic he found many objects of interest: lion's heads, medieval torture devices, relics of empire; well you know the deal. And in the corner there was a large purple painting.
He put the lot up for sale, wanting to abide by the lawyers rule, and as soon as he did a man came rushing up and exclaimed.
"Do you know what you have here!", pointing at the lavender canvas.
"No", said Alfred.
"Well then, how much do you want?" Asked the stranger.
"Ten shillings, but I won't take a penny less." Replied Alfred, feeling smug that he had the better part of the deal.
"Done," said the man, who instantly gave him the bank note, tucked the canvas under his arms and quickly walked off.
The moral of this story is, of course, that: A. Phule and his Monet are easily parted.
If anyone can think of a crapper joke.... go ahead.
IL Ruffino
10-05-2007, 10:12
Whats blue and orange, sits at the bottom of swimming pools and makes women scream?
Dead baby jokes are a no-no!
Having sex is like riding a bike.
It hurts your crotch.
Luipaard
10-05-2007, 10:15
Dead baby jokes are a no-no!
Damnit, you should have posted that before i put up the next lot.
Anyway, they are the funniest sort!
IL Ruffino
10-05-2007, 10:17
Damnit, you should have posted that before i put up the next lot.
Anyway, they are the funniest sort!
*suggest deletion of posts*
I've had a thread deleted because of dead baby jokes.. :-/
Barringtonia
10-05-2007, 10:19
I'm a bit miffed that many of these are simply lame but not 'just made up'.
It's not in the spirit of the OP and I'm sulking in a corner right now :(
I am 12 yrs old and therefore have the right to sulk in such a manner
Q: How would you explain Ruffy's math skills?
A: Pitiful.
And for that you hate mathematics?
Leave me alone, you madman...
Maybe the Mandelbrot set can convince you that maths isn't all bad.
Warning: it may remind you of the time you were on drugs.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b3/Mandel_zoom_07_satellite.jpg
Lacadaemon
10-05-2007, 10:26
I'm a bit miffed that many of these are simply lame but not 'just made up'.
It's not in the spirit of the OP and I'm sulking in a corner right now :(
I am 12 yrs old and therefore have the right to sulk in such a manner
Mine was made up. And really lame too. :(
IL Ruffino
10-05-2007, 10:27
And for that you hate mathematics?
Leave me alone, you madman...
Maybe the Mandelbrot set can convince you that maths isn't all bad.
Warning: it may remind you of the time you were on drugs.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b3/Mandel_zoom_07_satellite.jpg
I have that program! And math is still evil.
Mine was made up. And really lame too. :(
Same here.
Mine were so bad that Ruffy had an allergic reaction to them.
Luipaard
10-05-2007, 10:28
Mine was made up. And really lame too. :(
Mine wernt made up, but they wernt lame. Pity people on this forum just dont appreciate my humour.
I have that program! And math is still evil.
O RLY?
Gods, I hate that phrase...
Please don't tell me that the only reason you dislike maths is because you're not very good at it?
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: Your knob. Hehe.
Childish and unoriginal, but it made my mate Joe laugh, so it at least has the capacity to entertain.:p
Luipaard
10-05-2007, 12:08
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: Your knob. Hehe.
Childish and unoriginal, but it made my mate Joe laugh, so it at least has the capacity to entertain.:p
Teehee, thats my favourite so far :D
How do you get an elephant in a fridge?
You open the door, put the elephant in the fridge and close the door.
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
You open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe in the fridge and close the door.
A meeting for all the animal kingdom has been called. Who wouldn't be there?
The giraffe because he is still in the fridge.
A man comes across a crocodile infested swamp. Should he cross it?
Yes because the crocodiles are at the meeting.
:p
Fachistos
10-05-2007, 13:36
How do you get an elephant in a fridge?
You open the door, put the elephant in the fridge and close the door.
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
You open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe in the fridge and close the door.
A meeting for all the animal kingdom has been called. Who wouldn't be there?
The giraffe because he is still in the fridge.
A man comes across a crocodile infested swamp. Should he cross it?
Yes because the crocodiles are at the meeting.
:p
So old...