Ilaer
08-05-2007, 23:01
A little something which I once wrote and want to show off to you fine people. :)
Do tell me what you think; I meant it to be vaguely amusing.
A Conversation Between Two Dinosaurs
The dinosaurs looked glumly at the scene in front of them. It was the site of thousands of small creatures, each one incredibly vulnerable to the effects of even the most minor of changes.
Such as now.
“Look at ‘em all. All dyin’ like that. It’s pathetic, I tell you.”
“It’s nature.”
The first dinosaur to speak stared at the other.
“What?” it asked, noticing.
“Well, you said ‘it’s nature’. I was wondering why.”
“Well, it’s obvious, innit? I mean, it’s all the rage these days, dying out like that.”
“Why?”
“Well… It’s all this global cooling business, like these sciencers keep going on about.”
“Sciencers?”
“Don’t you ever keep up with the news? Sciencers. Them lot who practise science.”
The first dinosaur stared again at the second, as if in disbelief.
“What does it mean? Sciencers, I mean.”
“Well, it comes from ‘science’, doesn’t it? And ‘science’ comes from ‘sci’, which means, well, sci, and ‘ence’ comes from, er, ‘esness’. Sci-esness, you see?”
The first dinosaur considered this.
“No?” it suggested, looking confused.
“Do you even know what science is?”
“No.”
“I’ll tell you then. It’s basically, in a nutshell-“
“Science takes place in a nutshell? What’s a nutshell?”
“A nutshell is the shell of a nut, obviously.”
“What’s a nut?”
“It could either be you, or it’s a type of seed that hasn’t evolved yet.”
The first dinosaur considered this new bit of information.
“Ok.”
“Right. Now, as I said, science, basically, is all about going around thinking of them, um, ‘prisons’.”
“Prisons?”
“Those things that bend light.”
The first dinosaur looked at the other in utter disbelief.
“You what? Bend light? I’ve never heard such a stupid thing in all my life.”
The second dinosaur looked disapprovingly at the first.
“Look, Tom, are you listening or not?”
“I suppose so…”
“Good. Now, the point I’m trying to say is that them sciencers are blooming smart. Very smart. You know those T-Rex dinosaurs with them big heads but little brains? The sciencers are basically the opposite. They have quite small heads but big brains.”
The first dinosaur, Tom, kicked the dust below his feet morosely. The second dinosaur continued.
“Anyway, Tom, these sciencers have been studying things, and they think they know what’s happening to all the animals like this lot down here.”
“What do they think?”
“Well, you know all this new green stuff that’s been sprouting up everywhere?”
“You mean the same green stuff that’s always been around?”
The second dinosaur scowled.
“Well, yes, but all the same… Anyway, they think there’s more of it.”
“More of it? My word. What clever people, to notice that’s there more of it now. I shall have to give them a type of food, probably a small, round, brownish, crumbly thing that hasn’t been invented. They can dip it in their not-yet-evolved drink made from leaves.”
The second dinosaur looked at Tom suspiciously.
“Was that sarcasm?”
“No, no, not at all. You continue, by the way.”
“Hmmm… Well, anyway, apparently this green stuff, planets is the technical name for it, I think, well, there’s more of it than before. Now, they think that, basically, all these planets are sucking in some sort of gas – “
“Would it be from you, by any chance? Tess told me about you when you’ve been eating that veg – “
“Shut up, shut up! Just listen to me, alright? Anyway, they’re sucking in some sort of gas that keeps us warm. So as they do that everything’s getting colder.”
“And the consequences of that are?”
“Well, the sea level will probably start to fall, and we’ll be up to our eyeballs in dead animals like those ones down there.”
“Free food for the T-Rexes? Oh no. As if there weren’t enough of that lot already. I mean, they’re so rough at times! They’re hooligans; they’re juvenile delinquents I tell you! And they’re dangerous, too. My friend Mick was mugged by them! You ought to have seen the crime scene, too. It took them three days to find his head.”
“Things have certainly gone to pot, I agree. In my day we didn’t have to worry about any of this global cooling nonsense. We wouldn’t have stood for it.”
“No, we would not have, would we? It’s all this new-fangled science that’s causing it.”
“But it’s the sciencers that are finding out about it!”
“Well, logically, since the act of observing changes the thing being observed, they’re now changing the natural world, aren’t they? We probably would have been alright until they started mucking about. Say, do you see that thing in the sky there?”
“What thing?”
“That brown smudge…”
“I’m sure it’s not anything important.”
“It’s getting bigger, too…”
Daniel Rhodes-Mumby
See if you can spot all the references! A prize shall be given to the first person to do so. :D
Admittedly that prize will be a fluffle and my utmost respect forever, but it's a prize, right?
Do tell me what you think; I meant it to be vaguely amusing.
A Conversation Between Two Dinosaurs
The dinosaurs looked glumly at the scene in front of them. It was the site of thousands of small creatures, each one incredibly vulnerable to the effects of even the most minor of changes.
Such as now.
“Look at ‘em all. All dyin’ like that. It’s pathetic, I tell you.”
“It’s nature.”
The first dinosaur to speak stared at the other.
“What?” it asked, noticing.
“Well, you said ‘it’s nature’. I was wondering why.”
“Well, it’s obvious, innit? I mean, it’s all the rage these days, dying out like that.”
“Why?”
“Well… It’s all this global cooling business, like these sciencers keep going on about.”
“Sciencers?”
“Don’t you ever keep up with the news? Sciencers. Them lot who practise science.”
The first dinosaur stared again at the second, as if in disbelief.
“What does it mean? Sciencers, I mean.”
“Well, it comes from ‘science’, doesn’t it? And ‘science’ comes from ‘sci’, which means, well, sci, and ‘ence’ comes from, er, ‘esness’. Sci-esness, you see?”
The first dinosaur considered this.
“No?” it suggested, looking confused.
“Do you even know what science is?”
“No.”
“I’ll tell you then. It’s basically, in a nutshell-“
“Science takes place in a nutshell? What’s a nutshell?”
“A nutshell is the shell of a nut, obviously.”
“What’s a nut?”
“It could either be you, or it’s a type of seed that hasn’t evolved yet.”
The first dinosaur considered this new bit of information.
“Ok.”
“Right. Now, as I said, science, basically, is all about going around thinking of them, um, ‘prisons’.”
“Prisons?”
“Those things that bend light.”
The first dinosaur looked at the other in utter disbelief.
“You what? Bend light? I’ve never heard such a stupid thing in all my life.”
The second dinosaur looked disapprovingly at the first.
“Look, Tom, are you listening or not?”
“I suppose so…”
“Good. Now, the point I’m trying to say is that them sciencers are blooming smart. Very smart. You know those T-Rex dinosaurs with them big heads but little brains? The sciencers are basically the opposite. They have quite small heads but big brains.”
The first dinosaur, Tom, kicked the dust below his feet morosely. The second dinosaur continued.
“Anyway, Tom, these sciencers have been studying things, and they think they know what’s happening to all the animals like this lot down here.”
“What do they think?”
“Well, you know all this new green stuff that’s been sprouting up everywhere?”
“You mean the same green stuff that’s always been around?”
The second dinosaur scowled.
“Well, yes, but all the same… Anyway, they think there’s more of it.”
“More of it? My word. What clever people, to notice that’s there more of it now. I shall have to give them a type of food, probably a small, round, brownish, crumbly thing that hasn’t been invented. They can dip it in their not-yet-evolved drink made from leaves.”
The second dinosaur looked at Tom suspiciously.
“Was that sarcasm?”
“No, no, not at all. You continue, by the way.”
“Hmmm… Well, anyway, apparently this green stuff, planets is the technical name for it, I think, well, there’s more of it than before. Now, they think that, basically, all these planets are sucking in some sort of gas – “
“Would it be from you, by any chance? Tess told me about you when you’ve been eating that veg – “
“Shut up, shut up! Just listen to me, alright? Anyway, they’re sucking in some sort of gas that keeps us warm. So as they do that everything’s getting colder.”
“And the consequences of that are?”
“Well, the sea level will probably start to fall, and we’ll be up to our eyeballs in dead animals like those ones down there.”
“Free food for the T-Rexes? Oh no. As if there weren’t enough of that lot already. I mean, they’re so rough at times! They’re hooligans; they’re juvenile delinquents I tell you! And they’re dangerous, too. My friend Mick was mugged by them! You ought to have seen the crime scene, too. It took them three days to find his head.”
“Things have certainly gone to pot, I agree. In my day we didn’t have to worry about any of this global cooling nonsense. We wouldn’t have stood for it.”
“No, we would not have, would we? It’s all this new-fangled science that’s causing it.”
“But it’s the sciencers that are finding out about it!”
“Well, logically, since the act of observing changes the thing being observed, they’re now changing the natural world, aren’t they? We probably would have been alright until they started mucking about. Say, do you see that thing in the sky there?”
“What thing?”
“That brown smudge…”
“I’m sure it’s not anything important.”
“It’s getting bigger, too…”
Daniel Rhodes-Mumby
See if you can spot all the references! A prize shall be given to the first person to do so. :D
Admittedly that prize will be a fluffle and my utmost respect forever, but it's a prize, right?