NationStates Jolt Archive

Most of us were raised in a household where respect was the one of the foremost things you learned. It was mandated that you respected your parents. It came either through positive reinforcement or it came through fear.

When we're young, we were expected to respect our parents but not to expect respect in return.

Things change and we grow older but does the hierarchy change? Do you still respect your parents? Do they respect you or did that all go to the dogs because there was too much of a clash between you and your folks?

I know I respect my dad and he in turn respects me. I don't respect my mother for a number of reasons and I know she doesn't respect me because she has shown it through her actions and words as I grew up and once I became an adult.

EDIT - sorry about the badly constructed poll, but I figured the first two options easily cover all parental types then the others are a little more specific.

The short answer is no, I don't respect them for reasons that I've covered before. I doubt they respect me, but I couldn't care less.

I've never respected my parents :confused:

Father: Abusive
Mother: Self-involved/drugs
Step-father:Abusive/drugs
Step-mother: Wingnut


On a lighter note, my grandfather is awesome.

I have more respect for my mother than my father but respect for both, and they have respect for me. It has always been that way, my mother let me make my own choices in life and allowed me to learn from my own mistakes. I was never forced to not do something as long as I did as I was asked (I was never told, but it was technically the same wasn't it?).

My father... sadly I don't think he ever really matured beyond high school. He did things similar to my mom but he was more detached and treid to be my buddy. Recently him and I have had a falling out over an ex lover of mine (he didn't think she was good enough for me, but he never thinks any of my girlfreinds are) I havn't seen him for more than a year.

i used to, but honestly due to their behaviour over the last 5 years or so i have lost a great deal of respect for them. i still love them obviously, but i tend to take everything they say with a pinch of salt and they wouldn't be my first port of call for advice on most issues.

Not only do I respect'em, I love'em, too!

I respect my mother for raising 3 children reasonably well, despite all efforts of my father to prevent that.
I don't have a shred of respect left for my father, who is an abusive, egocentric, schizophrenic asshole. To put it nicely.

Respect and love both of 'em.

I respect them more now than when I was a kid.

You can respect them, just doesn't mean you have to like them.

I respect my stepfather. I don't bother respecting my biological father cause he never bothered to be very involved in my life.

As for my mother...I respect her while I'm living in the house because it's pretty much not an option not to do so. As soon as I'm out of here I'll not be taking her calls too often.

I don't respect my parents, mostly because I have learned not to trust them.

There were a few adults in my life growing up that were mentors that I still respect to this day, but my parents weren't them.

I respect my mother for raising 3 children reasonably well, despite all efforts of my father to prevent that.
I don't have a shred of respect left for my father, who is an abusive, egocentric, schizophrenic asshole. To put it nicely.

everyone missed you while you were out living real life. ;) glad to see you.

everyone missed you while you were out living real life. ;) glad to see you.

Thanks, Smunkee. Real life can suck big time now and then ;)
Glad to be back, not just on NS, but in Ireland, and in my BF arms. Life doesn't seem so bleak here :)

my parents are both dead now but i respected both of them very much. they werent perfect parents (no one is) but they did their best and raised 7 children to responsible adulthood.

I respect my parents in some ways. For example, I respect their intelligence; they're both smart people.

However, I have no respect for my mother and little respect for my father as parents. They did a pretty awful job of that.

I have a great deal of respect - and love - for my mother and I feel that she respects me in return. For a time, I had little to no respect for my father - although I always loved him, but he has done a great deal to turn his life around - and I respect that. I do sometimes feel that I am actually more mature than he is - which isn't surprising given the nature of addiction and the fact that it can stunt emotional and intellectual growth.

I respect my mother because not only did she always have at least two jobs as she raised 3 kids on her own, but I think she always did her best to be fair and understanding as well.

Plus, while we were always very poor, she did what she could to give us a few luxuries here and there as a treat for not causing trouble (my brother not included).

I think my mother has some of the best judgement of anyone I know despite her having not having much education. Understanding and giving, she will help anyone she can in need if she has the means to.

My biological father, on the other hand, left my mother and took everything valuable that they had to gamble away when I was around 1/yo. He currently lives about 8 miles fromme I just found out when we both attended my grandmothers funeral. He is trying to get close to me I think but failing miserably. I feel bad for him, but I have no plans to become his friend.

Yes. They have earned my respect.

Respect is earned, not mandated.

I respect my parents for the simple reason that they have always treated me with respect. I also treat my children with respect. Sometimes they do not treat me with respect, but that's understandable, as they are not even in elementary/primary school. But when I point out to them that they are not 'being nice to me' and that I 'always try to be nice to them', they generally calm down and treat me with respect.

And that is one of my many tricks for raising kids without hitting them or yelling at them.

Respect is earned, not mandated.

While I agree, it was my experience that respect will be mandated when the parent believes the child has chosen not to respect the parent for any number of reasons, as with my mother.

I chose not to respect her because she hit me, only on a few occasions, and my step-father told me that I must respect my parents ("...and if your mother says jump, you say 'how high' and you don't talk back"). I was a teenager at the time and I hated the situation where I was forced to spend time with my miserable mother.

There are still people who do feel that status as an "adult" or "older person" automatically entitles them to respect from the younger generation. Or at least that what I've encountered with some people in my family and elsewhere.

My dad deserves no respect. MY poor mom cannot leave him because she has no stable job. :(

There are still people who do feel that status as an "adult" or "older person" automatically entitles them to respect from the younger generation. Or at least that what I've encountered with some people in my family and elsewhere.
Yeah, that's pretty much how my dad feels. Pretty strict on me being all respectful. I do respect them a lot, but the way he does things does get on my nerves a little at times. A friend of mine remarked that I am unusually polite to my dad compared to anyone else....

I love and respect my mother greatly. As for my father, "meh" is to put it nicely.

I respect my parents because they told me that Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner would get me if I didn't.

You always think you have lousy parents untill you see what other people have to deal with. But, we all have our problems don't we?

I respect them in that they work hard to provide for me and my brothers so that we'll always have what we need. However, when I do bad on some tests, my dad starts yelling at me that I'm a failure, a disappointment, and he wishes I was never born so that his life would be easier. Half of the conversations between my mom and her sisters is basically discussing all the flaws of kids. None of them want to hear it because they think it's bullshit and every time I walk by them, my mom starts to focus the conversation on me. So no I don't have all that much respect for them.

I respect them when they respect me.

I have always had a close relationship with my mother, and am the most like her out of all of my siblings. I respect her a lot, and love her dearly. She was the perfect example of a parent in my earlier years, but she is starting to be more authoritarian and controlling now more than ever.

My dad I never respected; we never had a relationship and he completely ruined any chances of creating one when he cornered me in my room and whipped me repeatedly with a belt despite my obvious screams of terror and pain. For that, I will never, ever, forget what he did to me and there is no possible way he can make it up to me, because physical abuse is one of the most heinous actions a parent can inflict upon their child.

That said, I hold a lot of animosity towards my parents, my dad more so, and I don't think I'll ever let them go, but hey I love both of them despite their wrongs, and will always have a relationship with my mom as long as she doesn't destroy what we have by beating me forcefully or something as equally heinous.

The only thing I respect my dad for is his love for me, and everything he has given me for no reason, and for the life I have because without him I wouldn't be in the fortunate situation I currently am in. For that I am grateful, but that gratefulness only goes so far, because he's still a grossly despicable and awful human being.

I deeply respect and love all three of my parents.

My mom has been there since I was born and has always taken care of my sister and me. Even though she seemed harsh when I was little (spankings and backhandings; I was difficult child), I have no doubt that this has made me a much more mature and disciplined individual.

My dad died when I was five, but from what little I remember of him (and the stories that people tell me) he was good man and father.

My step-dad (or future step-dad; they are getting married this summer but they have been together since a little while after my dad died) has had the difficult role of having to do his best to be a father to not only his own children (from a previous marriage), but for my sister and me as well. He has done an excellent job and I probably couldn't ask for anyone better.

Of course I do. I may not agree with them on much of anything, they may do wrong things(same as I).. but they are still my parents.. and I will always respect them. Respect doesn't mean you do what they say always. It means treating them with respect. And don't go into .. well if you don't do what they tell you to it's disrespectful. I'm 32.. it's a whole nother level when you are grown. You can go against their wishes but still respect them. When you do what is right for you(out from under their roof) and they don't like it, that's their problem. You cna go against them and still be respectful by not acting like an ass or rubbing it in their faces.. but really what I'm speaking of can't be taught.. it comes naturally.

Yes, and they respect me. Which does not mean that I am inclined to obey them, or them me.

That's basically the way it's been since I've been inclined to think for myself.

Unlike some people here, I have no horror stories regarding my parents.

They have always been supportive of my decisions, and have given me the freedom to do as I wish. We are very different people, yet we somehow tolerate one another. :p

They have also seen me through tough times, and put up with an amazing amount of bullshit on my part.

They are intelligent and interesting people, who have faced all the challenges that life has thrown at them without flinching.

I respect them both and all they have done for me. :)

For a second, I thought the thread was "Do You Respect Your Pants," and I was like "Hell Yeah, I do!" Then I reread it, and changed my mind. My parents are idiots. They're always fighting, but I'm their best line of communication, so they fight through me. My dad hardly ever wants to see me, and when he does, my mom gets hurt and acts betrayed. Yeah, he's an adulterer, but I still like to see him, 'cause he's my dad, and my new step family is pretty cool. But mum thinks I'm holding my father to different standards than her. That's what happens when you step up on to a moral high horse, mummy dearest. Not to mention my mom is a passive agressive people-pleaser and my father is a bigoted capitalist. How did they make me, a contraversial, left-wing artist type?

Both my parents are good, happy, successful people and I respect them both.

I respect my parents. I didn't always, especially when I was young. They weren't perfect people by any means and it would be easy to use those imperfections as justification for not respecting them.

But I grew up. I had children of my own. A large family just like my parents had to deal with. Those children became a series of difficult teenagers and needy young adults. I began to realize just how difficult a job my parents had.

Now I regret that they are both dead and I never had the chance to express the admiration and respect I feel for them.

My message to the youth of this forum who expressed no respect for their parents is this: Wait a couple of decades, wait until your own failings and inadequacies have manifested themselves, wait until you have children of your own who test your patience and parenting skills. Then rethink your feelings about your own parents.

My guess is you'll probably find that respect for them that eludes you now.

yeah, i respect them, they did some good things with their life, they're ok. and they don't demand discipline and stuff like that, or at least not a lot of it.

i very much respect and am proud of my parents. no matter how hard things have been they have never foregone their principles, and have always provided for me.

plus they have always respected me back

I left home when I was nine years of age (wow, that's half of my lifetime now!) and as expected, I'm never that close to my parents. But I do appreciate that my mother works extremely hard for us, so I usually accede to whatever she likes of me, however odd. As for my father... we've got lots of friction, all of us (the entire family!) sometimes hate him, but then, my country has no divorce. I'd think my parents would rather stay together for us than separate even if there is divorce here. The nine years I've been home, I'd never seen my father hurt my mother; and if they'd do have to argue, they didn't do it in front of us. But things are much more different, presumably because of their advancing age and our apparent maturity, that they started opening up their marital difficulties and problems to us...

Most of us were raised in a household where respect was the one of the foremost things you learned. It was mandated that you respected your parents. It came either through positive reinforcement or it came through fear.

When we're young, we were expected to respect our parents but not to expect respect in return.

That is absolutely NOT what I was taught. I grew up knowing that I deserved respect, including from my parents. I also knew that I was to show respect for all people.

The fact that my parents showed respect to me is probably the #1 reason I respect them as much as I do. They held themselves to a higher standard of behavior than they held me (which makes sense, since they were adults and I was a kid). They taught by example. They didn't do that bullshit "Do as I say, not as I do" thing that so many authoritarian parents do.

I respect my parents as parents, because I honestly don't think anybody could possibly have done a better job rearing me. I also respect my parents as individuals, because they are both people I would really love to know even if they weren't my parents. They are both accomplished, intelligent, and extremely interesting.

Rawk on, Ma and Pa Bottle!

I was raised to obey and to respect.

I totally respect and love both of my parents-since as early as I can remember.
They are the models of parents I hope to be as good for my children as they were for me.