Kolvokia
01-05-2007, 20:36
Please note- the following news story is entirely fictional, and pretty much made up on the spot. Neither the user Kolvokia, nor any puppets thereof can be held responsible if you ignore this disclaimer and make an ass of yourself.
TUESDAY, May 1 (Local Canadian National News)
Scientists in British Columbia today announced a startling discovery in the world of subatomic particles. Using recently developed calculations, they deducted the existence of an entirely new type of particle. This particle, called a Karmon, seems to confirm a number of superstitions found across cultures.
"Basically, the particle is attracted to living beings," said John Starr, one of the scientists responsible for the discovery. "It occurs when humans do anything really. But, basically, the really exciting part is how it affects probability. Basically, whatever you're doing when it's attracted to you- it increases the chance of something like that happening again. For example, if you hold the door open for someone, you're basically that much more likely to have a door held open for you."
The discovery has raised a number of questions about religion, probabilty, and subatomics.
"We never knew that this sort of thing was possible," said Starr, "But the math doesn't lie."
Others were more skeptical. The Reverend Robert Marley, for example, refuses to accept the particles' existance.
"There is no subatomic particle dictating what happens to me," he said, "My life is in the hands of God!"
The Vatican has yet to comment on the existence of the karmons.
TUESDAY, May 1 (Local Canadian National News)
Scientists in British Columbia today announced a startling discovery in the world of subatomic particles. Using recently developed calculations, they deducted the existence of an entirely new type of particle. This particle, called a Karmon, seems to confirm a number of superstitions found across cultures.
"Basically, the particle is attracted to living beings," said John Starr, one of the scientists responsible for the discovery. "It occurs when humans do anything really. But, basically, the really exciting part is how it affects probability. Basically, whatever you're doing when it's attracted to you- it increases the chance of something like that happening again. For example, if you hold the door open for someone, you're basically that much more likely to have a door held open for you."
The discovery has raised a number of questions about religion, probabilty, and subatomics.
"We never knew that this sort of thing was possible," said Starr, "But the math doesn't lie."
Others were more skeptical. The Reverend Robert Marley, for example, refuses to accept the particles' existance.
"There is no subatomic particle dictating what happens to me," he said, "My life is in the hands of God!"
The Vatican has yet to comment on the existence of the karmons.