NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?

Well I assume your either an Atheist or don't like them. Even If I am proud Christian, if your not interested in what they have to say. Politely tell them you are not interested. If they persist, then get angry. But, don't tell them they are straight out wrong.

Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?
I've never had the chance, and I think it'd be facinating. Given that I'm very familiar with Christian mythology, our discussions would revolve around the problems of postmodern skepticism of history, community and sensory data, and it'd be awesome to see how they deal with it.

Well I assume your either an Atheist or don't like them. Even If I am proud Christian, if your not interested in what they have to say. Politely tell them you are not interested. If they persist, then get angry. But, don't tell them they are straight out wrong.

I'm Agnostic, or Athiest if you want to get hard-core in your definitions. I had friends who were JW when I was a kid, and if they couldn't convince me, no one else is going to. I usually just accept their bible, and say thanks, I'll read it.

Were ya nekkid?

Were ya nekkid?

No, but perhaps I should be the second time around.

well my grandmothers a Jehovah witness which for some reason means they never knock on are door and not even my grandmother tries to convert me so I'd say get mob connections to the faith :)

as for the dating scene with Jesus squad, I'd say go celibate lest you try to seduce her with some phrase involving getting her number so you can talk in an hour of need ;)

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?

Unfortunately, yes. I told them I was happy in my current cult converting children to homosexualism. Worked like a charm.

No, but perhaps I should be the second time around.

That way you can say, "I have my own watchtower."

It also works for Mormons.

Unfortunately, yes. I told them I was happy in my current cult converting children into homosexualism. Worked like a charm.

Yup. I think that would do it. No one tried to 'save' you after that, I guess?

It varies from person to person. Some people just say they are content with their faith ("I'm Jewish." *SLAM*), others go out of their way to harass them, others say they'd love to talk but have to go to their Gay Satanist Wiccan Abortionist Pagan Muslim meeting, or they start trying to convert them to Satanism, or whatever.

"You gave a religious nut a roleplaying book?"
"Yeah, what could go wrong?"
"Umm..."
"All hail (some name), prince of darkness!"
-Dork Tower.

That way you can say, "I have my own watchtower."

It also works for Mormons.

Shit... I'm sure someone's said it before, but I just laughed like it was the first joke I ever heard.

But you gotta be careful round those Mormons. They might like it.

Yup. I think that would do it. No one tried to 'save' you after that, I guess?

Not where I live now, because you need a keycard and a code to get through the front door. Where I used to live before I would get regular visits from Mormons - I swear to their demented North American Jesus, every single one of them a US youth in his late teens dressed in a suit and barely spoke a single word of Swedish, rudely expecting you to converse with them in English, or rather the approximation thereof they used - who had apparently started a mission there. My neighbours and I would have fun with them, me hitting on the young men, my neighbours acting like US-hating communists, my other neighbours acting like Laestadians and throwing themselves into violent fits of liikutuksia... oh, good times.

That way you can say, "I have my own watchtower."

It also works for Mormons.

Maybe my dad could use that. He made the mistake of letting Mormons into the house about three months ago to talk about God. They are still calling him, last I heard, and trying to get him to come to the Mormon church in town. He just doesn't want to have to get angry at them to get them to leave him alone.

others say they'd love to talk but have to go to their Gay Satanist Wiccan Abortionist Pagan Muslim meeting,

Those meetings have gone sooo commercial ... and the nachos suck.

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?Handling these people is useless. They are already lost and have dropped out of the current human species (as they don't meet the second part of the designation homo sapiens). The best is to ignore them and make everyone you know ignore them. Same with Mormons, Scientologists, Jews, Protestants, Rastafarians,.

It varies from person to person. Some people just say they are content with their faith ("I'm Jewish." *SLAM*), others go out of their way to harass them, others say they'd love to talk but have to go to their Gay Satanist Wiccan Abortionist Pagan Muslim meeting, or they start trying to convert them to Satanism, or whatever.

"You gave a religious nut a roleplaying book?"
"Yeah, what could go wrong?"
"Umm..."
"All hail (some name), prince of darkness!"
-Dork Tower.

You know, I never thought of leaving my Dungeon Master's Guide lying around on the coffee table when they walk in. If they only knew that it damages social lives far more than souls...

Handling these people is useless. They are already lost and have dropped out of the current human species (as they don't meet the second part of the designation homo sapiens). The best is to ignore them and make everyone you know ignore them. Same with Mormons, Scientologists, Jews, Protestants, Rastafarians,.

I don't think you got what I meant by 'handled'.

I don't think you got what I meant by 'handled'.What have you meant?

I had Jehovah's witnesses come around two weeks ago. They were the same bunch that came last year. This time I was ready for them. I paced up and down, angrily pointing out all the flaws in the whole faith, not to mention pointing out similarities between them and cultists.

In the end though, they must have had me on ignore cause they steamed on with the usual pitch. I told them as much and said "bye".

What have you meant?

Well, think of the most entertaining way one could entice a pretty JW girl into going straight to Hell...

you can't scare them away, you can't reason with them, you can't talk them down with apologetics, and you really can't convert them to anything else.......mostly you just have to tell them to go away, and don't ever ever take one of their books or let them talk you into a "Bible study"........


I am just about fed up with the local kingdom hall, I have tried to get my address taken off their list of people to talk to, but it's not working....:(

you can't scare them away, you can't reason with them, you can't talk them down with apologetics, and you really can't convert them to anything else.......mostly you just have to tell them to go away, and don't ever ever take one of their books or let them talk you into a "Bible study"........


I am just about fed up with the local kingdom hall, I have tried to get my address taken off their list of people to talk to, but it's not working....:(

This is what I don't get about the JW bunch... don't they believe that there are a limited number of seats in heaven? If so, why are they trying so hard to fill up the seats?

Oh, it's quite easy. I just open the door and my Great Danes jump at them (because they're idiots and open the screen door) while barking and they literally RUN down the driveway screaming.

:D

Oh, it's quite easy. I just open the door and my Great Danes jump at them (because they're idiots and open the screen door) while barking and they literally RUN down the driveway screaming.

:D

My dog is a small cockapoo that pees if you get too close.

hmmmmmm.....

Well, think of the most entertaining way one could entice a pretty JW girl into going straight to Hell...Kill her? :D Anything else would be disgusting...

My dog is a small cockapoo that pees if you get too close.

hmmmmmm.....Yeah, not quite the same as three 4'5" tall dogs the size of a couch.

Kill her? :D Anything else would be disgusting...

Dear God Man! I'm no necrophiliac....

I would suggest dressing up as Darth Vader and then chasing them away with a 2x4.
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Or you could politely refuse...I mean...that's what I would do...

Dear God Man! I'm no necrophiliac....You see, not everyone is as driven by lower instincts as you. JWs won't get anywhere near me.

You see, not everyone is as driven by lower instincts as you. JWs won't get anywhere near me.

'Low' instincts? Nay, I am simply more attuned to my true nature. I consider it enlightened. I know that I won't be converted, but I'd certainly enjoy the opportunity to wreck her.. er... wreck it for her.

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?

Save the cute woman from their propaganda and convert her to a more sane version of Christianity like Lutheran or Catholic then marry her and bump her every knight.

Never had Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons visit me, despite there being a Mormon temple not far from here. However, I've had 80-year old Catholic nuns appear at my door, only to be greeted with me, shirtless, with shaving foam on my nipples and "****" scrawled on my forehead with a chunky black marker. I was also fairly hungover too, and looked it.

My Mom always tells them that she enjoys premarital sex,birthday parties and voting.... They're usually turning around after she says birthday parties.

Save the cute woman from their propaganda and convert her to a more sane version of Christianity like Lutheran or Catholic then marry her and bump her every knight.

Convert? Nah, just convince her to abandon faith altogether. I'm not religious enough for any sort of conversion to take place. And why would I want to marry someone gullible enough to fall for JW theology? I'm more than happy to liberate her of the nonsense, but then she can go about her business...

I would suggest dressing up as Darth Vader and then chasing them away with a 2x4. that's what I would do...

And we see kids, how with a little editing, we can turn a slightly amusing post into a very amusing post.

JW: We're Jehovah's Witnesses -
Me: It's spelled with a Y, not a J.

OR

Me: S'licha, ani lo omer anglit. L'hitraot.

A hamentashen (think of it as a cookie) to whoever translates that.

This is what I don't get about the JW bunch... don't they believe that there are a limited number of seats in heaven? If so, why are they trying so hard to fill up the seats?

Most JW's don't believe they're going to heaven--they believe they'll live forever on earth. Not all JW's are beyond hope--I was raised one and stayed one until I was 26. If you have any doctrinal questions, I can answer them. It's been 12 years, but I still remember the dogma pretty well.

Most JW's don't believe they're going to heaven--they believe they'll live forever on earth. Not all JW's are beyond hope--I was raised one and stayed one until I was 26. If you have any doctrinal questions, I can answer them. It's been 12 years, but I still remember the dogma pretty well.

You. Poor. Bastard.

Also: Is it true that JW has changed the date of the predicted apocalypse like 20 times?

Most JW's don't believe they're going to heaven--they believe they'll live forever on earth. Not all JW's are beyond hope--I was raised one and stayed one until I was 26. If you have any doctrinal questions, I can answer them. It's been 12 years, but I still remember the dogma pretty well.

Ah good point, I had forgotten about that. I've read enough literature, I should have known. I suppose it's the 'born-again' variety who cling to the limited seating in heaven bit?

When I was a kid, aged 10 to 12, I had two friends who were raised JW. They weren't always that way, the family had recently converted. I have memories of a good friend of mine crying and hugging me, claiming that he didn't want me to go to hell because I wasn't JW. I dunno. I know they mean well... These same friends had to leave the building when the Lord's Prayer was being announced on the intercom, and my teacher who was somewhat religious, would become incensed. This was in public school. Incidentally, a landmark case happened in the same city, only with a different pair of JW boys who were going through the same thing, that resulted in The Lord's Prayer being removed from public schools in Ontario. This was only in 1986 or 87'.

I have no problem with well-meaning JW types, as long as they get the message that I'm not going to buy into their dogma. I've had more persuasive arguments.

I once had two of them come to my house, I actually saw them come up the drive way, so I took off my shirt, got a can of beer in my hand, and I told my girlfriend at the time to act like my first cousin, they opened up the door, and I was like this. "Well hello thar! I see y'alls is one of those Witnessing type people! Well you guys caught me at the wrong time, I was about to drink this beer, have sex with my cousin *kisses gf* and then I was going to go out and play Dungeon and Dragon with my pals after a Klan meeting!" They ran faster than the road runner. Ahh it's fun to mess with people. :D

You. Poor. Bastard.

Also: Is it true that JW has changed the date of the predicted apocalypse like 20 times?Meh. It helped make me who I am and it gave me a shitload to write poetry about. If it ever wins a contest or gets accepted by a publisher, you'll have a good idea of who I am IRL. ;)

As for the apocalypse date bit, when I was a member, they were very careful not to set a specific date, but they did have a time frame. Suffice to say that they've been stretching it of late.

I recently recieved a booklet in the mail, titled "On The EDGE of TIME: THE FINAL MOVEMENTS OF PROPHECY" I skimmed through it because it is ridiculously long for junk mail.. It dealt with how Satan portrays God in a negative light to trick all of us, and how the end of the world is coming (soon, to an earth near you).

Here are some direct quotes to ponder:

"It will be declared that the nation is offending God by the violation of the Sunday-Sabbath, that this sin has brought calamaties, which will not cease until Sunday observance shall be strictly enforced..."

"spiritualism, which numbers its converts by hundreds of thousands, yea, by millions, which has made its way into scientific circles, which has invaded churches, and has found favor in legislative bodies, and even in the courts of kings,-- this mammoth deception is but a revival in a new disguise of the witchcraft condemned and prohibited of old."

I am pretty sure the JW sent this out.

The people who came to my door used the VA tech shootings as evidence of the world's coming apocalypse, and then proceeded to demonstrate passages from the bible that 'proved' it. (Rather, the older lady did so, while the younger one hung out in the background and looked apathetic.)

I recently recieved a booklet in the mail, titled "On The EDGE of TIME: THE FINAL MOVEMENTS OF PROPHECY" I skimmed through it because it is ridiculously long for junk mail.. It dealt with how Satan portrays God in a negative light to trick all of us, and how the end of the world is coming (soon, to an earth near you).

Here are some direct quotes to ponder:

"It will be declared that the nation is offending God by the violation of the Sunday-Sabbath, that this sin has brought calamaties, which will not cease until Sunday observance shall be strictly enforced..."

"spiritualism, which numbers its converts by hundreds of thousands, yea, by millions, which has made its way into scientific circles, which has invaded churches, and has found favor in legislative bodies, and even in the courts of kings,-- this mammoth deception is but a revival in a new disguise of the witchcraft condemned and prohibited of old."

I am pretty sure the JW sent this out.
Nah. The Witnesses are weird, but that's not their general schtick.

Naked has worked well for me in the past, along with a hopeful look quickly turning crestfallen and saying, "You're not the zookeeper."

One day, I want to answer the door dressed like Jesus with my wife dressed in leather s&m gear in the background. Then in that stunned pause, she'll say, "Hurry, the chocolate syrup is running!" to which I reply, "Coming, mother." and then shut the door.

Unfortunately, they don't visit me anymore. :(

Naked has worked well for me in the past, along with a hopeful look quickly turning crestfallen and saying, "You're not the zookeeper."

One day, I want to answer the door dressed like Jesus with my wife dressed in leather s&m gear in the background. Then in that stunned pause, she'll say, "Hurry, the chocolate syrup is running!" to which I reply, "Coming, mother." and then shut the door.

Unfortunately, they don't visit me anymore. :(

Can't you just pay a visit to the JW lair? Turnabout is fair play I say.

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?

I had a JW come to my house....this hot JW chick came to my house around Easter-ish and gave me a poster or pamphlet thing about Jesus dying for my sins...or something....later that day i went to the theatres and saw 300 everything else is a blur..300 was teh awesome

Nah. The Witnesses are weird, but that's not their general schtick.

A lot of the above posts mentioned how the JW talk about the end of the world, and since the focus of the booklet was on the coming of the end and the prophecy.. well, I could be wrong.

I was flipping through it again.. and wow, some of this stuff is funny.

"Bible prophecy will come to life as you study these beautifully illustrated, easy-to-follow guides."

"Rendezvous In Space: The second coming of Christ- how, when, where, and why?" I like how they put a question mark there.

"We are NOW standing ON THE EDGE OF TIME, and we must prepare ourselves for the last great conflict. May this book and the many FREE offers it contains help you to be ready is our prayer."

What? That last sentence doesn't even make sense...

If it's the Jehovah's Witnesses, tell 'em you're Mormon.

If it's the Mormons, tell 'em you're Jehovah's Witnesses.

Can't you just pay a visit to the JW lair? Turnabout is fair play I say.

Hmm... *rubs chin thoughtfully*

Hmm... *rubs chin thoughtfully*

Well, my holy work is done for the day. Amen folks!!

Well, my holy work is done for the day. Amen folks!!

There's nothing holy about what I am thinking. http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/teufel/devil-smiley-024.gif

trust me simply telling them Mormon doesn't work. Seeing as my whole family is Mormon and we still get visits from the Jehova's Witneses. My dad will either listen to what they have to say or simply tell them we aren't intrested.

It only happened once to me but I followed a associates advice and told them that some friends and I were setting up a bon fire in the backyard for some ritual sacrifices but that "someone' forgot to lock the cage and our virgins got away. "I'm pretty sure that you two would work just fine though."

I found the solution!

Start hearing them out, then, when you get to say anything, you start a train of thought about the house and then go:

"...oh, forget it. I never wanted to be a house owner, getting people at my doorstep all day long and for the weirdest reasons... I always wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK! LEAPING FROM TREE TO TREE as we float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! The larch! The fern! The mighty scots-pine! With my best beloved by my side! We'd sing! Sing! SING! I'm a lumberjack and I'm o-kay..."

And on until they left. If you manage to embrace one and hold them while you sing the whole bit, better. If you have someone close enough to do the chorus, even better. If not, you can do it.

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?

My grandad once invited a pair indoors and converted them to Catholicism - not that he was actually a believer himself :)

I live in a place full of churches of different flavours and used to get visits from one or other of them every couple of weeks. The only thing that gets you off their hit list is assuring them that you are a devout whatever-they're-not. If they think you're not a member of any church, they think you have a load of spare belief washing around (most religious people don't seem to get the concept of "no belief") that they must capture for their own church. Anyway, it worked for me - haven't been visited in six months, and am still happily atheist/agnostic.

I hear all these stories, but honestly, the JWs must be used to it at this point (poor bastards). I suspect that politely telling them to mind their own business is just as likely to make them go away as creating a demonic trap using burning bibles, inverted pentagrams, fake virgin sacrifices, gay porn magazines, and death metal is.

On the other hand, the second option might be funnier... Tough choice.

Some (Christian) friends of mine found a great way to make JWs go away.
They said: "We're so glad you're here - this is where our church meets. Would you like to come in and pray with us?"

Apparently JWs are not allowed to set foot in anyone else's church, so they have to leave.

I found the solution!

Start hearing them out, then, when you get to say anything, you start a train of thought about the house and then go:

"...oh, forget it. I never wanted to be a house owner, getting people at my doorstep all day long and for the weirdest reasons... I always wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK! LEAPING FROM TREE TO TREE as we float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! The larch! The fern! The mighty scots-pine! With my best beloved by my side! We'd sing! Sing! SING! I'm a lumberjack and I'm o-kay..."

And on until they left. If you manage to embrace one and hold them while you sing the whole bit, better. If you have someone close enough to do the chorus, even better. If not, you can do it.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/103/298997690_5a89380d99.jpg

Those people, the jehovas, suffer from insanity and belief in idiotic and false things.

Nothing wrong with explaining this to them if they come to your door.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/103/298997690_5a89380d99.jpg

I aim to please. :D

I notice that the overwhelming majority of people here are unable to link "Jehova's Witness" and "hot steamy sex" to eachother - even though that was what the OP was about ;)

Do realise that JWs always travel in pairs...

Those people, the jehovas, suffer from insanity and belief in idiotic and false things.

Nothing wrong with explaining this to them if they come to your door.

Yea, but they'll do the following.

1. Put their fingers in their ears and go "la la la la la la la"

2. Walk away and just decide that you can't be save and never see them again.

3. Decide that they shall do everything in their power to save you, and this won't be the last time you'll see them.

Luckily for me, my beer drinking Southern Redneck about to sleep with his first cousin before he goes to a Klan/Dungeon and Dragons meeting routine got me #2. :D

Yea, but they'll do the following.

1. Put their fingers in their ears and go "la la la la la la la"

2. Walk away and just decide that you can't be save and never see them again.

3. Decide that they shall do everything in their power to save you, and this won't be the last time you'll see them.

Luckily for me, my beer drinking Southern Redneck about to sleep with his first cousin before he goes to a Klan/Dungeon and Dragons meeting routine got me #2. :D

Yours is not bad either. :D

There's nothing holy about what I am thinking. http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/teufel/devil-smiley-024.gif

I demand a video record of the upcoming disaster zone.

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?

A simple "Thank you, but I'm not interested." and then shut the door in their faces. Works beautifully.

A simple "Thank you, but I'm not interested." and then shut the door in their faces. Works beautifully.

Well then maybe the British variety of 'Witness is more resilient than others, because before we moved house, we had a couple coming to our door every two weeks before we eventually moved house. My poor brother was the one that opened the door for them the first time they came, and apparently he had had a good discussion with them about religion. Of course he thought JW beliefs were inherently wrong (we are avid Dungeons and Dragons players and political activists) , but we're both very polite to folks like that.

Anyway, after he told them he wasn't interested, they left. And they kept on returning to "save his soul". I always managed to hide upstairs when they came. We only really gave them the slip when we moved house. I wonder if the ones we sold the house to have the same problem now.

So can anyone give me some serious advice on how to deal with them if they track us down?

I usually tell them that my father was a minister (truth) and that I have my own relationship with God (truth) and that I have my own understanding of the Bible that does not include what they believe (truth). They usually leave right after that. We even usually smile and are very polite and have no issues. Occasionally I get some amazingly persistant ones who want to show me where it says in the Bible that heaven doesn't exist and at the 'end' God's heavenly kingdom will pop up right here on earth in the middle of the Utah. Or something. That's when my eyebrows furrow. I can interrupt them and tell them that I'm not intersted, like I was talking to a door to door salesman, I usually accept any pamphlets they wanna give out if they're nice but I've not recieved any larger texts than that. Never hurts to read about and learn the beliefs of others.

So can anyone give me some serious advice on how to deal with them if they track us down?

You could always just say "not interested"

Or if you're feeling malicious, a "trespassers will be shot" sign outside your door does wonders. Or even better yet. Take their pictures, photoshop a wanted bounty of say $500 or so on it, and keep it on hand.

When they show up, take it out, making sure that it's visible to them and study it obviously. Shout out something towards the effect of "Hey (insert name here) , grab your gun. Payday's here."

I just don't answer any unexpected knocks at the door.

That way, the only problem I have is the fact that their knocking wakes me up. They always come at some idiot time when any sensible internet addict is asleep!
Just not responding at all is mundane, but it's effective. Plus I couldn't think up something funny to do after being woken up in the morning, anyway. And if I stay in bed, usually I can get back to sleep again before they even get back off the property.

I just don't answer the door. I highly doubt that the amount that claims to fuck with them is accurate.

I just don't answer the door. I highly doubt that the amount here that is claiming to fuck with them is accurate.

You doubt me?!? :mad:

Hell, I fuck with my mailman. :p

I just don't answer the door. I highly doubt that the amount that claims to fuck with them is accurate.

You don't answer the door? How can you tell they're 'Witnesses if you don't open the door?

Well then maybe the British variety of 'Witness is more resilient than others, because before we moved house, we had a couple coming to our door every two weeks before we eventually moved house. My poor brother was the one that opened the door for them the first time they came, and apparently he had had a good discussion with them about religion. Of course he thought JW beliefs were inherently wrong (we are avid Dungeons and Dragons players and political activists) , but we're both very polite to folks like that.

Anyway, after he told them he wasn't interested, they left. And they kept on returning to "save his soul". I always managed to hide upstairs when they came. We only really gave them the slip when we moved house. I wonder if the ones we sold the house to have the same problem now.

So can anyone give me some serious advice on how to deal with them if they track us down?

With a couple of the more persistent individuals it was necessary to call the blessings of the Great Goddess down on them. Black robes and pentacles scare the living daylights out of them.

You should have given them a copy of the Communist Manifesto.

You doubt me?!? :mad:

Hell, I fuck with my mailman. :p

And what does your wife have to say about that? :p

With a couple of the more persistent individuals it was necessary to call the blessings of the Great Goddess down on them. Black robes and pentacles scare the living daylights out of them.

Hmm... Interesting. Might wielding my Monster Manual and Dungeon Masters Guide at them help too?

Hmm... Interesting. Might wielding my Monster Manual and Dungeon Masters Guide at them help too?

Some of the most avid gamers I ever met were Jehovah's Witlesses ... I mean Witnesses. Although their alignment was generally conceded to be lawful stupid.

You don't answer the door? How can you tell they're 'Witnesses if you don't open the door?

They always come at godawful times of the day.
They often knock at the "other" door, the one no delivery person would bother walking up to.
Nobody worth talking to ever comes here unexpectedly!

And, if I bother to sneak a peek out the window...The "going by 2s" bit is a dead giveaway. But now I just stay in bed when they show up. It's been enough years that I know that AM knocking that's not a delivery always = JWs or Mormons.

As for how I know it's not a delivery, I don't get deliveries unless I've bought something. Plus, delivery trucks make a distinctive noise.

You doubt me?!? :mad:

Hell, I fuck with my mailman. :p

Oh no. I don't doubt you. ;)

You don't answer the door? How can you tell they're 'Witnesses if you don't open the door?

Doesn't have to be specifically them. The only people that knock at the door without my prior knowledge are Witnesses, Mormons, salesmen trying to sell mobile phone plans, etc.

Do you think if I went from door to door with lots of Capital book copies giving them out and preaching communism, that I would get a better or worst reception?

And what does your wife have to say about that? :p

"Don't get arrested again."

:D

They've never come to me. I kinda wish they would so I could fuck with them, but I probably wouldn't be able to think of anything good and just end up telling them to go away.

Do you think if I went from door to door with lots of Capital book copies giving them out and preaching communism, that I would get a better or worst reception?
I don't think you'd get very far carrying "lots of copies" of Das Kapital.

Do you think if I went from door to door with lots of Capital book copies giving them out and preaching communism, that I would get a better or worst reception?



The idea is to go to a JW's house and stand on their doorstep tring to convert them to <insert faith/-ism> to show them how I annoying they are. I did this once on a dare but the plan backfired when I was invited in for tea, and being English couldn't possibly refuse. The rest of the story is too horrible to retell as children could be reading this.

Another anecdote:

"Would you like to invite Jesus into your house?"
"Yes, but you can stay outside."
*SLAM*

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?


Heh I always invite them in to talk. Seeing the Bhudda and Ganesh statues, seeing photos of me in my turban, and checking out the verious religious text and pagan, neo-pagan, spirtual books on my bookcases tends to throw them a bit, and I offer them tea or coffe, and have at it.

Bloody great fun.

I remember when I worked in Greece the JWs used to hand out magazines giving advice on skin cancer to the tourists with a copy of watchtower tuck discreetly in between the pages.

You'd have thought they'd have had better things to do in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to.

"Would you like to invite Jesus into your house?"
"Yes, but you can stay outside."
*SLAM*

Smooth. :cool:

I'm not even sure if we have Jehovah's Witnesses here in Australia. Never seen one.

"Don't get arrested again."

:D

Does she ever go "Next time, post your own bail"?

Being a clown with indestructible gonads and an affinity for mud, I figure you can somehow accomplish that while behind bars.

This is what I don't get about the JW bunch... don't they believe that there are a limited number of seats in heaven? If so, why are they trying so hard to fill up the seats?

144,000 go to heaven to judge everyone with Jesus, the rest of the JW's go to the new Earth which is perfect, and everyone else dies and is just gone.

they are trying to convert you to live on the new Earth.

144,000 go to heaven to judge everyone with Jesus, the rest of the JW's go to the new Earth which is perfect, and everyone else dies and is just gone.

they are trying to convert you to live on the new Earth.

Will new earth have blackjack and hookers?

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute
Then you are forgiven.

Though this probably already has been said.:p

A person I know had JW ringing on her door every sunday at 7 a.m. In the end, she attached a sign to the door, reading "No Jehovah Witnesses allowed. Penalty, a blood tranfusion.".

I'm not saying it was polite, but it worked.

Will new earth have blackjack and hookers?

since the JW's are all legalistic about gambling and sex? prolly not.

In fact one of them told me I was going to hell (which to them doesn't mean much) unless I repented for kissing my daughter's knee when she skinned it.....(I may have accidentally gotten blood in my mouth)

since the JW's are all legalistic about gambling and sex? prolly not.

In fact one of them told me I was going to hell (which to them doesn't mean much) unless I repented for kissing my daughter's knee when she skinned it.....(I may have accidentally gotten blood in my mouth)

Then I'm gonna make my own New Earth, with blackjack, and hookers. And blood transfusions!

Then I'm gonna make my own New Earth, with blackjack, and hookers. And blood transfusions!
And a beervolcano and stripper factory, I hope?

And a beervolcano and stripper factory, I hope?

But of course. And some bigger hamsters with more stamina to power the Jolt servers.

In living in a house for 10 months I had 63 visits from religious groups.
with my 8 other housemates we made a list of things to drive them off.

-Two guys answer the door with a pair of Cowboy hats covering up. When they start talking about the end of the world, one says to the other:"Do we you think we'll have enough to time to invite Chris."
-Invite them in, have two people dress real white trash style and talk with the negative brain cell count accent, making out on the couch. every one else sits on the floor from any other furniture. When they try to sit, warn them off the chairs, don't give any reason, just keep them off the chairs.
After five minutes, have a girl come in, in revealing clothing, with a sausage hanging out of the fly on her jeans, have her rub the furniture with it. And whatever you do pretend its normal. They usually don't last long and it is laugh and half.
-Two Darth Vaders answer the door, sausage as above, but call it lightsabre.
-Special one for Scientology, highlight that scientology is based off the most inconsistent science-fiction saga, then launch into a monologue about the ways of the lost Jedi and how hubris will bring round another galactic empire, act sincere.

Way too many Churches where I lived

EDIT Wooooot!!! 100th

along with a hopeful look quickly turning crestfallen and saying, "You're not the zookeeper.":)

Unfortunately I'm living in an apartment now and I can't remember the ones we used to get when I was younger :(. I want a chance at talking to someone!

"Hi I'm ____ and this is my partner ____ we'd like to talk to you about..."
"No need to say any more boys, I've always said Indiana needs to join the 21st century and let ya'll get married. Come election day I'll vote that way!"


Then close the door. Only works with male pairs.

"Hi I'm ____ and this is my partner ____ we'd like to talk to you about..."
"No need to say any more boys, I've always said Indiana needs to join the 21st century and let ya'll get married. Come election day I'll vote that way!"


Then close the door. Only works with male pairs.

Or pairs of women, or a femine man and a woman, or a man and a masculine woman.

Or pairs of women, or a femine man and a woman, or a man and a masculine woman.

It's fun 'cause they get this horrified look, and it may make them rethink their standard recruitment spiel.

It's fun 'cause they get this horrified look, and it may make them rethink their standard recruitment spiel.

Or make them come out of the closet.

Or make them come out of the closet.

That'd be nice, seen some fairly hot ones. Shame about the whole religious nutter thing.

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?

Yes, it's even more fun to "handle" them when you're a Pentecostal, and you can argue back.

However, the people who are the most fun are Greenpeace people who are just asking for abuse.

They ask for money, and I say, "Hey! Aren't you the same people who took most of your group's money, bought a lot of boats, sailed out to the French nuclear testgrounds, and had all of them confiscated (and eventually sunk) by the French Navy?"

Most of them don't know this.

When it's revealed to them, I say, "Wow. I don't think I'm going to throw my money in a hole. How about I give my money to the Sierra Club, or the National Resources Defense Council?"

I've actually gotten Greenpeace members to quit on the spot.

Yes, it's even more fun to "handle" them when you're a Pentecostal, and you can argue back.

However, the people who are the most fun are Greenpeace people who are just asking for abuse.

They ask for money, and I say, "Hey! Aren't you the same people who took most of your group's money, bought a lot of boats, sailed out to the French nuclear testgrounds, and had all of them confiscated (and eventually sunk) by the French Navy?"

Most of them don't know this.

When it's revealed to them, I say, "Wow. I don't think I'm going to throw my money in a hole. How about I give my money to the Sierra Club, or the National Resources Defense Council?"

I've actually gotten Greenpeace members to quit on the spot.

I applaud you if this is true, and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

I applaud you if this is true, and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

July 9, 1995

Rainbow Warrior II sails toward Moruroa to protest French plans to resume testing. The boat is boarded by a team of French Navy commandos who lob tear gas, smash equipment and take the boat and crew into custody. The incident comes nearly ten years to the day French Secret Service agents blew up the original Rainbow Warrior in Auckland harbor, New Zealand and fuels international outrage against French testing.

What Greenpeace fails to recount is the nearly 100 ships that they had purchased and manned to accompany Rainbow Warrior II on this mission.

Most of them were sunk later by the French after their crews were arrested at sea.

What Greenpeace fails to recount is the nearly 100 ships that they had purchased and manned to accompany Rainbow Warrior II on this mission.

Most of them were sunk later by the French after their crews were arrested at sea.

I meant if it was true that you got them to quit on the spot.

I meant if it was true that you got them to quit on the spot.

Oh yes. Some of them were aghast at the idea that they were hoofing it all over the place to gather scraps of money that were then thrown away by their idiot leadership.

Oh yes. Some of them were aghast at the idea that they were hoofing it all over the place to gather scraps of money that were then thrown away by their idiot leadership.

You do realise that was 12 years ago right?
Any evidence of Greenpeace "throwing away" money within say... This millennium?

You do realise that was 12 years ago right?
Any evidence of Greenpeace "throwing away" money within say... This millennium?

They seem to be remarkably ineffective at spending their money compared to the NRDC.

Having a collection of a variety of religious propaganda in my house (Book of Mormon, copies of Watchtower, Catholic version of the Bible, the Witches Bible, etc.), I find it effective to invite them in, pull out the appropriate piece of "literature" (one in opposition to theirs) and proceed to try to convert them. Works especially well if you twitch occasionally and talk to the voices in your head.:D

How to handle Jehova's Witnesses? Easy.

Answer the door wearing only your underwear, preferably with a morning erection if you're male. Then proceed to look the witness who's the same sex as you in the eye and say in a most calm, quiet manner: "Sorry, I am homosexual and prefer not to mingle with religious groups who judge people without knowing them first".

If I ever see any of those knocking at my door, I swaer I'm doing it. Except maybe the morning wood part.

When I was still at home full time, we used to get visits from both the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormons. Usually Mom or Dad or whoever happened to answer the door would tell them that we already belong to a church, and they'd usually leave, after wishing us a nice day. As a matter of fact, I can't remember a time when they were persistant. Not to say that there wasn't...

Although I do like Skaladora's idea for handling them...:p

Does she ever go "Next time, post your own bail"?

Being a clown with indestructible gonads and an affinity for mud, I figure you can somehow accomplish that while behind bars.

She's a cop. :cool:

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?
polietly listen and then inform them that I get all my materials from my mother's friend.

There are some people who live near me who are rumored to be JWs, and supposedly some relatives of mine are also JWs. However nobody's tried to convert me or my family.

However I don't think JWs would come to my house, we are pretty out of the way even for a smal country town. Though if they did come, they wouldn't be very successful.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's Witnesses...
Dad: Piss off, we're not interested.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's witnesses...
Mom: Err... no thanks, we're Baptists.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk you you about Jehovah's Witnesses....
My younger sister: Umm... what...?

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's Witnesses...
Me: I'm an atheist...

Something tells me that I'd probably be the most successful.

There are some people who live near me who are rumored to be JWs, and supposedly some relatives of mine are also JWs. However nobody's tried to convert me or my family.

However I don't think JWs would come to my house, we are pretty out of the way even for a smal country town. Though if they did come, they wouldn't be very successful.



You'ld be surprised. I live way out in the sticks and they managed to find our house.

There are some people who live near me who are rumored to be JWs, and supposedly some relatives of mine are also JWs. However nobody's tried to convert me or my family.

However I don't think JWs would come to my house, we are pretty out of the way even for a smal country town. Though if they did come, they wouldn't be very successful.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's Witnesses...
Dad: Piss off, we're not interested.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's witnesses...
Mom: Err... no thanks, we're Baptists.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk you you about Jehovah's Witnesses....
My younger sister: Umm... what...?

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's Witnesses...
Me: I'm an atheist...

Something tells me that I'd probably be the most successful.

something tells me that your response will be the start of a long conversation. your parent's responses will be more successful.

now if your younger sister changes her response to nothing but "why"s... that would be most entertaining.

She's a cop. :cool:

So....that means an extra set of handcuffs? :p

How to handle Jehova's Witnesses? Easy.

Answer the door wearing only your underwear, preferably with a morning erection if you're male. Then proceed to look the witness who's the same sex as you in the eye and say in a most calm, quiet manner: "Sorry, I am homosexual and prefer not to mingle with religious groups who judge people without knowing them first".

If I ever see any of those knocking at my door, I swaer I'm doing it. Except maybe the morning wood part.

I actually have a friend who has greeted them at the door naked with his PA and his cock ring much in evidence. His standard greeting was "Hurry up, I'm busy."

So....that means an extra set of handcuffs? :p

Yep. And a strip search. *waggles eyebrows*

none of them door knock around here

I'm sure you've all been there. I'm far too polite. Instead of just telling them to go away, or sick my dog after them, I stand there and make polite conversation. I can't help but listen politely while they point out passages in the bible as 'proof' of the fact that we live in the end times. They offered me a bible and the chance to come around and speak again, and I politely accepted. Idiot.

Of course, it could be the fact that one girl was kinda cute, and I could tell that she realized I wouldn't be converted. But I would be tempted to take her away from the coveted few who get access to heaven...

How do you handle such people? Have you ever had the chance to 'handle' such people?

Maybe you should try to convert them to Pagan-Greek religion centered around worshiping Zeus?

Yep. And a strip search. *waggles eyebrows*

Before or after she sets fire to your eyebrows? :p

Last summer I had the chance of "handling" a Jehova's Witness in a very strange way.

I was hanging out in the beach with some friends, when an old lady (fully dressed, of course) approaches us with an image of Jesus in her hand (!).

Before we have time to say anything she started rambling about how "the good Lord will give this world only more five, maybe six years of existence..." and that we still had time to atone for our sins and stop the "devious" ways in wich the young live.Besides we should all go to the mass... everyday.

She thanked us for being so polite (i.e. for not saying a word) and went down the beach "spreading the word".

I could only think "what the f*ck?!". How can we take them seriously?

Peace

There are some people who live near me who are rumored to be JWs, and supposedly some relatives of mine are also JWs. However nobody's tried to convert me or my family.

However I don't think JWs would come to my house, we are pretty out of the way even for a smal country town. Though if they did come, they wouldn't be very successful.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's Witnesses...
Dad: Piss off, we're not interested.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's witnesses...
Mom: Err... no thanks, we're Baptists.

JW: Hi, we are here to talk you you about Jehovah's Witnesses....
My younger sister: Umm... what...?

JW: Hi, we are here to talk to you about Jehovah's Witnesses...
Me: I'm an atheist...

Something tells me that I'd probably be the most successful.

Nah, they'd just try harder to convert you. Tell them that you're the fifth incarnation of Christ.

Just tell them they're taking the lord's name in vain, if they don't spell it Jeh-va or something... :rolleyes:

This thing is still going? Damn... so far the JW crew hasn't made their way over yet. I'm crossing my fingers and throwing salt over my shoulder...

Never had one call.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y107/TP4CCCC/emo-noadd.gif

Last summer I had the chance of "handling" a Jehova's Witness in a very strange way.

I was hanging out in the beach with some friends, when an old lady (fully dressed, of course) approaches us with an image of Jesus in her hand (!).

Before we have time to say anything she started rambling about how "the good Lord will give this world only more five, maybe six years of existence..." and that we still had time to atone for our sins and stop the "devious" ways in wich the young live.Besides we should all go to the mass... everyday.

She thanked us for being so polite (i.e. for not saying a word) and went down the beach "spreading the word".

I could only think "what the f*ck?!". How can we take them seriously?

Peace
don't think that was a JW....