NationStates Jolt Archive

You receive an audible alert informing you that you have exactly two minutes to live. What do you say or do in those two minutes?

My first instinct is to drop everything I'm doing at the time and run screaming through the most public place I can shrieking, "Invisible Bees! Invisible Bees! AOOWWW Bees! Oh My God! Invisible Bees! AAHHH!! Oh My God! Oh My God! Invisible Bees! They're in every orifice! AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!" Until I drop dead.

Unless I can think of something better. :)

Blarg, I'm dead.

I'd run around an airport yelling "I have a bomb!"

I get a watch, run to a busy street corner, and as the time ticks away, at the last second, say "Ya know, your life can end this quick" then snap my fingers and die.

I'd run around an airport yelling "I have a bomb!"

You won a sig!

Even if from a n00b like me...

"Get the fuck over yourselves already."

You receive an audible alert informing you that you have exactly two minutes to live.Why an audible alert?

"Screw you guys, I'm going to the afterlife!"

Not that I believe in an afterlife, but I can't think of anything cleverer right now.

"Get the fuck over yourselves already."

Why an audible alert?

Because a visible alert of impending doom could easily be mistaken as a rerun of 'Dancing with The Stars'. *nod*

Because a visible alert of impending doom could easily be mistaken as a rerun of 'Dancing with The Stars'. *nod*Clever.

I was trying to find a better way of putting but basically I'd excuse myself and go into the bathroom and masturbate. Why not? I'm still wondering if I'd lock the door behind me, though.

[Spend 1 minute 50s getting to a public place.]
Shout: "If the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists, may he strike me dead this instant!"

That'll freak a few people out.

new dimension?

Run to the nearest busy street and say while out of breath, "exercising can't kill me." then fall over dead.

Clever.

I got a million of em. :cool:

I'd bet some guy his bag of chips that I'd die in 2 minutes.

"Yes officer, there's a madman telling people that they're about to die..."

Beers for everyone! On the house!

nothing

The Viet Cong are coming! They are everywhere!

nothing

Same here.

"You know a couple of seconds ago, I really needed a dump, not anymore. Ooh, safety."

I'd just get my tequila out of my car and start drinking. No need to say anything, really.

I got a million of em. :cool:I bet you do. :p

I'd bet some guy his bag of chips that I'd die in 2 minutes.Oooh, badly thought through. So you win and...?

I'd wait till nearly the end and then shout:

"The system is going down for shutdown NOW!"

I'd look as though I'd just figured something out and say, "Aaaah, DON'T push the red button!"

This Sucks. Then Die.

Vixit

I'd run outside to a public place and say "You know, they say going outside can kill you." :D

You receive an audible alert informing you that you have exactly two minutes to live. What do you say or do in those two minutes?

My first instinct is to drop everything I'm doing at the time and run screaming through the most public place I can shrieking, "Invisible Bees! Invisible Bees! AOOWWW Bees! Oh My God! Invisible Bees! AAHHH!! Oh My God! Oh My God! Invisible Bees! They're in every orifice! AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!" Until I drop dead.

Unless I can think of something better. :)

Hmph. I'd get some porn and fap. If I time it right, I'll jack off and kick the bucket at the same time.

Hmph. I'd get some porn and fap. If I time it right, I'll jack off and kick the bucket at the same time.

Would you really want people to find your corpse in that state?

Would you really want people to find your corpse in that state?

That depends on how big I get... what?

You receive an audible alert informing you that you have exactly two minutes to live. What do you say or do in those two minutes?I don't think I would believe it.
Though I suppose I'd clean up a bit, just in case. Make sure I'm not caught dead with things I wouldn't want to be caught dead in/with..

I'd go out in the middle of a busy street and say "THE WHOLE KIT AND KABOOTLE PLEASE!*acquires a large can of baked beans and eats it with 5 seconds to spare and rip the biggest fart of my life* Then fall over dead. ,,, Something to do with farting though.

"Damn it people, why do you hide the chocolate so well? I would really like a piece right about now! You see, I'm out of time, this noisy audible alarm went of... Yeah, you probably heard it too, it's hard to miss. Who in their right minds uses a mix of La Cucaracha and My Heart Will Go On sung by Celine Dion to mark a the approach of a sudden death? Surely this is the work of an evil mastermind! But I don't even know who! And how did he or she know? About the dying I mean? And not even saying how, I mean seriously, that's not very polite... POLITE! That was the word I was looking for earlier, but hah! Now it's all too late... I won't have the chance to use it fully as I was planning to do. Oh well, c'est la vie, n'est pas? And forget about learning french! That takes more than a minute. Why is this happening to me? I'm not Hugo! And I don't even look like him - I've never owned a poodle either, so I'm not the one you're looking for! Aaw, that reminds me of Star Wars, and I won't get the chance to watch it again nor smack George Lucas for being a putz with the new movies! He should have learned from the best! Metaphorically speaking, he was out in the woods having a picnic and inviting the ants to join him... Damn it!"

*Shakes fist at George Lucas*
*Dies*

Because a visible alert of impending doom could easily be mistaken as a rerun of 'Dancing with The Stars'. *nod*
:fluffle:

Being a Sunday afternoon, one could run into a church during mass and shout, "Jesus is back and you're all fucked!"

Then die. :)

Being a Sunday afternoon, one could run into a church during mass and shout, "Jesus is back and you're all fucked!"

Then die. :)

ROFLMAO! You win the thread!

*Gets back on feet*

"And for that matter, what sort of person makes such an audible warning includes a maniacal laugh? Not to mention sitting down and writing it? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head. Opera can do that to a man."

*Dies again*

ROFLMAO! You win the thread!

I just want to go knowing I left behind a legacy of social chaos. Of course, I have my children for that, but It's nice to hedge your bets. :)

*Gets back on feet*

"And for that matter, what sort of person makes such an audible warning includes a maniacal laugh? Not to mention sitting down and writing it? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head. Opera can do that to a man."

*Dies again*

You make me happy. :)

Being a Sunday afternoon, one could run into a church during mass and shout, "Jesus is back and you're all fucked!"

Then die. :)

lol.

To answer the question though, After making peace with my maker, I''d go raid the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader's locker room.

Being a Sunday afternoon, one could run into a church during mass and shout, "Jesus is back and you're all fucked!"

Then die. :)

ha if only but sadly it's monday here

Valar morghulis.

Translation: All men die.

Valar morghulis.

Translation: All men die.

What about the ladies? With the breasts?

I'd probably make a topic about it on NSG.

Find an excuse to say:

AHHHHH! ZE GOGGLES! ZEY DO NOTHINK!

I really really want those to be my last words.

Find an excuse to say:

AHHHHH! ZE GOGGLES! ZEY DO NOTHINK!

I really really want those to be my last words.

Simpsons. :)

I wouldn't say anything. I'd just go and helicopter someone.

I'm sure Urban Dictionary have a definition. :)

You receive an audible alert informing you that you have exactly two minutes to live. What do you say or do in those two minutes?

My first instinct is to drop everything I'm doing at the time and run screaming through the most public place I can shrieking, "Invisible Bees! Invisible Bees! AOOWWW Bees! Oh My God! Invisible Bees! AAHHH!! Oh My God! Oh My God! Invisible Bees! They're in every orifice! AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!" Until I drop dead.

Unless I can think of something better. :)

I'd run around screaming that either scientologists or baptists did and experiment that hurt in my head and that something went wrong until I died. At least my death will serve an honorable cause in sparking a bloody crusade against destructive cults.

I was trying to find a better way of putting but basically I'd excuse myself and go into the bathroom and masturbate. Why not? I'm still wondering if I'd lock the door behind me, though.
This is sort of like what I'd do, except I wouldn't waste time excusing myself or going to the bathroom. Really, what are the people around me going to do? Tackle me?

Realistically, however, I (and anyone else) would probably just start screaming and bawling while they crawled into the nearest corner.

Last words, eh?

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Would you really want people to find your corpse in that state?

My pants'd still be on.

tell everyone who I owe money too that i would pay them back everything, IN CASH, in one hour

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known."

Then I would die of unoriginality..

..and rightly so.

Your last words!Is that... a Klingon battle cruiser... ?? aaarrrggghhh!!! ...

You receive an audible alert informing you that you have exactly two minutes to live. What do you say or do in those two minutes?

My first instinct is to drop everything I'm doing at the time and run screaming through the most public place I can shrieking, "Invisible Bees! Invisible Bees! AOOWWW Bees! Oh My God! Invisible Bees! AAHHH!! Oh My God! Oh My God! Invisible Bees! They're in every orifice! AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!" Until I drop dead.

Unless I can think of something better. :)

ahahahhahahaha! you should totally do that! (in the event of your impending death being knowable i mean)

i think my last words in such an instance would be: "wait... what?... but i haven't finished yet..." followed by 1 minute and 45 seconds of trying to do all the things i can't possibly die without trying.

"Whoops!"

Another thing to do, quote Starwars:

If you strike me down now, I will become more powerful than you shall ever know!

And then drop over dead.

With a few seconds remaining, go up to Fred Phelps and yell, "May God strike me dead if Fred Phelps loves fags!"

With a few seconds remaining, go up to Fred Phelps and yell, "May God strike me dead if Fred Phelps loves fags!"

*puts a cookie and a medal of honor on your corpse and runs*

I know what I would want to do though. Buy truckload of Video games and thow them and Jack Thompson.

Then as the last few seconds of my life tick away, spin around in circles screaming Game over as a Fall over dead.

"I got away with it! They never suspected it was me who really..." *thud*

I'd probably make a topic about it on NSG.

Jolt freeze would deny you, and then you die

Or...

Someone would reply to which you have the wittiest, funniest response ever, but then you die.

Or...

Everyone would complain - 'typical Dinaverg, starts a post and then never follows up'

"What was that?" *shrug*

...

*dies*

[Spend 1 minute 50s getting to a public place.]
Shout: "If the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists, may he strike me dead this instant!"

That'll freak a few people out.

Best reply ever. :D

Oh, and another one. "Clear the internet history trail!"

I would begin repeating the Shema over and over, interspersing scientific phrases here and there. My final words would be:

Hear O Israel, the Lord is G-d, the Lord is One, and energy equals mass times the speed of light squared!

Jolt freeze would deny you, and then you die

Or...

Someone would reply to which you have the wittiest, funniest response ever, but then you die.

Or...

Everyone would complain - 'typical Dinaverg, starts a post and then never follows up'Or maybe he gets time warped and thus gains a few more minutes.... but then he dies.

Being a Sunday afternoon, one could run into a church during mass and shout, "Jesus is back and you're all fucked!"

Then die. :)

This is the best possible response to such a predicament that can be formulated by the human conscious.


You win life, Lunatic Goofballs:D

If I can think clearly

*buys and drinks starbucks coffee in front of many witnesses*

"Something tastes a little odd..."

*my parents=rich*

"oh Shit Son!"

I know I shouldn't have super sized that happy meal...*dies*

"Oh my god! Its all so clear now! The True Messiah who shall save us all is...!" *dies*

With a few seconds to spare. "Hey, dude, I just invented an immortality potion. Yeah, it really works. No, really. I'm not making that up. Watch, I'll drink it. OK? You convinced? Alright, here's yours. How does it taste? You'll live as long as I do. Wow, I sure feel grea-" *THUD*

"I am the Messiah! Follow what I have written!
To prove to you that I am and that I know all, I will tell you exactly when and where I will die...
here.
now.
ughh."

Oh my God, I'm not feeling well a fat woman sat on my face...*keels over and dies*

"Oh, my God! I'm going to die, and that guy..."(randomly point at some poor sod) "...did it!"

or

"Look out! That guy..." (again just a randomly pointed out guy) "...can kill you just by looking at you! Oh God! He's looking at me right now...."

OH NO SOME DANGEROUS CULT IS USING A VOODOO DOLL TO KILL ME HE MIGHT DO IT ANY SEC- *dies*

(and hopefully my death initiates a cleansing of dangerous cults)

"Run, someone just opened the arc of the covenant!"

"Excuse me for a moment. I've been invited to have gay sex with Jesus." *dies*

:)

While leaving a doctor's office or hospital:

"Man, that was a weird treatment. But I feel alright, it's probably nothing."

Shouted at a government building:

"You can't silence me! The people will know the truth and you'll have to kill me to stop me from talking!"

"Excuse me for a moment. I've been invited to have gay sex with Jesus." *dies*

:)

I hope you fully appreciate the irony when you meet Jesus and he says:

"Me? no, but after your last words I'd like you to meet my friend Mr. Lucifer..." *Lucifer drops pants*

:p

I wouldn't do anything either. To quote Jons from The Seventh Seal, I'd "feel, to the very end, the triumph of being alive."

I would run to a mall, or something with a lot of people and start screaming

THE DISEASE IS REAL! *dies*

im sure that would scare some people.
EDIY: forgot to add, on the last seconds i would start coughing.

Hmm.. This is tough.
I'm tossing up perhaps calling the girl I've always liked and confessing.

Or just taking my clothes off and go for a walk down the busiest street (would take maybe 40seconds to run there) while singing the national anthem.

Well, since "Soylent Green is people!" is taken, I'm gonna have to go with "Hey! Whats this button do?" , or as a last choice "I'll get you for this Batman!"

Hmm.. This is tough.
I'm tossing up perhaps calling the girl I've always liked and confessing.

Ack, no. That would either make your last two minutes: a) incredibly uncomfortable, as she says she doesn't feel the same way or b) incredibly frustrating, as she says she does. :p

"I'm sorry, but if the fascism in this resturant doesn't kill me, the food will."

"Hey, did I tell you that I'm a viral pathologist?"

"Gee, that was stupid."

"Oh yeah, by the way, I have herpasyphagonaids."

or

"watch this!"

"The End is Near! Repent Motherf---ers!"

"Oh."

Ack, no. That would either make your last two minutes: a) incredibly uncomfortable, as she says she doesn't feel the same way or b) incredibly frustrating, as she says she does. :p
If she says no, he could always reply, "Oh God! I'm so embarrassed I could just die!"
If she says yes, he can then go with, "Yippee! You've made me so happy I might just die for excitment!"

I hope you fully appreciate the irony when you meet Jesus and he says:

"Me? no, but after your last words I'd like you to meet my friend Mr. Lucifer..." *Lucifer drops pants*

:p

:eek:

:(

...


...might be fun.

:D

"So this is how I go, How boring"

Lucite hardening ... must end life in classic Lorne Green pose from "Battlestar Galactica." Best ... death ... ever!

(By the way, this is a puppet of Jordaxia cause I can't be bothered ressing it AGAIN and I'm probably just wandering through. All of this stuff in brackets isn't actually part of my final words though. Honest.)

Either that or NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then I'd plummet to my doom - though I'd time it so that I died half way down - since if I hit the ground before my time was up, I'd not die, cause my time wouldn't be up, and that would be freaking sore.

At the last 30 seconds I would get into a fist fight with someone and make it look like they killed me. :p :D

or I would use a time machine and go back in time and go up to everyone that I hate(d) and kick their ass!

"aw shit! Im gonna crap my pants soon!!" (you crap your pants after death)

Or "SHIT TOTALLY FORGOT.... IM INFECTIOUS" *dies in very very crowded place*

"Thank you, but your princess is in another castle"

Or:

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Or:

"Blasphemy is dangerous, watch: Shiva is a nappy headed ho!"

Or:

Not say anything and spend 2 mins waiting for jolt to load the new thread page.

[Spend 1 minute 50s getting to a public place.]
Shout: "If the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists, may he strike me dead this instant!"

That'll freak a few people out.

Great! :D :D

You receive an audible alert informing you that you have exactly two minutes to live. What do you say or do in those two minutes?

I tell everyone exactly what I think of them.

Or "SHIT TOTALLY FORGOT.... IM INFECTIOUS" *dies in very very crowded place*

Already done, sort of it. In the days of bird flu panic, whenever I sneezed or coughed in a crowded metro car, I said "what the hell, I knew I shouldn't eat that chicken at the Chinese restaurant, it was almost raw". Usually I found about 10 free seats afterwards.;)

My last words would definitely be:

- "Solong, suckers!"

I am, going to the ATM right now to get out $800 dollars, i might be back in 50 minutes.
*Actually is*

You make me happy. :)

*Staggers back onto feet*

"...when skies are gray? :p

Oh, and I will also take this opportunity to say gooooood morning Vietnam! Do you know that in less than an hour, the spammers from here will join others from around the world. And we will be launching the largest spamming battle in the history of forumkind. "Forumkind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today, seeing as how I just made it up. So it's no surprise really, that you haven't heard it before. Or used it. But sometimes it just happens - the words just come to you. They mostly come at night... mostly. Not always. But regardless of that you should know that we can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July... Don't interrupt me here, I'm on a roll and don't have much time so I'll ignore that it's more april / may than july. July sounds better. It rolls right off the tongue with an ease comparable to rolling a drunkard at Joe's Bar and Grill sometime in the wee hours of the morning. Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. There's always drunks hanging around... and hobos... and it's a dirty job but then again, who are you gonna call?

Where was I? Oh yes. I believe in this forum. NSG has made my post count what it is today. And I raised my fellow spammers in the generalite fashion. It gave them freedom, but taught them never to dishonor their 'board. So MTAE, you're nothing to me now. You're not a disturbed sibling, you're not a distant or passing friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you in the threads, I don't want you near my forum. When you see the mods, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand? Capiche? And other foreign words? The rest of us will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from bad spam and trolling. We are fighting for our right to spam the good spam. To exist. And should we win the day, the second of June will no longer be known as the Day of Cheese, but as the day the world declared in one post: "For justice, we must go to Lunatic Goofballs - not Golfballs, mind you! And we will not spam quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to spam on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate the day of the Sexy Generalites!

Damn it, my two minutes are up! Argh!"

*Dies yet again*

"Sweet..."

As I procede to load up a pistol.

I'd be pretty pissed about dying on a schedule, for no particular reason.
As to what I'd say, I've always liked the sound of "BANZAI!"

My last words would be very sad so I'm not going to bother to tell them.

I'd recite a Weebl and Bob episode, probably 'Pastry', ending with "Look out for the walrus!'.


Yes, I knew the name of the episode without looking it up.

I'd flip open my mobile phone and say: "If you are sure the transformer beam is fixed you can beam me up now Scotty. Hang on that donesn't feel right. Oooh I'm going all tingly. Scotty what have you done. Scotty!!! You fu......"
And drop dead.
:D

Or if I could find Fred Phelps I'd say "Fred Phelps has sex with men and loves it. May god strike me down if that aint so."

:D

Shouted at a government building:

"You can't silence me! The people will know the truth and you'll have to kill me to stop me from talking!"

^ Probably this. Or some variant thereof.

"The end is extremely fucking nigh!!"

I'd try to do 3 flick-flacks in a row.Then i'd try to break stones with my head.

Probably "Ow, crap" as I drop something on my foot while barricading my door shut. Awkward in life, awkward in death.

I'd go up to the nearest person I saw and say, "Hey, you know what really works?" http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/0/07/250px-Vulcannervepinch.jpg then I'd do my best to do that to myself.