NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, since the Democrats seem to like to start the election season early, why don't we. *Pause for groan*. Now this won't be an NSG election *Pause for sigh of relieves* but I would like to hear some of the campaign promises one would make if they were running for President, here's mine.

1. Revamp the tax system to the ideals of the Fair Tax.
2. Slash governmental powers and size (physical) by at least 50%.
3. Decentralize Federal Government.
4. Pull all forces out of the Middle East and make a proclimation that any terrorist attack will result in a nuclear bomb. To show that we're not kidding, eh Nuke Iran.
5. Gradually end dependency on foreign oil, and at the same time, introduce alternative fuels at a rapid rate.
6. Take surplus money from budget and start paying off debts.
7. Outlaw 'gun free' area.
8. Ban 'user fees' as a way to fund the FAA.
9. Get rid of electoral college.
10. Pull Government out of marriages, thus allowing gay marriage and what the hell, beastility marriage.
11. Make police fundings and Military funding top priority in budgets.
12. No more subsidizing the airline industry and Amtrak.
13. Make "Border Patrol" a part of the United States Army
14. Build two fences along the Mexico/US border, and have a Border Patrol road in between the two fence.
15. Give illegals 30 days to report to INS to properly apply for citizenship, any illegals who fail to do so after 30 days, deportation.
16. Make English the official language of the United States
17. Repeal the Patriot Act.
18. Companies who do not hire legal workers will be severely fined.
19. Medicaid and Medicare will be for legal citizens only, proof of citizenship (not drivers license) must be presented to receive service.
20. Start charging the UN for parking space, rents, and any other resources that they use up.

Now it's your turn!

my 2016 presidential campaign had a website in 1999

My policies

-Declare all our foreign debt forgiven. Nuke anyone who says otherwise.
-Nationalize the NFL. Change the rules of football so that the field is about three times the size, and each team has 100 people armed with chains, bottles and lead pipes. The only rule will be that one touchdown needs to be scored for victory.
-Make poverty punishable by death.
-Make it illegal for people with consonants in their names to hold office in Congress.
-Make use of smileys punishable by life sentence to hard labor.
-End the war on drugs, begin war on Ann Coulter.
-Nominate Ruffy for Supreme Court.
-Nuke Detroit. Simply because I keep getting stuck at the airport whenever I fly through there.
-Think of more policies

From one of the other times we did something like this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833869&postcount=45)

In essence: make the statist-capitalist power structure that I would lead commit suicide.

Okay, plus a few fun touches of my own.

It just occurred to me that I'm actually old enough to run for President now. Frightening, isn't it? I'm too hammered to actually put forth a platform now--you have no idea how much effort it's taking to make this post relatively error-free--but perhaps when I wake up...

From one of the other times we did something like this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833869&postcount=45)

I would vote for you in a heart beat. Thats pretty much the platform I would run on/would ideally vote for (save 36).

I would vote for you in a heart beat.

I don't know if I would vote for myself in a heartbeat.

size (physical)

How do you measure the government's physical size?

How do you measure the government's physical size?

total mass and volume of all buildings and vehicles and employees and such, i think

-End the war on drugs, begin war on Ann Coulter.

finally, a war we might actually win!

From one of the other times we did something like this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833869&postcount=45)

In essence: make the statist-capitalist power structure that I would lead commit suicide.

Okay, plus a few fun touches of my own.I'd launch a coup against your government with the military units that refused to disband and establish a fascist conservative dictatorship. Oh wait we kinda already got one in place so yeah I'd vote for you.

1. Make Jared Diamond my top advisor
2. Under his advice make farming illegal and force people to become hunter-gatherers
3.Create universal healthcare
4. Destroy the US
5. Love anarchy

I promise to support, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States of America, and to make you all laugh while doing so. :)

That's about it. *nod*

If elected, I promise to only lie when its convienient.

1. Make Jared Diamond my top advisor
2. Under his advice make farming illegal and force people to become hunter-gatherers

i don't think diamond is a primmie or advocating collapse

i don't think diamond is a primmie or advocating collapse

Probably true.
If you don't like Jared Diamond then how about Kirkpatrick Sale. He's nuts enough to agree to it.

Vote Rejis for chancellor (yes, not presedent)!
1. Repeal the Otto-Katalog (PARTIOTesque privacy violations)!
2. Repeal data retention in case it passed until the next elections
3. introduce a tax systm entirely based on sales tax, therefore eliminate any loopholes in the tax system.
4. remove the laws which say that the tax laws can be used for other purposes than get money from the state.
5. all research financed with tax money must be publically avialable under a free license...

I'm a member of the "decline to state" party, so I can't really state an exact list of fraudulent lies I have no intention of ever actually pursuing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_platform).

If I had to, I suppose I'd assert some interesting combination of various (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutualism_%28economic_theory%29) economic theory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wealth_Of_Nations)

The Petty Bourgeoisie Party, I suppose. (Translation: the "Reactionary Fascist Party" to you pinko-commie/human ant farm types, and the "Pinko Commie Party" to you "anarcho"-capitalist/social darwinist types. The various extremists consistantly remark upon their loathing of me, which means I'm right. QED. :D )

From one of the other times we did something like this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833869&postcount=45)

Normally, talk about "expropriation" would make me rather nervous. But a film (http://www.thetake.org/synopsis.php) I've seen recently has caused me to wonder about very specific cases, under very specific conditions and circumstances.

compulsory nudity for hot people. That way when I'm stuck (fully clothed) somewhere I can have something to look at.

compulsory nudity for hot people. That way when I'm stuck (fully clothed) somewhere I can have something to look at.

But what if people mock your tiny, tiny erection? No, I'm sorry I can't vote for you...

"there could be an evil, illegal-immigrant, axe-wealding, homosexual, anti-monarchy muslim terrorist under your bed!! VOTE TORY.... we're green now... and stuff. we have policies, honest..."

The campaign promises of H N Fiddlebottoms VIII, once heard can never be unheard. Instead, they shall ring forever in your ears with the sound of perfect integrity, moral vision and low fat-content.

1. I promise to have the Speaker of the House roll a 20-sided die every time a law is passed by Congress. Should she roll a 1, I shall shout "Critical failure!" and promptly veto the bill without even reading it.
2. I promise to help you move. Just call me up and say, "Fiddlebottoms, I just signed the lease for a new apartment and I need some help with this couch." I will, however, expect beer in payment for my help.
3. I promise to fight Big Lemon, the vast and powerful lobby that currently holds Washington in its foul grip of citrus-freshness, by working with congress to repeal all lemon related tariffs and subsidies.
4. I promise to fight Big Lemon, the vast and cross-eyed degenerate who lives on my floor and keeps shoving pamphlets under my door, by spreading vicious rumors that he is a pedophile and peeing in his laundry.
5. I promise to call the President of the EU on a nightly basis in order to request confirmation that her refrigerator is running. Should she reply in the affirmative, I shall alert her as to the need to go capture it. In order to prevent my calls from being blocked, I shall conduct this operation from pay phones scattered across the country.
6. I promise to not do those things that everyone else is against, unless one of those things happens to be one of my campaign promises, in which case I guess you're all just fucked.

Vote for me, and these six promises, like the six fingers on my left hand, shall curl together into a fist of public policy that shall strike down the old ladies of despair and seize from them the social security checks of prosperity.

Vote for me. You'd be in for a surprise!

1. Revamp the tax system to the ideals of the Fair Tax.
2. Slash governmental powers and size (physical) by at least 50%.
3. Decentralize Federal Government.
4. Pull all forces out of the Middle East and make a proclimation that any terrorist attack will result in a nuclear bomb. To show that we're not kidding, eh Nuke Iran.
5. Gradually end dependency on foreign oil, and at the same time, introduce alternative fuels at a rapid rate.
6. Take surplus money from budget and start paying off debts.
7. Outlaw 'gun free' area.
8. Ban 'user fees' as a way to fund the FAA.
9. Get rid of electoral college.
10. Pull Government out of marriages, thus allowing gay marriage and what the hell, beastility marriage.
11. Make police fundings and Military funding top priority in budgets.
12. No more subsidizing the airline industry and Amtrak.
13. Make "Border Patrol" a part of the United States Army
14. Build two fences along the Mexico/US border, and have a Border Patrol road in between the two fence.
15. Give illegals 30 days to report to INS to properly apply for citizenship, any illegals who fail to do so after 30 days, deportation.
16. Make English the official language of the United States
17. Repeal the Patriot Act.
18. Companies who do not hire legal workers will be severely fined.
19. Medicaid and Medicare will be for legal citizens only, proof of citizenship (not drivers license) must be presented to receive service.
20. Start charging the UN for parking space, rents, and any other resources that they use up.
1-4,7,15,20 I disagree with you on. I don't think you'd get my vote.

1. I would introduce many electoral reforms, such as moving election day to Sunday. Abolishing the electoral college. Opening the House of Representatives to proportional voting (by state at first). This is just first term stuff. Second term would see more reforms such as fully opening all of Congress to 435 or 437 seats of proportional representation. This will cause the falls of the two monopoly parties.
2. I would completely restart the American education system, which is in major disrepair. I'm not sure what exactly to say, but you're kids will like school more and will learn more and more important stuff.
3. I'd build a huge wall between Church and State, banning the Pledge of Allegiance notably.
4. I'd end corporate welfare and tax breaks to rich people who don't need it. I'd end most subsidies where not needed. (Airlines, Oil...) I'd put oil subsidies into alternative fuels.
5. I'd make goals to reduce emissions by 10% in 8 years. Fund more reasearch into alternative fuels and stop the corn ethanol reasearch in favor of sugar ethanol. I'd jumpstart nuclear power as a buffer to get our power supply off fossil fuels.
6. I'd guarantee minors more rights that they should have. Minors are essentially serfs. I'd also grant rights to all mammals, birds, reptiles, and fish at least. I don't mean voting rights, but they can't be abused as they are and killing any higher (MBRF) animal unlawfully would be considered a crime on par with killing a human. For example, if you run over someone's dog, you could see a few decades in jail for dogslaughter.
7. I'd limit states rights BS and legalize guns equally everywhere.
8. I'd have the FDA evaluate all legal and illegal drugs that are abused and determine which should be banned or unbanned.
9. I'd begin negotiations to split Iraq in three, while slowly returning troops home.
10. I'd take almost all troops abroad home and reduce active military size. Also, I'd have NATO and the UN unite so the UN can use more force to obtain objectives.
11. I'm getting tired of making campaign promises, so theres a good start.

Mah manifesto (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=517747).

Now it's your turn!
Vote for me and I'll give you interesting times.

slogan: REMEMBER!... You Asked For It!

yes, anyone who votes me as pres or VEEP... well deserves the leadership they get! :p

1) End illegal Mexican immigration by annexing Mexico.
2) Leave Iraq and let the sunni and shia fight over it.
3) Build a giant ziggurat who's base covers almost the entire state of Kansas. Perform human sacrifices on it.
4) Make our military wear those neat three cornered hats the US solders wore when fighting the British.
5) Make dueling legal.
6) Make drugs legal.
7) Make dueling on drugs mandatory.
8) Establish Navajo as the official language so no other countries can understand what we're saying. This would reduce the amount of espionage against us.
9) Wednesday night is officially Prince Spaghetti night.

1. Legalize Abortion in 1st and 2nd trimesters, no questions asked.
2. Legalize Abortion in 3rd trimester if mother or baby's life is in danger or the mother has an EXTREMELY good reason not to have the baby (Incest, rape, etc.)
3. Heavily restrict guns.
4. Outlaw the death penalty.
5. Decriminalize all drugs, free people in jail for possession or dealing.
6. Establish Universal Health Care.
7. Amend the Constitution so that it is illegal for the government to interfere in who people marry or sexual relationships (Between adults and adults, or teenagers and teenagers, or adults and teenagers close to each other in age, like 3 years or less. Not creepy stuff.)
8. Jack up income taxes for rich, lower them for the poor.
9. Greatly increase penalties for white-collar crime.
10. Cease production of nuclear bombs.
11. Begin production of fucking awesome orbital nuclear lasers.
12. Stop putting up with Saudi Arabia's bullshit.
13. Inform any country that if a United States citizen is arrested for a crime such as "lack of modesty" the United States will rescue that citizen, no matter what the authorities of that country say, even if we are allies. If the person is killed by a police officer or soldier of that country for such a crime, we will declare total war on that country and blast it to hell with our nuclear lasers. If killed by a citizen, we will throw that citizen in jail in OUR country, even if said country has no extradition treaty with us. Make it clear we aren't putting up with bullshit cultures of oppression anymore.
14. Tax religion.
15. Tax large corporations heavily.
16. Raise minimum wage, as it hasn't been keeping up with inflation.
17. Outlaw "At-will employment" where an employee can be fired at any time for any reason.
18. Remove the word "God" from the Pledge of Allegiance. Just to mess with people.
19. Inform all religious groups of any denomination that if they begin advocating extreme violence they will be charged with hate speech.
20. Require the VA to allow any symbol on veteran's tombstones for the religious section.
21. Increase veteran's benefits.
22. Slash the military budget.
23. Increase education and social welfare budgets.
24. Focus prisons heavily towards rehabilitation.
25. If a police officer or soldier commits a crime, the sentence is 5 years longer then normal.
26. Any government official found to be covering up a crime committed by a military organization or member will be charged as an accessory to the crime.
27. Make hypocrisy by a government official or large group (religions, corporations, etc.) punishable by a fine of up to $500,000.
28. Break up the recording and movie monopolies.
29. Ban insane protections put on CDs and DVDs.
30. Requiring the RIAA and MPAA to prove that anyone charged with downloading music individually heavily affected their bottom line.
31. Ban smoking in establishments which are exclusively restaurants, but not in restaurants with bars.
32. Declare Pub Food the official cuisine of America.
33. Change our national anthem from "The Star-Spangled Banner" to a song more reflecting our proud heritage fighting against the oppressive British. You guessed it, our new national anthem will be "God Save the Queen" by the Sex Pistols.
EDIT: 34. Abolish Electoral college.

- Nuke Europe.
- Nuke Russia.
- Nuke the Middle East and turn it into a mirror for the people in space.
- Conquer Mexico.
- Use Mexicans to destroy Canada.
- Give Centeral and South America back to the Native folks.
- Nuke Centeral and South America.
- Conquer Carribean and let pirates have free reign in it.
- Nuke the pirates.
- Nuke the whales.
- Nuke Africa.
- Force Chinese to build railroad around the world.
- Force Japan to conquer China ... again.
- Nuke Japan and China. (except for the hotties)
- Learn how to build igloo from Innuits. (can you believe that, that's what they're calling Eskimos now)
- Increase Global Warming to kill the Eskimos.
- Genetically recreate a dinosaur and train him to ride on a ball.
- Figure out how to actually flush a Koran down a toilet.
- Die from bordem because there is nothing left to kill and nuke.

Punch #46783.98 on your paper when you go to vote this fall!

1. Free will is irritating. If I win I'll support the American who's to lazy to vote by stripping free will from everyone.
2. Civil Disobedience is a slim rationalization for a crime, anyone commiting an a crime and then claiming "Civ Disobedience" will be executed.
3. The constitution is getting in the way of making laws, and its on the way out. Therefore, I'll abolish the constitution.
4. Lastly, since everyone loves the lottery, if you vote for me you get a free lottery ticket. Winners will be announced on the day of my inaguration, also you'll get a free pie.