NationStates Jolt Archive

One of my best and closest friends is Anorexic.

She told me about four years ago, and at times has been very open about being anorexic - such as calling herself an 'ana-angel' on her MSN screenname.

She goes up and down, between fighting it and relishing in it. Somethimes she will comment that she feels good she is eating healthily, other times she will talk about how she can see some of her bones and how she is really happy with that and just wants to loose a bit more weight until she can see another two ribs and more cleary defined collarbones.

When we go to dinner sometimes she eats, sometimes she eats very little. But I also know she sometimes makes herself throw up, so I do not know if she is just eating to look like she is eating or if she actually keeps it down.

I have always provided support while trying to be open to whatever she has to say and advice when I have it.


Today I was burning time on YouTube and saw a 'thinspiration' video. It really shocked me. I spent the next few hours going through pro-ana videos and videos by anorexics. I think for the first time I started to really understand the motivation behind anorexia, and realised how much of a suport network there is for girls trying to be anorexic in the 'ana' community.

I was so shocked by the videos, and by the attitude behond the making of them and the strength of the message they convey. Many have a mantra or messages of encouragement throughout that are very powerful. I have made similar devices for myself in the past for motivation when I have been training for athletic events to help me through the pain and effort required, and they work - you would have needed to have broken both my arms and legs to have gotten me to stop, and even then I would probably have just gone onto situps to keep my abdomen in shape while my limbs recovered. And it is this level of motivation that I now realise my friend has when she is persuing her illness rather than fighting it.

I have no idea how to counter it.

I don't know how to help.

If anyone has fought anorexia, or is fighting it, or has helped someone through it I would really like some advice on what I can do.

I don't want her to die.

anorexia is tough stuff, there isn't really much that you can do to help your friend, she has to want help, and that's not easy right in the middle of things....

when you have a drive to do something it's easy to rationalize to yourself, especially if that drive is to do something that you intellectually know is harmful, you lie to yourself to get through it, and one day you start to believe the lies, and it gets frustrating to be around people who don't. Every once in a while when she has a moment of clarity and really wants help, you can be there to encourage her and support her, but other than that, all you can really do is pray and hope that her moments of clarity come more often.

Do her parents know about her anorexia? how old is she? is there any way that they may be able to force her into treatment? not that the treatment will def. work when she is forced, but if she happens to have one of her "I hate anorexia" moments at the same time it might be a catalyst for her to get some real help.

anorexia is tough stuff, there isn't really much that you can do to help your friend, she has to want help, and that's not easy right in the middle of things....

when you have a drive to do something it's easy to rationalize to yourself, especially if that drive is to do something that you intellectually know is harmful, you lie to yourself to get through it, and one day you start to believe the lies, and it gets frustrating to be around people who don't. Every once in a while when she has a moment of clarity and really wants help, you can be there to encourage her and support her, but other than that, all you can really do is pray and hope that her moments of clarity come more often.

Do her parents know about her anorexia? how old is she? is there any way that they may be able to force her into treatment? not that the treatment will def. work when she is forced, but if she happens to have one of her "I hate anorexia" moments at the same time it might be a catalyst for her to get some real help.

She is 25, I have known her for about 5 years but know she has been with this for about 10 years.

I think her mum is of a similar view - she has commented that her mother thinks she is fat sometimes, her mother is also very very skinney. So parents might not be the best source of help here.

I should probably also say she talks about suicide more often than I like, that she has contemplated it and that she sometimes sees little point in living. So I don't think death will even scare her from anorexia.

The worst thing is that I hate to see this to such an amazing person, she has represented her country in international sport, won places at some of the best universities in the world, gotten a first class degree and an amazing job afterwards and does charity work on weekends, she is physically beautiful when she is going through a good patch and is overall a great person. And she is destroying herself.

I've thrown up to make weight for wrestling. Even still after eating a big meal I feel like I need to.

Just saw the youtube video. Some of the stuff like "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." really was disturbing.

She is 25, I have known her for about 5 years but know she has been with this for about 10 years.

I think her mum is of a similar view - she has commented that her mother thinks she is fat sometimes, her mother is also very very skinney. So parents might not be the best source of help here.

I should probably also say she talks about suicide more often than I like, that she has contemplated it and that she sometimes sees little point in living. So I don't think death will even scare her from anorexia.

The worst thing is that I hate to see this to such an amazing person, she has represented her country in international sport, won places at some of the best universities in the world, gotten a first class degree and an amazing job afterwards and does charity work on weekends, she is physically beautiful when she is going through a good patch and is overall a great person. And she is destroying herself.

there is a disconnect when you are hurting yourself, see your mind is set up to survive, but you can rationalize things so that you can at least quiet down that big voice in there that says things like "take care of yourself" and "eat"...but it never goes away and by the time you are so entrenched in the lies that what you are doing is okay, acceptable or even good for you, that voice starts to get really loud, and then you feel like you are defective, and it's pretty depressing, suicide seems like an okay alternative to living in so much pain.

I know you want to help her, and believe me she really really is lucky that someone cares, but this isn't something you can pull her out of. Her brain does not work like yours. Next time she is suicidal see if you can talk her into going to the hospital, they will probably put her on suicide hold for a few days, it's not so bad, really. She will be exposed to people who are willing to help her no matter how bad she thinks she is, and you can encourage her through it, tell her how happy you are that she is getting help, and how wonderful a person she is, etc.

If all else fails (and I mean everything else) you might get all her friends together and attempt an intervention, she will be very pissed off at you for a while, whether or not she lets on, but she might actually get help, and that's all you can really hope for, is her to have some sort of drive to seek help at some point.

Call a treatment clinic and ask for advice. You need the help of someone who's trained to handle this.