NationStates Jolt Archive

As the creator I should point out that there are at least three different types of Scotsman. The first is slightly wild and always up for a party. The second is debonair, cultured, brilliant and witty. Of the third, however, it can be said that the mist has entered into his soul. A dour, flinty-hearted, miserable Scottish minge-bag. It was this type that P.G. Wodehouse had in mind when he wrote, 'It has never been hard to tell the difference between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.' Into this category falls my former boss Mr. McTaggart, the most evil man ever to deny an expense claim, and I suspect your boss as well, and also the British Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown.

There are various theories as to what exactly makes this sort of Scot so embittered and joyless. Some indeed blame the weather and the unforgiving terrain, some the austere pieties of the Kirk, some the bagpipe music, an unholy dirge which curdles the souls of those weaned on it and forever squashes any possibility of happiness.

Personally, I blame British war films, and an actor named Gordon Jackson. In old British war movies there was always a token Scotsman, imaginatively named Jock, played by Gordon Jackson. He would be teamed up with either a chirpy Cockney wide-boy named Tommy or a dashing upper-class officer named Rupert Spencer-Fotheringay. While the feckless Englishman would laugh and booze and chase wenches with no thought for the morrow, cautious, thrifty mother's boy Gordon Jackson would abide by the King's Regulations, get an early night and save his pay, and dream modest dreams of slow, steady self-improvement. While Tommy would loot French bistros, Jock would talk about taking night-school classes after the war and making something of himself. While Rupert slurped champagne off barmaids, Gordon Jackson would shyly propose marriage to his sweetheart and indulge in touchingly humble plans for the future: 'Aye, Elsie, we'll have to scrimp and save, but we'll get by. One day we'll have our own wee hoose with a wee back yard, and maybe a rabbit in a hutch, aye, I've always fancied a rabbit. And maybe, one day, an indoor toilet in the hoose, for I'm that sick of shitting in the heather.' Of course, this being a war film, planning for the future is foolish and fatal, and by the final reel he has been killed by Germans while the happy-go-lucky Englishman gets by without a scratch. The cosmic unfairness of this rankles with many Scots and turns them sour. On some deep level, every thrifty Scotsman believes he will be punished for his thriftiness and work-ethic by being killed by Germans.

Try this experiment. The next time your dour Scottish boss does something particularly mean, stingy or overcautious, glance out of the window and say, 'My, how unusual, a Messerschmitt.' Something deep in his soul will respond and he will jump three feet and say, 'Och, I'm a goner, Tommy, Elsie, Elsie, the rabbits, why?'

Scots: the final frontier for ethnic humour remaining on the planet.

"Hoose"

Tee-hee

Scots: the final frontier for ethnic humour remaining on the planet.

Praise be to the thumbtacks that they've already been grievanced out!

Scots: the final frontier for ethnic humour remaining on the planet.

Well, if you make fun of other ethnicities, it either isn't funny at all (Old WW II movies of Canadian misfits drinking Canadian whisky just isn't funny), or the people being made fun of fail to see the humor, and want to kill you (no cartoons of the Prophet, or we'll riot in the streets!).

So the dour Scots will have to do.

I would make fun of the English, with their old boy network and stiff upper lip, but that isn't funny, either.

I like making fun of the Amish because they'll never find out. :)

I like making fun of the Amish because they'll never find out. :)

Ah, but as simple as the Amish may be, they haven't stooped to shitting in the heather.

Ah, but as simple as the Amish may be, they haven't stooped to shitting in the heather.

How do you know? I have. :)

How do you know? I have. :)

It's probably true that Scotsmen acquired outhouses well after the Amish did. And indoor plumbing long after that luxury appeared in Yorkshire.

Scots: the final frontier for ethnic humour remaining on the planet.

i thought that was the welsh.

*is scottish*

*shakes fist at cruel world*

:p

You're doomed, I tell you. Doomed.

You're supposed to call him "Jock". All Scotsmen are called "Jock".

See? Here's another dour Scotsman.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jock_Stirrup

That's a grand name, that is.

This thread is doomed, I tell you. Doomed.

Doomed! We're all Doomed!

Ah, but if you're the Englishman in this movie, you'll be safe and sound when all is o'er.

Doomed! We're all Doomed!

You're supposed to call him "Jock". All Scotsmen are called "Jock".

It is even better if you call them Taffy. It's like intentionally getting their name wrong.

Ah, but if you're the Englishman in this movie, you'll be safe and sound when all is o'er.

Dickie Attenborough....

As the creator I should point out that there are at least three different types of Scotsman. The first is slightly wild and always up for a party. The second is debonair, cultured, brilliant and witty. Of the third, however, it can be said that the mist has entered into his soul. A dour, flinty-hearted, miserable Scottish minge-bag. It was this type that P.G. Wodehouse had in mind when he wrote, 'It has never been hard to tell the difference between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.' Into this category falls my former boss Mr. McTaggart, the most evil man ever to deny an expense claim, and I suspect your boss as well, and also the British Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown.

There are various theories as to what exactly makes this sort of Scot so embittered and joyless. Some indeed blame the weather and the unforgiving terrain, some the austere pieties of the Kirk, some the bagpipe music, an unholy dirge which curdles the souls of those weaned on it and forever squashes any possibility of happiness.

Personally, I blame British war films, and an actor named Gordon Jackson. In old British war movies there was always a token Scotsman, imaginatively named Jock, played by Gordon Jackson. He would be teamed up with either a chirpy Cockney wide-boy named Tommy or a dashing upper-class officer named Rupert Spencer-Fotheringay. While the feckless Englishman would laugh and booze and chase wenches with no thought for the morrow, cautious, thrifty mother's boy Gordon Jackson would abide by the King's Regulations, get an early night and save his pay, and dream modest dreams of slow, steady self-improvement. While Tommy would loot French bistros, Jock would talk about taking night-school classes after the war and making something of himself. While Rupert slurped champagne off barmaids, Gordon Jackson would shyly propose marriage to his sweetheart and indulge in touchingly humble plans for the future: 'Aye, Elsie, we'll have to scrimp and save, but we'll get by. One day we'll have our own wee hoose with a wee back yard, and maybe a rabbit in a hutch, aye, I've always fancied a rabbit. And maybe, one day, an indoor toilet in the hoose, for I'm that sick of shitting in the heather.' Of course, this being a war film, planning for the future is foolish and fatal, and by the final reel he has been killed by Germans while the happy-go-lucky Englishman gets by without a scratch. The cosmic unfairness of this rankles with many Scots and turns them sour. On some deep level, every thrifty Scotsman believes he will be punished for his thriftiness and work-ethic by being killed by Germans.

Try this experiment. The next time your dour Scottish boss does something particularly mean, stingy or overcautious, glance out of the window and say, 'My, how unusual, a Messerschmitt.' Something deep in his soul will respond and he will jump three feet and say, 'Och, I'm a goner, Tommy, Elsie, Elsie, the rabbits, why?'

Would you mind crediting the source (http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/scots.htm) of your copy&paste spam next time?

Would you mind crediting the source (http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/scots.htm) of your copy&paste spam next time?

oh dear! And here I was thinking it was all the OP's own work...

Would you mind crediting the source (http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/scots.htm) of your copy&paste spam next time?

Would you mind having a sense of humor next time?

It's not like we were discussing a serious topic.

Would you mind having a sense of humor next time?

It's not like we were discussing a serious topic.

Its not the sense of humour thing....its the plagiarism thing that is annoying...

Its not the sense of humour thing....its the plagiarism thing that is annoying...

Well, I got it here:

http://forums.contology.com/index.php?automodule=blog&blogid=3&

Not where someone else said I got it.

Its not the sense of humour thing....its the plagiarism thing that is annoying...In that he's doing it or in that I'm peeved by it? If the former - totally. If the latter - are you nuts? :mad: :p

In that he's doing it or in that I'm peeved by it? If the former - totally. If the latter - are you nuts? :mad: :p

Oh, we thought you were peeved. Otherwise, you wouldn't have posted so angrily.

Well, I got it here:

http://forums.contology.com/index.php?automodule=blog&blogid=3&

Not where someone else said I got it.

:thumbsup:

See? Because that guy didn't credit his source either you were left to copy his text word for word instead of copying right from the master. Kids these days.

Hey, I looked around on Google and couldn't find it.

Well, I got it here:

http://forums.contology.com/index.php?automodule=blog&blogid=3&

Not where someone else said I got it.See? Because that guy didn't credit his source either you were left to copy his text word for word instead of copying right from the master. Kids these days.

In that he's doing it or in that I'm peeved by it? If the former - totally. If the latter - are you nuts? :mad: :p

Of course I'm nuts....not only am I a manager....I also work in IT...!

Kill me now.

Oh, we thought you were peeved. Otherwise, you wouldn't have posted so angrily.Oh, I was peeved. I meant he would be nuts if he was annoyed by me being peeved. [/complicated]

See? Here's another dour Scotsman.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jock_Stirrup

That's a grand name, that is.
Made all the better because his real name is Graham Eric Stirrup, but everyone calls him Jock. :p

Of course I'm nuts....not only am I a manager....I also work in IT...!

Kill me now.

a slow death or a fast death :p

I've always wanted to be invited into a scotsman's home and then tell him I saw a mouse, just so I can here him scream, "Och! There's a moose loose aboot this hoose!"

a slow death or a fast death :p

Death by VoIP :(

Death by VoIP :(

dam

dam

Yeah. Thats what I've been dealing with the last week. Hence not posting.

Oh god I could rant! LOL

Doomed! We're all Doomed!

DAD'S ARMY!
My favourite TV show on the planet...

DAD'S ARMY!
My favourite TV show on the planet...

Actually Bodies got there first by 2 minutes...

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12526242&postcount=13

bugger LOL

Actually Bodies got there first by 2 minutes...

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12526242&postcount=13

bugger LOL

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
:(

Edit: On the plus side, this is my 700th post, thus making me a Superior Gamer as opposed to Deadly.
Meh. I preferred Deadly.

Yeah. Thats what I've been dealing with the last week. Hence not posting.

Oh god I could rant! LOL

did pick that up you have not been around

Edit: On the plus side, this is my 700th post, thus making me a Superior Gamer as opposed to Deadly.
Meh. I preferred Deadly.

still got along way to go
fact i only saw today that i'm now a Elite Jolt Forum User

*Passes out Irn Bru and wee mince pies to everyone*

Don't thank me. No, really. Just shut up, drink yer bru and be miserable like the rest o' us. :p

still got along way to go
fact i only saw today that i'm now a Elite Jolt Forum User

My reponse to that: meh.
I prefer Deadly to Elite Jolt Forum User as well. :D

did pick that up you have not been around

Yeah. Still. It pays the bills ;)

My reponse to that: meh.
I prefer Deadly Elite Jolt Forum User as well. :D
thats better
Yeah. Still. It pays the bills ;)

don't speck of bills to me

My reponse to that: meh.
I prefer Deadly to Elite Jolt Forum User as well. :D

Oh god...I just noticed mine...

AdminBots Boyfriend

*unnnnngh!*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamish_and_dougal
*nods*

Scotland is my favourite place on this planet. So there.

thats better


don't speck of bills to me

:D