NationStates Jolt Archive

Due to your terribly Liberal ways, or perhaps your insufficiently conservative ways, or your taste in Wayan's brothers movies, you are doomed to an eternity in hell.

How do you spend the rest of eternity?

Choose Your Hell!


Fiery Hell - You know, typical, everything’s scolding hot, devils poking red-hot pokers in your ass hell. An eternity of scorching and blistering.

Cold Hell - Kind of like Canada, except without Inuit and Polar Bears. You can’t build an igloo to save yourself from the extremes, and you can’t get numb to the cold. An eternity of shivering and frostbite.

Canadian Hell - Not quite as cold as cold hell, the drop in temperature is made up by eternal Celine Dion music and being covered in maple syrup while being chewed alive by beavers. An eternity of cold and ‘My heart will go on’.

Abstinence Hell - Sort of like what most of us go through in real life, except not only will you never get laid, you are forever surrounded by porn but will never be able to touch yourself. And just when the eroticism is enough to actually send you into auto-release, you are subjected to scat porn and naked pictures of Margaret Thatcher. An eternity of unfulfilled pleasure and poo on your chest.

Wayans Brothers Hell - You are subjected to an eternity of potentially funny satire, and are forever disappointed in the lame shit that the Wayans keep putting out. Oh wait, that’s Hell on Earth…

Spammers Hell - You are forever chained to your keyboard, forced to constantly debate the following three topics; abortion, capitalsim vs. communism, and gay marriage. Spamming will cause you hours of agony. Not posting something every five minutes will cause you hours of agony. Once every few hours, the Hell forum will ‘go down’, and you will suffer hours of agony. Actually enjoying non-spamminess, will result in hours of pain. An eternity of NSG gone horribly wrong.

Some other Hell - Something my warped mind has not yet conceived.

Um.

This is kind of scary :D

I was bored.

:)

My Hell = The heaven religious people would wind up in.

My Hell = The heaven religious people would wind up in.

You do understand that 90% of them harbor secret gay desires, right?

Or is this an aesthetic objection?

I voted Some Other Hell, but should have taken Wayans Hell. At least there you're not frozen to death, eaten alive or punished for tuning out. Not too bad, really.

An infinity of cold, black, lightless, empty hallways. *shiver*

It's from a book I read.

Also:

An eternity of unfulfilled pleasure and poo on your chest.
lollers

You do understand that 90% of them harbor secret gay desires, right?

But in their heaven, those desires would be removed to free them from the stress of being in denial.

I make my own hell, every day when I get up, thank you very much :)

Hmm. I suppose the worst thing I could experience would be eternal drifting in nothingness. No light. No sound. Nothing. That would be hell. Suffering may not be particularly good. But at least it's something to do. I get the feeling I'd adapt to it eventually.

I voted Some Other Hell, but should have taken Wayans Hell. At least there you're not frozen to death, eaten alive or punished for tuning out. Not too bad, really.

I'll take the syrup-hungry beavers biting into my tender flesh over the wayans brothers any day of the week. :p

DER OP

Try this one:

HOT HELL- a hell of eternal subjection to elemental spicyness. Like that taco so hot God can't eat it.

An eternity of that in a 250 degree pot of boiling acid.

Try this one:

HOT HELL- a hell of eternal subjection to elemental spicyness. Like that taco so hot God can't eat it.

An eternity of that in a 250 degree pot of boiling acid.

Well you see, that would be an element of Heaven for me.


Mmmm. Tacos.

some other hell:

a sealed, undecorated room alternating between scorching and freezing with celine dion piped in on repeat and populated by huge hairy spiders that punish spamminess and enforce abstinance with their evil spideriness.

I'm already living in Spammer's Hell, so I suppose I'll choose that.

Well you see, that would be an element of Heaven for me.


Mmmm. Tacos.

But you can't enjoy it b/c your taste buds are burnt from the spicyness of previous foods. :P

I'm already living in Spammer's Hell, so I suppose I'll choose that.

You can leave NSG if you really want to . . .

I'm already living in Spammer's Hell, so I suppose I'll choose that.

Oh, The Agony! :p

Being tormented for eternity in my hell.

if i live in Canada hell, will it warm up with global warming?

if i live in Canada hell, will it warm up with global warming?

You can leave NSG if you really want to . . .
That's the most foolish thing I've heard all day.

if i live in Canada hell, will it warm up with global warming?

I'd have to be forced to listen to nothing but country music and Dido and be forced to watch nothing but the O'Reilly Factor and Survivor for it to be true Hell.

That's the most foolish thing I've heard all day.

That you can leave, or the implied equation of NSG with Spammer Hell?

There is no hell.

Sorry, sorry

Seriously though, if I had to go to hell, I'd probably choose abstinence hell. Much better then what I'm getting here....

someone breaking into my house every night and taking all the shoes and socks sound pretty horrible...

...no wait I got it: an eternity working at Microsoft tech support :eek:

Pft. Those are all heaven compared to what my Hell would be: Where all of my family are there.

For reference, my real parents are divorced, and can't even stand to be within 100 yards of each other. My dad is the Sheriff of the country, who is pretty much a very opinionated perfectionist, my mom is an alchoholic near-sociopath, my Step-mother thinks that she is right about EVERTHING, my sister is a bitch who is to self-centerred to care about anything but herself, my brother is best described as as an antisocial punk jackass, who hates everyone and everything, my stepsisters are all preps.

And that's only my immediate family. Don't even get me started on the rest.

So, an eternity of being trapped in the same room as all of them would be worse than anything else you can throw at me. I'd rather have my testicles eaten by fire ants, only to grow back and done so again, than have that.

:D

Canadian Hell please.

My personal Hell would be stuck in a room with Soviestan and The Blessed Chris. The idea makes me cringe with fear.

:eek:

My personal Hell would be stuck in a room with Soviestan and The Blessed Chris. The idea makes me cringe with fear.

a few drinks and a camera could make it interesting, very interesting ;)

Spammers Hell.

After all, I'm already here.

Cake, please.

My Hell: Being stupid, not able to read my vast library of books, and no video games.

Yes, I am a nerd.

My Hell: Being stupid, not able to read my vast library of books, and no video games.

Yes, I am a nerd.

My hell would be Phyrexia. Although actually, I might like that rather than hate it...

Who's the bigger nerd now?

What I would consider hell:

Walking around all day while everyone keeps pointing out that my shoes are untied and that there is a rock lodged in my head.

I make my own hell, every day when I get up, thank you very much :)
Bingo!

Plus I take bender's view of the idea of an after life. ;)

My hell would be Phyrexia. Although actually, I might like that rather than hate it...

Who's the bigger nerd now?

Eh, Mirrodin would be more akin to hell for me. Lacks any of the "AWESOME!"-ness of Phyrexia, while being pretty much the same basic concept.

:D

My hell

Getting your skin ripped of and runnig on endless fields of salt with it raining lemon juice.:)

yep just let that sink in for a while

My hell

Getting your skin ripped of and runnig on endless fields of salt with it raining lemon juice.:)

Well, at least you wouldn't feel itchy anymore. :)

Wayans Brothers Hell, but with Margaret Thatcher porn and scat, please.

Mine would be either a Hell in which I would be condemned to listen to country music the rest of my days, (I was going to say ad nauseum, but that would be redundant.) or strapped in like little Alex in "A Clockwork Orange", with my eyelids peeled back, with my head fixed and my body in restraints while American Idol reruns play in front of me.

Endlessly.

Personal Hell:

Standing in the security line at an airport for eternity while having to pee very badly while the speakers play an alternate mixture of the sound made by forks scraping on plates and Green Day's "When September Ends", and when finally spotting a bathroom, the obese, cranky TSA agent who smells like either the smell of freshly dry cleaned clothes or of cheese that has been under the couch for too long puts on gloves and takes out a tube of astroglide, saying that you need to be pulled aside for extra screening.

Resistance is met by having your face jammed into a dirty diaper while the ceiling leaks slowly onto your head. You are completely unable to soil yourself and your bladder won't explode.

Wayans Brothers Hell, but with Margaret Thatcher porn and scat, please.

No, no. You're not supposed to like the stuff.

Personal Hell:

Standing in the security line at an airport for eternity while having to pee very badly while the speakers play an alternate mixture of the sound made by forks scraping on plates and Green Day's "When September Ends", and when finally spotting a bathroom, the obese, cranky TSA agent who smells like either the smell of freshly dry cleaned clothes or of cheese that has been under the couch for too long puts on gloves and takes out a tube of astroglide, saying that you need to be pulled aside for extra screening.

Resistance is met by having your face jammed into a dirty diaper while the ceiling leaks slowly onto your head. You are completely unable to soil yourself and your bladder won't explode.

Okay, I hadn't thought of that one. I Need to go back to Hell school.

Some Other Hell

Okay, I hadn't thought of that one. I Need to go back to Hell school.

And somehow, that is still far more pleasurable than an eternity with my family in the same room.

I choose the Strippers and Free Beer Hell.

Not the brightest idea letting me choose which hell I go to, now is it?

Wayans Brothers Hell seems the least awful, or maybe it's just the one I'm the most used to. The abstinence hell reminds me of this story that I will never, ever get out of my mind. Ever.

Disclaimer: this is a story related by a urologist, and it walks a fine line. I hope I do not get in trouble for posting it.
http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/10/30/94729/451

Wayans Brothers Hell seems the least awful, or maybe it's just the one I'm the most used to. The abstinence hell reminds me of this story that I will never, ever get out of my mind. Ever.

Disclaimer: this is a story related by a urologist, and it walks a fine line. I hope I do not get in trouble for posting it.
http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/10/30/94729/451

This is why we never take our hands off the safety valve. Let that be a lesson to you all. :)

I choose Baator.

No, no. You're not supposed to like the stuff.

:(

Canadian Hell - Not quite as cold as cold hell, the drop in temperature is made up by eternal Celine Dion music and being covered in maple syrup while being chewed alive by beavers. An eternity of cold and ‘My heart will go on’.
Throw in unbearable heat waves (mixed with random white out conditions...) and smog and we've got a deal.

We can't like our hells?

Damn. I've been playing Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, and I my immediate reaction was the Disgaean Netherworld: I could go in as a Prinny (a human soul kept in a magical-penguin-costume-thing, used for cheap labor), work as a mercenary for a powerful demon prince, transmigrate into a full-fledged demon, and embark on a career of pillage, plunder, and enjoying the maniacal rush of battle until I rule the Netherworld, Celestia, and the human realms. Then disappear for a few millennia so I can do it again.

We can't like our hells?

Damn. I've been playing Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, and I my immediate reaction was the Disgaean Netherworld: I could go in as a Prinny (a human soul kept in a magical-penguin-costume-thing, used for cheap labor), work as a mercenary for a powerful demon prince, transmigrate into a full-fledged demon, and embark on a career of pillage, plunder, and enjoying the maniacal rush of battle until I rule the Netherworld, Celestia, and the human realms. Then disappear for a few millennia so I can do it again.

I like my hell. It's a world of pure machinery, of fiery smokestacks and endless miles of ducts and pipelines, the product of millenia of engineering and evolution. The process of phyresis (where the name Phyrexia originates) is an honor, not a curse, especially considering the benefits and power it offers. And it comes with the promise of one day conquering everything in its path.

So, it's heaven for mad scientists.

I like my hell. It's a world of pure machinery, of fiery smokestacks and endless miles of ducts and pipelines, the product of millenia of engineering and evolution. The process of phyresis (where the name Phyrexia originates) is an honor, not a curse, especially considering the benefits and power it offers. And it comes with the promise of one day conquering everything in its path.

So, it's heaven for mad scientists.

And hell for sane ones?

And hell for sane ones?

Well, neutral and good sane scientists. The lawful evil ones would be here.

Abstinence Hell. Porn doesn't turn me on and I can totally live like that for the rest of eternity.

French Hell:

Like real life, but everyone speaks French.

Well, neutral and good sane scientists. The lawful evil ones would be here.

Sounds like my place...

French Hell:

Like real life, but everyone speaks French.

I thought they renamed it Paris a while back?

Abstinence Hell. Porn doesn't turn me on and I can totally live like that for the rest of eternity.

:eek:

French Hell:

Like real life, but everyone speaks French.
Haha. C'est tres drole. Vous pensez que vous etes meme plein d'esprit. :rolleyes:

A place full of religious fundamentalists. Their sheer douchebaggery is probably more torturous than having white-hot coals shoved up my anus.

Nifelheim cause it sounds awesome.

Wouldn't it suffice to simply be trapped within my brain?

Spammers Hell:
Because some of you are dicks.

Well I find great sex with beautiful women to be disgusting! Seriously, it makes me feel sick to my soul. The mere thought of it makes me wretch so that would be my hell and I'd guess I'd just have to resign myself to it, dirty though it makes me feel..

Easy Listening Hell. Enough said. :eek:

Trilby63;12525894']Well I find great sex with beautiful women to be disgusting! Seriously, it makes me feel sick to my soul. The mere thought of it makes me wretch so that would be my hell and I'd guess I'd just have to resign myself to it, dirty though it makes me feel..

I choose that one.

Stuck on the Small World ride at Disneyland for all eternity.

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
There's so much that we share
That its time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
There's so much that we share
That its time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
There's so much that we share
That its time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
There's so much that we share
That its time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
There's so much that we share
That its time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
There's so much that we share
That its time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
There's so much that we share
That its time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

You get the idea. :p

*I'd rather be buuuurned in Canadaahh, than to freeze here in the Sooooooouth!

Kudos to those who know the song.