NationStates Jolt Archive

I sprained my hip turning to pick up a light fixture to pack. how about you? Have you ever hurt yourself in a strange or amusing (in retrospect) fashion?

Strangely, I don't have the record in my family for oddest way of injuring myself. That would belong to my sister, who threw her back out badly enough that she was in bed for a week by... (wait for it)... Throwing a napkin the the garbage.

Can't think of any of my own. Seen/ heard about a few funny ones.

i was once so tangled up in bed sheets i dislocated my knee while asleep :(

I threw out my back while sitting in a chair.

Getting up from playing video games (the setup was on the floor), I twisted my big toe so bad that it hurt for years!

Heh. I actually have rather an amazing talent for injuring myself in weird and baffling ways. Just yesterday, for example, I managed to jam my left index finger by popping an inflated bag of air - it still hurts badly enough that I probably won't be able to play the piano properly for days. Speaking of playing the piano, a few years ago, I managed to sprain my wrist by trying to keep playing with one hand while picking up a dropped piece of sheet music with the other. That wasn't a particularly bad sprain, luckily - not nearly as bad as the sprained knee I got when I was helping to chase a flock of geese off of my high school field hockey team's field when one of said stupid geese charged into me.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea... :p

I've never had a real broken bone.. but after a stint of drinking years ago, I did fracture a few foot bones catching a 3 wheeler(bastards.. 3 wheelers suck .. ride a 4 wheeler) that was about to roll me down the side of a mountain, by throwing my left foot down to catch myself and the atv. Excessive drinking does weaken your bones, and joints for a period of time anyway. Other than that I've never had a broken bone. No cavity etc. Don't wear glasses. If it wasn't for my self indulgence of alcohol and smoke.. I guess I'd be in tip top shape.

i slammed my penis in a drawer once. fucking painful it was too. luckily it was a fairly loosely fitting drawer so i didn't suffer serious damage. from then on i always made sure to close the drawer befor reaching up to the shelf for my anti-perspirant. a combination of reaching, leaning, slipping and stumbling while naked and in the vicinity of things that close is not to be recommended.

my dad thouht it was pretty funny anyway as i tried to explain why i was lying on the floor screaming and clutching my member.

i gave myself whiplash when both my calf muscles cramped simultaneously, mid-orgasm! (i was on top)

I have lately developed a talent for spraining my left ankle simply by walking down the street--at least 6 times in the last three years. Thank goodness I have health insurance and so can get some PT on the damn thing.

Anyone heard of the fabled "banjo string"? Yeah, i broke that when I was younger, and it wasn't a pretty sight.........

I've cut my hand making jello before..

Anyone heard of the fabled "banjo string"? Yeah, i broke that when I was younger, and it wasn't a pretty sight.........

I have two guesses to where that lies. Both would be painful.

i slammed my penis in a drawer once. fucking painful it was too. luckily it was a fairly loosely fitting drawer so i didn't suffer serious damage. from then on i always made sure to close the drawer befor reaching up to the shelf for my anti-perspirant. a combination of reaching, leaning, slipping and stumbling while naked and in the vicinity of things that close is not to be recommended.


hahah that's pretty funny. You either have a long schlong or was clumsy as hell.

hahah that's pretty funny. You either have a long schlong or was clumsy as hell.

heh! i think i'll just leave that to your imagination :p

I can't remember any personally, but...

http://www.dudehisattva.com/Bushscar2.jpg

:p

i slammed my penis in a drawer once. fucking painful it was too. luckily it was a fairly loosely fitting drawer so i didn't suffer serious damage. from then on i always made sure to close the drawer befor reaching up to the shelf for my anti-perspirant. a combination of reaching, leaning, slipping and stumbling while naked and in the vicinity of things that close is not to be recommended.

my dad thouht it was pretty funny anyway as i tried to explain why i was lying on the floor screaming and clutching my member.

This is so wrong, bur I LOL'd. :D

The weirdest way I hurt myself? I somehow hurt my foot in marching band, and couldn't march. ><

heh! i think i'll just leave that to your imagination :p

ok.... very nice ;)

i slammed my penis in a drawer once. fucking painful it was too. luckily it was a fairly loosely fitting drawer so i didn't suffer serious damage. from then on i always made sure to close the drawer befor reaching up to the shelf for my anti-perspirant. a combination of reaching, leaning, slipping and stumbling while naked and in the vicinity of things that close is not to be recommended.

ROFL!

i have pierced nipples, and once flung a door open only to have it bounce off a running shoe and slam straight back into me, handle into new piercing
i was curled up weeping on the floor for about twenty minutes

also accidentally opened my wrist vein when working as a shelf-stocker at a supermarket and my boxcutter slipped - luckily the scar's not big so i don't have to explain to people i'm not emo...

I have two guesses to where that lies. Both would be painful.

Not sure where your second guess would be, but the "favorite male anatomical object" is the right guess. It was the first time I..... well you know.......... convinced her to take the other route.... you wouldn't believe how much blood it produces.

I strained my neck when I woke up. My head was twisted and bent to the left and I had a presentation to do the same day. Needless to say, I felt like a moron when I had to give my speech.

There was the time that I was at the beach and a wave knocked me over, completely shearing off my left nipple. It didn't hurt that long and it eventually grew back, but I thought that was pretty funny.

Also getting blue balls from watching porn and having to walk around school with that pain.

I ran face first, as fast as I could, into the corner of a brick wall. I still have the scar, around a centimeter away from my eye. :)

Not sure where your second guess would be, but the "favorite male anatomical object" is the right guess. It was the first time I..... well you know.......... convinced her to take the other route.... you wouldn't believe how much blood it produces.

I think that's the most horrifying thing I've read all day.

My second guess was it was another name for the achilles.

I strained my neck when I woke up. My head was twisted and bent to the left and I had a presentation to do the same day. Needless to say, I felt like a moron when I had to give my speech.

Also getting blue balls from watching porn and having to walk around school with that pain.

Why would you watch porn at school?

I think that's the most horrifying thing I've read all day.

My second guess was it was another name for the achilles.

I was with a hooker in Djibouti at the time. I managed to convince her it was her and not me and got my money back!

It didn't even hurt that much at the time but I couldn't have sex for two weeks.

I've knocked myself out cold trying to get out of bed. Incidentally that day was a Monday.

Anyone heard of the fabled "banjo string"? Yeah, i broke that when I was younger, and it wasn't a pretty sight.........

It's better known as the frenulum...

Why would you watch porn at school?

I watched before I went to school.

It's better known as the frenulum...

Well you learn something new evryday. Thankyou, it sounds far less embarresing saying "I broke my frenelum"......

Also getting blue balls from watching porn and having to walk around school with that pain.

Oh, noes, the wrath of a fictional illness!!!

Not sure where your second guess would be, but the "favorite male anatomical object" is the right guess. It was the first time I..... well you know.......... convinced her to take the other route.... you wouldn't believe how much blood it produces.

I was with a hooker in Djibouti at the time. I managed to convince her it was her and not me and got my money back!
It didn't even hurt that much at the time but I couldn't have sex for two weeks.

wait... you convinced a hooker to take the road less travelled, bled all over her ass, and got a refund?
did you erm... get anything else from her?

wait... you convinced a hooker to take the road less travelled, bled all over her ass, and got a refund?
did you erm... get anything else from her?

I was in the forces at the time, we were by far their best customers as the only ones around with disposable income, we had a pretty hefty language barrier between us, need I go on?

Not sure where your second guess would be, but the "favorite male anatomical object" is the right guess. It was the first time I..... well you know.......... convinced her to take the other route.... you wouldn't believe how much blood it produces.

AAAHHHH!

*cries*

AAAHHHH!

*cries*

Like I said the pain is actually quite negligible, but the shock is absolutely terrifying.

Not sure where your second guess would be, but the "favorite male anatomical object" is the right guess. It was the first time I..... well you know.......... convinced her to take the other route.... you wouldn't believe how much blood it produces.

I have no idea what you mean? I googled, found out what it means, but I can't understand..

Does not compute..

I have no idea what you mean? I googled, found out what it means, but I can't understand..

Does not compute..

http://www.menshealth.co.uk/index.php/chatroom/topic/261062

Come on, I can't be the only one whos done this.

I watched before I went to school.
Didn't budget enough time to take care of matters?

The two always go hand in hand for me.

I was in the forces at the time, we were by far their best customers as the only ones around with disposable income, we had a pretty hefty language barrier between us, need I go on?

i think that counts as a good definition of 'chutzpah' :)
did your forces buddies ever let you live it down?

http://www.menshealth.co.uk/index.php/chatroom/topic/261062

Come on, I can't be the only one whos done this.

http://forums.stargateworlds.com/images/smilies/twitch.gif

Like I said the pain is actually quite negligible, but the shock is absolutely terrifying.

I think that's karma.

i think that counts as a good definition of 'chutzpah' :)
did your forces buddies ever let you live it down?

No, as of then my name was convoitise de sang, loosely meaning "blood lust"

No, as of then my name was convoitise de sang, loosely meaning "blood lust"
AHHHHHH!

BTW: You should probably opt to not use "loosely" and "blood lust" in the same sentence. Especially when referring to [insert euphemism here].

I once dropped a knife i was holding, and then tried to catch it from below. After that, the knife bounced and again i tried to catch it from below.

wow... I'm just sooooo grateful to be a woman. Most days, at least. But now I feel a bit better about hurting my hip now, tho.

I remember one.

I was carving a pinewood derby racer. for some reason I figured the swiss army knife would magically stay open, even if I used it backwards. It didn't, I nearly lost the tip of my middle finger. What was worse, I was on the phone with my mom who panicked when she heard shrieking on the other end of the line.

Didn't budget enough time to take care of matters?

The two always go hand in hand for me.

I had some extra time before school and I ended up watching too long.

I remember one.

I was carving a pinewood derby racer. for some reason I figured the swiss army knife would magically stay open, even if I used it backwards. It didn't, I nearly lost the tip of my middle finger. What was worse, I was on the phone with my mom who panicked when she heard shrieking on the other end of the line.

didn't hunter s. thompson do something similar to that recently?

Twisted my back wiping my butt.

Twisted my back wiping my butt.

Roflmao.

didn't hunter s. thompson do something similar to that recently?

He hasn't been doing much at all for the past two years.

didn't hunter s. thompson do something similar to that recently?

No, he just offed himself while his family (including grand daughter) was in the next room.

He hasn't been doing much at all for the past two years.

He needs his rest.

i shot myself in the arm, but not with a gun. i was hitting cement with a large hammer and a bullet on the cement got deflected up and hit my arm.

i shot myself in the arm, but not with a gun. i was hitting cement with a large hammer and a bullet on the cement got deflected up and hit my arm.

Pure talent.

I remember one.

I was carving a pinewood derby racer. for some reason I figured the swiss army knife would magically stay open, even if I used it backwards. It didn't, I nearly lost the tip of my middle finger. What was worse, I was on the phone with my mom who panicked when she heard shrieking on the other end of the line.

I've got a scar on my little finger still from doing something similar. In my case however, I was trying to cut open a firework. Ahhh to be 14 again..


I've also done the standard smash-my-head-into-the-headboard-mid-sex bit. She didn't notice.

I threw out my back sneezing.
And killed my neck for about a week headbanging at a local concert.

I threw out my back sneezing.

Done that. I've thrown my back out doing just about everything, now that I think about it. The strangest was actually when I threw my back in sneezing. That happened last week, and was an incredible relief.

Um... I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk and skinned my knee.

Oh yeah, I was shaving with a bare razor, my foot slipped, and I put a 7" cut down the underside of my left arm. Didn't feel a thing... and hardly noticed until I saw the carpet started to soak in blood. :D

A few years ago, I stubbed my little toe and broke it on an ottoman. The insult though, was that my old man wasn't even bothered to get out of bed to find out what all the yelling was about. :headbang:

i stabbed myself with a pencil because it somehow slipped and i caught it at a weird angle......ouch

When I was in the Army, a flock of geese flew into our quad, so we sent a new private out to clear away the geese. I had no idea men could scream like such little girls.

i stabbed myself with a pencil because it somehow slipped and i caught it at a weird angle......ouch
I had the same thing happen three years back.

It was sharpened (REALLY sharp) on both ends... I dropped it, and like the dumbass I am tried to catch it between my thighs...

RE: Blue balls

Oh, noes, the wrath of a fictional illness!!!

You're not a guy, are you? (Or Maybe a eunuch? Just lucky?) Lots of girls/women like to deny its existence (to assuage guilty consciences mostly;) ), but let me tell you, it exists, and that shit doesn't feel good. If it's fictional, it sure feels real.

In fact, that leads right into a dumb way of (sort of) hurting myself. When I was a lot younger, middle school age, my girlfriend and I would fool around and all, but didn't finish the job. Sometimes, afterwards, my balls would hurt like crazy, but I didn't really know why. Thought something was wrong with the buggers. Later, of course, I realized what it was: the dreaded blue balls. I didn't exactly do it to myself, but I have to admit, it was pretty dumb to not realize what the hell was wrong with the twins. (Is this too much information yet?) Can't say I've ever gotten it from porn though...that takes special talent. ;)

Nothing major, other than that. I tend to semi-hurt myself regularly, by knocking my elbows or knuckles into doorjambs and such. I cut the skin between my pinky and ring finger today, in fact, by running upstairs and swinging my hand into the lip of a little ledge at the top. Bled pretty nice for a fairly inconsequential cut.

The weirdest way I got hurt is crazy.

WARNING: May be distrubing. :eek:

So I apparently have a gash in the upper crack of my buttocks, and sometimes when I'm on the john, it rips open and blood starts spraying everywhere... and I only know about it when i stand up to see blood all over the place... NOT a pretty sight. What was crazy was that i thought the blood was coming from the other hole (not explaining).

My Best One?

Being knocked unconcious by a Driver. I was standing a little to close to my friend when she took her back swing, and now have the funniest golf-related injury I have ever seen.

I punched myself in the crotch to prove that it doesn't hurt that bad.

It indeed doesn't hurt at first, but then it gets awful.

I don't remember any particularly odd injuries to myself, but back in school a couple of friends of mine were debating whether or not the tip of a pair of compasses (you know, those things you draw circles with) could pierce all the way through an eraser in one swift movement. So they tried.

Dumb thing #1: They didn't put the eraser on a table. No. One of them put it on his leg.

Dumb thing #2: The other guy missed the eraser. And put an inch deep hole in the first guy's thigh.

Once, when I was polishing the side of a boiler on a steam engine, I was talking to my friend next to me, when my arm suddenly dropped and slammed the tip of my elbow into a pipe, which shot right up my funny bone, and hurt like hell. After a couple of minutes I just decided to keep on working.

Then my arm slipped again, nd hit my funny bone. Waited a few minutes. Then it slipped yet again, and I just decided I had had it trying to clean that engine.

Also, keep in mind. When working on a steam engine, particularly beneath it. Always wear a helmet. Really.

Hmm... weirdest. How to judge? That's pretty tough. Fortunately, hurting myself narrows it down quite a bit. Usually, other people are involved.

Um, I rode my bike off a cliff once. That was probably my most severe injurious episode, but not the weirdest.

I would say the weirdest was being thrown out of the back of a moving truck that I was riding around in during a mud bogging run. The truck hit a rocky patch and heave suddenly and I was literally sent flying into the air and out of the truck bed. I landed in the mud, bounced off the barely submerged boulder and landed in a deeper patch. Well, fortunately, by the time my buddies in the cab of the truck realized that I was no longer around and bounded(waded) across the mud to see if I was alright, I had managed to get most of my breath back and really enjoy the sensation of two broken ribs.

:)

The strangest way I've managed to severely cut myself was when doing the dishes and two glasses broke.
But the weirdest part is that when the doc asked me how that happened while stitching me up and I told her, she correctly guessed that I had Ikea glasses.
Looks like I haven't been the first and only one who managed that. ;)

I sprained my hip turning to pick up a light fixture to pack. how about you? Have you ever hurt yourself in a strange or amusing (in retrospect) fashion?

Strangely, I don't have the record in my family for oddest way of injuring myself. That would belong to my sister, who threw her back out badly enough that she was in bed for a week by... (wait for it)... Throwing a napkin the the garbage.

I hurt my ankle while climbing up a couch onto a wall. It got caught in the space between wall and couch. That hurt. Badly.

I couldn't get my deoderant to work, so I looked into the hole to see what was wrong while trying to spray it. My eyeball smelt like lynx Gravity for the rest of the day.

Weirdest? I'd have to say when I was at my friend's house and we were dancing around in her living room. I ended up tripping on a bag and then promptly bashing my eyebrow off of her coffee table. The edge was round and the best part was I didn't realize I was bleeding until she told me... her mom ended up freaking out and rushing me home. Then dad just stuck a piece of tape on it...

...still have the scar and as our joke my friend and I tell it that I got in a fight with the coffee table. :p

i stabbed myself with a pencil because it somehow slipped and i caught it at a weird angle......ouch

Some jackass kid in junior high stabbed me in the knee with a pencil. It doesn't hurt anymore, but you can still see the lead, embedded in the side of my left knee.

Weirdest? I'd have to say when I was at my friend's house and we were dancing around in her living room. I ended up tripping on a bag and then promptly bashing my eyebrow off of her coffee table. The edge was round and the best part was I didn't realize I was bleeding until she told me... her mom ended up freaking out and rushing me home. Then dad just stuck a piece of tape on it...

...still have the scar and as our joke my friend and I tell it that I got in a fight with the coffee table. :p

When my sister was little, she put her elbow through a plate glass window. It was ugly. In fact, she still has scars on that elbow.

<going slightly off topic here>

She works in a day care, and she'd never mentioned how she got the scars on her elbow to any of the kids. One day, one of the kids, who she described a 'a little bit spooky,' walked up to her and said: "Miss Sarah, did it hurt when you put your elbow through the window?" :eek: Needless to say, she was a little bit creeped out.

I received three deep cuts across my nipple from playing with my dog.

I twisted one of my testicles. Dont know how, but damn did that hurt.

I dropped a football (soccer) net on my toe while carrying it with the team.

I broke my elbow coming on the door frame around the corner at the bottom of the steps. People thought I fell down the stairs.

I cut my eyebrow leaning against the wall above a urinal. It had some sort of stucco on the wall.

I twisted one of my testicles. Dont know how, but damn did that hurt.

Testicular torsion?

Smashed a glass trying to put a frozen-together clump of ice in it, severed my thumb tendon, two nerves.

Testicular torsion?

Yes. Ow.

ummmm....heh when I was a young teen I sorta fell down the stairs ending up face down.

Not that bad you might think...well it wouldn't have been had I not been sporting a particularly extreme erection...I had to go to hospital...rather red faced...trying to explain to the triage nurse why I was there...

moral...never attempt stairs if you have a hard on.

/nods sagely

Yes. Ow.

Sweet Jesus :eek:

Also:http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/

I "shot" my younger brother in the face. We were taking .22 cal rimfire cartridges and sticking them in a fence post, then shooting them with an air-rifle. It was going fine till I fired at one, and when it exploded a piece of the shell caseing flew back and and hit my brother in the face. He still has a 6" scar 30yrs. later that runs from his cheek bone and up over his ear. Had one helluva time explaining that one to my parents. We eventually told them that he fell into a barbed wire fence.

Sweet Jesus :eek:

Also:http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/

"Remind him he is your Crotch Buddy. Remind him in front of girls."

Speaking of hurting your testicles, i once slept a whole night with my whole weight on my left one. I woke up in the morning and it hurt like hell. It went from being round to egg shaped. God it stung for like 2 weeks. I vow to never sleep on my balls again:D

In a moment of alcohol-induced bravado, I stubbed a cigarette out on my hand for no reason.
Not smart - I gave myself a small but very painful burn injury which was still visible weeks later.
I have quite a high pain threshold so, although I could literally feel my flesh cooking, I ignored it and kept drinking as if nothing had happened.
This meant that it did have the desired effect of impressing everybody, or at least letting them know what kind of idiot they were dealing with.

"Remind him he is your Crotch Buddy. Remind him in front of girls."

I would suggest that you could be my crotch buddy, but I bet that's uneccessary since they probably stitched the other gonad securely to the sac.

I've also remembered another incident (although it wasn't me hurting myself). My dad said to me "How do you make a match burn twice?". After a few wrong guesses he called me over, and lit a match. "Burn once", he said. I watched intently for the conclusion. "Burn twice!" he said, as he drove the match into my arm - grinning. I've still got the scar :(

Not asking out the most awesome woman ever to live for THREE DAMN YEARS! Frankly perverse.

I got a couple funny ones, most of mine involve my beloved mountain bike:
1) at my friends house when we were very very young (like 6 maybe) I decided to prove I could ride one handed off a curb well actually, I couldn't. I ended up chipping some teeth and getting stiches in my chin after landing face first.

2) Playing tackle ultimate frisbee when we were at a scout camp I ran full tilt into a tree. It probably looked hilarious like a wilely coyotoe cartoon.

also my buddy once shot me in the eye with one of those arrows with a sucktion cup on the end.

Recently in univeristy (this was pretty funny) I saked myself. it's somewhat difficult to describe what exactly happened. Basically we have these lecture halls that have chairs and desks that fold up and out from the side. After getting my desk turned so it was flat but still up, I let the desk just fall into position. I didn't really consider there is the large twisting mechnism bolted to the bottom and sacked myself pretty hard with it. That hurt a lot but it was also hilarious so I laughed through the pain.

Maybe I should add this one: Joining NationStates.

It definitely is the weirdest way to hurt oneself - in a good way? :p

I once cut myself,just so I could cut myself

When my sister was little, she put her elbow through a plate glass window. It was ugly. In fact, she still has scars on that elbow.

<going slightly off topic here>

She works in a day care, and she'd never mentioned how she got the scars on her elbow to any of the kids. One day, one of the kids, who she described a 'a little bit spooky,' walked up to her and said: "Miss Sarah, did it hurt when you put your elbow through the window?" :eek: Needless to say, she was a little bit creeped out.

Oh that IS spooky!! Psychic kids are awesome ^-^

Well there was this incident with a soldering iron and lack of attention....

I sprained my hip turning to pick up a light fixture to pack. how about you? Have you ever hurt yourself in a strange or amusing (in retrospect) fashion?

In our garage, I have a bike hanging from the ceiling in one corner. Once, through pure lack of attention, I slammed face-first into the handlebar.

I don't remember any particularly odd injuries to myself, but back in school a couple of friends of mine were debating whether or not the tip of a pair of compasses (you know, those things you draw circles with) could pierce all the way through an eraser in one swift movement. So they tried.

Dumb thing #1: They didn't put the eraser on a table. No. One of them put it on his leg.

Dumb thing #2: The other guy missed the eraser. And put an inch deep hole in the first guy's thigh.

ah, back in school...

my favourite near-darwin event at school happened when a particularly dense individual attempted to extract the explosive from a live railway detonator by drilling into it with an electric drill...
while steadying the detonator with his knees!

you wouldn't believe how much blood it produces.

Not a comforting thought, as I'm due for surgery sometime this summer... :(

As for hurting myself, my brother once open hand slapped me right in the face. Knowing, as all little brothers do, that retaliation was imminent, he doubled over to protect his vitals. I swung a huge kick straight upwards, aimed at his chest and managed to hit... a table. Nothing was broke, but it did hurt :p

Once my dad was taking a piss while he was drunk and the toilet seat suddenly fell and hit his penis... he told my mom and I about it and after looking at each other we burst into a laughing fit.

Just on Friday I picked up some little chair that's only like 8 pounds. Somehow or another I pulled a muscle in the left side of my neck and it's just now getting better.

One time while I was sleeping I kicked myself REALLY hard in the calf with the heel of my foot.

I've also kicked myself in the balls a couple of times. Yes, you can do that.

All three of these were extremely painful

1) I was playing football and was kicked in the achiles tendon by an idiot who could not kick, than hit in the balls by the rebounding ball, I feel down onto the floor and my arm hit a sharp peice of plastic and got cut.

2) When I was three I was jumping on a bed and then my older brother jumped on the other side, they launched me into the air and I landed head first onto a heater.

3) I plugged in a reading lamp and got an electric shock, knocked the lamp down onto my head and fell forwards onto a table leg.

Maybe I should add this one: Joining NationStates.

It definitely is the weirdest way to hurt oneself - in a good way? :p
I wouldn't say it hurts. It's more a pleasant numbing sensation that keeps you away from the rest of the world. :)

I injured, perhaps caused an ever so fine hairline fracture in my thumb a few years ago. I was on a backpacking trip in boy scouts. Our scoutmaster had gone to check something, I forget what. Anyway, we decided to have a bare knuckle boxing match. Yeah, stupid I know. So stupid.