NationStates Jolt Archive

Due to a slight miscalculation, the Earth explodes and everybody dies. Due to a clerical error, everybody goes to Heaven.

In the haste to sort things out, Ten different Heavens are created, and everybody is given their choice as to which Heaven to go to. Which do you choose?

Poll coming:

First post.

EDIT: Where is my damn poll?

First post.

EDIT: Where is my damn poll?

Second post!

Second post!
Third post! Odd numbers win!

I need moar poll!

Will there be a "beer cigars and strippers" heaven?

I wonder if I could get kicked out of all ten heavens?

If there is no pancake heaven option, I'm not voting.

I'm not saying I'm necessarily going to vote for the pancake heaven option, but it needs to be there.

I vote not to go to Gamer's Heaven, because that would be filled tothe brim with the grossly overweight, poor hygiene habits, pimply, never matured beyond adolescence, mother's basement dwellers.

True, it would no doubt be also stocked with CGI women with absurdly large breasts and narrow hips, along with Hentai and Manga chicks.
But the sight of all those asthmatic, clammy-fingered, foodbit-festooned, wispy bearded fanboys drooling over them would be too much of a put-off for me.

I need moar Zilam!


Well, since you asked..or I fixed.

Oh yeah, I am a tease (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a192/piggy_g87/Teaseone.jpg)

How about a Hell-Heaven where monsters and demons are real and you get to be the hero of a horror/action movie every day? Could make for an exciting eternity.

There better be a poll by time i get back from class.. or else ;)

Easy!

Knowing that God must have one hell of a sense of humor, Goofball Heaven!

I vote not to go to Gamer's Heaven, because that would be filled tothe brim with the grossly overweight, poor hygiene habits, pimply, never matured beyond adolescence, mother's basement dwellers.

True, it would no doubt be also stocked with CGI women with absurdly large breasts and narrow hips, along with Hentai and Manga chicks.
But the sight of all those asthmatic, clammy-fingered, foodbit-festooned, wispy bearded fanboys drooling over them would be too much of a put-off for me.
You disgust me, both with the offensive stereotyping of video gamers everywhere and the imagry.

I wonder if I could get kicked out of all ten heavens?

The tenth would be a challenge. Especially after the first nine. :)

Goofball Heaven - Where getting kicked in the nuts is an everyday occurence.:p

Goofball Heaven - Where getting kicked in the nuts is an everyday occurence.:p

Small price to pay for getting to kick people in the nuts for all eternity. :)

Due to a slight miscalculation, the Earth explodes and everybody dies. Due to a clerical error, everybody goes to Heaven.

In the haste to sort things out, Ten different Heavens are created, and everybody is given their choice as to which Heaven to go to. Which do you choose?

Poll coming:

I vote NSG Heaven, if only because none of the others on the list appeal to me.

Small price to pay for getting to kick people in the nuts for all eternity. :)

*Kicks LG in the nuts*

What, gotta start somewhere, eh?

*Kicks LG in the nuts*

What, gotta start somewhere, eh?

*collapses like a sack of drowned kittens*

*collapses like a sack of drowned kittens*

...a sack of drowned kittens?! MURDERER! :(

Catholic Heaven! Jesus, Guilt and solemn reflections. Not guilty, so I'm out.

Irish Catholic Heaven! Jesus, Guilt, reflections and whiskey. Not guilty again, and I don't drink. I'm out

Jehova's Witnesses Heaven! Infinite Doors to knock on! Knock and run leaving burning bags of poop. I'm out

Muslim Heaven! Virgins, Virgins, Virgins! Not after I'm done. Out

CToaN Heaven! With Blackjack and Hookers! Lost all my money on the blackjack and can't pay for the hookers. I'm out

Fass Heaven! Lots and lots of swedish meatballs if you catch my meaning. *nudgenudgewinkwink* Sorry, If I want to play with meatballs, I have my own. I'm out

Atheist Heaven! A series of sensory deprivation tanks.I'm can't be an athiest since I am God. I'm out

Jewish Heaven! Nestled snugly in the middle of Muslim Heaven, but very heavily armed. Kicked out for selling BLT sandwiches

NSG Heaven! You can't even leave if you DO check out! I can't die and go here, I'm an NSG Immortal

Goofball Heaven! A roving band of maniacs raiding for whiskey, virgins, hookers, and to wedgie Jesus Giving Jesus a wedgie? Nowthis is what I call heaven!


The tenth would be a challenge. Especially after the first nine. :)

Looks like you were right.:D

NSG Heaven...no, wait, looks like I'm there already. Unless it's NSG Hell.

It's going to have to be Goofball Heaven. :D

Goofball Heaven all the way, especially if it's adjacent to FSM Heaven.

heaven not for me i just get sent to the front lines to battle demons

the christian one, not the catholic one.

peace and happiness. spending eternity with your loved ones and making new friends.

Chatting with Jesus, God, Moses and all the others... yeah... that's where I'm going.

the christian one, not the catholic one.

...Catholics are Christians...

...Catholics are Christians...

Shh. Don't spread it around.

Given the choices, I could only go with either the Irish Catholic Heaven (I like whiskey) or the Jewish Heaven (I like weapons). Tough call, really.

Shh. Don't spread it around.

Given the choices, I could only go with either the Irish Catholic Heaven (I like whiskey) or the Jewish Heaven (I like weapons). Tough call, really.

Surely you could have both in NSG Heaven given our diversity and large population of weapon enthusiasts?

Shh. Don't spread it around.

Given the choices, I could only go with either the Irish Catholic Heaven (I like whiskey) or the Jewish Heaven (I like weapons). Tough call, really.

Yah, we wouldn't want to give them Idol worshipping, heathen, Catholics a bad name or anything.

None of them sound particularly appealing.

...Catholics are Christians...

but not all Christians are Catholic. ;)

the poll specifies CATHOLIC Heaven. :p

Shh. Don't spread it around.

Given the choices, I could only go with either the Irish Catholic Heaven (I like whiskey) or the Jewish Heaven (I like weapons). Tough call, really.

IRA heaven?

Goofball Heaven. Pillaging, wedgies and whiskey, ftw.

but not all Christians are Catholic. ;)

the poll specifies CATHOLIC Heaven. :p

Well that's true...I suppose I just quibbled with your wording.

Surely you could have both in NSG Heaven given our diversity and large population of weapon enthusiasts?

Yeah...I don't want to go to Heaven and have a repeat of NSG, whiskey and weapons or no. :p

Yah, we wouldn't want to give them Idol worshipping, heathen, Catholics a bad name or anything.

Yeah, I would totally lose my street cred if they knew I was Christian.

IRA heaven?

Goofball Heaven. Pillaging, wedgies and whiskey, ftw.

I'd get kicked out of IRA Heaven for other reasons.

geeez LG you are such a MAN!

how about the heaven where i get to hang out with the blessed virgin and we braid each other's hair while gossipping about the angels?

Yeah...I don't want to go to Heaven and have a repeat of NSG, whiskey and weapons or no. :p

Why not? You're guarenteed to have lots of intellectual debate all around you, though with the occasional troll mucking things up....but as a mod you could always whip out a hammer and smack them or something...

I don't know. Out of the choices available it's the one I'd go for, at least.

Ashmoria: Because that would be boring eventually? Not to say that braiding angel hair for a bit wouldn't be interesting, because it would be. But an eternity of that would be rather boring, yah?

That said I don't like most of his choices either. He is definitely a typical male, and typical maleness embarrasses me...

Woud the boredom part of my brain be removed? Eternity would suck otherwise.

Well that's true...I suppose I just quibbled with your wording.

No prob. I do that alot myself. :p

I have a problem with the thread title. - I thought non-smokers don't die.

I wonder if I could get kicked out of all ten heavens?

Someone should write a book about trying to get kicked out of all levels of heaven. Or a video game. That would be fucking awesome.

Me? I'll probably go to Goofball Heaven despite pressure to go to Catholic Heaven. Maybe I can take a few Catholics with me.

Chasing sorority girls sounds much more entertaining than hookers. I mean really...

Someone should write a book about trying to get kicked out of all levels of heaven. Or a video game. That would be fucking awesome.

Me? I'll probably go to Goofball Heaven despite pressure to go to Catholic Heaven. Maybe I can take a few Catholics with me.

You know, that book ideas not half bad......Hmmm:cool:

You know, that book ideas not half bad......Hmmm:cool:

A parody of Dante's Inferno, eh? What would we call it, though?

Will there be a "beer cigars and strippers" heaven?

Yes. Where is the heaven for us pastafarians ? We were touched by His noodly appendage, so bring on the beer vulcano and stripper factory :)

Ramen.

None of them sound particularly appealing.

:(

Boo hoo hoo! I work and i slave to make appealing heavens and what thanks do I get? I wish I was dead! Boo Hoo Hoo! :(


;)

geeez LG you are such a MAN!

how about the heaven where i get to hang out with the blessed virgin and we braid each other's hair while gossipping about the angels?

*does a careful physical inspection* Yep. I'm definitely a man.

That sounds like a fairly nice heaven. At least until my maniacs raid it. :)

None of them sound particularly appealing.

My thoughts exactly. :(
Being a woman I can't even vote for Fass' heaven, because what would be in it for me? *mopes*

As pleased as I am that so many of you want to be maniacs with me, I'm quite surprised that CToaN Heaven's blackjack and hookers aren't more popular.

My thoughts exactly. :(
Being a woman I can't even vote for Fass' heaven, because what would be in it for me? *mopes*

There are male hookers in the prostitution industry. ;)

There are male hookers in the prostitution industry. ;)
Ah, but who wants to pay for sex?

As pleased as I am that so many of you want to be maniacs with me, I'm quite surprised that CToaN Heaven's blackjack and hookers aren't more popular.

having to pay for sex is not my idea of heaven ;)

Hmm, then again, seeing how this is supposed to be heaven, maybe the hookers pay us for the privilege of having sex with us? Excellent. :D

Now all I need is somebody teaching me Blackjack and I can move into CToaN's heaven ASAP. :)

Ah, but who wants to pay for sex?

You win the money at blackjack. *nod*

*does a careful physical inspection* Yep. I'm definitely a man.

That sounds like a fairly nice heaven. At least until my maniacs raid it. :)

oh LG, as soon as you got there the blessed virgin would give you THE LOOK (the one she used to give jesus when he started messing with the neighbors well by turning the water into wine) you would just stop in your tracks and slink off to goof with the hookers in the next heaven over.

My thoughts exactly. :(
Being a woman I can't even vote for Fass' heaven, because what would be in it for me? *mopes*well.... i'll be in you if you want... :D :D :D :p :p

oh LG, as soon as you got there the blessed virgin would give you THE LOOK (the one she used to give jesus when he started messing with the neighbors well by turning the water into wine) you would just stop in your tracks and slink off to goof with the hookers in the next heaven over.

:eek:

:(

You win the money at blackjack. *nod*

This being heaven you never lose right? Well, not lose often at least? It would suck to be in this paradise where the house takes all your money.

This being heaven you never lose right? Well, not lose often at least? It would suck to be in this paradise where the house takes all your money.

The winners all laugh at the guys that break even. :p

well.... i'll be in you if you want... :D :D :D :p :p

OHMYGOD thats nasty!

The winners all laugh at the guys that break even. :p

Alright, that's acceptable. But if I am one of those who break even, after a good laughing at I expect my friends to pay for any whiskey or hookers I might need. No reason to pay yourself after a bad night at the tables, right? ;)

Alright, that's acceptable. But if I am one of those who break even, after a good laughing at I expect my friends to pay for any whiskey or hookers I might need. No reason to pay yourself after a bad night at the tables, right? ;)

What kind of friends wouldn't get you a hooker and some booze? No kind of friends I want to spend eternity with, that's what kind. :p

What kind of friends wouldn't get you a hooker and some booze? No kind of friends I want to spend eternity with, that's what kind. :p

Well, alright! Goofball heaven sounds like the place to be! Even makes me want to hurry up and get there already. RL sucks after all compared to this. :)

If I don't get to reincarnate (I don't see why not, there are other worlds than this . . .) then I want to go to FSM heaven with the beer volcano, stripper factory, and pirate ship.

My thoughts exactly. :(
Being a woman I can't even vote for Fass' heaven, because what would be in it for me? *mopes*

Money? :p

If I don't get to reincarnate (I don't see why not, there are other worlds than this . . .) then I want to go to FSM heaven with the beer volcano, stripper factory, and pirate ship.

Reincarnation was called off when God promise to visit no further plagues upon creation and realized that the human race counted.

But if you want, you can go back as a space herpe. :)

Reincarnation was called off when God promise to visit no further plagues upon creation and realized that the human race counted.

But if you want, you can go back as a space herpe. :)

I was thinking Grey Alien. :p

I was thinking Grey Alien. :p

*looks at your karma* Heh. I don't think so. The only thng you qualify for is space herpe or primordial ooze. *nod*

This is a biased poll...

...and rightly so!

*votes for Goofball Heaven*

Where's the FSM strippers & beer volcano heaven? :(

CToaN Heaven! With Blackjack and Hookers!
In fact, forget the heaven!

Hey! Why is there a Fass heaven but no Bumboat heaven? Booo!
I think there would be demand for it. All women, clothing optional, and lots of interesting things to do when not engaging in sex or fluffling.

I was thinking Grey Alien.

*looks at your karma* Heh. I don't think so. The only thng you qualify for is space herpe or primordial ooze. *nod*

that means he's got enough points to become a lawer

Valhalla!

Valhalla!

Seconded!


But wait, where's my WH40K heaven? Sure I blatantly worship Chaos but as you said, clerical error, why can't I be with the Emperor. Or better yet with Leman Russ! I'd like to spend the rest of eternity taunting the Emperor-botherers with Commisar Caine. Failing that Goofball Heaven sounds good.

Edit: Or the 4 "heavens' of the chaos gods for that matter? Slaanesh would create a wonderful heaven... orgy, buffet, drugs and other such raining from the sky. Nurgle... yeah... not so much. Khorne, an eternal battlefield on plains of brass with rives of blood. Could be fun for a weekend. Tzeentch, well, I have no idea how that would turn out. Or best yet an Undivided heaven where you can visit any of the 4 as the whim takes you.

You know, I voted for Goofball Heaven.

I am a little disappointed now that I see it reads "roving band" rather than "raiding band". :(

EDIT: Wait. It's a roving band that's raiding! I'm happy again :D

Hey! Why is there a Fass heaven but no Bumboat heaven? Booo!
I think there would be demand for it. All women, clothing optional, and lots of interesting things to do when not engaging in sex or fluffling.

like the sound of that

like the sound of that

so do I. can I have visiting rights? I won't stay... I promise!

that means he's got enough points to become a lawer

I would rather go with primordial ooze. I really have no reason to save points.

Well, I was going to go with 'Virgins, Virgins, Virgins!', and then realized there was a heaven with hookers and gambling. More experience, and more diversions.

Heaven and Hell are identical. Everyone is seated 8 feet from a large cauldron of soup. Everyone is equipped with a 10-foot spoon. In Hell, everyone tries to feed themselves. In Heaven, everyone feeds each other.

Heaven and Hell are identical. Everyone is seated 8 feet from a large cauldron of soup. Everyone is equipped with a 10-foot spoon. In Hell, everyone tries to feed themselves. In Heaven, everyone feeds each other.

What kind of soup is it?

What kind of soup is it?

Allegorical ;)

Allegorical ;)

*hangs head* I was hoping for Chicken with rice and veg, or maybe beef-barely.

Heaven and Hell are identical. Everyone is seated 8 feet from a large cauldron of soup. Everyone is equipped with a 10-foot spoon. In Hell, everyone tries to feed themselves. In Heaven, everyone feeds each other.

so... only the cleaver can feed themselves in Hell?

I voted for Goofball heaven because it had the highest votes, meaning I would get to hang out with more generalites than in any of the other heavens.:)

so do I. can I have visiting rights? I won't stay... I promise!

that all i need too as i can't stay as i'm getting put to work when i die

No breakfast heaven?! :eek::mad::p

I could go for NSG heaven.

Where's my heaven?

Where's my pot and booze for all heaven?

:(

Where's my heaven?

Where's my pot and booze for all heaven?

:(

Didn't you hear... It went up in smoke.

They're so High now, no one can get to them. :p

Well, I was going to go with 'Virgins, Virgins, Virgins!', and then realized there was a heaven with hookers and gambling. More experience, and more diversions.

More venereal diseases, too.

Hey! Why is there a Fass heaven but no Bumboat heaven? Booo!
I think there would be demand for it. All women, clothing optional, and lots of interesting things to do when not engaging in sex or fluffling.

I second this.
>.>
<.<

I second this.
>.>
<.<

If I had more poll choices, I might have included a 'Women on Trampolines' Heaven. *nod*

Goofball Heaven! Je suis Napoleon!

Hehehe, nah, seriously, I'm not.

Due to a slight miscalculation, the Earth explodes and everybody dies. Due to a clerical error, everybody goes to Heaven.

In the haste to sort things out, Ten different Heavens are created, and everybody is given their choice as to which Heaven to go to. Which do you choose?

Poll coming:

Goofball Heaven. Simple. I want sex, and to have a little fun.

Didn't you hear... It went up in smoke.

They're so High now, no one can get to them. :p

:eek:

Buh.. :(

Goofball heaven by far... followed by NSG heaven, Muslim heaven, and Irish Catholic heaven.

Jewish heaven. Reasons:
1. I'm Jewish, duh.
2. Einstein, all the rabbis, and half the really smart guys in history were Jewish, so I get to meet them.
3. Some of the most righteous people in history were/are Jewish, including Rabbi Akiva, Anne Frank, and more than a few of my classmates from school. I would be honored to spend time with them.
4. Security. We have guns (soon to be replaced by lasers and plasma rifles, courtesy of Dr. Einstein and yours truly), we have great warriors (from King David to Moshe Dayan to Ariel Sharon), and we have our elite Ninjews. Add to that the Muslims between us and everybody else, and every attack by the Goofballs will be FPS heaven.
5. Entertainment. Between having half the decent directors and actors, ALL the major Hollywood studios, and all the good comedians, we have entertainment galore.

Why is Valhalla not listed :mad:
Drinking, eating, and fighting is the viking way!

Eh screw it I'll just make my own heaven, with Blackjack and hookers! Ya know what forget the blackjack...and forget heaven!

I figure that with the Goofballs, there is a Valhallan aspect. If you get killed, you come back to life - aka respawn - in your heaven that night.

You join the Goofballs for constant combat. However, if you prefer to massacre Goofballs using high-tec weapons, fighting alongside some of the greatest veterans of guerilla warfare in history (and a few modern warriors), then come to Jewish Heaven.

And now, Jewish Heaven is offering admission to non-Jewish intellectuals, provided they are righteous enough and can pass the Trial: ritual debate with a rabbi. If they are able to hold up for 60 seconds without resorting to flame tactics, they get in.

I figure that with the Goofballs, there is a Valhallan aspect. If you get killed, you come back to life - aka respawn - in your heaven that night.

You join the Goofballs for constant combat. However, if you prefer to massacre Goofballs using high-tec weapons, fighting alongside some of the greatest veterans of guerilla warfare in history (and a few modern warriors), then come to Jewish Heaven.

And now, Jewish Heaven is offering admission to non-Jewish intellectuals, provided they are righteous enough and can pass the Trial: ritual debate with a rabbi. If they are able to hold up for 60 seconds without resorting to flame tactics, they get in.


Are wedgies considered 'flame tactics'?

Are wedgies considered 'flame tactics'?

Nope. :)

Not exactly, but you are separated from your opponent by a table. Furthermore, the rabbi's WIFE is in the audience, so giving the rabbi a wedgie is a bad idea.

Goofball heaven. It's a no-brainer.