NationStates Jolt Archive


Everybody Dies!

Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 15:34
Due to a slight miscalculation, the Earth explodes and everybody dies. Due to a clerical error, everybody goes to Heaven.

In the haste to sort things out, Ten different Heavens are created, and everybody is given their choice as to which Heaven to go to. Which do you choose?

Poll coming:
MrMopar
23-03-2007, 15:37
First post.

EDIT: Where is my damn poll?
Zilam
23-03-2007, 15:39
First post.

EDIT: Where is my damn poll?

Second post!
MrMopar
23-03-2007, 15:40
Second post!
Third post! Odd numbers win!
Ifreann
23-03-2007, 15:43
I need moar poll!
Ollieland
23-03-2007, 15:43
Will there be a "beer cigars and strippers" heaven?
Big Jim P
23-03-2007, 15:46
I wonder if I could get kicked out of all ten heavens?
Deus Malum
23-03-2007, 15:47
If there is no pancake heaven option, I'm not voting.

I'm not saying I'm necessarily going to vote for the pancake heaven option, but it needs to be there.
Demented Hamsters
23-03-2007, 15:47
I vote not to go to Gamer's Heaven, because that would be filled tothe brim with the grossly overweight, poor hygiene habits, pimply, never matured beyond adolescence, mother's basement dwellers.

True, it would no doubt be also stocked with CGI women with absurdly large breasts and narrow hips, along with Hentai and Manga chicks.
But the sight of all those asthmatic, clammy-fingered, foodbit-festooned, wispy bearded fanboys drooling over them would be too much of a put-off for me.
Zilam
23-03-2007, 15:49
I need moar Zilam!


Well, since you asked..or I fixed.

Oh yeah, I am a tease (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a192/piggy_g87/Teaseone.jpg)
Drunk commies deleted
23-03-2007, 15:49
How about a Hell-Heaven where monsters and demons are real and you get to be the hero of a horror/action movie every day? Could make for an exciting eternity.
Zilam
23-03-2007, 15:50
There better be a poll by time i get back from class.. or else ;)
Andaluciae
23-03-2007, 15:52
Easy!

Knowing that God must have one hell of a sense of humor, Goofball Heaven!
Kyronea
23-03-2007, 15:52
I vote not to go to Gamer's Heaven, because that would be filled tothe brim with the grossly overweight, poor hygiene habits, pimply, never matured beyond adolescence, mother's basement dwellers.

True, it would no doubt be also stocked with CGI women with absurdly large breasts and narrow hips, along with Hentai and Manga chicks.
But the sight of all those asthmatic, clammy-fingered, foodbit-festooned, wispy bearded fanboys drooling over them would be too much of a put-off for me.
You disgust me, both with the offensive stereotyping of video gamers everywhere and the imagry.
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 15:53
I wonder if I could get kicked out of all ten heavens?

The tenth would be a challenge. Especially after the first nine. :)
Londim
23-03-2007, 15:57
Goofball Heaven - Where getting kicked in the nuts is an everyday occurence.:p
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 15:58
Goofball Heaven - Where getting kicked in the nuts is an everyday occurence.:p

Small price to pay for getting to kick people in the nuts for all eternity. :)
Kyronea
23-03-2007, 15:59
Due to a slight miscalculation, the Earth explodes and everybody dies. Due to a clerical error, everybody goes to Heaven.

In the haste to sort things out, Ten different Heavens are created, and everybody is given their choice as to which Heaven to go to. Which do you choose?

Poll coming:

I vote NSG Heaven, if only because none of the others on the list appeal to me.
Deus Malum
23-03-2007, 15:59
Small price to pay for getting to kick people in the nuts for all eternity. :)

*Kicks LG in the nuts*

What, gotta start somewhere, eh?
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 15:59
*Kicks LG in the nuts*

What, gotta start somewhere, eh?

*collapses like a sack of drowned kittens*
Kyronea
23-03-2007, 16:03
*collapses like a sack of drowned kittens*

...a sack of drowned kittens?! MURDERER! :(
Big Jim P
23-03-2007, 16:05
Catholic Heaven! Jesus, Guilt and solemn reflections. Not guilty, so I'm out.

Irish Catholic Heaven! Jesus, Guilt, reflections and whiskey. Not guilty again, and I don't drink. I'm out

Jehova's Witnesses Heaven! Infinite Doors to knock on! Knock and run leaving burning bags of poop. I'm out

Muslim Heaven! Virgins, Virgins, Virgins! Not after I'm done. Out

CToaN Heaven! With Blackjack and Hookers! Lost all my money on the blackjack and can't pay for the hookers. I'm out

Fass Heaven! Lots and lots of swedish meatballs if you catch my meaning. *nudgenudgewinkwink* Sorry, If I want to play with meatballs, I have my own. I'm out

Atheist Heaven! A series of sensory deprivation tanks.I'm can't be an athiest since I am God. I'm out

Jewish Heaven! Nestled snugly in the middle of Muslim Heaven, but very heavily armed. Kicked out for selling BLT sandwiches

NSG Heaven! You can't even leave if you DO check out! I can't die and go here, I'm an NSG Immortal

Goofball Heaven! A roving band of maniacs raiding for whiskey, virgins, hookers, and to wedgie Jesus Giving Jesus a wedgie? Nowthis is what I call heaven!


The tenth would be a challenge. Especially after the first nine. :)

Looks like you were right.:D
I V Stalin
23-03-2007, 16:07
NSG Heaven...no, wait, looks like I'm there already. Unless it's NSG Hell.

It's going to have to be Goofball Heaven. :D
Ifreann
23-03-2007, 16:10
Goofball Heaven all the way, especially if it's adjacent to FSM Heaven.
Imperial isa
23-03-2007, 16:18
heaven not for me i just get sent to the front lines to battle demons
JuNii
23-03-2007, 17:56
the christian one, not the catholic one.

peace and happiness. spending eternity with your loved ones and making new friends.

Chatting with Jesus, God, Moses and all the others... yeah... that's where I'm going.
Kyronea
23-03-2007, 18:05
the christian one, not the catholic one.

...Catholics are Christians...
HotRodia
23-03-2007, 18:11
...Catholics are Christians...

Shh. Don't spread it around.

Given the choices, I could only go with either the Irish Catholic Heaven (I like whiskey) or the Jewish Heaven (I like weapons). Tough call, really.
Kyronea
23-03-2007, 18:13
Shh. Don't spread it around.

Given the choices, I could only go with either the Irish Catholic Heaven (I like whiskey) or the Jewish Heaven (I like weapons). Tough call, really.

Surely you could have both in NSG Heaven given our diversity and large population of weapon enthusiasts?
Big Jim P
23-03-2007, 18:16
Shh. Don't spread it around.

Given the choices, I could only go with either the Irish Catholic Heaven (I like whiskey) or the Jewish Heaven (I like weapons). Tough call, really.

Yah, we wouldn't want to give them Idol worshipping, heathen, Catholics a bad name or anything.
Congo--Kinshasa
23-03-2007, 18:17
None of them sound particularly appealing.
JuNii
23-03-2007, 18:18
...Catholics are Christians...

but not all Christians are Catholic. ;)

the poll specifies CATHOLIC Heaven. :p
Morganatron
23-03-2007, 18:18
Shh. Don't spread it around.

Given the choices, I could only go with either the Irish Catholic Heaven (I like whiskey) or the Jewish Heaven (I like weapons). Tough call, really.

IRA heaven?

Goofball Heaven. Pillaging, wedgies and whiskey, ftw.
Kyronea
23-03-2007, 18:22
but not all Christians are Catholic. ;)

the poll specifies CATHOLIC Heaven. :p

Well that's true...I suppose I just quibbled with your wording.
HotRodia
23-03-2007, 18:22
Surely you could have both in NSG Heaven given our diversity and large population of weapon enthusiasts?

Yeah...I don't want to go to Heaven and have a repeat of NSG, whiskey and weapons or no. :p

Yah, we wouldn't want to give them Idol worshipping, heathen, Catholics a bad name or anything.

Yeah, I would totally lose my street cred if they knew I was Christian.

IRA heaven?

Goofball Heaven. Pillaging, wedgies and whiskey, ftw.

I'd get kicked out of IRA Heaven for other reasons.
Ashmoria
23-03-2007, 18:26
geeez LG you are such a MAN!

how about the heaven where i get to hang out with the blessed virgin and we braid each other's hair while gossipping about the angels?
Kyronea
23-03-2007, 18:28
Yeah...I don't want to go to Heaven and have a repeat of NSG, whiskey and weapons or no. :p

Why not? You're guarenteed to have lots of intellectual debate all around you, though with the occasional troll mucking things up....but as a mod you could always whip out a hammer and smack them or something...

I don't know. Out of the choices available it's the one I'd go for, at least.

Ashmoria: Because that would be boring eventually? Not to say that braiding angel hair for a bit wouldn't be interesting, because it would be. But an eternity of that would be rather boring, yah?

That said I don't like most of his choices either. He is definitely a typical male, and typical maleness embarrasses me...
Snafturi
23-03-2007, 18:29
Woud the boredom part of my brain be removed? Eternity would suck otherwise.
JuNii
23-03-2007, 18:31
Well that's true...I suppose I just quibbled with your wording.

No prob. I do that alot myself. :p
Monkey Nipples
23-03-2007, 18:32
I have a problem with the thread title. - I thought non-smokers don't die.
Ice Hockey Players
23-03-2007, 18:46
I wonder if I could get kicked out of all ten heavens?

Someone should write a book about trying to get kicked out of all levels of heaven. Or a video game. That would be fucking awesome.

Me? I'll probably go to Goofball Heaven despite pressure to go to Catholic Heaven. Maybe I can take a few Catholics with me.
Utracia
23-03-2007, 18:49
Chasing sorority girls sounds much more entertaining than hookers. I mean really...
Big Jim P
23-03-2007, 18:51
Someone should write a book about trying to get kicked out of all levels of heaven. Or a video game. That would be fucking awesome.

Me? I'll probably go to Goofball Heaven despite pressure to go to Catholic Heaven. Maybe I can take a few Catholics with me.

You know, that book ideas not half bad......Hmmm:cool:
Kyronea
23-03-2007, 19:12
You know, that book ideas not half bad......Hmmm:cool:

A parody of Dante's Inferno, eh? What would we call it, though?
The Alma Mater
23-03-2007, 19:35
Will there be a "beer cigars and strippers" heaven?

Yes. Where is the heaven for us pastafarians ? We were touched by His noodly appendage, so bring on the beer vulcano and stripper factory :)

Ramen.
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 19:38
None of them sound particularly appealing.

:(

Boo hoo hoo! I work and i slave to make appealing heavens and what thanks do I get? I wish I was dead! Boo Hoo Hoo! :(


;)
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 19:40
geeez LG you are such a MAN!

how about the heaven where i get to hang out with the blessed virgin and we braid each other's hair while gossipping about the angels?

*does a careful physical inspection* Yep. I'm definitely a man.

That sounds like a fairly nice heaven. At least until my maniacs raid it. :)
Whereyouthinkyougoing
23-03-2007, 19:41
None of them sound particularly appealing.

My thoughts exactly. :(
Being a woman I can't even vote for Fass' heaven, because what would be in it for me? *mopes*
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 19:44
As pleased as I am that so many of you want to be maniacs with me, I'm quite surprised that CToaN Heaven's blackjack and hookers aren't more popular.
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 19:45
My thoughts exactly. :(
Being a woman I can't even vote for Fass' heaven, because what would be in it for me? *mopes*

There are male hookers in the prostitution industry. ;)
Whereyouthinkyougoing
23-03-2007, 19:46
There are male hookers in the prostitution industry. ;)
Ah, but who wants to pay for sex?
The Alma Mater
23-03-2007, 19:46
As pleased as I am that so many of you want to be maniacs with me, I'm quite surprised that CToaN Heaven's blackjack and hookers aren't more popular.

having to pay for sex is not my idea of heaven ;)
Whereyouthinkyougoing
23-03-2007, 19:48
Hmm, then again, seeing how this is supposed to be heaven, maybe the hookers pay us for the privilege of having sex with us? Excellent. :D

Now all I need is somebody teaching me Blackjack and I can move into CToaN's heaven ASAP. :)
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 19:58
Ah, but who wants to pay for sex?

You win the money at blackjack. *nod*
Ashmoria
23-03-2007, 20:04
*does a careful physical inspection* Yep. I'm definitely a man.

That sounds like a fairly nice heaven. At least until my maniacs raid it. :)

oh LG, as soon as you got there the blessed virgin would give you THE LOOK (the one she used to give jesus when he started messing with the neighbors well by turning the water into wine) you would just stop in your tracks and slink off to goof with the hookers in the next heaven over.
JuNii
23-03-2007, 20:09
My thoughts exactly. :(
Being a woman I can't even vote for Fass' heaven, because what would be in it for me? *mopes*well.... i'll be in you if you want... :D :D :D :p :p
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 20:12
oh LG, as soon as you got there the blessed virgin would give you THE LOOK (the one she used to give jesus when he started messing with the neighbors well by turning the water into wine) you would just stop in your tracks and slink off to goof with the hookers in the next heaven over.

:eek:

:(
Utracia
23-03-2007, 20:13
You win the money at blackjack. *nod*

This being heaven you never lose right? Well, not lose often at least? It would suck to be in this paradise where the house takes all your money.
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 20:13
This being heaven you never lose right? Well, not lose often at least? It would suck to be in this paradise where the house takes all your money.

The winners all laugh at the guys that break even. :p
Ashmoria
23-03-2007, 20:22
well.... i'll be in you if you want... :D :D :D :p :p

OHMYGOD thats nasty!
Utracia
23-03-2007, 20:24
The winners all laugh at the guys that break even. :p

Alright, that's acceptable. But if I am one of those who break even, after a good laughing at I expect my friends to pay for any whiskey or hookers I might need. No reason to pay yourself after a bad night at the tables, right? ;)
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 20:26
Alright, that's acceptable. But if I am one of those who break even, after a good laughing at I expect my friends to pay for any whiskey or hookers I might need. No reason to pay yourself after a bad night at the tables, right? ;)

What kind of friends wouldn't get you a hooker and some booze? No kind of friends I want to spend eternity with, that's what kind. :p
Utracia
23-03-2007, 20:30
What kind of friends wouldn't get you a hooker and some booze? No kind of friends I want to spend eternity with, that's what kind. :p

Well, alright! Goofball heaven sounds like the place to be! Even makes me want to hurry up and get there already. RL sucks after all compared to this. :)
Redwulf25
23-03-2007, 20:34
If I don't get to reincarnate (I don't see why not, there are other worlds than this . . .) then I want to go to FSM heaven with the beer volcano, stripper factory, and pirate ship.
Redwulf25
23-03-2007, 20:38
My thoughts exactly. :(
Being a woman I can't even vote for Fass' heaven, because what would be in it for me? *mopes*

Money? :p
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 20:39
If I don't get to reincarnate (I don't see why not, there are other worlds than this . . .) then I want to go to FSM heaven with the beer volcano, stripper factory, and pirate ship.

Reincarnation was called off when God promise to visit no further plagues upon creation and realized that the human race counted.

But if you want, you can go back as a space herpe. :)
Redwulf25
23-03-2007, 20:52
Reincarnation was called off when God promise to visit no further plagues upon creation and realized that the human race counted.

But if you want, you can go back as a space herpe. :)

I was thinking Grey Alien. :p
Lunatic Goofballs
23-03-2007, 20:55
I was thinking Grey Alien. :p

*looks at your karma* Heh. I don't think so. The only thng you qualify for is space herpe or primordial ooze. *nod*
Seathornia
23-03-2007, 20:58
This is a biased poll...

...and rightly so!

*votes for Goofball Heaven*
Boonytopia
24-03-2007, 01:19
Where's the FSM strippers & beer volcano heaven? :(
Ghost Tigers Rise
24-03-2007, 02:07
CToaN Heaven! With Blackjack and Hookers!
In fact, forget the heaven!
Bumboat
24-03-2007, 02:27
Hey! Why is there a Fass heaven but no Bumboat heaven? Booo!
I think there would be demand for it. All women, clothing optional, and lots of interesting things to do when not engaging in sex or fluffling.
Poitter
24-03-2007, 02:52
I was thinking Grey Alien.

*looks at your karma* Heh. I don't think so. The only thng you qualify for is space herpe or primordial ooze. *nod*

that means he's got enough points to become a lawer
Angry Swedish Monkeys
24-03-2007, 03:05
Valhalla!
Padmasa
24-03-2007, 03:12
Valhalla!

Seconded!


But wait, where's my WH40K heaven? Sure I blatantly worship Chaos but as you said, clerical error, why can't I be with the Emperor. Or better yet with Leman Russ! I'd like to spend the rest of eternity taunting the Emperor-botherers with Commisar Caine. Failing that Goofball Heaven sounds good.

Edit: Or the 4 "heavens' of the chaos gods for that matter? Slaanesh would create a wonderful heaven... orgy, buffet, drugs and other such raining from the sky. Nurgle... yeah... not so much. Khorne, an eternal battlefield on plains of brass with rives of blood. Could be fun for a weekend. Tzeentch, well, I have no idea how that would turn out. Or best yet an Undivided heaven where you can visit any of the 4 as the whim takes you.
Mattybee
24-03-2007, 03:14
You know, I voted for Goofball Heaven.

I am a little disappointed now that I see it reads "roving band" rather than "raiding band". :(

EDIT: Wait. It's a roving band that's raiding! I'm happy again :D
Imperial isa
24-03-2007, 03:21
Hey! Why is there a Fass heaven but no Bumboat heaven? Booo!
I think there would be demand for it. All women, clothing optional, and lots of interesting things to do when not engaging in sex or fluffling.

like the sound of that
JuNii
24-03-2007, 03:33
like the sound of that

so do I. can I have visiting rights? I won't stay... I promise!
Redwulf25
24-03-2007, 03:39
that means he's got enough points to become a lawer

I would rather go with primordial ooze. I really have no reason to save points.
Mikesburg
24-03-2007, 03:41
Well, I was going to go with 'Virgins, Virgins, Virgins!', and then realized there was a heaven with hookers and gambling. More experience, and more diversions.
Curious Inquiry
24-03-2007, 03:49
Heaven and Hell are identical. Everyone is seated 8 feet from a large cauldron of soup. Everyone is equipped with a 10-foot spoon. In Hell, everyone tries to feed themselves. In Heaven, everyone feeds each other.
Padmasa
24-03-2007, 03:52
Heaven and Hell are identical. Everyone is seated 8 feet from a large cauldron of soup. Everyone is equipped with a 10-foot spoon. In Hell, everyone tries to feed themselves. In Heaven, everyone feeds each other.

What kind of soup is it?
Curious Inquiry
24-03-2007, 03:57
What kind of soup is it?

Allegorical ;)
Padmasa
24-03-2007, 04:06
Allegorical ;)

*hangs head* I was hoping for Chicken with rice and veg, or maybe beef-barely.
JuNii
24-03-2007, 04:07
Heaven and Hell are identical. Everyone is seated 8 feet from a large cauldron of soup. Everyone is equipped with a 10-foot spoon. In Hell, everyone tries to feed themselves. In Heaven, everyone feeds each other.

so... only the cleaver can feed themselves in Hell?
MrWho
24-03-2007, 04:10
I voted for Goofball heaven because it had the highest votes, meaning I would get to hang out with more generalites than in any of the other heavens.:)
Imperial isa
24-03-2007, 04:14
so do I. can I have visiting rights? I won't stay... I promise!

that all i need too as i can't stay as i'm getting put to work when i die
Darknovae
24-03-2007, 04:30
No breakfast heaven?! :eek::mad::p

I could go for NSG heaven.
IL Ruffino
24-03-2007, 04:31
Where's my heaven?

Where's my pot and booze for all heaven?

:(
JuNii
24-03-2007, 04:38
Where's my heaven?

Where's my pot and booze for all heaven?

:(

Didn't you hear... It went up in smoke.

They're so High now, no one can get to them. :p
Ghost Tigers Rise
24-03-2007, 15:07
Well, I was going to go with 'Virgins, Virgins, Virgins!', and then realized there was a heaven with hookers and gambling. More experience, and more diversions.

More venereal diseases, too.
Ifreann
24-03-2007, 15:15
Hey! Why is there a Fass heaven but no Bumboat heaven? Booo!
I think there would be demand for it. All women, clothing optional, and lots of interesting things to do when not engaging in sex or fluffling.

I second this.
>.>
<.<
Lunatic Goofballs
24-03-2007, 15:18
I second this.
>.>
<.<

If I had more poll choices, I might have included a 'Women on Trampolines' Heaven. *nod*
The Potato Factory
24-03-2007, 15:49
Goofball Heaven! Je suis Napoleon!

Hehehe, nah, seriously, I'm not.
Johnny B Goode
24-03-2007, 16:01
Due to a slight miscalculation, the Earth explodes and everybody dies. Due to a clerical error, everybody goes to Heaven.

In the haste to sort things out, Ten different Heavens are created, and everybody is given their choice as to which Heaven to go to. Which do you choose?

Poll coming:

Goofball Heaven. Simple. I want sex, and to have a little fun.
IL Ruffino
24-03-2007, 19:56
Didn't you hear... It went up in smoke.

They're so High now, no one can get to them. :p

:eek:

Buh.. :(
MrMopar
24-03-2007, 20:25
Goofball heaven by far... followed by NSG heaven, Muslim heaven, and Irish Catholic heaven.
Mirkana
24-03-2007, 21:30
Jewish heaven. Reasons:
1. I'm Jewish, duh.
2. Einstein, all the rabbis, and half the really smart guys in history were Jewish, so I get to meet them.
3. Some of the most righteous people in history were/are Jewish, including Rabbi Akiva, Anne Frank, and more than a few of my classmates from school. I would be honored to spend time with them.
4. Security. We have guns (soon to be replaced by lasers and plasma rifles, courtesy of Dr. Einstein and yours truly), we have great warriors (from King David to Moshe Dayan to Ariel Sharon), and we have our elite Ninjews. Add to that the Muslims between us and everybody else, and every attack by the Goofballs will be FPS heaven.
5. Entertainment. Between having half the decent directors and actors, ALL the major Hollywood studios, and all the good comedians, we have entertainment galore.
Luporum
24-03-2007, 21:35
Why is Valhalla not listed :mad:
Drinking, eating, and fighting is the viking way!

Eh screw it I'll just make my own heaven, with Blackjack and hookers! Ya know what forget the blackjack...and forget heaven!
Mirkana
24-03-2007, 21:44
I figure that with the Goofballs, there is a Valhallan aspect. If you get killed, you come back to life - aka respawn - in your heaven that night.

You join the Goofballs for constant combat. However, if you prefer to massacre Goofballs using high-tec weapons, fighting alongside some of the greatest veterans of guerilla warfare in history (and a few modern warriors), then come to Jewish Heaven.

And now, Jewish Heaven is offering admission to non-Jewish intellectuals, provided they are righteous enough and can pass the Trial: ritual debate with a rabbi. If they are able to hold up for 60 seconds without resorting to flame tactics, they get in.
Lunatic Goofballs
24-03-2007, 21:58
I figure that with the Goofballs, there is a Valhallan aspect. If you get killed, you come back to life - aka respawn - in your heaven that night.

You join the Goofballs for constant combat. However, if you prefer to massacre Goofballs using high-tec weapons, fighting alongside some of the greatest veterans of guerilla warfare in history (and a few modern warriors), then come to Jewish Heaven.

And now, Jewish Heaven is offering admission to non-Jewish intellectuals, provided they are righteous enough and can pass the Trial: ritual debate with a rabbi. If they are able to hold up for 60 seconds without resorting to flame tactics, they get in.


Are wedgies considered 'flame tactics'?
Ifreann
24-03-2007, 22:19
Are wedgies considered 'flame tactics'?

Nope. :)
Mirkana
24-03-2007, 23:39
Not exactly, but you are separated from your opponent by a table. Furthermore, the rabbi's WIFE is in the audience, so giving the rabbi a wedgie is a bad idea.
Nobel Hobos
25-03-2007, 02:02
Goofball heaven. It's a no-brainer.