NationStates Jolt Archive

Well I'm about to have a bt of a moan. I'm the oldest of three siblings, i'm 18 my brother is 12 and my sister 9. After the last few days where I've been stressed out doing a lot of coursework and essays and visiting univerisites I'm still getting in trouble.

Yesterday I wasn't even at home due to one of these univeristy visits I was on and I stil got the blame for the trouble my brother and sister caused. Why? Because I should be setting an example...I want to know how the heck I'm supposed to set more of an example! I do all my school work, if I'm going to be late home or staying at a friends I'll call home to tell them, I help with the chores and I help my brother and sister with their problems and also set aside a fe whours a week where we'll do something together, be it watch a film, play a game or I teach them guitar.

Why is it that parents always seem to give the oldest child crap while the younger ones hardly ever get into trouble? Please any parents on NSG tell me or any other oldest siblings tell us your theories or stories.

Well I'm about to have a bt of a moan. I'm the oldest of three siblings, i'm 18 my brother is 12 and my sister 9. After the last few days where I've been stressed out doing a lot of coursework and essays and visiting univerisites I'm still getting in trouble.

Yesterday I wasn't even at home due to one of these univeristy visits I was on and I stil got the blame for the trouble my brother and sister caused. Why? Because I should be setting an example...I want to know how the heck I'm supposed to set more of an example! I do all my school work, if I'm going to be late home or staying at a friends I'll call home to tell them, I help with the chores and I help my brother and sister with their problems and also set aside a fe whours a week where we'll do something together, be it watch a film, play a game or I teach them guitar.

Why is it that parents always seem to give the oldest child crap while the younger ones hardly ever get into trouble? Please any parents on NSG tell me or any other oldest siblings tell us your theories or stories.

I've said this to Johnny on multiple occasions, and I'll say it again:

You're the eldest child in an Indian family. The deck has pretty much been stacked against you your whole life. Deal with it.

I've said this to Johnny on multiple occasions, and I'll say it again:

You're the eldest child in an Indian family. The deck has pretty much been stacked against you your whole life. Deal with it.

Aww crap...This sucks.It's been getting worse lately and I actually cannot wait to move out in 5 months time.

Well I'm about to have a bt of a moan. I'm the oldest of three siblings, i'm 18 my brother is 12 and my sister 9. After the last few days where I've been stressed out doing a lot of coursework and essays and visiting univerisites I'm still getting in trouble.

Yesterday I wasn't even at home due to one of these univeristy visits I was on and I stil got the blame for the trouble my brother and sister caused. Why? Because I should be setting an example...I want to know how the heck I'm supposed to set more of an example! I do all my school work, if I'm going to be late home or staying at a friends I'll call home to tell them, I help with the chores and I help my brother and sister with their problems and also set aside a fe whours a week where we'll do something together, be it watch a film, play a game or I teach them guitar.

Why is it that parents always seem to give the oldest child crap while the younger ones hardly ever get into trouble? Please any parents on NSG tell me or any other oldest siblings tell us your theories or stories.

i'm also the oldest of 3. but to be honest i think my sister who is the second had way more trouble with our parents. it might have to do something with our characters.
certainly recently my parents have become more advisors/equals than bosses though, wich is cool.

Aww crap...This sucks.It's been getting worse lately and I actually cannot wait to move out in 5 months time.

Yeah. It sucks pretty hardcore. Which is why I hope and pray for the day I get the hell out of here.

Aww crap...This sucks.It's been getting worse lately and I actually cannot wait to move out in 5 months time.

think your mother will call you up in your dorm room (or whereever you go) and blame you for your brother spilling the milk?

think your mother will call you up in your dorm room (or whereever you go) and blame you for your brother spilling the milk?

Could be worse. As a result of the fact that my parents were paying for my education, I was forced to call them at 7:30PM every weekday as a scheduled "Hey, I'm still alive" call.

Pretty fucking annoying, eh?

Well I'm about to have a bt of a moan. I'm the oldest of three siblings, i'm 18 my brother is 12 and my sister 9. After the last few days where I've been stressed out doing a lot of coursework and essays and visiting univerisites I'm still getting in trouble.

Yesterday I wasn't even at home due to one of these univeristy visits I was on and I stil got the blame for the trouble my brother and sister caused. Why? Because I should be setting an example...I want to know how the heck I'm supposed to set more of an example! I do all my school work, if I'm going to be late home or staying at a friends I'll call home to tell them, I help with the chores and I help my brother and sister with their problems and also set aside a fe whours a week where we'll do something together, be it watch a film, play a game or I teach them guitar.

Why is it that parents always seem to give the oldest child crap while the younger ones hardly ever get into trouble? Please any parents on NSG tell me or any other oldest siblings tell us your theories or stories.


Heh thats just the way it is. I'm the eldest of 16 of us, man did I get into sooo much shit!

Heh thats just the way it is. I'm the eldest of 16 of us, man did I get into sooo much shit!

Jesus f-ing Christ!

think your mother will call you up in your dorm room (or whereever you go) and blame you for your brother spilling the milk?

It's lucky because I'm going to be paying for this myself so she probably won't. But she might....*plans to disconnect phone*

Heh thats just the way it is. I'm the eldest of 16 of us, man did I get into sooo much shit!

*dies of shock*

Could be worse. As a result of the fact that my parents were paying for my education, I was forced to call them at 7:30PM every weekday as a scheduled "Hey, I'm still alive" call.

Pretty fucking annoying, eh?

lol. yeah its hard to have the umbilical cord stretch that far. be gentle with them when you get a job and move away on your own. its going to be very traumatic.

are you living with them now?

It's lucky because I'm going to be paying for this myself so she probably won't. But she might....*plans to disconnect phone*

*dies of shock*

I paid my own way through college, and joined the Army so they couldn't call me.

I think its a cultural trait. It happened with me too, since I´m the older.

Maybe it comes all the way down from when the firstborn got everything the family had. And so, it was his job to look after the other ones.

Also, I guess its a way to teach the boy that, one day, he will be responsible for his parents too. Usually its the firstborn who takes care of the parents when they start to get old and unable to live a independent healthy life.

I dont think this happens as a conscious teaching, but in a more unconscious social way.

Anyway, I was the oldest of about 20 cousins. I had to take care of them and usually got blamed if they/me fucked up "He is only 7, why did you let him fall?!" used to say my aunts. Well, I can say I do have some mental damage because of that. Up to my 20 year I was afraid to hit anyone because then I would have to apologize to their parents :p

Wait until you're a parent. If you're not careful, you'll do what your parents did, even if you didn't like it then.

I'm the fifth of six kids. Do you think that let me get off easy? No, because I was the only son. So I shared with my oldest sister the joy of never being able to do enough to please our father.

Of course, we handled it differently. My sister became an overachiever - paid her own way to a private high school, then paid her own way (with scholarships and loans) through college and medical school, then started her own medical practice. Still not enough to please the old guy.

Me, I quit trying to please him. Right about the time I quit trying, my career took off, and soon I was making twice as much money as he was.

Luckily for all involved, the old bastard has mellowed quite a bit since he retired. We can actually talk to each other without raising our voices these days.

Wait until you're a parent. If you're not careful, you'll do what your parents did, even if you didn't like it then.

I hope not! I've been thinking about this and I want to be the kind of parent that advises his kids not shouts at them for their mistakes. I want to support my kids through whatever they do. If I turn into my parents I'll actually have to hurt myself.

I'm the fifth of six kids. Do you think that let me get off easy? No, because I was the only son. So I shared with my oldest sister the joy of never being able to do enough to please our father.

Of course, we handled it differently. My sister became an overachiever - paid her own way to a private high school, then paid her own way (with scholarships and loans) through college and medical school, then started her own medical practice. Still not enough to please the old guy.

Me, I quit trying to please him. Right about the time I quit trying, my career took off, and soon I was making twice as much money as he was.

Luckily for all involved, the old bastard has mellowed quite a bit since he retired. We can actually talk to each other without raising our voices these days.

Way to stick it to the man!:fluffle:

Well I'm about to have a bt of a moan. I'm the oldest of three siblings, i'm 18 my brother is 12 and my sister 9. After the last few days where I've been stressed out doing a lot of coursework and essays and visiting univerisites I'm still getting in trouble.

Yesterday I wasn't even at home due to one of these univeristy visits I was on and I stil got the blame for the trouble my brother and sister caused. Why? Because I should be setting an example...I want to know how the heck I'm supposed to set more of an example! I do all my school work, if I'm going to be late home or staying at a friends I'll call home to tell them, I help with the chores and I help my brother and sister with their problems and also set aside a fe whours a week where we'll do something together, be it watch a film, play a game or I teach them guitar.

Why is it that parents always seem to give the oldest child crap while the younger ones hardly ever get into trouble? Please any parents on NSG tell me or any other oldest siblings tell us your theories or stories.

It's the price you pay to have younger siblings to psychologically torture. :)

Heh thats just the way it is. I'm the eldest of 16 of us, man did I get into sooo much shit!

After the first twelve or so, I would have told mom, "It's a vagina, not a clown car." :)

Sooner you realize that your parents are more often than not angry that you're not living your life exactly as they want, the sooner you can ignore them and move on with life.

Aww crap...This sucks.It's been getting worse lately and I actually cannot wait to move out in 5 months time.

Yeah. It sucks pretty hardcore. Which is why I hope and pray for the day I get the hell out of here.

once you graduate and live on your own, wont your parents start trying to find a nice girl for you to marry?

once you graduate and live on your own, wont your parents start trying to find a nice girl for you to marry?

Yeah they'll try but at least my mother won't mind if I marry a *shochhorror* white girl. My girlfirend is white and a lot of my family have been quite hostile about it.

The older they get, the cuter they ain't.

The older they get, the cuter they ain't.

They're cute til they learn to talk, then they learn to talk back.

Yeah they'll try but at least my mother won't mind if I marry a *shochhorror* white girl. My girlfirend is white and a lot of my family have been quite hostile about it.

she's probably hoping you'll outgrow it.

drop that gf and youll find that she has a whole list of suitable candidates.

I'm the oldest and I freaking deserved the blame.

That being said, my younger siblings enjoyed a pretty smooth path through school-Having me as an older brother had its rewards.

she's probably hoping you'll outgrow it.

drop that gf and youll find that she has a whole list of suitable candidates.

After that big talk we had how about I should marry someone who I love and respect that'll be like a kick to the head. My mother should know after she was forced into an arranged marriage( the only sibling of 5 to have been) and her and my dad do not get along. So if she does that then she'll be doing exactly the same thing to me as what her parents did to her.

once you graduate and live on your own, wont your parents start trying to find a nice girl for you to marry?

Oh hell no. I've made it clear that that is one part of my life they are to stay the hell out of, if they know what's good for them.

I'm the fifth of six kids. Do you think that let me get off easy? No, because I was the only son. So I shared with my oldest sister the joy of never being able to do enough to please our father.

Of course, we handled it differently. My sister became an overachiever - paid her own way to a private high school, then paid her own way (with scholarships and loans) through college and medical school, then started her own medical practice. Still not enough to please the old guy.

Me, I quit trying to please him. Right about the time I quit trying, my career took off, and soon I was making twice as much money as he was.

Luckily for all involved, the old bastard has mellowed quite a bit since he retired. We can actually talk to each other without raising our voices these days.

Heheh

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats.
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can.
And don't have any kids yourself.

Philip Larkin

After that big talk we had how about I should marry someone who I love and respect that'll be like a kick to the head. My mother should know after she was forced into an arranged marriage( the only sibling of 5 to have been) and her and my dad do not get along. So if she does that then she'll be doing exactly the same thing to me as what her parents did to her.

well now im not necessarily suggesting that she would arrange a marriage for you. that isnt possible in the west without your cooperation. but she might well hope that she'll be able to introduce you to some nice girls of indian heritage that you might decide to marry for whatever reason.

Oh hell no. I've made it clear that that is one part of my life they are to stay the hell out of, if they know what's good for them.

its hard for me to imagine that a mother who insisted that you call every day at 7:30 would obey that rule. SURELY if you stay single long enough you will start to find that when you go to your parents house for dinner or a holiday celebration that there are always single women of indian heritage there.

its hard for me to imagine that a mother who insisted that you call every day at 7:30 would obey that rule. SURELY if you stay single long enough you will start to find that when you go to your parents house for dinner or a holiday celebration that there are always single women of indian heritage there.

It was my dad who made that requirement, though my mom did approve of it.

And no, I've made it very clear that they are not to try and put me in that situation. It helps that they don't have that many friends to begin with.

well now im not necessarily suggesting that she would arrange a marriage for you. that isnt possible in the west without your cooperation. but she might well hope that she'll be able to introduce you to some nice girls of indian heritage that you might decide to marry for whatever reason.

And it's not just Indian mothers who do this, btw. One of my mother's friends kept trying to fix me up with her daughter, and continued to do so until her daughter and I were both in our late 30s. At which point we both married other people. And it's not that the daughter and I didn't like each other (she's pretty cool and not the slightest bit hard to look at, even at the age of 40), it's just that we both realized that we weren't right for each other. We're both better off with the spouses we picked for ourselves. But my mom's friend wanted her daughter to marry a nice Irish-American Catholic boy, and I apparantly fit the bill.

Ah, parents.... The best you can hope for is that you'll make different mistakes with your own kids. :D

Sooner you realize that your parents are more often than not angry that you're not living your life exactly as they want, the sooner you can ignore them and move on with life.

And that ladies and gentlemen is the winner!

well now im not necessarily suggesting that she would arrange a marriage for you. that isnt possible in the west without your cooperation. but she might well hope that she'll be able to introduce you to some nice girls of indian heritage that you might decide to marry for whatever reason.

She may do that but if the rest of my family intervene then she'll basically pressure me into marrying someone she "advises" that I marry. A few members of my family and I are considered the stupid ones due to the fact we are more open minded. It's amazing what the generation gap shows...

It was my dad who made that requirement, though my mom did approve of it.

And no, I've made it very clear that they are not to try and put me in that situation. It helps that they don't have that many friends to begin with.

Heh do you come from a sikh family? I'll be their friend, a lil old gorha sikh man!

And it's not just Indian mothers who do this, btw. One of my mother's friends kept trying to fix me up with her daughter, and continued to do so until her daughter and I were both in our late 30s. At which point we both married other people. And it's not that the daughter and I didn't like each other (she's pretty cool and not the slightest bit hard to look at, even at the age of 40), it's just that we both realized that we weren't right for each other. We're both better off with the spouses we picked for ourselves. But my mom's friend wanted her daughter to marry a nice Irish-American Catholic boy, and I apparantly fit the bill.

Ah, parents.... The best you can hope for is that you'll make different mistakes with your own kids. :D

mothers want grandchildren eh?

thats why i was comfortable suggesting that it would happen with londim, its a common practice in immigrant families of all stripes to try to fix up their sons with girls of their same ethnicity--american (or british or whatever) girls are sluts, they need a nice <insert their ethnicity here> girl.

a friend of my cousin married a man she didnt love but her mother pushed it. she ended up divorced. without love marriage is just not worth the trouble.

Heh do you come from a sikh family? I'll be their friend, a lil old gorha sikh man!

They're all Hindu. I'm agnostic. But you Sikhs are still alright. *nods*

(Not that we don't crack the occasional Surdarji joke, but then, who doesn't?)

Heh do you come from a sikh family? I'll be their friend, a lil old gorha sikh man!

*adopts lil old gorha sikh man*

I come from a sikh family.

She may do that but if the rest of my family intervene then she'll basically pressure me into marrying someone she "advises" that I marry. A few members of my family and I are considered the stupid ones due to the fact we are more open minded. It's amazing what the generation gap shows...

it does always amaze me how people immigrate to a whole new culture but expect their children to keep the culture of the place they came from.

it does always amaze me how people immigrate to a whole new culture but expect their children to keep the culture of the place they came from.

It's the "You may be from America, but you're not an American" mentality. Which is strange, considering that I never get that vibe from my friends, or really anyone I know, aside from my parents constantly telling me that.

Meh. I'm the oldest out of four and my parents pretty much ignore me most of the time. I'm rarely blamed for anything.

It's the "You may be from America, but you're not an American" mentality. Which is strange, considering that I never get that vibe from my friends, or really anyone I know, aside from my parents constantly telling me that.

i think it only exists in the minds of immigrant parents.

its the rare child of immigrants who does not embrace the culture of the country he is living in.

it does always amaze me how people immigrate to a whole new culture but expect their children to keep the culture of the place they came from.

I'm actually scared of what its doing to my younger siblings and cousins. For example my brother. As I said before he is 12 and just a year ago he was kind of like me as I was at that age. Open minded and let people do what they pleased as long as it was legal and moral but now just a year later I see how impressionabele he actually is. He started going to my uncles house a lot more who believes in upholding the culture and now my younger brother tells me I should listen to indian music only and watch indian films and get more indian friends. This has actually upset as he is so different to what he was a year ago. It almost feels like my real brother was taken away.

She may do that but if the rest of my family intervene then she'll basically pressure me into marrying someone she "advises" that I marry. A few members of my family and I are considered the stupid ones due to the fact we are more open minded. It's amazing what the generation gap shows...

It's sorta why I think family means nothing. My mom is nuts, her family and my dad's are a bunch of hillbillies, and - ironically - my stepfather's family is the one I can actually talk with, though I don't really meet any of the families a lot. If she tries to pressure you, pretend to accept it, then do whatever you feel like when you can.

I'm actually scared of what its doing to my younger siblings and cousins. For example my brother. As I said before he is 12 and just a year ago he was kind of like me as I was at that age. Open minded and let people do what they pleased as long as it was legal and moral but now just a year later I see how impressionabele he actually is. He started going to my uncles house a lot more who believes in upholding the culture and now my younger brother tells me I should listen to indian music only and watch indian films and get more indian friends. This has actually upset as he is so different to what he was a year ago. It almost feels like my real brother was taken away.

dont despair.

people change so much between 12 and 18 that you cant predict how he will turn out.

dont despair.

people change so much between 12 and 18 that you cant predict how he will turn out.

True but this uncle seems to be doing it to everyone now. He tried to make me change But I wouldn't and now we barely get along. The area I live in doesnt help either. There is a high indian population here and many of my generation are also ,for lack of a better word, segregating themselves from the rest of the community. In my year at school ( Upper Sixth Form or Senior) out of 20 guys with Indian heritage I am 1 of 4 who has white friends. The rest don't and keep themselves to themselves which is actually quite frighteing as I see that cultures need to intergrate if there is to be any progress.

True but this uncle seems to be doing it to everyone now. He tried to make me change But I wouldn't and now we barely get along. The area I live in doesnt help either. There is a high indian population here and many of my generation are also ,for lack of a better word, segregating themselves from the rest of the community. In my year at school ( Upper Sixth Form or Senior) out of 20 guys with Indian heritage I am 1 of 4 who has white friends. The rest don't and keep themselves to themselves which is actually quite frighteing as I see that cultures need to intergrate if there is to be any progress.

Aye. I ran into snooty fobs like that in college. They kept to themselves, so we never bothered with them. They've now dropped out from collectively partying and drinking too much.

I feel at least marginally vindicated.

I was my mother's only child (I have two older half-siblings. I didn't grow up with them) - I got all the flack.

I did have the misfortune to work for a woman who was the oldest child of a traditional Japanese family - by the time she got out, she was so screwed up because of the responsibility they dumped on her (without giving her corresponding rights and privileges) that she was a complete psycho-bitch and impossible to work for. She was the major reason I retired early.

Please don't let that happen to you.