NationStates Jolt Archive

God damn.
Something just happened to me that made me feel more, helpless, depressed and angry all at once than I've ever. My friends are all asleep righjt now, and i realize that I'm not close enough to any of them to warrant waking them at this hour, which is depressing in and of itself. So I'm doing what I thought I'd never do, I"m reaching out to an anonymous internet forum for emotional support or something. I don't know why but I just need to talk to somebody.

Since I was very young my parents have always fought fairly intensely fairly often and about six months ago my mother kicked my father out of the house.
For about five months I rarely saw him and to be honest I didn't even really care much because at least they weren't fighting. Thy reconciled about a month ago and preceded to live as happily as I've ever seen them.

For the past eighteen years, my parents misery has been a constant, but for the past month they were so happy. They were going out all the time and enjoying life together like they never had before.

Tonight they came home, not an hour ago and my father started packing his things, as my mother on hands and knees begged him not to go. All she'd done was suggest that he not drink anymore and volunteer to drive them home. Every time they'd have their little spats in the past both would be so angry and irrational with the other that I rarely cared to pay any notice, but this was different. My mother was crying, begging him not to leave. I've never seen her like that.

I couldn't help myself. I went downstairs just in time to see him go at the door and yelled at him. I told him he was acting like a child. I asked him how he could expect me to respect him. He just looked at me and left.
God. Everything had been so great. We had that family life that I'd only ever heard my friends talk about. I had parents that actually seemed like they loved each other.

The thing is, I never thought I cared about any of that, but I really enjoyed the last month. I really did. And Fuck. I'm crying right now. I haven't cried since I was like eight.

Thanks to whoever read that. And sorry to all you people like me who just roll your eyes at this sort of thing.

Sorry to hear about that. I suppose the best you can do is offer your mother support. She'll probably be needing it.

It's pretty bad when the kids are more mature than the adults. I feel badly for you.

I wish I had some magic advice that would make it all good again, but I don't. You can't force someone to be responsible, and, if he really has a drinking problem, you can't shame him into it either.

I'm really concerned about your mother right now. She has been horribly humiliated, and in front of her son. This could be devastating to her.

I don't know how old you are, but you might try Al-a-teen. If you're older, try Al-Anon. They've been helpful in my own family for helping family members of alcoholics cope.

Happens to most people, or nearly most. I think I've met one or two people whose parents hadn't divorced.

Anyway, you probably need to be less sentimental about how your life is "supposed" to be. People have flaws, and not everyone gets along. Not everyone can or should be your role-model. Focus on being your own person, because no one's going to hold your hand through life. Everyone has to figure that out sooner or later, and sooner's probably better.

Happens to most people, or nearly most. I think I've met one or two people whose parents hadn't divorced.

Anyway, you probably need to be less sentimental about how your life is "supposed" to be. People have flaws, and not everyone gets along. Not everyone can or should be your role-model. Focus on being your own person, because no one's going to hold your hand through life. Everyone has to figure that out sooner or later, and sooner's probably better.
Good advice. :)

Anyway, you probably need to be less sentimental about how your life is "supposed" to be. People have flaws, and not everyone gets along. Not everyone can or should be your role-model. Focus on being your own person, because no one's going to hold your hand through life. Everyone has to figure that out sooner or later, and sooner's probably better.
I've known all that for quite some time, and as I said I wasn't upset when they originally split. I learned long ago that nearly every human being has flaws that make them so much less than perfect.

It was just that they were finally happy, which was so weird, and then out of the blue, this.

But anyway, thanks for the words, you too Darwin and Europa. I don't know why but it just feels better knowing someone was bored enough to read that post.

I feel for you Neo Undelia, we share a common feeling,
depressed, here is my story.

Tonights post and inspiration for this thread on Saint Patricks Day 2007,
since I am feeling sorry for myself and posting drunk, ok semi drunk,
lol myself, lol.

I am part of this group of friends, my best friend got invited to a
birthday party on Saint Patricks Day but no one invited me,
an oversight or did they just not think that way?

For the record, I am glad for my best friend got invited and went.

It was supposed to be at a group friends house, feeling sorry for myself, I went to our favorite Karaoke bar to drink myself drunk, when I got there found out from my best friend who was the only one to see me get there, the party had been moved to our favorite Karaoke Bar, he said you could stay, I said sorry bro, it dosent fit, I was not invited, he understood and fell sorry for me, I left the bar and bought me a 12 pack of Heineken that I am drinking now.
What do you all think?
I am too drunk and or feeling sorry for myself to think.

I feel for you Neo Undelia, we have a feeling in common.

Post your drunk storys, I have more, but these are good enough for now or so.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haha, I just get off a night shift for a listening service, I cycle home, quickly browse the NSG forums... and what's the only thread that catches my eye? I am so lame.

Anyway, there seems to be good advice here. The best was to offer support to your mum. You could even go to her room and give her a hug (She's probably not sleepign very easily tonight). It'll do you good to hug her, and do her good to be hugged by her son.

Challenging your dad probably wasn't the best idea. He was probably in quite an angry mood, so an antagonistic statement like that probably just got him wound up even more. A good question is asking him why. Why can be quite a hard question to answer. It can force him to think about what he's doing and consider his actions on a more rational level. If also shows that you're listening to him and want to know why. But be prepared for him to spout off abuse about your mother to begin with. Just calmly state that she's your mother and you'd prefer if he didn't speak about her like that.

But, yeah, you're in a tough situation. I hope everything turns out as well as it can.

Sounds familiar in a personal sort of way. I don't know what to tell you except, you are not them. Don't know if that makes any sense but it would have to me. Do what you can to keep good care of yourself. Wish I could offer more.

im sorry for your troubles, neo.

truth is that you will probably have a few (maybe many) of these kinds of nights before they get it together enough to get divorced.

i dont have any good advice. just try to stay out of it and not judge either of them for not being able to keep it together. sometimes people just cant make a marriage work.

I walked away from that situation when I was a teenager. It really wasn't the best plan, so all I can offer is don't do that necessarily, since it helped stall my life for about 10 years...

Appearing happy and actually being happy are two different things, which now you know. You are not your parents and the battle your parents are going to have shouldn't be fought on you. I would say avoid taking sides and as someone suggested be firm in letting them know that you are not their venting ground for all the 'evils' of the other. That, I found, was the most wearing and tiring thing, to have them bad mouth each other to me. When I demanded they put a stop to it one did and the other didn't. I stopped talking to the one who didn't for close to 10 years. This, by the way, is also not the most mature response to things.

Anyway, I'd avoid taking sides or even letting them make you too much a part of it. People sometimes just don't get along and are better apart than together even if that didn't used to be true. But there is no need to punish you, or anyone, for it. You can provide support for them, and they'll need it, but if you don't protect your own boundaries it can destroy you for quite some time. And it will be really easy for them right now to cross those boundaries, so it is up to you unfortunately.

You can't always make things the way you want them to be so you have to deal with them as they are...actually, that's kinda pat, stupid, and not really helpful...I'll leave it so this can end on a laugh...

I've known all that for quite some time, and as I said I wasn't upset when they originally split. I learned long ago that nearly every human being has flaws that make them so much less than perfect.

It was just that they were finally happy, which was so weird, and then out of the blue, this.

But anyway, thanks for the words, you too Darwin and Europa. I don't know why but it just feels better knowing someone was bored enough to read that post.

My only real advice to you is: They're adults, let them work it out. The only thing you can accomplish by siding with either parent is to further alienate the other and potentially lead to things getting worse. You will need to comfort your mother at this time, she certainly sounds like she needs it, but you should also try and talk to your father too.

Happened to us when i was nine.It isn't easy but remember...this is not your fault.

Hang in there, okay?

I feel for you Neo, my parents split up when I was 10, I haven't seen or talked to my dad since, I don't even know if he's alive.

but remember...this is not your fault.


Excellent advice, this is between your parents neo, you had nothing to do with it. You'll be alright, just hang in there and try to move on, don't let this thing hang onto you and keep you down.

I haven't been in the place you are, Neo, but take this for what it's worth: have hope. Your parents are alive and well; you are also, and everyone is healthy. While bad stuff is happening right now, there is still hope in your relationships to them, in your love for them, and theirs for you. Even if their relationship does not survive, yours will, to both of them.

It was just that they were finally happy, which was so weird, and then out of the blue, this.


I don't mean to rain on your parade... but that last month might just have been the brief remission you sometimes see in terminal sickness, just before the end.

Maybe it could have worked, but it sounds more like people doing the thing they hadn't done (testing their OWN boundaries, instead of each other's) - and one of them coming up short. It sounds like your mom found she could live differently, and your dad decided he couldn't.

Maybe you can find solace in looking forward to a place where both of them are, maybe, able to find something comfortable. Some people just can't live together.

Cannot think of a name gave some excellent advice and I'd agree with Grave_n_idle above:
the last month was an ideal version of what your parents could have been - but it was just that, an ideal version, not reality.
They had broken off for good, then gotten back together, full of optimism and resolutions to make things better and the levity of a new start - and then reality set back in when they realized that the past 18 years hadn't just somehow gone wrong and in reality this new happy couple was who they really were, but that the past 18 years were a reality they might hate but that they nevertheless made for themselves, that the last 18 years were what they are together. One month of forgetful bliss didn't change any of the history, the baggage, the routine, the patterns, it just made the end now so much harder to bear.
It was like one last flaming up of what could have been and it only burned so bright because, for one month, they just ignored all the realities, the negative and bad things and lived in blissful denial.
Unfortunately, reality always catches up. :/

God damn.
Something just happened to me that made me feel more, helpless, depressed and angry all at once than I've ever. My friends are all asleep righjt now, and i realize that I'm not close enough to any of them to warrant waking them at this hour, which is depressing in and of itself. So I'm doing what I thought I'd never do, I"m reaching out to an anonymous internet forum for emotional support or something. I don't know why but I just need to talk to somebody.

Since I was very young my parents have always fought fairly intensely fairly often and about six months ago my mother kicked my father out of the house.
For about five months I rarely saw him and to be honest I didn't even really care much because at least they weren't fighting. Thy reconciled about a month ago and preceded to live as happily as I've ever seen them.

For the past eighteen years, my parents misery has been a constant, but for the past month they were so happy. They were going out all the time and enjoying life together like they never had before.

Tonight they came home, not an hour ago and my father started packing his things, as my mother on hands and knees begged him not to go. All she'd done was suggest that he not drink anymore and volunteer to drive them home. Every time they'd have their little spats in the past both would be so angry and irrational with the other that I rarely cared to pay any notice, but this was different. My mother was crying, begging him not to leave. I've never seen her like that.

I couldn't help myself. I went downstairs just in time to see him go at the door and yelled at him. I told him he was acting like a child. I asked him how he could expect me to respect him. He just looked at me and left.
God. Everything had been so great. We had that family life that I'd only ever heard my friends talk about. I had parents that actually seemed like they loved each other.

The thing is, I never thought I cared about any of that, but I really enjoyed the last month. I really did. And Fuck. I'm crying right now. I haven't cried since I was like eight.

Thanks to whoever read that. And sorry to all you people like me who just roll your eyes at this sort of thing.

I'm sorry for you. That's some rough shit.

I'm going to assume that you didn't have my phone number written down off-hand...

I'll talk to you about this tomorrow at school- hang in there big guy.:fluffle:

God damn.
Something just happened to me that made me feel more, helpless, depressed and angry all at once than I've ever. My friends are all asleep righjt now, and i realize that I'm not close enough to any of them to warrant waking them at this hour, which is depressing in and of itself. So I'm doing what I thought I'd never do, I"m reaching out to an anonymous internet forum for emotional support or something. I don't know why but I just need to talk to somebody.

Since I was very young my parents have always fought fairly intensely fairly often and about six months ago my mother kicked my father out of the house.
For about five months I rarely saw him and to be honest I didn't even really care much because at least they weren't fighting. Thy reconciled about a month ago and preceded to live as happily as I've ever seen them.

For the past eighteen years, my parents misery has been a constant, but for the past month they were so happy. They were going out all the time and enjoying life together like they never had before.

Tonight they came home, not an hour ago and my father started packing his things, as my mother on hands and knees begged him not to go. All she'd done was suggest that he not drink anymore and volunteer to drive them home. Every time they'd have their little spats in the past both would be so angry and irrational with the other that I rarely cared to pay any notice, but this was different. My mother was crying, begging him not to leave. I've never seen her like that.

I couldn't help myself. I went downstairs just in time to see him go at the door and yelled at him. I told him he was acting like a child. I asked him how he could expect me to respect him. He just looked at me and left.
God. Everything had been so great. We had that family life that I'd only ever heard my friends talk about. I had parents that actually seemed like they loved each other.

The thing is, I never thought I cared about any of that, but I really enjoyed the last month. I really did. And Fuck. I'm crying right now. I haven't cried since I was like eight.

Thanks to whoever read that. And sorry to all you people like me who just roll your eyes at this sort of thing.

i read that, and *hugs* cos i've been there. not exactly there but situations really rather comparible. thankfully for me things sorta settled down by the time i was about... 17 or 18, due to a number of reasons, and my own 'rents seem quite happy now :)

for your situation, i know that you just needed to let off steam/rant, but hopefully this'll be temporary. have you told your parents how happy its made you to see them happy this past month? i'm sure they'd appreciate hearing that, especially before either one does anything rash.


it does sound like a pretty stupid thing to be having a huge arguement/leaving over though :-S