NationStates Jolt Archive

I like the image of Zeus as the drunk in the bar who claims he was a millionaire. :p

Nice premise.

Stolen!
http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/2783/325/200/423918/seehere.blogspot.com%20cats%20%2851%29.jpg

Well I just had this urge to start writing something and I have spent the last 20 minutes or so. Whatever I thought of I wrote down. Basically it's a story covering religion and business. Earth is just a tool for the two big corporations, Holy Corp and Hell Inc to generate money. Anyway enough of the balbbering like an idiot, just criticise it, praise it, read it, laugh. I just want to see what NSG thinks.


Afterlife
Chapter 1:

Two men sat in the park opposite each other and were deep in conversation. The sky above was a mix of blues and reds with dashes of purple. A nice day in Limbo. People were milling around, going about their business, sitting in the park or standing in confusion as if they didn’t know what was happening.

“I’m telling you my profits are much higher than yours. Sure they may have dipped in the last few years but they’re much better than yours,” said the first man.
This man had deep blue eyes and a white beard. His face looked as if it had been weathered yet held a lot of wisdom within it.

“Oh please. I’m fast catching up with you and you know it. The state of affairs at the moment means I’ll be making more acquisitions than ever before while yours drop dead like flies. Soon my corporation will have more money and assets than you could ever dream of.”
This second man was younger than the first man and had a fiery passion within to succeed whatever the cost.

These businesses had been around thousands of years while others had fallen or lost so much money that they had to revert to small business behaviour. The first man had many names and all were accepted. This man was God or Allah and was the Chairman of Holy Corp. The man opposite was just as well know but in a more sinister.

“Look Lucifer, I admire your spirit but you cannot put me out of business. Have you seen the situation down there? Billions of people look to me and despise you and fear you. You know popularity generates money.”

“I seem to remember you being in a similar situation yet you are now top dog. You overcame Odin and Zeus, who now sit in dank bars, drunkenly talking about how they used to run everything, You see, your time has come and someone is going to step in to takeover, which just happens to be me.”

Very nice premise indeed. I'd extend the storyline and try to get it published were I you.

good start.

but since you have gods of old religions sitting in dank bars and jehova and satan are pretty much different players on the same religious team....

shouldnt god be talking to Lron hubbard or xenu or something?

Thor and Zeus should totally round up the rest of the pantheon of ancient gods and go for a hostile take over.

I think it's a very interesting idea. Got a lot of potential. I agree with HotRodia, try to expand it.

I like the idea. You should really work on it and try to get it published. I'd buy it.

I like the image of Zeus as the drunk in the bar who claims he was a millionaire. :p

Nice premise.

Stolen!
http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/2783/325/200/423918/seehere.blogspot.com%20cats%20%2851%29.jpg
I've been threadjacked! :eek:

Very nice premise indeed. I'd extend the storyline and try to get it published were I you.

Wow that good hey? Weel maybe I'll work on it more once my exams are over.

good start.

but since you have gods of old religions sitting in dank bars and jehova and satan are pretty much different players on the same religious team....

shouldnt god be talking to Lron hubbard or xenu or something?

Weel you know how God kicked Satan out of heaven, in this Satan used to be Gods PA but was fired. Now Satan wants to be top dog.

Thor and Zeus should totally round up the rest of the pantheon of ancient gods and go for a hostile take over.

I like this idea.

Weel you know how God kicked Satan out of heaven, in this Satan used to be Gods PA but was fired. Now Satan wants to be top dog.


yeah i understand it. and i do like what youve done. and besides my suggestion would make it a whole different story.

im just thinking that ive seen god vs lucifer stories but they are both parts of the same religious tradition. xenu is the new dog in town, not satan. god vs satan is macys vs gimbles (macys won eh?). im thinking it should be macy's vs ebay.

which is irrelevant since its your story and you know where you want to go with it.

Actually I could have a kind of thing where Xenu merges with Satan to take over ...

I just want to see what NSG thinks.

ZZZZZZZ
Keep your day job.

I wouldn't show that to Soviestan, or you might end up with a fatwa on your head.

Actually I'd like to know the views of the religious community here on NSG. I want to know all the bits you find good and all the bits that are disliked.

Actually I'd like to know the views of the religious community here on NSG. I want to know all the bits you find good and all the bits that are disliked.

I like the idea of having a chance to explore and poke fun at both religion and corporations, and perhaps the religious groups that have gotten to be so profit-centered as to be both religions and corporations. They're always an easy target, but one worth hitting again. Also, because the story presupposes the existence of certain entities claimed by religion it could easily be used to make fun of the irreligious as well. Or you could show the usefulness of the corporate model, explore social Darwinism, etc.

There's just so many good things to do with your idea as a starting point, and several people have already mentioned some of them in this thread.

Afterlife
Chapter 1:

Two men sat in the park opposite each other and were deep in conversation. The sky above was a mix of blues and reds with dashes of purple. A nice day in Limbo. People were milling around, going about their business, sitting in the park or standing in confusion as if they didn’t know what was happening.

“I’m telling you my profits are much higher than yours. Sure they may have dipped in the last few years but they’re much better than yours,” said the first man.
This man had deep blue eyes and a white beard. His face looked as if it had been weathered yet held a lot of wisdom within it.

“Oh please. I’m fast catching up with you and you know it. The state of affairs at the moment means I’ll be making more acquisitions than ever before while yours drop dead like flies. Soon my corporation will have more money and assets than you could ever dream of.”
This second man was younger than the first man and had a fiery passion within to succeed whatever the cost.

These businesses had been around thousands of years while others had fallen or lost so much money that they had to revert to small business behaviour. The first man had many names and all were accepted. This man was God or Allah and was the Chairman of Holy Corp. The man opposite was just as well know but in a more sinister.

“Look Lucifer, I admire your spirit but you cannot put me out of business. Have you seen the situation down there? Billions of people look to me and despise you and fear you. You know popularity generates money.”

“I seem to remember you being in a similar situation yet you are now top dog. You overcame Thor (shouldn't this be Odin?) and Zeus, who now sit in dank bars, drunkenly talking about how they used to run everything, You see, your time has come and someone is going to step in to takeover, which just happens to be me.”

Nice, well written (to me) and a great start.

Notes: the Red "before" is unneccessary and just makes the sentence clumbsy. the red Thor should be Odin. seeing that the proposed theme is the "father of the gods" are the CEO's.

Actually I'd like to know the views of the religious community here on NSG. I want to know all the bits you find good and all the bits that are disliked.

well, I have a sense of humor so I see nothing wrong with this work of fiction.

resists urge to add to the number of "suggestions"

Nice, well written (to me) and a great start.

Notes: the Red "before" is unneccessary and just makes the sentence clumbsy. the red Thor should be Odin. seeing that the proposed theme is the "father of the gods" are the CEO's.

Ahh thanks for that. I'll sort that out.

Hump

<<
>>

I mean bump...

Well I just had this urge to start writing something and I have spent the last 20 minutes or so. Whatever I thought of I wrote down. Basically it's a story covering religion and business. Earth is just a tool for the two big corporations, Holy Corp and Hell Inc to generate money. Anyway enough of the balbbering like an idiot, just criticise it, praise it, read it, laugh. I just want to see what NSG thinks.

Nice. Better than my first attempt at writing.