NationStates Jolt Archive

Cabra needs some advise, folks....

Many of you might already know some of the details, but bear with me please.

I met my current boyfriend a little over 7 months ago. He lives in another city, about 300 km away from where I live. We see each other every other weekend, taking advantage of every bank holiday to get an extra day together now and then.
It's a bit of a hassle, it takes him around 4 hours to get here when he's driving up, and when I'm visiting him it's 2 hours on the train. We've been discussing moving in together, which would mean me moving in with him (he doesn't like Dublin too much, and he really loves his work) It would be a big step for me, as it will involve not only moving, but actually finding a new place for the two of us as our stuff would never fit into the place he has now. Also, I will have to find a new job in his area, and I would leave behind some very, very good friends that I have here. Let alone trying to get our cats to like each other.
That, and I'm just getting a permanent contract with my current employer. So far, I've been working as a contractor for the company, but they finally got around to change that. I've wanted that for quite some time now, as it will give me the opportunity to get some training and certificates on software that can really come in handy at some later stage.

So far, I've been considering moving later this year, or early next year. Giving both of us enough time to get things ready and safe some money to finance the move, maybe even get a deposit together to by a place.

Only today, my housemate told me that she will move out and move in together with her boyfriend. We knew each other and were good friends even before we moved into this house and have been living here for almost 3 years now. It was a good time, we never had any fights or problems of any kind.
I'm not quite sure if I'd want to share the house with someone I don't know at all, and I couldn't afford the rent on my own.
The apparently obvious thing would be to speed things up a bit and move in with my boyfriend sooner than I had planned. And part of me thinks that's great. Part of me is scared of taking such a big step ...

Does anybody have some good advise for me?

Other than fear of the big step, is there a problem with doing this sooner, rather than later?

Cuz if it's just fear... soldier on!

Other than fear of the big step, is there a problem with doing this sooner, rather than later?

Cuz if it's just fear... soldier on!
I can't talk from experience, but this sounds like good advice.

Film the cats fighting and use the proceeds from the sale of said tapes to finance new place and sufficent period of time to find new job.

Is it Cork or Galway he live in?

If it's Cork, move in with him ASAP, Cork is win. Vice versa for Galway

Cabra,

Go for it, with gusto, I say go for it.

Embrace this as a new change in your life, a new experience, quite unlike any other. You're a great person, you'll make new friends, work will come your way, and life will be absolutely amazing.

I'm a little confused. You can move in with him where he is now, and commute two hours each way by train? I've done that myself, and it can be a little wearing, though I got a hell of a lot of reading done.

Or are you saying speed up the whole moving in together somewhere else thing?

Moving at all is scary, Cabra, and unsettling, putting all your worldly belongings in boxes and schlepping them who knows where, then unpacking them and thinking "Why did I bring this?" But sometimes we have to do it.

You could advertise for a new roommate and make clear that in about a year from now, that new person is going to be in the same position you are, with the roomie leaving. Maybe your current mate can recommend a friend?

If you have doubts you shouldn’t do it but you don’t really have much choice unless you like strangers

Oh dear I’m giving advice on a Friday night :(

I'd say 'Go for it' but I don't, really have any advice as such... Do you mind if I just wish you good luck and fluffle instead? I know that's the easy way, but this kind of relationship question is really not my forté.

Anyway:

Good luck!

:fluffle:

Cabra needs some advise, folks....

Many of you might already know some of the details, but bear with me please.

I met my current boyfriend a little over 7 months ago. He lives in another city, about 300 km away from where I live. We see each other every other weekend, taking advantage of every bank holiday to get an extra day together now and then.
It's a bit of a hassle, it takes him around 4 hours to get here when he's driving up, and when I'm visiting him it's 2 hours on the train. We've been discussing moving in together, which would mean me moving in with him (he doesn't like Dublin too much, and he really loves his work) It would be a big step for me, as it will involve not only moving, but actually finding a new place for the two of us as our stuff would never fit into the place he has now. Also, I will have to find a new job in his area, and I would leave behind some very, very good friends that I have here. Let alone trying to get our cats to like each other.
That, and I'm just getting a permanent contract with my current employer. So far, I've been working as a contractor for the company, but they finally got around to change that. I've wanted that for quite some time now, as it will give me the opportunity to get some training and certificates on software that can really come in handy at some later stage.

So far, I've been considering moving later this year, or early next year. Giving both of us enough time to get things ready and safe some money to finance the move, maybe even get a deposit together to by a place.

Only today, my housemate told me that she will move out and move in together with her boyfriend. We knew each other and were good friends even before we moved into this house and have been living here for almost 3 years now. It was a good time, we never had any fights or problems of any kind.
I'm not quite sure if I'd want to share the house with someone I don't know at all, and I couldn't afford the rent on my own.
The apparently obvious thing would be to speed things up a bit and move in with my boyfriend sooner than I had planned. And part of me thinks that's great. Part of me is scared of taking such a big step ...

Does anybody have some good advise for me?

well i've never been in a situation like that, and i'm taking my time just moving out of my parents' place (saving up largely so i can buy/mortgage first time rather than rent, but that's another issue)... but the advice i can give is to suggest maybe there's a middle ground for your new place? somewhere where you can both commute to work, meaning he could keep his job that he likes and you could get that permament contract with your employer. it'd obviously have to be somewhere with good travel links by road and train, and i have no idea about that sort of thing in ireland, but is it a possibility you've considered? you could still see your friends that way too. it'd be a lot of work commuting, but it'd probably be easier in the long run to move your relationships and work slowly rather than just cutting lose, if you know what i mean :fluffle:

How important is this job you have?

I don't know if I'd be so quick to give it up.

Roommates suck, but not as bad as you think. You might as well look around. Just looking doesn't mean you have to commit to anything.

LD relationships can suck, but giving up large parts of your life sucks more. I had a similar situation. I moved in with the guy. Two months later we broke up and I moved out. I gave up a great job, a great rent-controlled apt and wasn't able to move back to my city for years. We'd been dating for two years which were complete bliss. People change when you move in with them and there's no way to predict how they will change.

its unwise to give up a good job with potential and all your daily friends for a boyfriend in another city.

I would urge caution regarding moving in with someone so soon after having just met them. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, though, just be sure that you understand the risks of it not going well if you find out that anything more than a weekend together is less pleasant than you though it would be.

Really, I think you should do what makes you happy and wish you a very happy relationship.

Other than fear of the big step, is there a problem with doing this sooner, rather than later?

Cuz if it's just fear... soldier on!

It's mostly fear, I think... I'm lousy at soldiering.

Is it Cork or Galway he live in?

If it's Cork, move in with him ASAP, Cork is win. Vice versa for Galway

It's Cork ;)

Patience, grasshopper.

That's my advice, anyway. Could you afford to rent a smaller place by yourself?

I'd counsel against commuting; wasting four hours of your life every day... Hell. I can't think many jobs would be worth that, and you'd probably wind up spending less time with your boyfriend than you do now. I did 1.5 hours each way for a holiday job at university... Never Again. Ever. And that was for only three months. (Wouldn't the train be prohibitively expensive anyway?)

I live nearly two hours from my girlfriend (of over two years), and only see her about twice a month too... We like it, really; it'd sometimes be nice to be able to see each other more often, but it means we both get time to ourselves, and we haven't turned into one of those couples whose lives revolve purely around each other, to the detriment of all else!

It's Cork ;)

Good girl. Start packing.

Cabra,

Go for it, with gusto, I say go for it.

Embrace this as a new change in your life, a new experience, quite unlike any other. You're a great person, you'll make new friends, work will come your way, and life will be absolutely amazing.

I feel that migt be best. I'll have to figure out the details and then go for it :) You can never be sure if something will work or not, no matter how much time you spend with the person...

It's Cork ;)

Well, there it is, and when the oceans start to rise, you know, because of that thing that's not happening and isn't our fault anyway, the whole city will float! Right? Cork? No? :D

I'm a little confused. You can move in with him where he is now, and commute two hours each way by train? I've done that myself, and it can be a little wearing, though I got a hell of a lot of reading done.

Or are you saying speed up the whole moving in together somewhere else thing?

Moving at all is scary, Cabra, and unsettling, putting all your worldly belongings in boxes and schlepping them who knows where, then unpacking them and thinking "Why did I bring this?" But sometimes we have to do it.

You could advertise for a new roommate and make clear that in about a year from now, that new person is going to be in the same position you are, with the roomie leaving. Maybe your current mate can recommend a friend?

Commuting wouldn't work. I have to start work at 7 am, and I'd have to get to the station there, then be on the train for 2 hours, then walk 20 minutes to the busstop, then be on the bus for 40 mins to reach work. And it would cost me 60 Euros a day. It's not practicable.

I'm considering looking for a new housemate, but I'm not too keen on it to be honest.

Moving is a big thing.

you can try the commute thing from Cork to work... or you might have to find a new job. let your work place know and they might be accomidating with your schedule.

as for your cats... I would say, get some advice from a vet or a cat expert/handler. you don't want them getting off on the wrong foot.

Patience, grasshopper.

That's my advice, anyway. Could you afford to rent a smaller place by yourself?

I'd counsel against commuting; wasting four hours of your life every day... Hell. I can't think many jobs would be worth that, and you'd probably wind up spending less time with your boyfriend than you do now. I did 1.5 hours each way for a holiday job at university... Never Again. Ever. And that was for only three months. (Wouldn't the train be prohibitively expensive anyway?)

I live nearly two hours from my girlfriend (of over two years), and only see her about twice a month too... We like it, really; it'd sometimes be nice to be able to see each other more often, but it means we both get time to ourselves, and we haven't turned into one of those couples whose lives revolve purely around each other, to the detriment of all else!

*lol I know what you mean.
Affording a place on my own in Dublin is absolutely impossible... rents are ridiculous here. :(

Commuting wouldn't work. I have to start work at 7 am, and I'd have to get to the station there, then be on the train for 2 hours, then walk 20 minutes to the busstop, then be on the bus for 40 mins to reach work. And it would cost me 60 Euros a day. It's not practicable.

I'm considering looking for a new housemate, but I'm not too keen on it to be honest.

Telecommute? I work in a group of about six people and if all six of us were to show up at the same time, our managers would fear a coup. But maybe that's not practical, either. It's teh sux to have to pitch a job you've been wanting, but then again, a little adventure never hurt, either. Just don't burn any bridges, so if you need to convince him that Dublin's not so bad, especially when his Lady has a cushy job, you could go back. Anyways, good luck!

Although, come to think of it, if you're with him all the time, we won't be seeing you that much, will we? :eek:

I think PM has a good point. So far it seems like you are taking all the risk. Both of you moving to a 'half-way' point might be ideal. If this guy won't even consider it, perhaps you should get a roommate and give this relationship a little more 'wait and see' time?

Just a thought.

*lol I know what you mean.
Affording a place on my own in Dublin is absolutely impossible... rents are ridiculous here. :(

Oh. That's annoying :(

Hmm... You could rob banks on the side, for a bit of extra cash?
That bit isn't serious. Unless it works, when I wouldn't mind a cut for coming up with it..?

And work at 7am? Eurgh, I think waking up at 9.30 is unreasonable...

I think PM has a good point. So far it seems like you are taking all the risk. Both of you moving to a 'half-way' point might be ideal. If this guy won't even consider it, perhaps you should get a roommate and give this relationship a little more 'wait and see' time?

Just a thought.

Well, halfway would mean that I've got no way of getting to work at all. I don't drive ;)

But maybe I can get him to come to Dublin instead... after all, I;ve got the beautiful house here already.

Well, halfway would mean that I've got no way of getting to work at all. I don't drive ;)

But maybe I can get him to come to Dublin instead... after all, I;ve got the beautiful house here already.

And a sudden need for a roommate... it's worth a try!

Cabra: I travelled 2200 miles to be with my wife. Do what you have to do. It could be worth it.

It's teh sux to have to pitch a job you've been wanting, but then again, a little adventure never hurt, either. Just don't burn any bridges, so if you need to convince him that Dublin's not so bad, especially when his Lady has a cushy job, you could go back. Anyways, good luck!
yeah... i guess you could boil it down to brass tax - who's job brings in the most dough? if its him, you move. if its you, he moves to you. job stability is also gotta be an issue...

Although, come to think of it, if you're with him all the time, we won't be seeing you that much, will we? :eek:
aw :(:(

I think PM has a good point. So far it seems like you are taking all the risk. Both of you moving to a 'half-way' point might be ideal. If this guy won't even consider it, perhaps you should get a roommate and give this relationship a little more 'wait and see' time?

Just a thought.

i personally wouldn't move in with my gf after 7 months going out, but then i'm not you :P

i would move in with glitzi if i had the chance, but then i've known her for the better part of 2 years at least by now, heh... (that'll have to wait till she goes to uni, hopefully here in southampton so i can keep my job)

Cabra: I travelled 2200 miles to be with my wife. Do what you have to do. It could be worth it.

Dude, that's so romantic.

Have Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan made a movie about your life yet?

Both of you need to make the sacrifice... pack your stuff and move to HAWAII!!! :p

yeah... i guess you could boil it down to brass tax - who's job brings in the most dough? if its him, you move. if its you, he moves to you. job stability is also gotta be an issue...

Truth be told, I think I'll be happier finding a new job and living in Cork than he would be finding something new and living in Dublin.
I'm a native German speaker, I'll have it a lot easier finding something new.


aw :(:(

Yeah, right... as if I could give up NSG...



i personally wouldn't move in with my gf after 7 months going out, but then i'm not you :P

i would move in with glitzi if i had the chance, but then i've known her for the better part of 2 years at least by now, heh... (that'll have to wait till she goes to uni, hopefully here in southampton so i can keep my job)

I think you're right there... 7 months is just too soon. No matter which way I turn it, it's not the most clever thing to do. And I think maybe that's what scared me so. I think one way or another, I'll have to give it a little more time. Hopefully my housemate will take a loooong time finding a nice place for herself and her boyfriend. Otherwise I'll just have to find a new housemate. Anybody interested?

Truth be told, I think I'll be happier finding a new job and living in Cork than he would be finding something new and living in Dublin.
I'm a native German speaker, I'll have it a lot easier finding something new.



Yeah, right... as if I could give up NSG...
well, whatever happens i wish you the best of luck :fluffle:



I think you're right there... 7 months is just too soon. No matter which way I turn it, it's not the most clever thing to do. And I think maybe that's what scared me so. I think one way or another, I'll have to give it a little more time. Hopefully my housemate will take a loooong time finding a nice place for herself and her boyfriend. Otherwise I'll just have to find a new housemate. Anybody interested?
if i lived 270 miles closer, yeah! :p

Do it! Do it! Madame Clarice says: All of the signs are all pointing in the right direction. Take a chance and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, I'll kidnap you -somehow- and keep you chained up in my bedroom. Comfprtably chained up of course. Perhaps some nubile young men with grapes and fans for your leisure...

;)

Do it! Do it! Madame Clarice says: All of the signs are all pointing in the right direction. Take a chance and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, I'll kidnap you -somehow- and keep you chained up in my bedroom. Comfprtably chained up of course. Perhaps some nubile young men with grapes and fans for your leisure...

;)

*Fluffles sneakily* :fluffle: :fluffle:

Do it! Do it! Madame Clarice says: All of the signs are all pointing in the right direction. Take a chance and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, I'll kidnap you -somehow- and keep you chained up in my bedroom. Comfprtably chained up of course. Perhaps some nubile young men with grapes and fans for your leisure...

;)

mmmm... grapes :)
And nubile men, of course. :)
I think I'll move straight in with you instead :fluffle:

*Fluffles sneakily* :fluffle: :fluffle:

I felt that! :fluffle: to you!

mmmm... grapes :)
And nubile men, of course. :)
I think I'll move straight in with you instead :fluffle:

Yay! *plots kidnapping of nubile young men and theft of grapes*