NationStates Jolt Archive

Phillip Carston Holliday Jr. was just trying to be responsible. He was too drunk to drive and he knew it. Instead of getting behind the wheel himself, he took a unicorn up on it's offer to drive for him. That was a bad move. The unicorn drove his truck into a light post, then left the scene of the accident. Poor Phil is now charged with his sixth DUI offense.

As a public service announcement I'd just like to advise all NSers to decline any offers from unicorns to drive you home.


http://www.billingsgazette.net/articles/2007/03/14/news/local/55-unicorn.txt

Dcd......:D

Never trust a unicorn, those guys will fuck your life up.

Heh, I remember claiming a cow attacked the company car when I was filling in insurance forms once. Unfortunately they didn't buy it.

*looooool* how did the Unicorn fit on the driver's seat?

Heh, I remember claiming a cow attacked the company car when I was filling in insurance forms once. Unfortunately they didn't buy it.

http://i17.tinypic.com/43fen9d.jpg

http://i17.tinypic.com/43fen9d.jpgIf only I'd had that picture!

Ok maybe it wouldn't have worked. It was a Hiace.

As a public service announcement I'd just like to advise all NSers to decline any offers from unicorns to drive you home.


http://www.billingsgazette.net/articles/2007/03/14/news/local/55-unicorn.txtJaysus. Doesn't the idiot know the history (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr3h_9wKJGc) of why his defence just isn't plausible?

*hides unicorn mask*

What a silly drunk! :D

Unicorns are very easily distracted by flying elephants.

Green alligators and long necked geese usually drive me home, the unicorns just hide and play silly games

Green alligators and long necked geese usually drive me home, the unicorns just hide and play silly games

*takes hat off for the foolish and extinct unicorns*

I keep trying to tell people, but no one listens to me. Unicorns would be dicks. Peacocks are dicks and if they 'didn't' exist people would think they're magic, but they're not magic. They're dicks. And unicorns would be dicks, too.

Don't take my word for it... (http://www.filmcow.net/videofiles/charlietheunicorn.mov)

Maybe he should just pay bond with a check from God.

Phillip Carston Holliday Jr. was just trying to be responsible. He was too drunk to drive and he knew it. Instead of getting behind the wheel himself, he took a unicorn up on it's offer to drive for him. That was a bad move. The unicorn drove his truck into a light post, then left the scene of the accident. Poor Phil is now charged with his sixth DUI offense.

As a public service announcement I'd just like to advise all NSers to decline any offers from unicorns to drive you home.


http://www.billingsgazette.net/articles/2007/03/14/news/local/55-unicorn.txt
How the bloody hell is this man still able to drive? 53 traffic violations, six DUIs, and many other offenses...sheesh, what a loser.

Green alligators and long necked geese usually drive me home, the unicorns just hide and play silly games

QED:*hides unicorn mask*

What a silly drunk! :D

Nah, he didn't.

http://www.billingsgazette.net/articles/2007/03/14/news/local/33-unicorn.txt

The unicorn wasn't driving.

In a case of crossed e-mails and misinterpreted attorney slang, Yellowstone County Attorney Dennis Paxinos said this morning that widespread reports of a Billings drunken-driving defendant who told police that a unicorn was driving when his truck crashed into a light pole are inaccurate.

"That did not happen," Paxinos said at a press conference he called to set the record straight.

The mix-up was the result of what Paxinos described as "black humor" among prosecutors who routinely deal with suspects who refuse to take responsibility. In some cases, a defendant can be described as using what Paxinos called the SEDI defense, an acronym for the claim that "somebody-else-did-it."
In this case, a man arraigned Tuesday in District Court on charges of felony criminal endangerment and DUI asserted what prosecutors sometimes call the unicorn defense, which suggests that some mythical person was driving at the time of the incident, Paxinos said.

The trouble started when a deputy prosecutor arguing for a high bond during the arraignment told the judge that when the defendant was he arrested, he claimed that a unicorn was driving.

"It's kind of code (between prosecutors), and the code was misinterpreted," Paxinos said.

The defendant, Phillip Carston Holliday Jr., 42, told police that a woman was driving when his truck ran into a light pole, but he did not tell officers that a unicorn was driving, Paxinos said.

"Mr. Holliday has other serious problems, but this is not one of them," the county attorney said.

Paxinos said he wanted to apologized "to the public, the court and to Mr. Holliday" for the confusion. He also said he wanted to put a quick stop to the story.

"I wanted to stop the misinformation that was generated from my office immediately," he said.

The story in The Billings Gazette was picked up by news outlets across the country.

"It's a great story, it just isn't correct," Paxinos said.

Paxinos said he has chastised the deputy prosecutors involved, and will contact Holliday's defense attorney to explain. He said Holliday may wish for a rehearing on his bond, which was set at $100,000.

At the arraignment, Judge Gregory Todd said he set the high bond because he was concerned that Holliday has five previous DUI convictions and dozens of misdemeanor and traffic convictions, including 28 for driving with a suspended license.

Holliday was arrested March 7 after a one-vehicle accident near the intersection of Ninth Avenue North and North 27th Street. Two police officers witnessed the crash, which occurred when a pickup truck drove through a red light and nearly struck another vehicle.

The driver of the pickup then suddenly made a U-turn through a gas station, crossed North 27th Street and crashed into a light pole. In court records, prosecutors said the driver got out and fell down and then ran about 30 feet before falling down again. Holliday was then arrested.

Holliday first told an officer that his left leg was broken, and then said he panicked, court records state. He also told the officer that he fell asleep, and then provided another version that named his girlfriend as the driver in the accident.

That's where the unicorn defense came into play, Paxinos said. The deputy prosecutor who wrote the charging document sent an e-mail to the prosecutor who appeared in court to argue Holliday's bond. The e-mail described Holliday's "unicorn" defense, which was misinterpreted as an actual statement from Holliday by the attorney who appeared in court, Paxinos said.

Hehehehe, aww Trostia...that info is so much less fun than the original story!

Nah, he didn't.

http://www.billingsgazette.net/articles/2007/03/14/news/local/33-unicorn.txt

...aww...so much for the neat story...

Nah, he didn't.

http://www.billingsgazette.net/articles/2007/03/14/news/local/33-unicorn.txt

Hehehehe, aww Trostia...that info is so much less fun than the original story!

...aww...so much for the neat story...

Talk about a spoil-sport. *puts away net* Well, I probably wouldn't have been able to find a virgin anyway.

Talk about a spoil-sport. *puts away net* Well, I probably wouldn't have been able to find a virgin anyway.

On the internet? Are you sure?

On the internet? Are you sure?

I know, you'd think they'd be ten-a-penny.

I know, you'd think they'd be ten-a-penny.

See, that's the problem with assuming people on the internet don't have lives outside of the internet, when except in a few rare cases they do.

That said, I'm a virgin. What did you need one for anyway?

This attorney's silly! Everyone knows unicorns can cast Teleport 3 times a day and only transport virgins! :D

See, that's the problem with assuming people on the internet don't have lives outside of the internet, when except in a few rare cases they do.

That said, I'm a virgin. What did you need one for anyway?

Unicorns only accept virgins as mounts, it seems. Or Lawful Good women.

Unicorns only accept virgins as mounts, it seems. Or Lawful Good women.

Ah. I don't see why. Unicorns must be religious fundies unable to accept that sex is okay.

Unicorns only accept virgins as mounts, it seems. Or Lawful Good women.

Ah. I don't see why. Unicorns must be religious fundies unable to accept that sex is okay.

I'm not sure about the "mount" part, but legendarily, the way you capture a unicorn - the only way - is to have a virgin attract the creature to her, upon which you pounce on him. Unicorns seem to trust virgins.

There's a famous set of Flemish tapestries (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unicorn_tapestries) that shows this, and the subsequent hunting and capture of the unicorn.

I'm not sure about the "mount" part, but legendarily, the way you capture a unicorn - the only way - is to have a virgin attract the creature to her, upon which you pounce on him. Unicorns seem to trust virgins.

There's a famous set of Flemish tapestries (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unicorn_tapestries) that shows this, and the subsequent hunting and capture of the unicorn.
More proof of their fundamentalism: they only like to "mount" virgins.

Ah. I don't see why. Unicorns must be religious fundies unable to accept that sex is okay.

Actually they are, mostly, Chaotic Good, whereas fundies tend towards Lawful Evil, so...

More proof of their fundamentalism: they only like to "mount" virgins.

I guess ... Anyway, the tapestries are cool. If you're ever in NYC, make an effort to see them. ;)

More proof of their fundamentalism: they only like to "mount" virgins.

they are really mix up lot, then if you think on how they came about

How about a unidonkey?

Actually they are, mostly, Chaotic Good, whereas fundies tend towards Lawful Evil, so...

So why would they only like virgins? Okay, sure, I'm screwing with the definition for humerous purposes, but in all seriousness if they're okay with sex, what's up with the only virgins bit? Is it just a holdover from the older unicorn myths?

Farnhamia: Oh, that I do intend if I ever get the chance. Those tapestries look like wonderful pieces of art to be sure.

So why would they only like virgins? Okay, sure, I'm screwing with the definition for humerous purposes, but in all seriousness if they're okay with sex, what's up with the only virgins bit? Is it just a holdover from the older unicorn myths?

Farnhamia: Oh, that I do intend if I ever get the chance. Those tapestries look like wonderful pieces of art to be sure.

It's possible that they have a physical inability to be near a non-virgin rather than an opinion on them. For instance, the smell of non-virgins could have on them the same effect drinking milk has on some people. I'm lactose-intollerant, but don't have any moral qualms against milk, see?

It's possible that they have a physical inability to be near a non-virgin rather than an opinion on them. For instance, the smell of non-virgins could have on them the same effect drinking milk has on some people. I'm lactose-intollerant, but don't have any moral qualms against milk, see?

Even though that conjures images I really don't need in my head, there's something to that, I suppose ... :p

Actually, if you take the Unicorn as an allegory for Christ, it's just natural he'd be attracted to virgins. "I want a girl, just like the girl, that ..." Well, you get it.

It's possible that they have a physical inability to be near a non-virgin rather than an opinion on them. For instance, the smell of non-virgins could have on them the same effect drinking milk has on some people. I'm lactose-intollerant, but don't have any moral qualms against milk, see?

That's actually a very good reason, more than enough for me to accept. Well done there.