NationStates Jolt Archive

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

Invent the Welsh, so they can deal with the sheep and do other things as well. ;)

Invent the Welsh, so they can deal with the sheep and do other things as well. ;)

Longows and sheep...does anything else come from Wales? ;)

Yes I am and it's about damn time you people recognized.

Kill all the Muslim infidels and destroy all the nations on the Axis of Evil.

I am a minion of Dubya, right? :)

If the Humans needed a written guide. I would make sure that it was clearly written.

Just Human at this point. You'll have to invent the second set of hardware if you want plural :P

If the Humans needed a written guide. I would make sure that it was clearly written.

Clearly written...? You sound like my teachers! If we were supposed to write clearly, then schools would introduce a Calligraphy class.

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

I'M God?

Cool!

Like I care what Adam does. I'd give him a whole retinue of ho's if it keeps him busy while I get my groove on.




This could be why no one has yet made me some sort of God. (Let alone THE God.)

I destroy the Babelfish so that I can't be logiced out of existence.

If the Humans needed a written guide. I would make sure that it was clearly written.

Wow...serious time warppage going on in this thread.

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

Get bored and wander off.

Get bored and wander off.

Maybe throw earth in the closet with the other science fair projects and go play some Wii?

Maybe throw earth in the closet with the other science fair projects and go play some Wii?

No wonder....

No wonder....

I agree, G-d would rather play with his Wii, then the great giant ball, Earth. No wonder we're in such disrepair.

I agree, G-d would rather play with his Wii, then the great giant ball, Earth. No wonder we're in such disrepair.

Do you blame him? We're kind of boring.

Create a male buddy for him to get his freak on with.

I agree, G-d would rather play with his Wii, then the great giant ball, Earth. No wonder we're in such disrepair.

*Waits for jokes about 'Gods Wii'*

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

Why not take a spin in the God Simulator (http://www.jraxis.com/atheism/simulator/) and find out?

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

I'd share a beer with Jesus & talk about what a crappy life he was going to have.

Well, you know how no matter where you go it smells like someone's burning cedar and pine needles tied together with twine... that's me. :D

Why not take a spin in the God Simulator (http://www.jraxis.com/atheism/simulator/) and find out?

Not enough options, totally not interesting.

I figure if the man and the sheep are happy, I'll let them be. I've got other things on my mind, like that damn high pressure system in the Rocky Mountains.

Wipe out all lawyers and politicians.

I'd eat cake.

Smite the lamb for being such a whore.

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

Probably take the rest of the day off knowing that eventually the global warming nuts will come along and decide that the present weather is predicated by the presence of at least one too many carbon based life forms emitting way too much carbon dioxide, thus causing the wheels to fall off the climatic cart. Before they all then get together and decide I don't exist, and I go up in waft of ephemeral mist, I destroy the world as I know it and go off to play Age Of Empires on my home computer in a snit.

Or somethin' like that.

Why not take a spin in the God Simulator (http://www.jraxis.com/atheism/simulator/) and find out?

Wow, that wasn't preachy or inflammatory in any way...:rolleyes:

I'm an athiest and even I found that insulting. Also I'm annoyed because I broke my keyboard in frustration while playing Supreme Commander and am now using an older keyboard that is a piece of crap.

I'd give Adam a Rubik's cube and let himself keep himself entertained for the rest of his natural life. (OK, maybe "entertained" is too strong a word). I'd tell him that I'd reveal the secret of the universe to him once he solves it, so he'll keep at it for a while.

Either that, or I'd stick a bunch of dinosaur bones in the ground and intelligently design him into a lamprey.

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?I'd adjust the human genome, so they don't de-evolve into retarded religious people such as the "abrahamic" folks.

if i'm supposed to be god. and i've just created this universe, filled with gazillions of worlds, what the diddlie eye doo, makes you think your particular little grain of dust planet is supposed to be any more important to me then any of the gazillion minus one rest of them?

if even the sparrows and hairs on your head are numbered, what makes you think the hairs and sparrows on the rest of those worlds ought to be any less so?

=^^=
.../\...

A sheet of peace .. inner peace.

.... but I guess with that.. we wouldn't exist.

if i'm supposed to be god. and i've just created this universe, filled with gazillions of worlds, what the diddlie eye doo, makes you think your particular little grain of dust planet is supposed to be any more important to me then any of the gazillion minus one rest of them?

if even the sparrows and hairs on your head are numbered, what makes you think the hairs and sparrows on the rest of those worlds ought to be any less so?

=^^=
.../\...Well the day eight thing in the original post hints at the biblical god. So if you would just be the Jew-ish biblical god, your perspective would of course be limited. You know, you'd just be given this patch of dirt by the other gods.

A sheet of peace .. inner peace.
.... but I guess with that.. we wouldn't exist.??

If the Humans needed a written guide. I would make sure that it was clearly written.

Seconded. Also, I'd go seriously lightning bolt-heavy on anyone building organized papacies and/or rewriting my words - Then make it clear that I demand no worship at all and that no one shall be persecuted for going against my word, even if I was stupid and callous enough to oppose things like homosexuality and abortions. Then I'd sit around and get drunk all day( could I make a keg so large even I could not drink it all? The wonders of omnipotence! :cool:). Also, while not vengeful, I might occasionally smite the stupider of my creations.

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

Give him a stack of the finest porn and watch his reaction. You know, the kind of stuff that makes God happy when he jacks off.

Create NSG and post on it for eternity.

Burn everything. Duh.

??


I was meaning If I was God I would lay down a sheet (meaning it would cover the entire world) of peace. But .. when you have peace you are content.. less likely to do the things that require reproducing, expanding, learning, seeking knowledge etc.. so.. in that case I saw it as if the peace was laid down.. they probably would've stopped where they were, had not wanted more and that would've been it. Of course .. my thinking on that could be wrong. I consider peace very important, but maybe my description of peace isn't yours. ya know?

And I'm not suprised you didn't get what I was meaning, most don't. And of course since I'm saying it.. I'm thinking it's pretty clear.

Blow Human up and replace him with dinosaurs. Dinosaurs rule.

I would realise that I do not exist and did not actually create the universe (or in this case the planet Earth). I would then cease to have ever existed, somehow leading to the creation of nihilists in about 4 billion or so years later.

Destroy the first moron who does something horrid to someone else because, he claims, God wants him to.

Destroy the first moron who does something horrid to someone else because, he claims, God wants him to.

So...more of the smiting, less of the world engineering, eh? ;)

So...more of the smiting, less of the world engineering, eh? ;)

Hey, I already set up a world, and made the mistake of thinking that if I gave people free will they will choose good on their own. Well, the first person who says, "NO! *I*, er, GOD says that what you choose is BAD, and I will PUNISH YOU for it!" will summarily disappear in a puff of sulphur.

Maybe it would teach people to mind their own business. ;) Certainly it would show that I'd be MORE than capable of making my wishes known.

the first thing i'd do would be to disappear in a puff of logic.

but if i must exist, i would get to work making eve and steve.

I'll get to work on the chocolate rain.

I probably would forget humans because if I were god im sure I also had created some more interesting races at other planets and humans would get checked about once at 1000 years.

Immediately start working on 7 foot tall, intelligent platypi, and setting up the apocalypse war between them and humans.

Edit: Oh and modify Adams penis so it and those of all his descendants can go "sniff"

Two words...

Pogo sticks


...things will turn out much better, I assure you. :D

Why not take a spin in the God Simulator (http://www.jraxis.com/atheism/simulator/) and find out?

That was amusing for five minutes. *Goes off and finds something more amusing to do*

I would get everyone in the world together and force them to make a massive human pyramid. I would proceed to either push a couple of poor saps at the bottom to cause a massive collapse or use it as a slide.

Or just create one giant human yo yo for my own amusement.

Create Al-Qaeda- Then destroy it horribly.

Do that about 10,000 times, then Create Hell and send them all to it.

Oh yeah, same with the Nazis and the KKK.

Maintain a firm and indisputable presence on earth, atop some kind of massive tower, so that people can't misinterpret what I say.

And give the animals dominion over man, just for a switch.

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

Invent the vastly superior Human Mark II, with such features as long-term thinking, ability to avoid exhausting resources and more.

I'd probably find a nice virgin to boink. Then, when she has my kid, I'd watch him grow up and try to change the world. When he starts telling people to eat his flesh and drink his blood, I'll send some angry jews and romans to kill him, the dumbass little snot! When he runs off and goes back to earth three days later, I'll reach down and grab the rebellious little prick and bring him back up here. Then I'll put him in charge of some rinky dink operation here in Heaven like maybe making sure all the new arrivals have fresh towels.

After about two thousand years, I'll start to get horny again and have a Tom Cruise. :(

I'd asplode.

I'd invent an off-button to my omniscience and omnipotence so I can do something that poses a challenge for once.

Send a spaghetti monster.

I'd asplode.

Somewhere public and on camera, I hope. :)

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?
Destroy Desu.

Ctrl Z Wales....and Belgium

Ctrl Z Wales....and Belgium
Holland too?

Holland has its uses, I do spare them

*snip*
After about two thousand years, I'll start to get horny again and have a Tom Cruise.But you wouldn't need a virgin for that, as you can shit that into the world yourself...

I was meaning If I was God I would lay down a sheet (meaning it would cover the entire world) of peace. But .. when you have peace you are content.. less likely to do the things that require reproducing, expanding, learning, seeking knowledge etc.. so.. in that case I saw it as if the peace was laid down.. they probably would've stopped where they were, had not wanted more and that would've been it. Of course .. my thinking on that could be wrong. I consider peace very important, but maybe my description of peace isn't yours. ya know?

And I'm not suprised you didn't get what I was meaning, most don't. And of course since I'm saying it.. I'm thinking it's pretty clear.What is a sheet of peace?? Peace is a circumstance, not a cover.

What is a sheet of peace?? Peace is a circumstance, not a cover.

Yes, but it would be a Holy Sheet! :D

Make another guy for Human to bare knuckle box with. The winner can get a Female Woman. Once I work out the bugs.

Scratch my nuts and go back to sleep

I hate Mondays :p

Create all the fake proofs for evolution so people do not believe I was being so unelegant and designed every species seperately.

Yes, but it would be a Holy Sheet! :D

That one earns you about 5 years in purgatory my friend.:D

That one earns you about 5 years in purgatory my friend.:D

5 years on a non-temporal plane of existence. Ouch. That's harsh.

5 years on a non-temporal plane of existence. Ouch. That's harsh.

It was a really bad pun.:p

Well, first I'd troll humanity by baiting them and then banning them from the Garden, and then I'd fuck with them for a while using the Tower of Babel. Then maybe I'd get the Sumerians to develop pointy hats and beer, and then just let things run for a while.

Later, I'd ask some extraterrestrials to create pyramids on Earth for lulz and win, and 5000 years later release Polybius to a few arcades in Oregon for more fun.

It was a really bad pun.:p

Everyone's a critic. :p

Its day eight, and youre still working out the kinks in the weather system. The human seems to be getting on fine, although youre a bit worried about what he does with his spare time and his apparent attraction to sheep.

So...what do you do next?

Summon The Nazz to be my Prophet (or be cursed with leprosy, boils, intestinal worms, and lice if he fails to serve me well).

blow my godly load all over the universe

I'd recall the beta version of humanity and fix the many, many, many design flaws (and wonder the fuck I was thinking, eventually concluding that I must have been pretty drunk). After that's fixed, I'd leave them mostly to their own devices, though, any time someone was using a phrase like "well god said this," to justify something I don't like, a great voice will sound in the sky amid thunder that comes from nowhere saying simply, for all to hear and fear "um... no, actually I didn't say that. Don't listen to this douchebag."

I would also create a goddess to rule alongside me, and diddle. For it is lonely at the top.