NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

By learning to resent her. It worked for me.

Oh God, I hate the "just friends" bullshit. If I had a nickel for every time a girl told me that, I could single-handedly pay off the national debt and still afford a steak and lobster dinner every night for the rest of my life.

Word of advice: If a girl says she wants to "start out as friends," and work her way from there, don't believe it. As a rule of thumb, if a girl starts out as "just a friend," chances are you'll stay "just friends" forever. There are some exceptions to this, of course, but they're few and far between.

I don't want it to be negative. I mean we have been really good friends, but I am at a point where I just need to quit feeling this way, but its hard to :(

I've found that the best thing to do is find a new girl, ASAP. Before you know it, you'll forget all about the old one (or come really close to forgetting), no matter how much you liked her.

By learning to resent her. It worked for me.

I don't want it to be negative. I mean we have been really good friends, but I am at a point where I just need to quit feeling this way, but its hard to :(

I never really learned how to love, just hate. You might want to try that.

I don't want it to be negative. I mean we have been really good friends, but I am at a point where I just need to quit feeling this way, but its hard to :(

If you don't mind my asking, what was this revelation you had about your situation with her? It might help in the process of finding a solution.

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

You're becoming a priest, aren't you? :(

If you don't mind my asking, what was this revelation you had about your situation with her? It might help in the process of finding a solution.


Well, this weekend I've grown closer to God, and he said I need to remove all obstacles, things that are keeping me down, or holding me back, so that I may grow stronger and experience life more.

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

Banish all good memories. Repress them. Just don't think about it.

You're becoming a priest, aren't you? :(

How...How the hell did you know that?

By learning to resent her. It worked for me.

yeh, that's worked for me too. for 3 different people in fact. and for two of them i was also able to get over the resentment as well so that they are now two of my best friends. the other one i haen't seen in years so i don't resent her either

You're becoming a priest, aren't you? :(

Heck no. :)

How...How the hell did you know that?
Just a guess. I'm getting celibacy vibes from this theards and.. well.. shut up!
Heck no. :)

Praise the Fnord.

I don't want it to be negative. I mean we have been really good friends, but I am at a point where I just need to quit feeling this way, but its hard to :(spend time apart - resent - spend more time apart - forget the resentment- go back to being just friends. resentment cures love but it is easy to forget.

It's biologically impossible. Find someone else to distract. 8 years?!?!? :eek: :eek: :eek: I thought 2 was a lot...

Just a guess. I'm getting celibacy vibes from this theards and.. well.. shut up!


Praise the Fnord.

Yeah, I'm trying not to be celibate in life. Im a guy, and I want sex as much as any other. Just there is a time and place, and the time isn't now.

Just a guess. I'm getting celibacy vibes from this theards and.. well.. shut up!


Praise the Fnord.

Heh heh.

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

Electroshock therapy. :D

(Or scent therapy... have a bad odor released from a thing on your neck whenever she's around)

You need to convince yourself and understand that it's never going to happen. If you can do that, then you can start resenting/making peace/being a true friend/forgetting or whatever it is that happens once you stop hoping she 'really does like you but (insert reason it ain't happening)' all the time.

just try and focus on the negative aspects of her personality for a while, especially while drinking. it doesn't have to as far as resentment, just so that you realise that you are probably elevating her in your mind above what she actually is.

By learning to resent her. It worked for me.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah ahh ahhhhhhh

I love you!

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?
You have to learn how to control your 'care switch'. If you can master this feat, you find many uses for it beyond this situation. In order to do such, add 1 cup of cynicism and a teaspoon of jaded expectations to a mug, stir in some futility and place mixture into an apathy oven for however long you want (It doesn't really matter in the end anyhow). After all of this should should have one hot steamy cup of I-don't-give-a-fuck. Feel free to bottle it and keep it on you for pertinent usage later.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah ahh ahhhhhhh

I love you!

...Hey! It did...

:cool:

It's biologically impossible. Find someone else to distract. 8 years?!?!? :eek: :eek: :eek: I thought 2 was a lot...
You edited another 2 'eeks' into that.

Why?

You edited another 2 'eeks' into that.

Why?

buy a book about dreams and interpret them, then follow advice.

if some of the keys match, then you are beginning to forget her. if not, then you need to work on that. repressing memories might work, as its not very painful.
getting a new love before forgetting her wont work, it will just add up to the pile - making you want to cause jealousy and wanting to hurt the former girl.

adapt to the changes, but don't stick too much in the past...

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

Has she done anything to keep you hoping for 8 years?

Anyways, its hard to forget about somebody you are in love with. Actually, impossible. Your best bet to ease things would be no contact. If thats not possible..your screwed. But you know what you want out of life and realize she's not in it. Thats at least a start.

Has she done anything to keep you hoping for 8 years?

Anyways, its hard to forget about somebody you are in love with. Actually, impossible. Your best bet to ease things would be no contact. If thats not possible..your screwed. But you know what you want out of life and realize she's not in it. Thats at least a start.

I second the cut contact idea. It worked for a smouldering attraction I had for a few years.

Sounds like the Swingers. A fine film by the way.

The answer to your problem: take lots of ecstasy. You won't be able to feel any emotions for like 6 monthes. By that time I bet you'll have hopefully forgotten about her.

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

Why exactly do you want/need to forget her? Just pretend to be friends with her and keep your feelings secret. And don't let anyone us her as a tool to screw you over. Forgetting to love someone leaves an emptiness in you that'll haunt you for the rest of your life!

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

Honestly, go on with out her. You will find someone better.

Move to a different state/country, it worked for me! But my crush was only for about 3 years.

You might say it's not a crush I’m 'in love' but unless you get with this girl, you'll look back and go stupid me and my stupid crush on that useless girl.

If you continue to pine over women you can’t have you'll probably end up resenting women in general (not ns general). so go out there and find another women, you don't have to love her, in fact that may make Girl 'A' jealous enough to come after you, women are petty creatures.

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?
Forget, as in stop having romantic feelings for her? Or forget as in cut her out of your life entirely? Either way it'll be hard, and I wish I had good advice for you, but I don't. All I can say is to take it one step at a time. Maybe start by hanging out with other friends more and talking to her less? I don't know. Good luck. :fluffle:

Oh God, I hate the "just friends" bullshit. If I had a nickel for every time a girl told me that, I could single-handedly pay off the national debt and still afford a steak and lobster dinner every night for the rest of my life.

Word of advice: If a girl says she wants to "start out as friends," and work her way from there, don't believe it. As a rule of thumb, if a girl starts out as "just a friend," chances are you'll stay "just friends" forever. There are some exceptions to this, of course, but they're few and far between.
I would be one of those exceptions. ;)

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

Be systematically exploited and abused by everyone who claims to "love" you is the only way I can think of. . .and even then, what you are talking about seems to be more along the lines of giving up this particular love, not abadoning any memory of it. You can forget what it means to be loved, which is a cure worse than the disease, but hopelessness is hardly a sign of devotion.

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

Marry her. It seems to work for most people, a year or two after marriage the partner is completely forgotten in everyday life.

Discover drink. Repeat your story to anyone who will listen. Try to keep it up as long as you can. Find yourself one day realizing that 40 years have slipped by and that even if you wanted to move on, anything you could have moved on to shies away from your rank alcoholic stench. At this point, yell incoherently in an effort to make the Gods of forgotten times notice the human race again. Fail at this as well. Put on a pink dress you found in the dumpster. Steal some flowers from the cemetary. Try to make a pass at being a flower girl so that you can make some more money for drink.


Or you know. Do what others have suggested.

Forced separation is probably the best way, even if just for a month or two.

And 8 years seems rather a long time even for limerence.

Forced separation, avoiding her or cutting her out of your life is not the best thing to do. Not because you'll never get over it but because it's not particularly fair to her.

She's remained a friend of yours for 8 years despite having told you she's not interested - I would have to suspect she's dated other people as well.

If you feel closer to God then you should also feel uncomfortable about cutting someone from your life.

Again, the thing to do is understand, truly understand that it's never going to happen and not to beat yourself up about it.

Respect yourself, respect her and be a true friend.

Aah.... The sweet smell of human pain.
I'm a mere three years along the line myself, but I've sorted it out by letting all my repressed emotion come out through writing, and now I don't really care. As an unfortunate side effect I don't really care about anything else either and am incapable of leaving my room, but it basically worked.
If you're not the writing type (though lack of talent never stopped me, I'd advertise my URL to show people an example but I'm not sure that's within the rules of these fine forums), then I advise rape. You get your kicks, use her and move on, and she never speaks to you again. That would allow both of you to get through this difficult time.

[I hate doing this, it ruins the whole post, but that was not a serious suggestion. Anybody who thought it was needs their head checked.]

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

1) Understand what exactly it is that this girl means to you. Such unrequited love is never healthy. She represents something else that you're lacking. It's like staying in a shitty job that you're no good at and don't like because you want to think of yourself as the kind of person who can do it. It's painful, unhealthy, and ultimately useless.

2) Stop trying to be friends. You don't want to be friends, you want to be lovers. You might not get to be lovers, but you can tell her that she doesn't get a choice. She can be your lover or your memory, she can't be your friend.

3) Figure out what else will satisfy whatever craving of which this girl represents satisfaction. It never makes sense to pursue one girl to the exclusion of others. As my grandmother told me, "never run for a woman or a bus." However wonderful this woman is, there is another just as good who will have you. You probably shot her down while mooning over this one.

4) Remember, you're not attracted to this woman because she's great. It's because you are in some way (in your own estimation) deficient. You feel, deep down, that if you get her it will mean that whatever deficiency you're afraid you possess is not there anymore, and it's a flawed understanding. Move on.

Go on an enraged killing spree, killing hundreds before eventually being taken down by a mysterious heart attack.

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

It's not as hard as you think.

We've all had to do it. Later, you will look back and think you were silly.

I'm wanting to know, because it would make my life a lot easier right now. Here is my case. I have been "in love" with this girl since the first time I have seen her way back 8 or so years ago. I told her once how I felt, and she said she only wanted to be friends. Although I was hurt, I still, stupidly, held on hoping. Well, after this weekend, I have found out what I want in life, and in order to better follow this path I am on, I have to more or less forget about this girl. But this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do in my short life time. How do I go about this?

if it helps any you probably aren't literally in love with her but actually infatuated with her, so really, all you have to do is occupy your time thinking about something else.

Hmmm...

Normally I would reccomend a string of meaningless headonistic flings with a succession of women until you get over this girl you're obviously not going to get it on with. However you appear to be joining the preisthood... Bad luck...

I guess I'm in a happier situation than you, because women dislike me too much to even want to be my friends. Only twice in my life have I heard the infamous phrase.

If you find it hard or unfair to shut her out of your life, you could try the complete opposite. Keep showing romantic interest in her. That way, she will start to avoid you, and no feelings will be hurt (except yours, but that damage is already done anyway).

Of course, that might make you look like a loser. I don't know how much of a "nice guy" you are, but another way to change her attitude towards you is to stop being one. After all, apparently that is why most men end up with lots of "just friends". That's what I personally would do; get more radical opinions, always speak your mind even if it might be offensive, and don't always be available when she wants to hang out with you. Generally, stop being too friendly. Whatever it is that makes her want to be just friends, this should help you get rid of it.

Oh, not this again.

You're saying it doesn't work?

I guess I'm in a happier situation than you, because women dislike me too much to even want to be my friends. Only twice in my life have I heard the infamous phrase.

If you find it hard or unfair to shut her out of your life, you could try the complete opposite. Keep showing romantic interest in her. That way, she will start to avoid you, and no feelings will be hurt (except yours, but that damage is already done anyway).

Of course, that might make you look like a loser. I don't know how much of a "nice guy" you are, but another way to change her attitude towards you is to stop being one. After all, apparently that is why most men end up with lots of "just friends". That's what I personally would do; get more radical opinions, always speak your mind even if it might be offensive, and don't always be available when she wants to hang out with you. Generally, stop being too friendly. Whatever it is that makes her want to be just friends, this should help you get rid of it.

Oh, not this again.

You're saying it doesn't work?

I'm talking about the "nice guy" thing. It's a false idea.

I would expand on that, but in most forums, it's already been done to death.

I'm talking about the "nice guy" thing. It's a false idea.

I would expand on that, but in most forums, it's already been done to death.
Don't let that stop you. It didn't stop the last few hundred posters who decided to create a thread about 'Why do Nice Guys never get girls?'

To answer the OP's question, "How does one forget how to love?"
Vodka does the trick.
Works exceedingly well. A bottle of that and you'll not only forget about love, you'll have trouble remembering your name, address and how to take your trousers off to perform ablutions.

Don't let that stop you. It didn't stop the last few hundred posters who decided to create a thread about 'Why do Nice Guys never get girls?'

Well, in short, a lot of guys who think they are a "nice guy" who "never gets the girl" are just wusses who

a. have no fucking life
b. think they are better than they really are
c. have no balls
d. never ask for what they want

Hey, girls will answer a guy who asks for what he wants. The answer may be no, but if you ask enough girls, sooner or later one says "yes".

Girls also like a guy who has a life, is TRULY a good guy, and has some fucking backbone.

Not some emo kid who crumbles at the mere thought of asking...

I'm talking about the "nice guy" thing. It's a false idea.

I would expand on that, but in most forums, it's already been done to death.

I've never seen it done to death, or even to medical treatment. At best, a couple of women show up and say that they personally love nice guys, but that's it. So based on what I've heard from others, who have solved woman-troubles this way, and even somewhat on my limited personal experience, it seems that it is not false, at least to some extent. It's not like I'm saying that this girl will immediately want to have sex with the OP or anything after taking that advice.

I'm not asking you to expand, since it would derail the thread, although I am interested.

You know you could just go on with life and let time heal your wounds like most normal people do...

... not that any of you would care >_>

Don't let that stop you. It didn't stop the last few hundred posters who decided to create a thread about 'Why do Nice Guys never get girls?'

To answer the OP's question, "How does one forget how to love?"
Vodka does the trick.
Works exceedingly well. A bottle of that and you'll not only forget about love, you'll have trouble remembering your name, address and how to take your trousers off to perform ablutions.

Vodka solves a lot of problems, though. I'd recommend copious amounts, just to be sure.

Well, in short, a lot of guys who think they are a "nice guy" who "never gets the girl" are just wusses who

a. have no fucking life
b. think they are better than they really are
c. have no balls
d. never ask for what they want

Hey, girls will answer a guy who asks for what he wants. The answer may be no, but if you ask enough girls, sooner or later one says "yes".

Girls also like a guy who has a life, is TRULY a good guy, and has some fucking backbone.

Not some emo kid who crumbles at the mere thought of asking...

Eve wins the thread for me.
I should know, I'm a wuss with no balls who has no fucking life, thinks he's better than he really is and never asks for what he wants. I acknowledge and accept this, and hopefully I won't be as bloody stupid the next time.