NationStates Jolt Archive

Here's a theoretical for you all:

You die. Probably suddenly and hilariously.
The next thing you know and possibly much to your surprise, you are at the gates of Heaven. Possibly much to your further surprise, they let you in. They get you all cleaned up, give you some clean robes and a Angel Wings Training Set(patent pending) and take you on a tour of the faciities. Your first stop, however, is a meeting with the Big Guy.

So you are led into a very tastefully designed office and there at the desk is God Himself. He looks up from his Rubik's Cube and says, .... what?

What are God's first words to you?

My top three possibilities are:

"How the fuck did YOU get up here?"

"Oh shit!"

or

"You're gonna have to show me how that Poo Cannon works."

:)

"Ah you're back. Well you won't be getting out so easily this time."


Yeah, I totally escaped from heaven.

"Now do you believe in me?"

"Pass me that beer over there."

"Ah you're back. Well you won't be getting out so easily this time."


Yeah, I totally escaped from heaven.

This explains much. :)

[aside] "Dammit, Peter, what's the problem with the pink apes and [manner of death]? Third one in the last hour. We're going to have to fix that bug in Version 2."

"Security!"

"Well, I'll be. He made it. Now I owe some friends of yours fifty bucks. I hope you're happy."

"What was I thinking?"

"Oh, it's you. ummm...yeah. Sorry about the...well, y'know. Can I make it up for you somehow? How 'bout a ride on a unicorn? We be all square after that?"

This explains much. :)

Several psychologists disagree. But what do they know :rolleyes:

God: *tries to hide Jesus-blow-up-doll* Umm..... this isn't what it looks like...

Me: MUAHAHAHAHA BLACKMAIL!

God: *smites*

Me: how the hell can I be smited in heaven?!

Voice: I'm God, duh.

Me: *floats in nothing* well this is depressing

*floats*

"Well at least you didn't get crucified this time"

Ok, so, by some random chance, I wind up in Heaven.

("There be 30 minutes in heaven before the devil knows your dead" - a cookie for the person who knows this quote)

"Damnit, Peter will let in just anyone."

"Your mother called; she's still pissed that you forgot her birthday."

*looks at a clipboard* "I can't believe I gave potheads, hippies and rockers their own damn heaven... very well, three doors down to your left."

You still owe your best friend $20. I'll send you back to settle your unfinished business. BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT

"I swear, if you even think about getting bored up here, I'll send you right back down to that little muddy dirt-ball to think about why you've been bad."

http://www.eatcleansoap.com/postimages/dude-wait-what_100606.jpg

Yep, God's a stoner kitten.

"No... you're an anthropomorphic personification of universal co-in... co-in... coincidence... crap.

Wait... Go out and come in again"

"Do you know how to do this damn Rubik's cube? It's impossible, I swear."

"What? Who the hell let you in?! I'm going to have Peter's head on a plate for this!"

"No... you're an anthropomorphic personification of universal co-in... co-in... coincidence... crap.

Wait... Go out and come in again"

:D

"SMUNKEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Do you know how to do this damn Rubik's cube? It's impossible, I swear."

:rolleyes: I can do that. In less than 2 minutes.

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2006/06/paradise_blows.html

" Jesus call the Troops out he's here at last"

I think He'd smack me on the back of the head and say "What were you thinkng?"

possible responses:
"You must be my replacement..."

"Why so stunned? Detroits worse than hell. You deserve to be here..."

"APRIL FOOL!!!"
:cool: :eek:

"Yeah... I don't know how this happened either."

"Glad you could make it, my son."

"Glad to be here, God."

"Here's your sword, I see you already have your wings."

"Thanks. What are we going to do now?"

"We'll hit 'reset'. You know, Armageddon, End of the World..."

"Thy will be done. Let's do this!"

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/Erzengel.jpg

"I'm sorry."

Here's a theoretical for you all:

You die. Probably suddenly and hilariously.
The next thing you know and possibly much to your surprise, you are at the gates of Heaven. Possibly much to your further surprise, they let you in. They get you all cleaned up, give you some clean robes and a Angel Wings Training Set(patent pending) and take you on a tour of the faciities. Your first stop, however, is a meeting with the Big Guy.

So you are led into a very tastefully designed office and there at the desk is God Himself. He looks up from his Rubik's Cube and says, .... what?

What are God's first words to you?

My top three possibilities are:

"How the fuck did YOU get up here?"

"Oh shit!"

or

"You're gonna have to show me how that Poo Cannon works."

:)


Gods first words to me would probably be, "Damn, that looked like it hurt!".

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2006/06/paradise_blows.html

Eve Online, you've had a recent bout of posting spam images and links that are barely related to the topic at hand. Knock it off before we have to take official notice.

~ Frisbeeteria ~
NationStates Game Moderator
The One-Stop Rules Shop (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=416023)

"I'm sorry, there's been a slight mix-up..."

"Oh, great. You just had to be morally pure enough to get up here, didn't you?"

"Oh, hi there... Wait... You're a theoretical physicist! Peter, I thought I told you those agnostic scumbags weren't allowed up here!"

"A mathematician. A mathematician in Heaven. Not only that, but he's a philosopher as well. Tell me... how long is it going to be before you ask me the true value of pi?"

"So it's you. The one who really did disprove my existence when you were 15. Well, they say you can't argue with a mathematical proof, but... What do you mean this doesn't invalidate your theory? I exist, don't I? What did you say? I can't prove that anything exists? Why, you little..."

"Boo."

Ilaer

"I've discussed this with the Devil and we both decided that it's safer for the universe if you're up here; we only allow one personification of Evil Incarnate to exist at any given time."

"Welcome Home"




or





"Lets see...
Appendix... check
Tonsils... check
Virginity...
Congratulations... you're one of the very few people to come up here compleatly intact."

"Well don't you look silly?"

"APRIL FOOL!!!"
:cool: :eek:

"If you were bad on Earth, they send you to Hell, if you were truly wicked, they give you a tour of Heaven first."
Calahan's Lady - Spider Robinson

i would walk into the office and find God and the Devil waiting for me

"sorry Armageddon been called off for the time been so your free to move between here and there till we call you"

He would say, "Why didn't you kill all the niggers like I told you to? What are you chicken?"

Here's a theoretical for you all:

You die. Probably suddenly and hilariously.
The next thing you know and possibly much to your surprise, you are at the gates of Heaven. Possibly much to your further surprise, they let you in. They get you all cleaned up, give you some clean robes and a Angel Wings Training Set(patent pending) and take you on a tour of the faciities. Your first stop, however, is a meeting with the Big Guy.

So you are led into a very tastefully designed office and there at the desk is God Himself. He looks up from his Rubik's Cube and says, .... what?

What are God's first words to you?

My top three possibilities are:

"How the fuck did YOU get up here?"

"Oh shit!"

or

"You're gonna have to show me how that Poo Cannon works."

:)
Hrm ...

You should've used more of your imagination about everything but yourself. Seriously, Ive been relegated into some kind of farcicle caricature ... especially with all these churlish attempts at planting me somewhere. Nice in here for a grave, eh?
*it gestures around, gently pokes a waft of what appears to be cloud*

...>another realization on my part, God picks up on it<...

Ah yes, the voice ... you're right, I am the voice from both shoulders. Kind of like Clark Kent with the glasses on/glasses off effect.
:)

"Lets see...
Appendix... check
Tonsils... check
Virginity...
Congratulations... you're one of the very few people to come up here compleatly intact."

:)

I hope that's not the actual test though, in addition to my bedroom behavior, I am missing 2 organs........

"
Virginity...
Congratulations... you're one of the very few people to come up here compleatly intact."
Oh, sure. :)

God must've known that was a horse-riding thing.

:)

I hope that's not the actual test though, in addition to my bedroom behavior, I am missing 2 organs........

if you where a soldier you get in with out the need to take the test

I am missing 2 organs........

No no no noNO! :eek:

You know how this place gets. Especially when god and organs are in the same context!!!!

"No... you're an anthropomorphic personification of universal co-in... co-in... coincidence... crap.

Wait... Go out and come in again"
Fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to Grave_n_idle.

:)

[god]: "Hello my child."
Me: "Oh crap, the christian god is real!" *weeps*
[god]: "Fear not for you have done good deeds, and been a kind person even without carrying my name with you."
Me: "Really?"
[god]:"No."
Me: "That would explain how Coulter got into heaven huh?"
[god]:"Tell me about it, I didn't have a choice."
Me: "But you're god."
[god]: Shoop De Whoop!
*gets blasted into mildly comfortable Hell*

“Hi, my names Odin.”

"Honestly, it was just a joke. Jeez, you have no sense of humor."

"A mathematician. A mathematician in Heaven. Not only that, but he's a philosopher as well. Tell me... how long is it going to be before you ask me the true value of pi?"

Ilaer

Ilaer: "ok, what IS the true value of pi?"

god: "3"

Ilaer: "no its not!"

god: *gives Ilaer the look*

Ilaer: "uh, 3....who would have thought?"

Ilaer makes a swift retreat.

"Thy will be done. Let's do this!"

"I'm a cashew - let's do this!"
http://hdoweu.269g.net/image/charlize-theron-dane-cook-jay-leno.jpg

He would say, "Why didn't you kill all the niggers like I told you to? What are you chicken?"
That isn't even the slightest bit funny. What are you? Racist?

Here's a bar of soap - now go wash your filthy mouth.
"I'm a cashew - let's do this!"
http://hdoweu.269g.net/image/charlize-theron-dane-cook-jay-leno.jpg
I would so do that!!! :D:D:D

ashmoria comes into the office

god looks up and laughs

god: "i never believed you really existed!"

ashmoria, laughing along: "i know how you feel!"

He would say, "Why didn't you kill all the niggers like I told you to? What are you chicken?"
Please tell me this is some kind of joking reference I just didn't get.

Edit: Oh, I see GN didn't get it either.

"Glad you could make it, my son."

"Glad to be here, God."

"Here's your sword, I see you already have your wings."

"Thanks. What are we going to do now?"

"We'll hit 'reset'. You know, Armageddon, End of the World..."

"Thy will be done. Let's do this!"

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/Erzengel.jpg

oh its you why they called it when i got there we waiting for you :p

"I'm a cashew - let's do this!"


You're going to hell for quoting Dane Cook.

You're going to hell for quoting Dane Cook.

I suspect it's been well established that if i'm involved with any thread regarding god .... well, you know the rest. :)
Context, context. *nods sagaciously*

Ilaer: "ok, what IS the true value of pi?"

god: "3"

Ilaer: "no its not!"

god: *gives Ilaer the look*

Ilaer: "uh, 3....who would have thought?"

Ilaer makes a swift retreat.

*Ilaer then comes up with a mathematical proof of why pi is not three before being smote down where he stands*

Ilaer

"Do you know how to do this damn Rubik's cube? It's impossible, I swear."My solution: If you turn the a side by 45 degrees and then jiggle the corner just right then it comes free and you can take the whole thing to pieces and reassemble it with all the colours in the right place. You also get to see how it works and why it doesn't fall to pieces easily, which is pretty neat. :)

I would so do that!!! :D:D:D
Soooooooooooooooooooooo seconded.

Isn't there a smiley for this?

That isn't even the slightest bit funny. What are you? Racist?

Here's a bar of soap - now go wash your filthy mouth.

I'm not racist, I have lots of black friends. In fact, I have 9 black friends.

I thought the idea of God telling people to kill minorities was pretty funny. I mean, its God, wouldnt that be unexpected? Maybe I'm sick-minded or something.

My solution: If you turn the a side by 45 degrees and then jiggle the corner just right then it comes free and you can take the whole thing to pieces and reassemble it with all the colours in the right place. You also get to see how it works and why it doesn't fall to pieces easily, which is pretty neat. :)


Yeah, but it's a pain in the ass to get it back together. That, and you can only do that a few times before the cube starts to become really sloppy. Sometimes it gets so bad, it won't stay together.

I'm not racist, I have lots of black friends. In fact, I have 9 black friends.

I'm sorry 10 black friends is the requirement to not be racist.

*Ilaer then comes up with a mathematical proof of why pi is not three before being smote down where he stands*

Ilaer

which is why there are no mathematicians in heaven.

stubborn lot!

Oh, sure. :)

God must've known that was a horse-riding thing.
since I'm a guy... that "horse riding" thing is rather painful for us.


Crushed nuts anyone? :D

:)

I hope that's not the actual test though, in addition to my bedroom behavior, I am missing 2 organs........

nah, they'll just be amazed that I came back in near mint condition. :D

since I'm a guy... that "horse riding" thing is rather painful for us. I remember. :)
Perhaps god has a daintier touch and catch the more subtle nuances of male virginity ...
...wait a minute...
:eek:

which is why there are no mathematicians in heaven.

stubborn lot!

Yep.

"How many times do I have to tell you?! One is not a prime number!"*

Ilaer

*Actually, it isn't. The rules require that a prime number have two distinct factors, of which one must be 1 and the other is itself. Due to the distinct clause, 1 isn't a prime number.

Sorry, you haven't reach Nirvana yet!

No Jerry Falwell isn't here and neither is Pat Robertson.

Yep.

"How many times do I have to tell you?! One is not a prime number!"*

Ilaer

*Actually, it isn't. The rules require that a prime number have two distinct factors, of which one must be 1 and the other is itself. Due to the distinct clause, 1 isn't a prime number.

or worse...

here... this is how you divide by zero.

what do you mean you can't... I'm GOD! I created the whole numbering system. It's not my fault you didn't discover that number there...

Please tell me this is some kind of joking reference I just didn't get.

Edit: Oh, I see GN didn't get it either.
And I put it into google to see if it was a movie quote or something before - it's not.
So I guess it's not us that don't get it...
oh its you why they called it when i got there we waiting for you :p
http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/megawink.gif

or worse...

"Right, here's the proof that you can't divide something by zero!"
*gets smote down where he stands... again*

Is this turning into a thread of mathematical jokes? In that case I'm bookmarking it.

Ilaer

"Right, here's the proof that you can't divide something by zero!"
*gets smote down where he stands... again*

Is this turning into a thread of mathematical jokes? In that case I'm bookmarking it.

Ilaer

or a philisophical one.

"How many times must a mathmatician be smited before he/she learns?"

I thought dividing by zero = God

or a philisophical one.

"How many times must a mathmatician be smited before he/she learns?"

Well, I'm not sure, but I think the equation converges on n where n tends to infinity.

Infinity is not a number but a concept. It's amazing how many people don't know that. We still use it in equations though.

Ilaer

And I put it into google to see if it was a movie quote or something before - it's not.
So I guess it's not us that don't get it...

http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/megawink.gif

no i did not get it too
now can Armageddon start i been keeping my eyes on some woman i like to have up here with me

Soooooooooooooooooooooo seconded.

Isn't there a smiley for this?
If you use some imagination, this might just work... http://www.smileyhut.com/silly/kiss_ass.gif
I'm not racist, I have lots of black friends. In fact, I have 9 black friends.

I thought the idea of God telling people to kill minorities was pretty funny. I mean, its God, wouldnt that be unexpected? Maybe I'm sick-minded or something.
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/Sonicht.gif Yeah, maybe you are. Funny you ain't, though.
now can Armageddon start i been keeping my eyes on some woman i like to have up here with me
Dude, I ain't dead yet... So, everything is postponed till later - you might as well chase after them now!

He would say, "Why didn't you kill all the niggers like I told you to? What are you chicken?"

:eek:
My 2 cents...I'm afraid that wasn't even close to being humorous.

:eek:
My 2 cents...I'm afraid that wasn't even close to being humorous.

I agree.
But let's lighten the mood...
Back to mathematician jokes!

Ilaer

I walk in
God looks up and says:

I see hell has frozen over.,,,
or
...They told you not to push that button...but NOOOOOOOO....

"Stop staring at my breasts."

Here's a theoretical for you all:

You die. Probably suddenly and hilariously.
The next thing you know and possibly much to your surprise, you are at the gates of Heaven. Possibly much to your further surprise, they let you in. They get you all cleaned up, give you some clean robes and a Angel Wings Training Set(patent pending) and take you on a tour of the faciities. Your first stop, however, is a meeting with the Big Guy.

So you are led into a very tastefully designed office and there at the desk is God Himself. He looks up from his Rubik's Cube and says, .... what?

What are God's first words to you?
The first words of Yah to me were: "just don't believe any of the crap they tell about me - and oh, you are right, no jew, muslim, or christian will ever come to me. for their stupid beliefs they will have to watch barney for eternity"

'Dude..what have I been smoking? Woah I created that? Dude..."

"What the fuck are you doing here? No honestly, what the fuck are you doing here? GTFO nub."

I show up at the pearly gates

God: *whistles,* says in strained voice: "Oh ...this is awkward...."

Fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to Grave_n_idle.

:)

Crap - this doesn't mean I've been promoted to Pope, again, does it?

"Just for fun, I'm going to give you three wishes - and the only restrictions are, you can't wish to be me (The Lord Almighty), and you can't wish for more wishes..."

God- Do you know who I am?
Me- yeah, you're God.
God- No, I'm the Juggernaut bitch!

God: No, sorry... don't recognise you.
Me: They called me Grave_n_idle.
God: Let me check the book... you're kind of funny looking - where are you from?
Me: I was just in Georgia, I was near...
God: No - I mean which world?
Me: Errr... Earth?
God: ...Doesn't ring a bell, sorry.
Me: Sent your son there? Died, nailed to a stick?
God: Earth, you say - it's not in the book. Who told y'all you were one of mine?

God: Damn dude, that looked painful as hell, man.
Me: I know, that bus hurt like a bitch.
God: Are you OK?
Me: Yeah... so, like, this is Heaven, eh?
God: Yeah, like it?
Me: It's pretty nice. I mean, I thought it would be all clouds and shit, but it's actually pink and fluffy, who would've thought?
God: Yeah man, I was on some good shit when I made this place.
Me: Cool.

So, it says here that you were an atheist. Well, you must be feeling like a complete tit right now.

"You want to hit this?"

Or possibly:

"Nice ass."

So, it says here that you were an atheist. Well, you must be feeling like a complete tit right now.
LOL!!! :D :D :D

"Hi, are the Jews still down there? I'm too scared to look! I sent down this one guy with a moustache but he didn't work out so I tried some muslims, and well, you know....!"

"Sorry, our accounting department made a mistake while calculating your good deeds and bad deeds. I'm afraid you don't belong here. I'm going to have kick you down to hell. I hope this error won't be too much of an inconvenience for you."

"Hi, are the Jews still down there? I'm too scared to look! I sent down this one guy with a moustache but he didn't work out so I tried some muslims, and well, you know....!"



http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c90/zerosixthree/ron_jeremy_gawker.jpg

You mean him?

"ouch", right after i poke him in the eye for being so callous and disrespectful. evil blighter.

".. you're not Anna Nicole.."

"Waitaminit...you DIED?"

"Sorry, our accounting department made a mistake while calculating your good deeds and bad deeds. I'm afraid you don't belong here. I'm going to have kick you down to hell. I hope this error won't be too much of an inconvenience for you."

ever see the short film, "In God We Trust"?

a man dies, and he gets sent to the accounting department, he finds out that his deeds in life indicate that he's going to Hell.

so he makes a break (due to lax security) and comes back to life. he spends the day running around, saying goodby to his friends and family (as the accountants are frantically trying to get him back) and all the time, he's unknowingly doing good deeds. when he's finally killed (again) his last deed (tossing his last quarter into a bum's cup) gave him just enough points to get to Heaven.

Quote from the movie
(he's having a final milkshake with his dad.)
Yea dad, I'm going to hell.
nah, you did some good things son. I'm sure they'll outweigh the bad.
well... too bad enjoying a milkshake with your father isn't one of em.
[his account dings as more points add to his record for "Sharing a Milkshake with Father."]

Trilby63;12372620']http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c90/zerosixthree/ron_jeremy_gawker.jpg

You mean him?

Ron Jeremy? No, Ron was sent for the laaydees. The other fella. Didn't like books.

*looks at watch* "You're early."

" I've really got to tell my secratery that from now on I'm not seeing everyone personally. I know I'm omnipresent but it's still takes up a lot of my time, with this many people dying. Oh, hi, welcome to heaven. Is this your first time here?"

".. you're not Anna Nicole.."
...but you sure look fabulous in that Valentino gown." ;)

ever see the short film, "In God We Trust"?

a man dies, and he gets sent to the accounting department, he finds out that his deeds in life indicate that he's going to Hell.

so he makes a break (due to lax security) and comes back to life. he spends the day running around, saying goodby to his friends and family (as the accountants are frantically trying to get him back) and all the time, he's unknowingly doing good deeds. when he's finally killed (again) his last deed (tossing his last quarter into a bum's cup) gave him just enough points to get to Heaven.

Quote from the movie
(he's having a final milkshake with his dad.)
Yea dad, I'm going to hell.
nah, you did some good things son. I'm sure they'll outweigh the bad.
well... too bad enjoying a milkshake with your father isn't one of em.
[his account dings as more points add to his record for "Sharing a Milkshake with Father."]

Nope. I looked it up on Netflix but it seems they don't have the flick. :(

...but you sure look fabulous in that Valentino gown." ;)

Damn right I do!

Nope. I looked it up on Netflix but it seems they don't have the flick. :(

it' a short film. I mean really short... 15 minutes...

I saw it on HBO once... :D

In God We Trust (http://imdb.com/title/tt0220575)

God- Do you know who I am?
Me- yeah, you're God.
God- No, I'm the Juggernaut bitch!

ROFL! :D

Here's a theoretical for you all:

You die. Probably suddenly and hilariously.
The next thing you know and possibly much to your surprise, you are at the gates of Heaven. Possibly much to your further surprise, they let you in. They get you all cleaned up, give you some clean robes and a Angel Wings Training Set(patent pending) and take you on a tour of the faciities. Your first stop, however, is a meeting with the Big Guy.

So you are led into a very tastefully designed office and there at the desk is God Himself. He looks up from his Rubik's Cube and says, .... what?

What are God's first words to you?

My top three possibilities are:

"How the fuck did YOU get up here?"

"Oh shit!"

or

"You're gonna have to show me how that Poo Cannon works."

:)

"Fuck you, atheist." :)

God: What's that you have in your hand there?

Me: What, this little thing? *dangles babel fish in front of god*

God: Bugger... *pop*

"I know what you're thinking, but don't worry. I think they're dicks, too."

"Wait....uhhhh....*flipping through Heaven personnell roster*....WHO THE HELL LET A SOCIOLOGIST INTO HEAVEN!?!?!?!??

"Welcome to heaven little boy. Now for your post death medical - I'll start with the prostate exam. Now bend over - you may feel both by hands on your shoulders during the exam but trust me I'm God."

*grunts*

"Isn't it funny? Lunatic Goofballs once asked you what you thought My first words to you would be - and now you know."

it' a short film. I mean really short... 15 minutes...

I saw it on HBO once... :D

In God We Trust (http://imdb.com/title/tt0220575)

Well, 17 minutes long? I suppose I may have difficulty finding it in that case.

Well, 17 minutes long? I suppose I may have difficulty finding it in that case.dunno if this works...
http://imdb.com/title/tt0220575/videosites

Here is what he would say to me.

Hello Wilgrove, I am The Architect, I am the creator of all living things,

*Beep* Arch, you got a Christian Fundamentalist

Ugh, send him in.

CF: Well hello there God!

Me: Ok please tell me that I don't have to spend an eternity in heaven with him.

God: Ok, CF, your room is on the left down the hall 5th door on the left.

*Christian fundie leaves*

God: Don't worry, his room is a gay bar filled with black male Muslims.

Me: I like you!

:D

"Honestly, I'm just as surprised as you are..."

I'm sorry 10 black friends is the requirement to not be racist.

DOn't forget about the exchange rate: 2 latinos=1 black. ;)

"No, I don't really look like George Burns, I just do this to make your generation more comfortable."

"Isn't it funny? Lunatic Goofballs once asked you what you thought My first words to you would be - and now you know."

What'll really blow your mind is when you see the Rubik's Cube. ;)

"Good to see you again Satan"

"Welcome to Heaven. Want a taco?"

:D

God: What took you so long?

HotRod: The road to Heaven has a lot of potholes. The using good intentions to pave with may not have been the best idea. But you gave me a fantastic vehicle in which to get here.

"Sup?"

"PPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

:p

"PPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

:p

lol. Here's my favorite scenario:

*I enter*

God: Well, Syrup, we've been looking at your record. Quite interesting, really.

*Doorbell rings*

God: Oh, no. Not those damn Jehovah's Witnesses again. Don't they know that this ISN'T Earth?

Me: I'll take care of them.

*Undresses and paints pentacle on chest*

*Opens door*

Me: Hello, friends, and welcome to our gay polygamy cult!

JW: *Run away*

Me: Works every time.

*Dresses*

God: Welcome to Heaven.

3 DAYS LATER...

God: Those Jehovah's Witnesses haven't come back, Syrup. You're a miracle worker!

Me: Nah, you just gotta play them a bit.

God: Well, you did good. Neither Satan nor Damien could keep them from coming daily.

Me: Hmm... Well, that's Jehovah's Witnesses for you.



ALTER SCENARIO:

God: Ah, yes. A human. I must apologize in advance, as your universe was a beta test. Some bugs appeared... but we worked out our later universes pretty well. Come take a look.

Me: OK.

*walks down Hall Of Universes*

God: I think our main problem with your universe is that we isolated the sentients too much in the beginning. The later universes worked better as their sentients developed closer.

God : I'm sorry, I'm a sadist. But I do get therapy these days.

Trilby63;12372260']"Stop staring at my breasts."
My thought:
Mmmmh... Divine boobies!

My response:
I'm a little sad I'm dead - would you mind giving me a hug? :p

"So, let me get this straight: If I farm out my judgement and punishment department to Lao-Tzu and hire some entry level Gods from Hinduism I can cut my yearly operating costs by 32%?"

"Gutentag"

"So, did you bring any soft drugs with you? I'd like to smoke a lil' bit but Peter closed all the coffee shops around here."

"If I may give you one piece of advice: Never enter a swimming contest with Moses, he cheats"

"So we meet again at last, but this time the advantage is mine!"

Me: *wakes up* Hey cool, there is an afterlife, guess I was right.
Thoth: Place your heart upon the scales so it may be judged.
Me:...Damn.

("There be 30 minutes in heaven before the devil knows your dead" - a cookie for the person who knows this quote)

Is that Tom Waits? I have no clue, just seems like something he'd say.

"Dude."

Ok, so, by some random chance, I wind up in Heaven.

("There be 30 minutes in heaven before the devil knows your dead" - a cookie for the person who knows this quote)

"Damnit, Peter will let in just anyone."

"Your mother called; she's still pissed that you forgot her birthday."

*looks at a clipboard* "I can't believe I gave potheads, hippies and rockers their own damn heaven... very well, three doors down to your left."

I thought it was an old Irish proverb. "May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind always be at your back, and may you be in Heaven 30 minutes before the Devil knows you're dead."

http://www.eatcleansoap.com/postimages/dude-wait-what_100606.jpg

Yep, God's a stoner kitten.

That explains so much about my life...

Me: Hi.

God: Who the hell are you?

God: Waaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzuuupppp?!!!!
Me: WAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUP!!!
God: WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUPPP!!!
Me: AAAAAAAAAAZ!!
God: UUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!
Me: WAAAAZZZZUUUPP!!
God: Oh oh oh!!
Me: What?!
God: Bud.
Me: Hm?
God: Bud.
Me: Oh!
God: Bud.
Me: Weis.
God: Er.
Me: You da man!
God: No, you DA MAN!1
Me: Can I leave now? This is getting old.

"Holy shit, I couldn't do that again if I tried."

Hopefully this hasn't been done yet:

Me: Oh wow! I never thought you existed.

God: Hold on one moment, I need to go take a crap.

If you use some imagination, this might just work... http://www.smileyhut.com/silly/kiss_ass.gif


You always come through in a pinch. *bows*

Crap - this doesn't mean I've been promoted to Pope, again, does it?

Troy McClure: "It's the part you were born to play, baby!"

:)
Hey, why didn't you tell me Carnivale only ran two seasons? :(

for their stupid beliefs they will have to watch barney for eternity"
THAT's harsh. *shudders*
....but perfectly in line of persuasion with the OT god.
*nods solemnly*

Trilby63;12372620']http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c90/zerosixthree/ron_jeremy_gawker.jpg

You mean him?

Hmmm ...
...the Force is strong with this one.

"So, let me get this straight: If I farm out my judgement and punishment department to Lao-Tzu and hire some entry level Gods from Hinduism I can cut my yearly operating costs by 32%?"

:D
You still rock. *bows*

I always sort of saw it like this:

God: "Yo" *Big hand appears pointing a finger at me*

Me: "Yo" *I snap my fingers and point right back.*

We do the secret handshake and I stroll into Heaven.

God: "Word."

God: Hi. The Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory are that way
*points His Noodly Appendage*
Me: Okay, cool.

*looks at a clipboard* "I can't believe I gave potheads, hippies and rockers their own damn heaven... very well, three doors down to your left."[/QUOTE]



I am with you on this one.

I would like to come to heaven and be drought before god in this smoke room sitting with Bob Marlee, Timothy Leary and Jimi Hendrix and have him just say Welcome Home Son pass it to the left.

"So... they've figured out out down there that I was just kidding, right? Am I right?"

*awkward silence*

God: I'm sorry I had to kill you like that. I ran out of ideas.

Me: You ran out of ideas, so you thought impaling me in the face with a 5,000 lb spiked club was the best way?

God: Yeah, why? Is that a problem?

Me: Well, it did... you know, hurt?

God: Shit. I'm sorry. Hey, you wanna watch Brokeback Mountain with me?

Me: SURE!

"I told Lucifer if He didn't pay his heating bills some fucked up shit would happen."

"I know you always said Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World was God, -10. Turns out I'm just God."

"Yes dear, I know your upset, but I really think once you see all the hot guys and chocolate and fun activities we have, you'll feel much better."

"About all the shit, I just wanted you to know, I'm sorry."

"I see they'll let just anyone in these days."

"Do you know why your life was so miserable? You didn't pray enough. Those stories about St. Margaret are true you know. She prayed hard. When one is as passionate as she is *whew*, orgasms just happen."

"Oh darling, you look like you need some chocolate."

"Yes, I know I look just like you. You always went out of your way to see Me, God, in other people. But you never saw Me in you."

"hahahaha! This is a joke, right? Right?! Oh shit. PETER!"

"You will be happy to know that your concept of heaven as a constant orgasm was more or less accurate."

"Damnit, I thought I explained to Jesus why a 'Get Out of Hell Free' card was a dumb idea. Especially if you give one to all of humanity."

"What, you didn't think a man created the whole universe."

"Yes, I think penises look funny too."

God: Hey, uh. Yeah. You see, I normally wouldn't let you in here, but... I have a question. Now, I sent my son on vacation to Earth a while back, and I don't know what you guys did to him, but, uh, he's not been the same since. So, um, what the hell DID you guys do, exactly? He won't tell me!

Or..

God: Hey! What's that you say? They're STILL talking about that time I fooled around with that Jewish girl? Damn, won't you guys find some new celebrity gossip?

God: Hey! What's that you say? They're STILL talking about that time I fooled around with that Jewish girl? Damn, won't you guys find some new celebrity gossip?

For my sake, it was like 2,000 years ago!

God: Eh... Y'know, I'm pretty sure you don't belong up here.
Me: What can I say? Even Peter can't handle the Chewbaka Defense.

Here's a theoretical for you all:

You die. Probably suddenly and hilariously.
The next thing you know and possibly much to your surprise, you are at the gates of Heaven. Possibly much to your further surprise, they let you in. They get you all cleaned up, give you some clean robes and a Angel Wings Training Set(patent pending) and take you on a tour of the faciities. Your first stop, however, is a meeting with the Big Guy.

So you are led into a very tastefully designed office and there at the desk is God Himself. He looks up from his Rubik's Cube and says, .... what?

What are God's first words to you?

(I'd be mightily surprised that heaven actually exists, nevemind that i'm in it.)

G-dude: "Can you teach me how to solve that damn Cube?"

Me: "I'll give it a try, but you were a bit stingy giving me teaching abilities..."

G-man: *BONK* "OK, now you can speak every language fluently."

Me: "Ouch... Uh, the problem wasn't language, but expressing myself in a coherent way..."

G-wiz: *BONK* "Now you can speak like you kissed every Blarney stone in the Universe."

Me: "Thanks for that, and i don't care if i teach you now, just please stop bonking me in the head!"

He'll say: "I know what you're gonna ask... why the duck-billed platypus, right?
"Well, I had this kid in on work experience and I figured I might as well let him have a go... but, hey y'know, not bad for a first attempt."

He'll say: "I know what you're gonna ask... why the duck-billed platypus, right?
"Well, I had this kid in on work experience and I figured I might as well let him have a go... but, hey y'know, not bad for a first attempt."

or he was drunk when he made it

He'll say: "I know what you're gonna ask... why the duck-billed platypus, right?
"Well, I had this kid in on work experience and I figured I might as well let him have a go... but, hey y'know, not bad for a first attempt."

"How else was I gonna prove to you guys that I had a sense of humor?"

"How else was I gonna prove to you guys that I had a sense of humor?"

so the safe that fell on me was a joke too was it

"Now do you believe in me?"

I so totally second this motion.

Me: *Wakes up* Oh hey cool, there's an afterlife, guess I was right.

(God is sitting on a throne. Next to him is a misersable looking German man in a black suit)

God: Welcome my son.

Me: Hey thanks God it's...*blinks*...hey, what's with the German dude?

God: Oh that's just Nietshce. I like to keep him around. *starts poking Nietshce with a pointy stick* WHO'S DEAD NOW ASSHOLE? MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Me: Riiiggghhhttt....

"Welcome, my son, to Valhalla!"- Odin

(God)- What the hell were you thinking when you did that?

(me) I swear to you, I thought I would Respawn.......

God: "You mean the zombies invaded there too?"
Me: "How else do you think they got to me?"
God: "Oh, they didn't get to you."
Me: "No?"
God: "Nope, I just thought it'd be cool to kill some with an expert."
Me: "I don't blame you. I make this look easy."

God: "Don't worry, this is kind of like tripping, except with waaay better visuals."

God: "You didn't die, you're not on the list of new arrivals."
Me: "I know." *zaps God with an energy beam*
Me: "I honestly didn't think it would take this long."

St. Peter enters through a side door. "God?"
God: "Yes?"
Me: "Yes?"
God turns to me and says, "You take this one."
Me: *smirks*

God: "So we have an opening in the Four Horsemen for Plague..."
Me: "Righteous."

God: "Milton said you'd be a problem."
Me: "Really?"
God: "You don't really want my job, do you?"
Me: "Not really, I have enough trouble with people believing in me."
God: *smirks* "Thought so."

so the safe that fell on me was a joke too was it

You humans are so hard to please! Everyone laughs when it happens to Daffy Duck. So I try to throw some joy into the human existence and what happens?! Complain, complain, complain. I mean, sure, it hurt like hell for a bit for you. But in the long run, you can't tell me you didn't get more laughs out of that than sorrow.

Me: *Wakes up* Oh hey cool, there's an afterlife, guess I was right.

(God is sitting on a throne. Next to him is a misersable looking German man in a black suit)

God: Welcome my son.

Me: Hey thanks God it's...*blinks*...hey, what's with the German dude?

God: Oh that's just Nietshce. I like to keep him around. *starts poking Nietshce with a pointy stick* WHO'S DEAD NOW ASSHOLE? MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Me: Riiiggghhhttt....

I literally laughed out loud at that. Brilliant!

You humans are so hard to please! Everyone laughs when it happens to Daffy Duck. So I try to throw some joy into the human existence and what happens?! Complain, complain, complain. I mean, sure, it hurt like hell for a bit for you. But in the long run, you can't tell me you didn't get more laughs out of that than sorrow.

should have use a whale ,i can see news head lines now
man killed in the city today when a whale fell on him out of no where

"You want fries with that?"

It'll never happen. If god's real, I'll live forever. There's no way the twit'd risk meeting me.

It'll never happen. If god's real, I'll live forever. There's no way the twit'd risk meeting me.

*thirty seconds after posting this, Similization gets trampled by a runaway camel and lo and behold, ends up in God's office.

God smirks at him and says,* "You should've played Goofball's game. Now I will give him your soul! Ahhhh Hahahahaha!!!"

:)

*pants & glares frustrated*

Fine! I give up. No fun kickin you in the nads when my sole passes right thru you.

Besides, if all those lyin Abrahamites had told me god was liable to do shit like this, I wouldn't've minded it in the first place. Not it's dead, I can't kick you & mud won't even stick to me. What a fuckin mess.

"Dumbass."

Yup, that's right. God is Red Foreman.

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e136/221walnut/RedForeman_00.jpg

God is Red Foreman.Who the hell's that?

Who the hell's that?

People in the US will get it. :p

Oops.

"There goes the neighborhood."

"Fancy meeting you here!"

"L-O-L! You must be like, O-M-G, and stuff! Hey, Jesus is at this totally B-A party, you should, like, check it out! B-T-W, don't mess with him when he's krunk. He's quite a B-A-M-F. Peace, bro!"

Me: *Wakes up* Oh hey cool, there's an afterlife, guess I was right.
(God is sitting on a throne. Next to him is a misersable looking German man in a black suit)
God: Welcome my son.
Me: Hey thanks God it's...*blinks*...hey, what's with the German dude?
God: Oh that's just Nietshce. I like to keep him around. *starts poking Nietshce with a pointy stick* WHO'S DEAD NOW ASSHOLE? MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Me: Riiiggghhhttt....
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/bowroflsmiley.gif

Yay! Very good! :D:D:D

Well as long as it isn't Disco Heaven!!!!!!

Shudders

People in the US will get it. :p

no i know who he is

God: *blank stare* Who are you?
Me: I'm Rameria...
God: Rameria? Rameria... *looks down at roster*
Me: Well?
God: Yes, yes, one minute.
Me: *twiddles thumbs*
God: *looks up and yells* 7013!!! Get in here! You did it AGAIN.

Cookie for the reference. ;)

You stopped the mathematics jokes.
You're all infidels, all of you.
*sighs*

Ilaer

"Welcome my son"

You stopped the mathematics jokes.
You're all infidels, all of you.
*sighs*

Ilaer

*Pelts you with pi.*

:D

*Pelts you with pi.*

:D

I'm happy again. :D

Ilaer

God: *blank stare* Who are you?
Me: I'm Rameria...
God: Rameria? Rameria... *looks down at roster*
Me: Well?
God: Yes, yes, one minute.
Me: *twiddles thumbs*
God: *looks up and yells* 7013!!! Get in here! You did it AGAIN.

Cookie for the reference. ;)
You wouldn't mind becoming a millionaire, would you?

God looks down at his roster, "Christian?! Not another one of you people. I'll tell you the same thing I told everyone else. Mary told me she was eighteen, a virgin, and on the pill. She was wrong on all three counts, and I still have a rash."

OR

Me: "Wow, you really are a flying spaghetti monster"

FSM: "What, you thought it was a joke?"

I'm happy again. :D

Ilaer

As one would expect, I have an affinity for irrational numbers. :)

You wouldn't mind becoming a millionaire, would you?
I suppose not, if I got to keep that body. Anyway, here: for you (http://www.chocolatechipcookies.us/images/chocolate-chip-cookies-480.jpg).

As one would expect, I have an affinity for irrational numbers. :)

Like I couldn't have guessed that. You're the Lunatic Goofballs!
You are irrational!

And thus we all love you as the forum's official Lunatic.

Ilaer

:rolleyes: I can do that. In less than 2 minutes.

I have one here. Can you do it over the internet?

God: "Welcome!"

Me:"What?" (holds hand to ear)

God: "Oh, shit. You're one of the ones I was supposed to recall for auditory malfunctioning problems."

Me: "WHAT?!"

God:"I knew I should've made sure I had all of you. Now you're a bigger problem. And now, I can't get rid of you. Sorry..."

*Several moments of silence pass as I stare at him.*

Me:"I...CAN'T...F*CKING HEAR YOU!"

*********************
*********************

And from a friend of mine:

Me: "Who the hell are you?"
God: "I'm God."
Me: "I don't believe it."
God: "Well, I can blasphemy my own name, So you know what? God damn it."

I suppose not, if I got to keep that body. Anyway, here: for you (http://www.chocolatechipcookies.us/images/chocolate-chip-cookies-480.jpg).
Thank you! *munches away happily*

Another one passed through my thoughts:

God: "Welcome to my little nook of the universe."

Me: "Damn it! I knew that life insurance policy was too good to be true!"

God: *knowing smug look* "You expected a RESURRECTION!, didn't you?"

Me: "Yes."

God: "Join the rest of the group" *points over shoulder to the millions in line.

*blinks*

Hair dresser and a pushup are thataway darling.

"So you entered the contest, eh?"

"No, I am not Jesus' dad."

"You know, I probably could microwave the burrito hot enough to the point where I couldn't eat it... what? Yeah, I may be God, but I ain't perfect!"

Me: "You're God?!"
God: *is an emo kid* "Yeah. Life sucks, just come here."
Me: ...

"Your score: 1012. You are 2,143,880,175 on the High Score list. GAME OVER."

"You know you can't torture kittens here, don't you? Our competitor down the way might be what you're looking for."

"Oh no. Another Nobel Hobos!"

I'm sure one or more of them will say something like:

"no no, you got it all wrong... THIS is how we used to do it."

God: Dang! *Holds up a cell phone camera* That's going on UTube!

Or

God: Alright, now in order to be admitted, you have to fill out form 233FGF-566LCE, including the extra section 14E which will require you to provide your registration code 41-C, which you can obtain by mail after filling out form 677EFC-532GBA which you can get by . . . . .

Me: What? This is worse than the DMV!

God: It's part of our selection program. Anyone who can make it all the way through the admittance program must have made a pact with the Devil:D

Troy McClure: "It's the part you were born to play, baby!"

:)
Hey, why didn't you tell me Carnivale only ran two seasons? :(

I only knew about two seasons, but I'd hoped I was just more-than-usually out of the loop. :( It's a crime.

(More evidence of the Golden Rule, the better the TV show, the shorter the run).

More first words:

God: Hey - you aren't supposed to be here yet... (checks book) I don't get it I told that guy to shag an atheist, and shoot a bear...

***torn looking guy appears next to me*** "Okay, shooting the atheist was easy, but the other thing?"

or maybe:

God: "Ha! j00 gt pwnt, n00b! lolz" (score goes up by one frag).

"Hey Harlesburg, check out the cloud ride"...

God: "What are you doing here? You're not meant to be here for another 30 years!
Hold on a minute...
...
Oh, Here we are! It was meant to be 'Moor' with no 'e'! Man, I am always doing that! well....um...yeah....sorry."

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/bowroflsmiley.gif

Yay! Very good! :D:D:D


Yay! My humour is appreciated! :fluffle:

Me: Wow i got in to heaven
God: suprised are'nt you.
Me: you bet your ass im suprised.
God: i've got one more suprise for you
Me: Whats that
God: SUPRISE!!

*got hits a big button and a trap door opens beneath me and i fall straight to hell*

Me: Not funny god!!

Me: Wow i got in to heaven
God: suprised are'nt you.
Me: you bet your ass im suprised.
God: i've got one more suprise for you
Me: Whats that
God: SUPRISE!!

*got hits a big button and a trap door opens beneath me and i fall straight to hell*

Me: Not funny god!!

Hrm ...

Solider: Why is this godforsaken hellhole worth dying for?
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Don't ask me. You're the ones who are going to be dying.

"Aren't you supposed to be in Purgatory?"

"Bet you're surprised the Buddhists were wrong, huh?"

"Can I make a hoot so strong that even I can't shake the effects of it? Darn right! Try it!"

Here's a theoretical for you all:

You die. Probably suddenly and hilariously.

What are God's first words to you?
:)

LG, you're a genius... but you already know that, don't you.

My top three:

1.God points at his beard and says: "And you thought Karl Marx wasn't ME!"
2.God hands me a mathematical analysis essay and says: "Three hours from now!"
3.God says "Did you bring me that cork-screw?"

LG, you're a genius... but you already know that, don't you.

There's a fine line between genius and madness. It's around here somewhere. *wanders about*

There's a fine line between genius and madness. It's around here somewhere. *wanders about*

*discreetly covers line with something inconspicuous*
*whistles inconspicuously*

*gives you a suspicious look* Bah! *wanders further into madness*

You can't be suspicious of me, I'm being inconspicuous!
*Hides behind cloak of inconspicuousness*

*spies hammer and sickle poster on wall behind God*
"привет. Okay, guys, he's here, you can come in now!"
*devil and entourage of demons march in*
"In Soviet Heaven, hell go to you!"

Thank you, folks! I'm here all week.
There's a fine line between genius and madness. It's around here somewhere. *wanders about*
*drops banana peel*

*discreetly covers line with something inconspicuous*
*whistles inconspicuously*

*gives you a suspicious look* Bah! *wanders further into madness*

1. "Sure, you didn't laugh, but you should see the people on YouTube and those stupid Darwin award sites..."

2. God: What do you mean why did I invent evil? Evil is just the absense of goodness. Evil, as you call it, is a byproduct of free will.


And last, but not least....

3.*me looks around*
Me: "So heaven really is in Sinuhue's crotch?"
God: "Yep. Sorry about the smell."

Here's a theoretical for you all:

You die. Probably suddenly and hilariously.
The next thing you know and possibly much to your surprise, you are at the gates of Heaven. Possibly much to your further surprise, they let you in. They get you all cleaned up, give you some clean robes and a Angel Wings Training Set(patent pending) and take you on a tour of the faciities. Your first stop, however, is a meeting with the Big Guy.

So you are led into a very tastefully designed office and there at the desk is God Himself. He looks up from his Rubik's Cube and says, .... what?

What are God's first words to you?

If we're assuming an omnipotent, omnicient, all-good God, then I'd expect its first words to me would be, "What would you like to know?"

If we're assuming an omnipotent, omnicient, all-good God, then I'd expect its first words to me would be, "What would you like to know?"

If he's omniscient, wouldn't he just start answering?

EDIT: BTW, I considered using your crotch just because people would be more surprised. But I'm guessing you'd be offended that God was using your crotch for such things.

If he's omniscient, wouldn't he just start answering?

An omniscient God would know that I'd appreciate the courtesy of asking. :D

EDIT: BTW, I considered using your crotch just because people would be more surprised. But I'm guessing you'd be offended that God was using your crotch for such things.
I'd probably be more put-off by your comment about "the smell." I'm not sure what exactly you're getting at with the whole "heaven is in a female's smelly crotch" deal, but it certainly doesn't seem like a compliment to me.

I'd probably be more put-off by your comment about "the smell." I'm not sure what exactly you're getting at with the whole "heaven is in a female's smelly crotch" deal, but it certainly doesn't seem like a compliment to me.

Actually, I was kidding. I wasn't considering using your crotch. Sinuhue because of the nature of her conversations on here has had more than a few comments to the effect of heaven being in her crotch so that was the reason for the joke (and the smell comment was just an extension of the obvious cliche). While people may have made similar comments about you, I haven't heard them and am not aware of them. And with that... *the joke dies*

Besides, Bottle's crotch is obviously Limbo. :)

Actually, I was kidding. I wasn't considering using your crotch. Sinuhue because of the nature of her conversations on here has had more than a few comments to the effect of heaven being in her crotch so that was the reason for the joke (and the smell comment was just an extension of the obvious cliche). While people may have made similar comments about you, I haven't heard them and am not aware of them. And with that... *the joke dies*
Ahhhhhhhh. Gotcha. I'm slow on the uptake today. 7/11 was out of my coffee. :(

Besides, Bottle's crotch is obviously Limbo. :)

You have to say that if heaven is in someone's crotch that person must be bisexual, no? And, thus, we mathematically prove that bisexuals were created by God.

"Holy hell, what in God's name are you doing here?"

"Holy hell, what in God's name are you doing here?"

"Holy Hell, what in MY name are you doing here?"

"I've got a pork joint roasting in the oven. All the trimmings. Want some?"

I have one for LG.

"Sorry, buddy, but if I'd couldn't leave you down there anymore. I wasn't getting anything done and my sides were starting to hurt. Here's a mudpit. Just stay out of my sight so I can catch up. I'm way behind in the Middle East."

And one for Jerry Falwell -

"Jesus Christ! Get your butt in here right now! Look at what you saved! I told you just the Jews! Just the Jews! Now we have to deal with these 'God hates fags' idiots!"

EDIT: *God turns to Jerry*
"Welcome to heaven. Isn't it fabulous? Don't you love the color of these clouds? They totally bring out the color of your eyes." *God pinches Falwell's butt*

*Jerry Falwell looks around. Tries to drink in what just happened and his eyeball pops.*
God: "Well, at least that part is fun." *turns to Jesus* "You're forgiven. AGAIN."

"Holy Hell, what in MY name are you doing here?"

"Oh yeah, my bad"

I don't know, but I suspect our exchange would go a lot like Isaac Asimov's The Last Answer.

I don't know, but I suspect our exchange would go a lot like Isaac Asimov's The Last Answer.

You're talking about the one where they build the supercomputer to solve the reversal of entropy, right?

(If that's the case, there's a good chance you'll be talking to me in the distant future.)

You're talking about the one where they build the supercomputer to solve the reversal of entropy, right?

(If that's the case, there's a good chance you'll be talking to me in the distant future.)

No, that's The Last Question.

Although that was kind of funny too, since it implied that an omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient organism would by nature have to be completely objective, and thus could only be a highly advanced computer. :P

God: 'Jesus Christ!'