The Infinite Dunes
14-02-2007, 21:57
I jsut caught the end of tonight's Top Gear. They had decided to do a feature where they see if instead of renting a car, you can buy a car at a scrapyard, travel to where you want to go and then sell it on. Oh, and they decided to do in the southern states of the USA with a couple of interesting challenges thrown in.
The first test was to buy a car and see how fast it went. They got a pickup that wider than your momma, an 89 carrera in which virtually nothing worked, and a cadillac where nearly everything still worked apart from the battery ( I didn't see much they got to send.
Their aim was to get from the most southerly part of Florida (Miami I think) to St Louis in Lousiana. It's a very hot and humid day in Florida... and nothing is working. The Carrera has run out of petrol because the fuel gauge doesn't work and Jeremy has underestimated how much fuel the Carrera eats up. The Cadillac doesn't work as the battery is dead. The pickup is driven up to... and into the Cadilliac as Richard has underestimated the size of his truck.
Finally all the cars are up and running and Richard and Jeremy start sweltering as they aircon is broken. The Cadilliac is fine, it's just the battery that won't charge properly.
Halfway through the first day the presenters are given $100 to buy something for their cars. The pickup gets gas grill that is mounted on the back of the truck, the Cadillac gets a clothes instead of a new battery..., and the Carrera gets an incar shower to keep Jeremy cool.
Before the presenters stop for the night they are given the task of having to camp outside for the night that they may only eat roadkill for dinner. After hours of drifting slowly along all the presenters find is some animal squished beyond recognition, a not-so-flattened possum that was flattened by James in his Cadillac, a tortoise that is still alive in the middle of the road (it is freed by Jeremy who is rewarded by a poop on the hands), and a squirrel. A jest is made that Jeremy can wash the squirrel before cooking, and Richard can cook it on his grill, whilst James dresses for dinner with his choice of creaseless linen jackets.
Unimpressed with their find Jeremy tells the others to set up camp whilst he goes searching for more roadkill. Seeing as they have no knives and just tentpegs Richard and James squabble over who is to skin the squirrel. Just when James is about to attack Richard with the squirrel Jeremy returns... with a whole cow on his roof. But still not way to skin it.
They set off the next day, and James finds that the other two have sabbotaged his aircon in jealousy.
The trio stop for lunch just before they cross into Alabama where they are given the task to paint onto each other cars what is most likely to get them shot at or arrested. James' car is painted with the slogan 'Country music is rubbish. Jeremy's car is bears the slogan 'Hilary for president 08'. And finally Richard's, in bright flouresent pink, reads 'Manlove rules ok'. Richard is considered good as dead. Driving along the highway all the three get are some nasty looks. They manage to cope until they realise they are running low on fuel and must stop in a town to refuel. So there they are in hick country, rubbishing country music, declaring support for Hilary, and that Manlove is fine by them. They haven't even started refilling their tanks when the garage owner comes out and starts question their choice of decoration, and then states that she's calling 'the boys'. The presenters are in meltdown panic mode. They attempt to leave... only the Cadillac's battery is still dead and needs a jump start. 'The boys' arrive in a pickup and start pelting both presenter and camera crew alike. The crew and presenters finally speed off and attempt to lose 'the boys'. They finally lose their tail and jump out of the car to start rubbing off the paint with their t-shirts.
All goes well and they proceed to St Louis where they plan to sell their cars. The only thing is that they have overestimated the US government's ability to tidy up after a natural disaster. They find block after block in outright disrepair. The trio decide that it would be 'wrong' to try and sell the cars here, and so see who can give away their car fastest. The truck goes first, followed much much later by the Carrera because Jeremy insists on listing all the various faults with the car, but insisting that the brakes, gearbox and engine are still in great working order. James is unable to shift his Cadillac with its dead battery. The three decide it is best to give up after a gang in a truck drives by and tells them to get off their territory.
All in all a great success. Except that Jeremy's car wasn't quite so easy to get rid of we find. In fact a guy from a local Christian mission has come out to see the car after they get a phonecall from the production office. Only he seems a little pissed. He claims that he was told the car was a 91 carrera when it is infact and 89 carrera and they he is going to sue them for false advertisement... but that the little sum of $20,000 could make the problem go away. Top Gear promptly flees the country.
The British are fucking nuts.
The first test was to buy a car and see how fast it went. They got a pickup that wider than your momma, an 89 carrera in which virtually nothing worked, and a cadillac where nearly everything still worked apart from the battery ( I didn't see much they got to send.
Their aim was to get from the most southerly part of Florida (Miami I think) to St Louis in Lousiana. It's a very hot and humid day in Florida... and nothing is working. The Carrera has run out of petrol because the fuel gauge doesn't work and Jeremy has underestimated how much fuel the Carrera eats up. The Cadillac doesn't work as the battery is dead. The pickup is driven up to... and into the Cadilliac as Richard has underestimated the size of his truck.
Finally all the cars are up and running and Richard and Jeremy start sweltering as they aircon is broken. The Cadilliac is fine, it's just the battery that won't charge properly.
Halfway through the first day the presenters are given $100 to buy something for their cars. The pickup gets gas grill that is mounted on the back of the truck, the Cadillac gets a clothes instead of a new battery..., and the Carrera gets an incar shower to keep Jeremy cool.
Before the presenters stop for the night they are given the task of having to camp outside for the night that they may only eat roadkill for dinner. After hours of drifting slowly along all the presenters find is some animal squished beyond recognition, a not-so-flattened possum that was flattened by James in his Cadillac, a tortoise that is still alive in the middle of the road (it is freed by Jeremy who is rewarded by a poop on the hands), and a squirrel. A jest is made that Jeremy can wash the squirrel before cooking, and Richard can cook it on his grill, whilst James dresses for dinner with his choice of creaseless linen jackets.
Unimpressed with their find Jeremy tells the others to set up camp whilst he goes searching for more roadkill. Seeing as they have no knives and just tentpegs Richard and James squabble over who is to skin the squirrel. Just when James is about to attack Richard with the squirrel Jeremy returns... with a whole cow on his roof. But still not way to skin it.
They set off the next day, and James finds that the other two have sabbotaged his aircon in jealousy.
The trio stop for lunch just before they cross into Alabama where they are given the task to paint onto each other cars what is most likely to get them shot at or arrested. James' car is painted with the slogan 'Country music is rubbish. Jeremy's car is bears the slogan 'Hilary for president 08'. And finally Richard's, in bright flouresent pink, reads 'Manlove rules ok'. Richard is considered good as dead. Driving along the highway all the three get are some nasty looks. They manage to cope until they realise they are running low on fuel and must stop in a town to refuel. So there they are in hick country, rubbishing country music, declaring support for Hilary, and that Manlove is fine by them. They haven't even started refilling their tanks when the garage owner comes out and starts question their choice of decoration, and then states that she's calling 'the boys'. The presenters are in meltdown panic mode. They attempt to leave... only the Cadillac's battery is still dead and needs a jump start. 'The boys' arrive in a pickup and start pelting both presenter and camera crew alike. The crew and presenters finally speed off and attempt to lose 'the boys'. They finally lose their tail and jump out of the car to start rubbing off the paint with their t-shirts.
All goes well and they proceed to St Louis where they plan to sell their cars. The only thing is that they have overestimated the US government's ability to tidy up after a natural disaster. They find block after block in outright disrepair. The trio decide that it would be 'wrong' to try and sell the cars here, and so see who can give away their car fastest. The truck goes first, followed much much later by the Carrera because Jeremy insists on listing all the various faults with the car, but insisting that the brakes, gearbox and engine are still in great working order. James is unable to shift his Cadillac with its dead battery. The three decide it is best to give up after a gang in a truck drives by and tells them to get off their territory.
All in all a great success. Except that Jeremy's car wasn't quite so easy to get rid of we find. In fact a guy from a local Christian mission has come out to see the car after they get a phonecall from the production office. Only he seems a little pissed. He claims that he was told the car was a 91 carrera when it is infact and 89 carrera and they he is going to sue them for false advertisement... but that the little sum of $20,000 could make the problem go away. Top Gear promptly flees the country.
The British are fucking nuts.