NationStates Jolt Archive

Here are some helpful hints that I have come across today, from personal experience.

1) Never mix a bag of popcorn, and chocolate milk. It will cause you to hurl.
2) When cooking said bag of popcorn, don't look in the bag after first opening the bag. The steam hurts
3) Use tissues as opposed to paper towels when blowing you nose. :(

Post your own tips!

I think 20% is pretty helpful. I like to reward good service.

1. Don't listen to me.

I think 20% is pretty helpful. I like to reward good service.

My cell phone has a tip calculator. :)

Point the gun away from you when firing.

Keep the flames and the gasoline seperate.

Make sure that drunken moan she gives means "yes"...

A sledgehammer is not an alternative to tech support.

2) When cooking said bag of popcorn, don't look in the bag after first opening the bag. The steam hurts
The mental image alone made me LOL. :)

"Let's take a look at that popcorn, shall we?"

*rip*

*fsssh*

"AAAH! AAAH! MY FACE! AAH!"

The mental image alone made me LOL. :)

"Let's take a look at that popcorn, shall we?"

*rip*

*fsssh*

"AAAH! AAAH! MY FACE! AAH!"

Well it smelt burnt, so i looked to see, and the steam hit my eyes, and i dropped the popcorn every where..

Oh, and it WAS burnt too :(... Dangit

Well it smelt burnt, so i looked to see, and the steam hit my eyes, and i dropped the popcorn every where..

Oh, and it WAS burnt too :(... Dangit

Burnt popcorn is not fun. :(

Burnt popcorn is not fun. :(

burnt faces on the other hand...

It's all fun and games until someone gets first degree burns on their eyelids. :(

I have a whole slew of helpful hints compiled fom a long history of really bad ideas. Here are a few:

1) When gluing people together, make sure they are completely passed out and the resulting combination of people cannot outrun you.

2) It's almost impossible to flush a whole grapefruit down the toilet.

3) When your mom asks you, "If your friends all jumped off a cliff would you jump off too?" a proper response isn't, "I probably went first." nor is it, "If they survive, yes."

4) Other than during sex or sexually charged encounters, there are very few good excuses for an erection.

5) There are even fewer good excuses for an orgasm.

6) Few thing in the world are as evil as a mischievous woman.

7) Stun guns and genitals don't mix. :(

8) Bamboo practice swords and genitals don't mix. :(

9) Paintball guns and genitals don't mix. :(

10) Surprisingly few things and genitals mix. :p

11) Considering how oily it is, peanut butter is surprisingly difficult to get out of hair.

12) It takes at least 24 hours for the sweet milky smell of chocolate pudding to wear off of skin.

13) Never piss off a 6'4" 220lb chemist.

14) Never piss off a 5'6" 120lb police officer.

15) Tickle torture can be worse than real torture.

16) Always keep a spare change of clothing in the trunk of your car in case I encounter mud. :)

17) When entertaining a group of ten year old boys, keep all of them in sight and occupied at all times. Their potential for evil increases exponentially with both the number of unsupervised children and the amount of unsupervised time they have to plan.

18) The above is also true of me and my friends. :)

19) ((borrowed from CToaN)) Everything is better in burrito form.

20) Learning how to escape from handcuffs and straitjackets can be surprisingly useful.

:)

-snip-

Oh, I can always count on you to give me a good chuckle. You aren't available to hire for my personal entertainment, are you? I can pay in tacos ;)

Mixing milk and beer is gross. Especially if you also add tequila.

there is no such thing as a jaggy snake.

16) Always keep a spare change of clothing in the trunk of your car in case I encounter mud :)

Let me get this straight...my car...for you?

Mixing milk and beer is gross. Especially if you also add tequila.

"No one wins in a dairy challenge..." -Kenny Rogers

It is unwise to hang around people who are gullible and possess a frighteningly excessive amount of curiosity. That is unless of course you want to manipulate them for your own personal amusement.

"Never drive a car when you're dead." ~ Tom Waits

Holding on to the back of a really fast moving car while in a wheelchair. Bad idea. Really. Bad. Idea.

Let me get this straight...my car...for you?

Perhaps I should clarify:

16) Always keep a spare change of clothing in the trunk of your car in case you encounter me encountering mud. :)

Oh, I can always count on you to give me a good chuckle. You aren't available to hire for my personal entertainment, are you? I can pay in tacos ;)

Yes, but keep it quiet or they'll all want one. :)

The more you've had to drink, the worse that really "good" idea actually is.

The more you've had to drink, the worse that really "good" idea actually is.

same goes for the really "good" looking girl

The more you've had to drink, the worse that really "good" idea actually is.

But the funnier it is in the morning. :)

same goes for the really "good" looking girl

But the funnier it is in the morning. :)

Too true! :p

To defeat the CyberDemon, shoot it until it dies.

Attack its weak point for MASSIVE DAMAGE.

A sledgehammer is not an alternative to tech support.In a similar vein; clients are blunt & stupid, but not sledgehammers.

In a similar vein; clients are blunt & stupid, but not sledgehammers.

Sledgehammers are, however, while not an alternative to tech support, quite an apt way of dealing with it.

Don't eat yellow snow.
Actually, don't anything but white snow.
There is never an appropriate time to declare aloud that you're dying for a wank.
It's all fun and games till someone loses a bollok(testicle).
Always charge your laser before you shoop da woop.

Sledgehammers are, however, while not an alternative to tech support, quite an apt way of dealing with it.Unfortunately it's only a tempting, but wrong way of dealing with tech support clients.

Never date a leper, you'll get their tip.

Keep monkeys out of your kitchen by hiding a bunch of bananas on top of the wardrobe in your bedroom.

That three week old packet of mushrooms in your fridge probably won't go well with the rest of your dinner, unless your idea of a good evening involves praying at the porcelain throne.

Or speaking on the big porcelain telephone.

Lol, timewarp.

That three week old packet of mushrooms in your fridge probably won't go well with the rest of your dinner, unless your idea of a good evening involves praying at the porcelain throne.

Stop whinging and start to enjoy you're life.

Speed humps are less irritating if you drive faster over them.

*waits for inevitable innuendo*

Ah, we're back to the bad old days of a few weeks ago.

*puts on dancing shoes*

Or speaking on the big porcelain telephone.

Lol, timewarp.
Ah, we're back to the bad old days of a few weeks ago.

Never visit a spam factory.

"OIL companies - Avoid having the general public pointing the global warming finger at you by putting some pictures of trees and flowers on your websites and adverts."

"Smarties tubes pushed over cats' legs make for a futuristic 'space cat'. For a really space age look, cover the tubes in tin foil as well as your pet's tail. This also works with small dogs and the middles out of kitchen rolls."

"Bono. Take the piss by spending thousands of pounds on pink tinted sunglasses then ask the working class to give to charity."


Viz rules :D

Never piss on an electic fence.:eek:

Always encourage others to however.:cool:

Being immersed in liquid dihydrogen monoxide for long periods of time can lead to feelings of dampness.

Being immersed in liquid dihydrogen monoxide for long periods of time can lead to feelings of dampness.

C'mon. That theoreis all wet and you know it.

Teeth are not a good substitute for a lawnmower.

A good way to lose weight is you cut off some of your limbs.

A good way to cure a headache is to cut off your head.

Death is invariably caused by loss of life.

(Courtesy of my brother, may be quotes from elsewhere though)

Please feel free to shut up, otherwise you may feel the full force of my sarcasm.

(Courtesy of my ex-Spanish teacher)

Never visit a spam factory.

...unless you want to become a vegan.

Do NOT do 15 shots of rum in 10 mins on an empty stomach and after scream " I am the man" Bad things lie ahead. Well good things for a short while, than very bad.

When trolley racing do not attempt to jump out of trolley while trolley is in motion.

Never try to out guess a woman. Chances are they've already outguessed you.

If you argue with a partner make sure make up sex soon follows.