NationStates Jolt Archive


Think before you speak...

Londim
10-02-2007, 16:43
Well I got the folowing e-mail today so I thought I'd share it woth you NSGers.


Think before you speak.

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back? or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak:

1) I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow, and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and blowjob?” I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word, he knew better.

2) I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men’s balls".

3) My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I’m just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start to behave "RIGHT NOW" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tells stopped what they are doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.

5) Have you ever! Asked your child a question too many times? My three year old son had a lot of problems with his potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at McDonald for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my burger, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month old daughter she was clean.

Then realised that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while! I asked him if he needed to go and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh lord, that child has had an accident and I don’t have any spare clothing!” Then I said, Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?", "No" he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident because the smell was getting worse. Sooooooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked his trousers down, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled, "See MUM! It's just farts!” While 30 people nearly chocked to death on their burgers laughing, he calmly pulled up his trousers and sat down. An old couple made me feel so much better by saying that’s the best laugh they've ever had.

6) This had the most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, remember to think before she talks. What happens when you predict snow but doesn’t get any! We had a female news anchor that the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turn to the weatherman and asked: "So, bob where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did he have to leave the set, by half the crew did too because of the amount of laughter.

So remember folks, think before you talk.
Turquoise Days
10-02-2007, 16:48
4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start to behave "RIGHT NOW" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tells stopped what they are doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.

So remember folks, think before you talk.

Remember folks, your kids are out to get you!
Dryks Legacy
10-02-2007, 16:49
I've seen this before, the last one's my favourite
German Nightmare
10-02-2007, 17:12
:D:D:D
Thank you, Londim! :fluffle:

I really needed that laugh so badly!

You definitely deserve...

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/Pergament.jpg
Extreme Ironing
10-02-2007, 17:18
Haha, nice quotes :D
Celtlund
10-02-2007, 17:29
Thanks, I needed that.
Poglavnik
10-02-2007, 17:42
This library was giving free water guns with each purchase. So my friend and I bought some books and he got a really cool big gun, and I got a tiny toy.
so we walk out of the store and into the bus, and in the middle of the bus I say pretty loudly.
"This sucks, yours is like nine inches and mine only three, I can barely squirt out of this thing."
You can imagine how people in the bus reacted. Especially little old lady right in front of me.
Radical Centrists
10-02-2007, 17:43
Definitely one of the better chain emails. Funny stuff! :D
Infinite Revolution
10-02-2007, 17:47
gigglesworth :D. thanks for that!
Maraque
10-02-2007, 17:58
LOL, that was hilarious.
Londim
10-02-2007, 18:13
Thank you, Londim! :fluffle:

I really needed that laugh so badly!

You definitely deserve...

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/Pergament.jpg

I take this honour with happiness! I aim to please!
JuNii
10-02-2007, 19:16
while working at the bookstore, a customer came up to me and asked...
"Do you have the one hour orgasm?"
to my defense, I was busy shelving books at the time, and not really paying attention when I gave my response of...
"Dunno, are they supposed to be timed?"