NationStates Jolt Archive

Ananova:

Computer calamities

BT's Home IT Advisor service has revealed its quirkiest conversations with tech-hassled customers.

Anthony Vollmer, head of home IT propositions at BT, told us: "Some of the calls we get from customers have certainly raised a smile."

They include:

Customer: "I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me."

Advisor: "I will remove them for you."

Customer: "How do I get them back when she is not in?"

Advisor: "Press any key to continue."

Customer: "I can't find the 'Any' key."

Customer: "My mouse mat isn't wired up."

Advisor: "I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires."

Customer: "Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?"

Customer: "I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?"

Advisor: "You have spyware on your machine which is causing the problem."

Customer: "Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?"

Customer: "How do I change channel on my monitor?"

Advisor: "Your monitor won't have channels like a TV."

Customer: "But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel."

Advisor: "Can you click on 'My Computer'?"

Customer: "I don't have your computer, just mine."

Customer: "My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in."

Advisor: "Has he forgotten it?"

Customer: "No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him."

Customer: "My iPod will only play one song."

Advisor: "Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?"

Customer: "Do I need to download tracks?"

Customer: "My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me."

Advisor: "What brand is your webcam?"

Customer: "What's a webcam?"~ananova

Kinda of a follow up to the callcenter thread.How would you respond to these people if you had to answer the questions above?Mine would be to please return it to the shop and go back to a typewriter for the love of god.

While not strictly related to this, I've always found peoples paranoia when dealing with computer hardware somewhat amusing.
Of course, I dont MIND that people in our neighborhood are willing to pay me $20 to install a RAM chip for them, or hook up a harddrive. And I get to feel good because, unlike the 'professional' services I dont charge $100 per hour plus $200 to drive out to your house.

While not strictly related to this, I've always found peoples paranoia when dealing with computer hardware somewhat amusing.
Of course, I dont MIND that people in our neighborhood are willing to pay me $20 to install a RAM chip for them, or hook up a harddrive. And I get to feel good because, unlike the 'professional' services I dont charge $100 per hour plus $200 to drive out to your house.

Well, you could charge $50 and hour and $100 up front for the house call, they'd think it was a bargain and you'd never lack for pocket money!

My personal favorite help desk call went like this: "I'm installing this software, and I put in the first disk, that was okay, then it asked for the second disk and I got that in there but now it wants a third one and there's no way I can fit a third disk in that little slot. What do I do now?"

Probably not true, but it's funny.

Of course, there's also this one, "Hi, listen, there's smoke coming out of my monitor, are you have problems at the data center?"

:D

While not strictly related to this, I've always found peoples paranoia when dealing with computer hardware somewhat amusing.
Of course, I dont MIND that people in our neighborhood are willing to pay me $20 to install a RAM chip for them, or hook up a harddrive. And I get to feel good because, unlike the 'professional' services I dont charge $100 per hour plus $200 to drive out to your house.
I do the same on a regular basis.Give me a few euros and I am happy to help.

But if I charged THAT much then they wouldnt have money to buy more stuff for me to stick on their computers ;)
If I did the math I think I would find that I get more cash from dropping the occasional suggestion for how they can improve their computational power.

Well, you could charge $50 and hour and $100 up front for the house call, they'd think it was a bargain and you'd never lack for pocket money!

My personal favorite help desk call went like this: "I'm installing this software, and I put in the first disk, that was okay, then it asked for the second disk and I got that in there but now it wants a third one and there's no way I can fit a third disk in that little slot. What do I do now?"

Probably not true, but it's funny.

Of course, there's also this one, "Hi, listen, there's smoke coming out of my monitor, are you have problems at the data center?"

:D
Heard that one too.I think its an urban myth type thingy.Kinda like the one about the foot pedal (mouse) not working.:D

Wait, the article quoted in the OP refers to one "Anthony Vollmer" ... is that the evil guy from the Harry Potter books? :eek: :p

Here's an old one from the ancient days of computing ...

The tech goes into the raised-floor room to work on a machine, and while he's got it open, he accidentally shorts 120 volts AC across the mother board, whereupon chips actually blasted off the board and stuck to the ceiling. He closed it up, wrote "Software Error" in the log book, and left. (He did come back the next day and fix it, though.)

Customer: "My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in."

Advisor: "Has he forgotten it?"

Customer: "No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him."


That's the best one. Admit it, one of you guys is that 14 year old...

Wait, the article quoted in the OP refers to one "Anthony Vollmer" ... is that the evil guy from the Harry Potter books? :eek: :p

Here's an old one from the ancient days of computing ...

The tech goes into the raised-floor room to work on a machine, and while he's got it open, he accidentally shorts 120 volts AC across the mother board, whereupon chips actually blasted off the board and stuck to the ceiling. He closed it up, wrote "Software Error" in the log book, and left. (He did come back the next day and fix it, though.)
Did something similar when I was a kid on my dads 286 when I switched the voltage regulator from 240v to 120v.Not a happy dad as back then then a motherboard ran quite a bit of cash.

Heard that one too.I think its an urban myth type thingy.Kinda like the one about the foot pedal (mouse) not working.:D However, the one about the "coffee cup holder" (ie CD tray on towers) is NOT a myth. At least, my parents have witnessed it. :D

However, the one about the "coffee cup holder" (ie CD tray on towers) is NOT a myth. At least, my parents have witnessed it. :D

Although all those free AOL cd's that used to be everywhere did make good coasters though.I kinda miss them.

That's the best one. Admit it, one of you guys is that 14 year old...

I wish I was mean enough to do that to my parents when I was 14.
(sigh)
I guess I'm just way too nice.