NationStates Jolt Archive

yup its that time again... some emo-esque whiny rant from some fat, faceless internet boob. whee!

i feel like i am living two lives. i have my life here, where i go to work, eat and sleep, and my life with glitziness, where i am happy, enjoy life and actually feel 'alive'. the two don't cross over much and being apart has been really very hard recently (don't worry this thread isn't about relationship advice...)
the thing is i hate my job. i hate the business i work for as its a family business, and i've seen it swallow up my parents' lives since i can remember, seen them stressed and underpaid for as long as i can remember, and had the whole situation cause me inordinate amounts of stress since the age at which i could understand what was going on, as the one thing more stressful than stress is having stress but being unable to do anything about it.

i work for them in the family business as a bit of a stopgap after dropping out of university with severe clinical (double) depression. i am now on medication for it and in a way am getting better... at least i'm no longer thinking about suicide every waking moment. however the thing that kept me from ever going through with that (bar one pitiful, failed attempt) was that i knew it would hurt my parents, and i couldn't put them through that.

sadly though, things aren't going so well with my family at the moment... there's a lot of shouting and arguements between me and them, and working witht them has stopped me from really seeing them as my parents... they're just colleagues now. which i hate.


my basic problem is this... i want to move out. but i can't afford to. i want to change my job, but i am too frightened and have no idea what i could do instead. the only career interest i have - the only thing i can see myself actually caring about in life, photography - isn't something one can make money out of all that well. i am afraid to get into debt as our family have struggled with debt and money issues as long as i can remember and its caused a lot of problems within our family. i hate conflict and yet i have anger issues, and can't deal with competition at all (which rules out a lot of jobs) and most conflict upsets me to the point of tears. i love my family but i feel i no longer have one, and i no longer have that 'anchor' to stop me from commiting suicide that i had at university (speaking of which i have no degree, am dyslexic, and don't have much in the way of qualifications)

so i'm about to set out my own first footsteps into the wider world, wanting to leave home and find myself, find a job, and the like... but all i can see is the negative things. the debt. the stress. the worry. the tedious job (i *need* to have a job i care about, largely due to this depressive personality of mine). so it all boils down to a case of just... wanting to give up on life. i'd rather not bother with any of that and just end it now to be quite honest as i really don't see the point in trying.


thankfully i have glitziness (with whom we're about to celebrate one year together! yay!) and she brings so much happiness and 'life' to my life that its almost worthwhile, and she brings hope to my life that in the future we can be in each other's lives more (right now she's in college 70 miles away) and it wouldn't be so bad going through life if i could come home to her every day. sadly that's at least 2 years away and its hard living with all this spinning round my head every day anyway.


any advice on what i should do? i basically think i'm just not cut out for this world and should give up trying now (yes, i do try hard... as i'm sure the one person on this forum who actually knows me personally will attest, i try my best to be a good person and do what's right, and stuff)
add to that the fact i'm a fat fuck who'll probably be dead by the time i'm 35 or so anyway (as my mum keeps telling me; i'm 21 now), and it really seems like its not worth trying.

Best advice I can give you is the same one my step-father gave to me when I kept putting off going out on my own, stop stalling and start flying (Of course his exact words were a lot rougher, but this is a PG-13 board).

It IS scary, it IS a risk, and you DON'T know if you'll make it or not. But if you don't try, you never will be able to actually grow up. If you're feeling the pressure to leave, go and fly on your own.

Best advice I can give you is the same one my step-father gave to me when I kept putting off going out on my own, stop stalling and start flying (Of course his exact words were a lot rougher, but this is a PG-13 board).

It IS scary, it IS a risk, and you DON'T know if you'll make it or not. But if you don't try, you never will be able to actually grow up. If you're feeling the pressure to leave, go and fly on your own.

... and get into a world of debt, stress and pointless nonsense jobs till i can retire one day in the far future, or die, whichever comes first.

no thanks

As I can see it you're clearly not happy in your current circumstances, but you *might* be happier if you go for your dreams.

If you don't try atleast, you'll never forgive yourself. Better to have tried and failed than not tried at all

... and get into a world of debt, stress and pointless nonsense jobs till i can retire one day in the far future, or die, whichever comes first.

no thanks
Then dig yourself a hole and lie down.

That's the choice dude, no one is going to be handing you a million a year job. You don't HAVE to take the nonsense jobs, but just about everyone does one anyway (makes us appriciate the good job later on). The debt and the stress is life and there are ways around that (inlcuding having a wonderful woman to prop you up). But it sounds like you're stressed out right now so...

I recommend spending the rest of your life sitting on an internet forum whining about how much it sucks.


Oh, wait.

[/heartlessness]

... and get into a world of debt, stress and pointless nonsense jobs till i can retire one day in the far future, or die, whichever comes first.

no thanks
So you're looking for a lucrative source of funds that gives you a stressless and fulfilling way of life.

If you find a solution, let me know.

In the meantime, I'd suggest freelance writing, using your photography to supplement your articles. That way you can pitch both skill-sets at once - throwing your skill with a camera about the grapevine as well as making money from your written pieces. What's more, you don't need to make an extreme transition just yet; you can do it alongside your current work to start with.

The debt and the stress is life

So you're looking for a lucrative source of funds that gives you a stressless and fulfilling way of life.

If you find a solution, let me know.

exactly my point. i'm not after money, just... i don't feel i can 'take' what life on my own is going to be for me, and what its like for everybody. yes it makes me weak, and yes i probably have to just pull my thumb outta my ass and just jump in, but this fear coupled with depression leads me to simply think that dying would be a lot more preferable to trying in vain to be happy for the rest of my life. if its futile to try and be happy (as almost everyone is in debt, stressed, and most people have jobs they hate) then why try when you already know you'll lose the game?

Firstly, I can relate to the family business atmosphere. My situation was different, in that I helped start that family business, so a lot of the financial wrangles were directly in my lap. However, sometimes the push and pull of these things can make your family stronger, at least it did with mine. After it all fell apart, we are definitely closer than we were before we started it.

However, if this is a serious roadblock for you, and you're not happy, then you definitely need to move out and find yourself some space.

Here's my advice; don't worry about the big picture. Start small, and make small steps. The first thing you need to do, is find income outside of the family business. It doesn't even have to be something you absolutely love, so long as it provides you with basic income, and the ability to save for first/last, furniture, etc.

After that is secure, find a place of your own. But never let go of those family and friend ties, espescially if you're prone to despondency. If you're living alone, you'll need those ties to help balance you. Try living on your own merit for a time. You'll have the space away from your current irritations, and the ability to do it yourself should improve your own self-conscious and confidence.

After that first basic step, start thinking about what you would do long term. The key is to balance what you need to do in order to be financially secure, and simply enjoying life. Try to emphasize the latter.

exactly my point. i'm not after money, just... i don't feel i can 'take' what life on my own is going to be for me, and what its like for everybody. yes it makes me weak, and yes i probably have to just pull my thumb outta my ass and just jump in, but this fear coupled with depression leads me to simply think that dying would be a lot more preferable to trying in vain to be happy for the rest of my life. if its futile to try and be happy (as almost everyone is in debt, stressed, and most people have jobs they hate) then why try when you already know you'll lose the game?
:headbang: Becaaaaaaaaause along the way you find out that yeah, the job may be stressful and crapy, and yeah, you got worries, but there's also a lot of wonder, fun, and happiness. But look at it this way, you got girlfriend you love right? There's a good part of life right there. And you don't KNOW how or where life will take you (It's surprising really). Seriously. Life isn't a winning or losing game, it's a game of going on.

BTW, please tell your girlfriend to slap you upside the head for me the next time she sees you for forgetting her.

Speaking as someone to whom this all sounds extremely familiar, I strongly suggest you go ahead and get away from your parents. While it's hard to find a "good" job without a college degree, there are certainly jobs better than just flipping burgers. If you're into photography, apply for jobs at photography supply stores or art galleries. It's not your dream job, no, but it's probably better than what you're doing right now, and would also very likely involve meeting people who share your interests, which is always nice. You could also consider simultaneously working towards a degree as a part-time student. (If you do so, take only classes you find particularly interesting, at least at first, so that it's comparatively easy to motivate yourself.)

Basically, don't give up. Depression is a horrible, horrible thing, but I really believe it can be beaten. It's not easy and it's not fun, but you can get there.

Firstly, I can relate to the family business atmosphere. My situation was different, in that I helped start that family business, so a lot of the financial wrangles were directly in my lap. However, sometimes the push and pull of these things can make your family stronger, at least it did with mine. After it all fell apart, we are definitely closer than we were before we started it.

However, if this is a serious roadblock for you, and you're not happy, then you definitely need to move out and find yourself some space.

Here's my advice; don't worry about the big picture. Start small, and make small steps. The first thing you need to do, is find income outside of the family business. It doesn't even have to be something you absolutely love, so long as it provides you with basic income, and the ability to save for first/last, furniture, etc.

After that is secure, find a place of your own. But never let go of those family and friend ties, espescially if you're prone to despondency. If you're living alone, you'll need those ties to help balance you. Try living on your own merit for a time. You'll have the space away from your current irritations, and the ability to do it yourself should improve your own self-conscious and confidence.

After that first basic step, start thinking about what you would do long term. The key is to balance what you need to do in order to be financially secure, and simply enjoying life. Try to emphasize the latter.

thanks, thats actually quite helpful advice... reminding me to take things one step at a time. i have a tendancy to get freaked out looking at the big picture, and at uni this is one of the things that really sparked off depression. i swore to "only take life one day at a time" and i could cope with that. however now i'm looking to move on and am having to think and plan, so its helpful to have it pointed out that i'm doing the whole "big picture" thing again when that isn't necessary (and i didn't realise) :)


edit: laptop battery dying... eep!

exactly my point. i'm not after money, just... i don't feel i can 'take' what life on my own is going to be for me, and what its like for everybody. yes it makes me weak, and yes i probably have to just pull my thumb outta my ass and just jump in, but this fear coupled with depression leads me to simply think that dying would be a lot more preferable to trying in vain to be happy for the rest of my life. if its futile to try and be happy (as almost everyone is in debt, stressed, and most people have jobs they hate) then why try when you already know you'll lose the game?
People believe in the futility of life because they believe they have exhausted its possibilities. This is actually a world of infinite possibility for those who can make its exploration the very support of their livlihood. Such is the way that many live, in acadaemia, in journalism and in literature. Your photography is one such potential support; all you need is a kick-start. Which is exactly why I think freelance writing might be your best next step. There is a lot more to see than the Rat-race of western commercialism, and the lens of a camera is a great way to both discover this and to show it to other people.

Options are simple: Do nothing and stay where you're at with no chance of it changing, OR Do something to change it. Anything.

You're currently doing option one, but looking for help moving to option two.

Best advice I can give: you've admitted that something needs to be changed and are looking for help doing it. You're on the right path. Just keep going.

... and get into a world of debt, stress and pointless nonsense jobs till i can retire one day in the far future, or die, whichever comes first.

no thanks

Yeah, well, you know, if that's what you see as the only alternative to what you're having now, then what do you expect us adivising you to do?? Stay put, when that is the thing that's driving you crazy?

We have talked about how similar we are in many things (double tauruses and all that silly stuff) but in this respect I can't give you any advice from my own experience because I'm somebody who, even though she might never be "happy", always will be plodding ahead in the second best of all worlds. Which, you know, might be convenient but is also not such a very brilliant way to be.

But, even though I haven't lived through it myself, if I were THAT unhappy in my current situation and actually HAD something that I knew would make me happier (not in concrete terms, simply just "Hell yes, I KNOW I love photography, and I sure as hell know I love Glitziness and want her around me as often as possible") there isn't really anything to do except
1) stay unhappy in my current situation
or
2) go start something that will let me do photography and get me close to Glitziness.

And hell yeah, that's scary, and yes, you won't become a millionaire over night. But fuck that, if you ARE a person who can't just go through life semi-happy and semi-content, then don't! But you have to do something for that besides looking at how the current situation sucks.

Who says you can't move close to Glitzi? If you want to move out anyway, what stops you from moving to where she studies?

As for the money, yeah you'll need money to live on your own. But, for one, didn't you say you were earning quite a bit recently? So you should have a little reserve at least.

And yeah, you'll need a job. I don't know how the English apprenticeship thing works, so I don't know why you don't apply for one at a photography studio. Or, hell, you're versed in all that online crap, go make a business as a wedding or portrait photographer. Or build a great online portfolio (I remember all the pics you took for the business before) and send it to companies and tell them you're a freelancing photographer for whatever they need.

I know that you'd rather do landscape photography but I don't know how you'd make money with that, so you'll have to make a compromise there and earn your money with somehting that doesn't totally disgust you while keeping your favourite stuff for your spare time.

But seriously, there's not gonna be this good fairy that's gonna come and magically solve all your problems.

:fluffle:

thanks, thats actually quite helpful advice... reminding me to take things one step at a time. i have a tendancy to get freaked out looking at the big picture, and at uni this is one of the things that really sparked off depression. i swore to "only take life one day at a time" and i could cope with that. however now i'm looking to move on and am having to think and plan, so its helpful to have it pointed out that i'm doing the whole "big picture" thing again when that isn't necessary (and i didn't realise) :)


edit: laptop battery dying... eep!

:)

Sometimes, the best thing to do about worries, is to stop worrying.

thanks, thats actually quite helpful advice... reminding me to take things one step at a time. i have a tendancy to get freaked out looking at the big picture, and at uni this is one of the things that really sparked off depression. i swore to "only take life one day at a time" and i could cope with that. however now i'm looking to move on and am having to think and plan, so its helpful to have it pointed out that i'm doing the whole "big picture" thing again when that isn't necessary (and i didn't realise) :)
*applauds Mikesburg* :)

Moving out isn't actually as expensive as you'd think. (Yeah, you'll rent rather than buy, but who can afford a house nowadays?) When I did it I was pleasantly surprised at how much money I had left over. My bills come to less than £700 per month, and less than £400 of that is rent. That's less than you could earn full time on minimum wage.
I appreciate the Deep South is more expensive than Corby, but other places - maybe up near Glitz? (how is she, I've not seen her around for a while?) - will be cheaper. And there's always flat-shares, if it wouldn't drive you absolutely loopy.

Jumping off a sinking ship is waaaayyy easier when you can do it with someone. For you I imagine that would be Glitziness. If you can do it without torching bridges behind you (like I did...cause I'm stupid like that) then you can avoid the hairy pitfalls (like I didn't...cause I'm, well you get the point...).

You might have to take a sucktacular job to get going. If you want to leap from the nest fully formed into an adult wage you have to suck it up there longer or go back to college or any number of things. You can suck it up there while you build yourself, shoping your portfolio or accepting that maybe wedding photography isn't that bad...(Now is a good time to start, to build clients for the June Brides. If England is anything like the US there are likely Bridal Fairs going on right now that you could be a part of).

Or, you know, look for work in a camera store. It wouldn't be dream work, but it'd be close and get you the scoffin you need to get out of the coffin.

There isn't a way to not make it scary. There is maybe a way to make you not care, but for me it was that staying was even scarier.

But really, you have to ease out and you're not going to do that if you are only looking at the finish line. Where you want to be is miles from where you're going to be when you step out, so don't get caught up with all of that.

You will be poor. You will be doing jobs you don't like. They may take a small portion of your soul. As long as you keep moving forward, they will not grind you into powder.

Buck up, li'l camper, you'll be fine. There seem to be enough people that dig you to not let things get too bad anyway.

From what I can see your main fear is change itself. Unfortunately thats life. Life changes, it grows and evolves, usualy for the better, just remember that. However, you need to learn to cope with that change in the meantime.
How you do that I'm afraid I can't tell you. Thats something you need to work out on your own time, and not me or anyone else on this forum is going to be able to tell you how to do it.

PS On a side note, I met you at the last London NS meet, and yes, you are a big guy, but you are certainly not a fat fuck and you certainly won't be dead by your 35, thats bullshit.

If you're into photography, apply for jobs at photography supply stores or art galleries. It's not your dream job, no, but it's probably better than what you're doing right now, and would also very likely involve meeting people who share your interests, which is always nice.
Or, you know, look for work in a camera store. It wouldn't be dream work, but it'd be close and get you the scoffin you need to get out of the coffin.
I think working in a camera/photography supply store is an excellent idea.
Even if it's a simple sales job working the cash register (i.e. not something you would need a photography degree for) it's still in an environment you'd like, you are able to do it, and it pays the bills. Not to mention you would get employees' discount on the stuff they sell. ;)

PS On a side note, I met you at the last London NS meet, and yes, you are a big guy, but you are certainly not a fat fuck and you certainly won't be dead by your 35, thats bullshit.Oh my God, yes, I totally forgot to reply to that. Listen to Ollieland, he's absolutely, utterly, completely right.

Debt is something that can be avoided by only paying for things in cash. Look, I'm an art student. I have virtually no career prospects when I graduate, but I try not to worry about that. I know that when I DO get a job and move out, I'll be doing something I love.

What you need to do is do something you love. Fuck being a slave to wages. If you love photography, why not become a freelance wedding photographer and build up from there? Try it for a year, see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, what've you got to lose?

Depression is something I can relate to. Perhaps not the severity you have, but I certainly think that change is something that helps alleviate it. You feel a desire to change your life and that's a GOOD thing. You're also afraid it could go wrong. You say you've considered suicide, so you don't seem to have anything to lose, eh? At least go out doing something you love.

Don't worry about the debt.

Listen to Ollieland, he's absolutley, utterly, completely right.

Sigged!! :p

Sigged!! :p
:p

Edit: ZOMG, I just saw that there's a typo in absolutely, you can't sig that! >.<

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/49/Pogo_-_Earth_Day_1971_poster.jpg/300px-Pogo_-_Earth_Day_1971_poster.jpg

You are your own worst enemy. Win for yourself. You can do it.

This correlates directly to your outlook on life. When you feel that you don't have options, it's not surprising to also find out that you see life as a prison. Start digging your way out..make your options. How fast you dig your way out is mainly determined by two things, as far as you're concerned:
1) how motivated you are to dig
2) the size of your shovel

Focus on the first, the second will come later. Keep at it, and in time, you'll find that as you get better and more experienced at digging, the spoon you started with will grow into a shovel. If you're really good, you might actually end up find yourself sitting inside a chugging excavator. The good news is, you don't have to get to that to start smiling. It's possible to have a reason to grin cheesily at your metaphorical prison guards even when all you have is a spoon. :) This is more fun than you think...it's what I call serious fun. This is the grandest scale of practical joke that you can possibly play on the world, in continually defying its statistical condemnation of you as a dead-end. Now go pick up that spoon.

yup its that time again... some emo-esque whiny rant from some fat, faceless internet boob. whee!
Who do you mean, big guy? :fluffle:
i feel like i am living two lives. i have my life here, where i go to work, eat and sleep, and my life with glitziness, where i am happy, enjoy life and actually feel 'alive'. the two don't cross over much and being apart has been really very hard recently (don't worry this thread isn't about relationship advice...)
Good, for I couldn't give you any seeing how I just failed again. No, scratch that. I didn't. She failed me.
the thing is i hate my job. i hate the business i work for as its a family business, and i've seen it swallow up my parents' lives since i can remember, seen them stressed and underpaid for as long as i can remember, and had the whole situation cause me inordinate amounts of stress since the age at which i could understand what was going on, as the one thing more stressful than stress is having stress but being unable to do anything about it.
Have you tried sitting down with your parents and telling them exactly how you feel?
I know I haven't - but it's something I will have to do rather sooner than later. They don't know half of what's going on with and in me, and that's why they have such a hard time relating to my problems and understanding which kind of demons I'm facing every day...
i work for them in the family business as a bit of a stopgap after dropping out of university with severe clinical (double) depression. i am now on medication for it and in a way am getting better... at least i'm no longer thinking about suicide every waking moment. however the thing that kept me from ever going through with that (bar one pitiful, failed attempt) was that i knew it would hurt my parents, and i couldn't put them through that.
Same here, although I never attempted anything.
sadly though, things aren't going so well with my family at the moment... there's a lot of shouting and arguements between me and them, and working witht them has stopped me from really seeing them as my parents... they're just colleagues now. which i hate.
That is the problem. They are your parents. Have they asked you to work for them, or do you feel like you have the moral obligation to be there for them in a time they need you?
Either way, you really need to talk to them about it, for the situation they put you in is definitely not healthy for you!
my basic problem is this... i want to move out. but i can't afford to. i want to change my job, but i am too frightened and have no idea what i could do instead. the only career interest i have - the only thing i can see myself actually caring about in life, photography - isn't something one can make money out of all that well. i am afraid to get into debt as our family have struggled with debt and money issues as long as i can remember and its caused a lot of problems within our family. i hate conflict and yet i have anger issues, and can't deal with competition at all (which rules out a lot of jobs) and most conflict upsets me to the point of tears. i love my family but i feel i no longer have one, and i no longer have that 'anchor' to stop me from commiting suicide that i had at university (speaking of which i have no degree, am dyslexic, and don't have much in the way of qualifications)
Don't get me wrong, but this is grade A material for therapy. That is pretty much the only advice I can give you. Get counseling, get therapy. The medication is one thing, but it only helps to stabilize you (which, of course, you already know!).
The next step is to approach your feelings, problems, fears, inner demons - but do not attempt to do that on your own. I tried for about 3 years and the situation only got worse the longer I struggled.
You honestly need professional help. After all, that is what therapists are there for!
And don't let drawbacks discourage you, either. Therapy is hard work and can be very tough and tiring.
But once you see that things change and even improve, it really makes you feel better. I know because now I'm able to go out at nights again, drink responsibly again instead of getting completely wasted, and not smoke a whole pack of cigarettes a day. (Although the last comment is not true for the last 2 days. Sadly.)
so i'm about to set out my own first footsteps into the wider world, wanting to leave home and find myself, find a job, and the like... but all i can see is the negative things. the debt. the stress. the worry. the tedious job (i *need* to have a job i care about, largely due to this depressive personality of mine). so it all boils down to a case of just... wanting to give up on life. i'd rather not bother with any of that and just end it now to be quite honest as i really don't see the point in trying.
Again, it's good to have those goals, nay, it's great to make those plans. Now, I don't want to discourage you in any way - but do you honestly think that you're up to it yet? I take it from your post that the answer is no.
Again, one of the first steps is to "simply" (<- for the lack of a better word) accept that.
The situation itself is not important. Important is how you assess the situation. That is something I have learned in therapy. So, therapy will give you tools that lets you "step back" for a second and appraise what is going on and then you can think about different options before you act.
It sounds like this takes a lot of time, but it really "only" takes a lot of practice to change your thought patterns.
So again, I can only warmly recommend professional help to you.

thankfully i have glitziness (with whom we're about to celebrate one year together! yay!) and she brings so much happiness and 'life' to my life that its almost worthwhile, and she brings hope to my life that in the future we can be in each other's lives more (right now she's in college 70 miles away) and it wouldn't be so bad going through life if i could come home to her every day. sadly that's at least 2 years away and its hard living with all this spinning round my head every day anyway.
Bless her soul, she's such a great person.
any advice on what i should do? i basically think i'm just not cut out for this world and should give up trying now
Yes. Go get therapy and put some positive thoughts into your head. Nobody said life would be easy - a fact I learned the hard way and there are still days on which I don't even feel like leaving my bed.
(yes, i do try hard... as i'm sure the one person on this forum who actually knows me personally will attest, i try my best to be a good person and do what's right, and stuff)
And here's something I can relate to more than I'd like to admit: I've been constantly fighting, struggling, trying to fulfill expectations placed onto me by others, but especially by myself.
Stop. Regain your strength. Like my therapist told me - it's completely crazy to try to fight without the proper strength and equipment. You're bound to lose. I went as far as to take the berserker approach when I figured I might as well "go down with sword in hand". Neither is it working, nor is it worth it!
The alternative is not to give up, either, but to find a detour or take smaller steps. Don't set up goals you cannot achieve, but try to accomplish little things. Once that works out for you, you can take the next, bigger step.
add to that the fact i'm a fat fuck who'll probably be dead by the time i'm 35 or so anyway (as my mum keeps telling me; i'm 21 now), and it really seems like its not worth trying.
As long as there are people who believe in you, like Amy, myself, and others here and elsewhere, it is always worth it, Huw!
It takes time to persuade yourself of that thought - but honestly, when it comes down to it, you should remember that you are worth it. Why? Because you're still here, my friend! Because, no matter what life throws into your way, you can and will go on.
Every human is born a fighter, and so are you. But that doesn't mean you have to take on every fight. There are times when it's smarter not to fight and still get on with everything, somehow.

Here's a couple of little things that helped me, although they might sound a bit ridiculous.

1) Put up a note on your wall. I chose the Peter Quincy Taggart quote from Galaxy Quest: "Never give up - Never surrender!"
It's a little cheesy, but that's exactly the message you should give yourself.

2) I'm still struggling with my low self-esteem, so I've written this little note that reads "I'm leading my life with courage and determination". And whenever I get that very feeling that you most likely have right now, I take it out of my wallet and read it out aloud. (Given that nobody is around, of course! I'm not that crazy!)

3) The last little trick I can tell you about is the following - it took me years to accept the fact that it does indeed work, and it's thrown me into conflict with my inner self more often than I can count: When you're feeling down, go find a mirror. Turn that frown upside down and smile at yourself. Very likely, you will not feel like smiling at all and resent this advice at first, I know I did.
Funny thing is, something is triggered in your brain when you smile. It's like reverse-smiling. If you're happy, you will smile. But it also works the other way around: If you smile, your brain will somehow go "Oh! Okay - time for happiness" and you will feel a change happen.
Go ahead, try it. Don't let the fact that you don't even feel the slightest bit like smiling discourage you. It does work!

I really hope that I could help you at least a little. I remember that you were there for me when I needed some kind words and advice. You're a great person and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let anyone, ever, tell you any different, my friend! :fluffle:

hey PM. I know how you feel, to a somewhat lesser degree... I live all the way across the country from my girlfriend (Glasgow to Swansea) and that crap eats me EVERY day. But, I'm working on a solution, and I figure the solution is applicable to you, too. Buuut, I dunno if it is, cause I dunno the whole story - but here it is!

First of all, are you tied to where you live. Is Glitz? If either of those is a yes, then it's good and bad, cause it narrows your search area. Buuut, it eliminates stuff. Anyroads...

Get on to housing sites. Google private landlords in the area, or even your local housing association. Draw yourself a budget you can both afford. Being a student can help, cause they don't pay council tax, but as an illustration, me and my girlfriend can afford an upper limit of £450/month, not including council tax, food, and your usual bills. Here's where having depression kicks in though. See, in Britain, you can get housing benefit AND council tax benefit if you're not making much money. With glitz, you also don't get this restricted to a one room rent, meaning you can get a house, not a room with a student. Now, you've a few things you've got to look for:

1. Area. Don't end up in a violent chavpit just because it's cheap. You'll find affordable housing elsewhere, guarantee.
2: FULLY FURNISHED. I can't say this enough because you can't live somewhere that is literally just a roof. You need a sofa, cooker, washing machine, fridge, and a bed at the very least, and you're not affording them without debt, unless the house comes fully furnished.
3: Ask the landlord if he/she minds claiming benefits. Chances are, this can cause trouble if you don't brief them and get their approval. Why? They need to fill paperwork too in that case, as the rightful owner. Get a flat from the council, and this isn't an issue, cause they half expect it, but keep on top of it.
4. Claim those benefits. If you suffer clinical depression, you can go on incapacity benefit/income support for a time, whilst you get settled in. Whilst this isn't a top idea, because you won't have much cash to play with, it removes the stress of GET A JOB NOW, and that is a lifesaver. Also, claiming housing benefit means the gov't helps pay that rent. if it is, like in my example, £425 a month, imagine that cut in half, or MORE, and between 2 people. it's not such a big number now. As for council tax, find out the band before you go. I don't know if the figures are nationally applicable, but band B council tax is £1,200 a year and band D is £1,800 a year. You can see why it's important to find out where you lie *bands go from A-F if I recall* don't judge by size of house, cause council bands can, essentially, be doled out at random. Council tax benefit, however, will help you pay for that regardless. if you go back to uni, you won't even need to.
5. The deposit. the deposit is usually 1 months rent that will be reimbursed at the end of your tenancy. If you don't have this, inquire about the local councils "deposit scheme" and get that sorted out. Most councils have one but won't advertise it.
6. Pre-tenancy determination. I dunno if this is glasgow only, but a pre-tenancy determination gets someone from the council out to examine the flat. This person will then tell you with a high degree of accuracy how much housing benefit the council will pay out. if you can afford it, then you're cool. If not, keep looking.


I can't really think of anything else, but, if you go about it this way, you won't be in any debt. Also, insofar as jobs go... they're not your life. If you need to work 9-5 in some place that does nothing for you, don't let it get you down, it means nothing in the scheme of things. it's just a chore for cash, and little else, and it will fund your life with glitz.

I really, really hope I helped at all.

Well, you could always join the army. They'll put you into shape, give you food, shelter, and the opportunity to travel all over the world...especially to Iraq.

What's not to love?

There's one reason why "you play the game" even when you think you're doomed for failure: the fun of it. Now this'll sound weird, but hear me out. If you're playing a video game, you'll play it even if you can never quite beat the final campaign, right?

What I recommend is just finding a job that lets you do something you love. It doesn't have to be perfect, but try for something relating to photography - even if isn't your favourite thing, you'll have some money, and though money doesn't buy happiness, it does let you be miserable in more plush surroundings. :p

youve got some good advice here. practically oriented councilling that can help you get over your intense fear of failure would help you a lot.

this is my 2 cents worth of advice

start doing photography semi-professionally in your spare time. try for pictures that you could sell to the local papers. start talking to those guys who do wedding photos and see if they dont need someone who could take up some of the slack in the busy season. start building a resume of fabulous photos. everyone has to start somewhere. this is where you start.

it will start you on your way toward what you really want to do without panicking you over what to do about making a living.

Hey PM,

There's alot of good advice here and I don't want to repeat it.
But there's one thing I really want to say. You HAVE something that not everyone has: a person that you LOVE AND THAT LOVES YOU. Just from seeing you and Glitziness here on NS, I can TELL that you two have got it going on. It's rare to have what you have.
You have that. It's yours to own and build and cherish. Don't underestimate it, don't devalue it, don't take it for granted. It's a blessing that you should build from.

Now I can hear all you thinking right now, "But you shouldn't depend on someone else for your happiness! You need to have your own life!" and that's also true. Of course you need to move out, find a different job, and go after your dreams. But just remember the happiness and love that is possible to achieve, and that you have already achieved.

i just wanted to say one more thing.

your feelings of hopelessness about your life is a symptom of your depression. you are not in as bad a spot as you believe yourself to be. plenty of people have started where you are and have worked themselves into a good life.

i dont mean to make light of your situation but you have significant assets in your life that give you a real chance of success. you have parents who love and support you. you have a girlfriend who does the same. no, things arent perfect, far from it, but you have enough to build on.

its your depression that is leading you to think that you cant make the life you desire.

yup its that time again... some emo-esque whiny rant from some fat, faceless internet boob. whee!
Pure Metal darling, what do you mean by faceless?
We know what you look like.

So, PM, how are you today?

Is it a little brighter? 'Cause I hope you take the time to read what I've written up. Took me so long that your laptop battery died in the meantime... :p

:fluffle:

So, PM, how are you today?

Is it a little brighter? 'Cause I hope you take the time to read what I've written up. Took me so long that your laptop battery died in the meantime... :p

:fluffle:

i have taken time to read what everybody has read, but i'm not replying yet as i want to take time to consider my replies properly (i'm at work and can't do y'all justice). i was going to post to say a thank you to everybody who's posted here giving advice because a lot of it is very helpful and helps me feel some hope and/or enthusiasm for things, which is great :) however i didn't want to bump the thread so i left it :P

i'm better today. feeling pretty down, but i have told my parents how i feel... again (actually i got my dad to just read my OP as it sums things up better than i could in words). i don't really know how i am today. just sorta... am.

thank you especially for your take on things. i know you've been going through tough times as well recently so i especially value your viewpoint, both for that and as a caring, nice bloke :)

Combine your love of photography and Glitziness. Make a porn site.




I'm only being serious if you try this and it works

your feelings of hopelessness about your life is a symptom of your depression. you are not in as bad a spot as you believe yourself to be. plenty of people have started where you are and have worked themselves into a good life.

i dont mean to make light of your situation but you have significant assets in your life that give you a real chance of success. you have parents who love and support you. you have a girlfriend who does the same. no, things arent perfect, far from it, but you have enough to build on.

its your depression that is leading you to think that you cant make the life you desire.

^ While this is all quite true, I don't know that we can blame the depression for everything.

As an example, I've suffered from clinical depression since before I joined NS. For a very long time I was incapable of completing work, couldn't hold jobs, was incapable of interacting with others beyond a basic level, attempted suicide numerous times and so on. I of course thought my situation was hopeless.

Then something happened to me; namely, I matured psychologically. This doesn't necessarily concur with physical maturity. In this case, it means that I ended my adolescence and began a sort of adulthood by abandoning the irrational, hyperanxious, etc. thinking that caused and accompanied the depression in a vicious cycle. I began to see things rationally, in other words.

Of course, from then it was fairly easy. I realised that my life wasn't so bad. Yes, I had terrible grades in school and probably wouldn't be able to get to a good university; I didn't have many job skills and due to my lack of emotional connection with others it would be difficult for me to get one; I had missed out on, for instance, getting a driver's permit because I was too medicated to be able to drive a car. Nonetheless, I still had food, water, a roof above my head, and the opportunity to make my life better from even that simple point. There are many people without any of these things.

I set about restructuring my life. I deferred my uni applications, stopped taking medication, asked for help with work I couldn't do, started a regular exercise routine and so on, mainly to clear my brain. Then I set about planning my life: I took a part-time job, one I wasn't exactly interested in but that still made money, and continued to do things outside the home (I had to live with my parents, and I don't like that either -- my mother spends most of her time working, until 2 or 3 in the morning sometimes, and my father is an emotional basket case) such as volunteering and evening classes.

That leads me to where I am now: looking for a job, not much cash on hand, learning to drive a couple of years late, no real friends or relationships. It's not all positive. But I continue to emphasize the positive things and think about the situation rationally; in comparison to Ms Perfect Honours Student with a 20 Billion Inheritance I may not be very well off, but I'm definitely doing better than Mr Hospitalised Dropout Homeless Crack Addict. It's all relative.

Anyway, I've been ranting on pointlessly for quite some time now, so you can just ignore this whole post if I completely missed your point or, whatever.

PM, i'm terrible at giving advice on anything, so i'm not gonna even try.

Still, you have my honest hope that things get better for you soon (knowing what depression is like...) and my support. I can't really offer more than that.

Hey PM, here's some advice: NSG is not your personal blog. Seek help elsewhere...where you can actually get it...

^ While this is all quite true, I don't know that we can blame the depression for everything.

As an example, I've suffered from clinical depression since before I joined NS. For a very long time I was incapable of completing work, couldn't hold jobs, was incapable of interacting with others beyond a basic level, attempted suicide numerous times and so on. I of course thought my situation was hopeless.

Then something happened to me; namely, I matured psychologically. This doesn't necessarily concur with physical maturity. In this case, it means that I ended my adolescence and began a sort of adulthood by abandoning the irrational, hyperanxious, etc. thinking that caused and accompanied the depression in a vicious cycle. I began to see things rationally, in other words.

Of course, from then it was fairly easy. I realised that my life wasn't so bad. Yes, I had terrible grades in school and probably wouldn't be able to get to a good university; I didn't have many job skills and due to my lack of emotional connection with others it would be difficult for me to get one; I had missed out on, for instance, getting a driver's permit because I was too medicated to be able to drive a car. Nonetheless, I still had food, water, a roof above my head, and the opportunity to make my life better from even that simple point. There are many people without any of these things.

I set about restructuring my life. I deferred my uni applications, stopped taking medication, asked for help with work I couldn't do, started a regular exercise routine and so on, mainly to clear my brain. Then I set about planning my life: I took a part-time job, one I wasn't exactly interested in but that still made money, and continued to do things outside the home (I had to live with my parents, and I don't like that either -- my mother spends most of her time working, until 2 or 3 in the morning sometimes, and my father is an emotional basket case) such as volunteering and evening classes.

That leads me to where I am now: looking for a job, not much cash on hand, learning to drive a couple of years late, no real friends or relationships. It's not all positive. But I continue to emphasize the positive things and think about the situation rationally; in comparison to Ms Perfect Honours Student with a 20 Billion Inheritance I may not be very well off, but I'm definitely doing better than Mr Hospitalised Dropout Homeless Crack Addict. It's all relative.

Anyway, I've been ranting on pointlessly for quite some time now, so you can just ignore this whole post if I completely missed your point or, whatever.


was that a rant?

i think it illustrates what i was talking about. sometimes we are so used to being down that we dont realize that it is possible to win.

the question is, how DO You change your mental attitude? its not easy and for many people its not a matter of just "bucking up and getting to it".

Hey PM, here's some advice: NSG is not your personal blog. Seek help elsewhere...where you can actually get it...

Hey Steel Butterfly, here's some advice: you can always report the thread to Moderation if you think personal problems shouldn't be discussed in General.* Given the recent penchant for moving such threads into Chat or Spam, you might well succeed.
Other than that, you might want to read PM's post just a very few posts above yours where he states that the replies he gets here do indeed help him. I'd wager a guess that if they didn't he wouldn't have made the thread in the first place. :rolleyes:


*ETA: I see you already did.

Hey Steel Butterfly, here's some advice: you can always report the thread to Moderation if you think personal problems shouldn't be discussed in General. Given the recent penchant for moving such threads into Chat or Spam, you might well succeed.
Other than that, you might want to read PM's post just a very few posts above yours where he states that the replies he gets here do indeed help him. I'd wager a guess that if they didn't he wouldn't have made the thread in the first place. :rolleyes:

Indeed.

i work for them in the family business as a bit of a stopgap after dropping out of university



yeah...thats your first problem. you dropped out of school. I dont care if you had depresssion. Get over it. I did.

Now, heres what you do. Take a loan out of one of your all powerful socialistic european banks. And go back to school. Get a degree in something. anything. Communications for god sakes. Get a new job. Make money, get an apartment away from your backwards family. Go to night school or something and work your way out of the hole you dug for yourself. And for the love of all that is good and holy do not ask the government for help or blame it in any way for YOUR screw up.

yeah...thats your first problem. you dropped out of school. I dont care if you had depresssion. Get over it. I did.

Now, heres what you do. Take a loan out of one of your all powerful socialistic european banks. And go back to school. Get a degree in something. anything. Communications for god sakes. Get a new job. Make money, get an apartment away from your backwards family. Go to night school or something and work your way out of the hole you dug for yourself. And for the love of all that is good and holy do not ask the government for help or blame it in any way for YOUR screw up.


:headbang:

yeah...thats your first problem. you dropped out of school. I dont care if you had depresssion. Get over it. I did.

Now, heres what you do. Take a loan out of one of your all powerful socialistic european banks. And go back to school. Get a degree in something. anything. Communications for god sakes. Get a new job. Make money, get an apartment away from your backwards family. Go to night school or something and work your way out of the hole you dug for yourself. And for the love of all that is good and holy do not ask the government for help or blame it in any way for YOUR screw up.

You're a barrel of sunshine aren't you?

yeah...thats your first problem. you dropped out of school. I dont care if you had depresssion. Get over it. I did.

Now, heres what you do. Take a loan out of one of your all powerful socialistic european banks. And go back to school. Get a degree in something. anything. Communications for god sakes. Get a new job. Make money, get an apartment away from your backwards family. Go to night school or something and work your way out of the hole you dug for yourself. And for the love of all that is good and holy do not ask the government for help or blame it in any way for YOUR screw up.

This is about the most clueless post along these lines I've had the displeasure to read in a long while.

Hey Steel Butterfly, here's some advice: you can always report the thread to Moderation if you think personal problems shouldn't be discussed in General.* Given the recent penchant for moving such threads into Chat or Spam, you might well succeed.
Other than that, you might want to read PM's post just a very few posts above yours where he states that the replies he gets here do indeed help him. I'd wager a guess that if they didn't he wouldn't have made the thread in the first place. :rolleyes:


*ETA: I see you already did.

I meant professional help. If he's depressed, a bunch of random people on an internet forum is not the help he needs. If he's poor, a bunch of random advice is not going to help him. He needs to get help if he's depressed. He needs to get a job if he's poor.

More than anything, he needs to find a better place to whine about it. As much as I'm sure you all want to read my personal problems, you don't see me posting them here. Oh what's that? You don't care? Exactly...

was that a rant?

i think it illustrates what i was talking about. sometimes we are so used to being down that we dont realize that it is possible to win.

the question is, how DO You change your mental attitude? its not easy and for many people its not a matter of just "bucking up and getting to it".
I actually have no idea how I changed my mental attitude. I think it was when my mother announced she was taking a full-time job and moving out (she ended up not doing so), and my father became an emotional wreck, sitting around crying and being unable to do pretty much anything. (He's suffered from depression as well for more than 20 years now, since he went blind due to illness, but that's another story.) I had to ask myself, did I really want to end up that way, powerless, at anyone's mercy? The obvious answer was no.

yeah...thats your first problem. you dropped out of school. I dont care if you had depresssion. Get over it. I did.

Now, heres what you do. Take a loan out of one of your all powerful socialistic european banks. And go back to school. Get a degree in something. anything. Communications for god sakes. Get a new job. Make money, get an apartment away from your backwards family. Go to night school or something and work your way out of the hole you dug for yourself. And for the love of all that is good and holy do not ask the government for help or blame it in any way for YOUR screw up.
You know, before you go on ranting about how hard-ass and manly you are in comparison, you could actually research something about clinical depression, or find out why he dropped out of uni, or give some argument other than "I don't want you leeching off my tax money!", which really isn't helpful right now.

If he's depressed, a bunch of random people on an internet forum is not the help he needs.
He's already under therapy and medication IIRC.

If he's poor, a bunch of random advice is not going to help him. He needs to get help if he's depressed. He needs to get a job if he's poor.
That's the point of posting here. He needs a job, so obviously he's asking friends for ideas. Except since he writes more articulately than he speaks, like a lot of us do, he's asking friends on NS, not all of whom he's met.

More than anything, he needs to find a better place to whine about it. As much as I'm sure you all want to read my personal problems, you don't see me posting them here. Oh what's that? You don't care? Exactly...
Except people here do care, from the kind of responses such threads tend to get. Hence, again, why it's being posted here.

~snip sadness~

Oh PM! :(

I only read the OP, and I'll read the rest of the thread and try to help you out, but you need a hug. In lieu of a hug, here's a fluffle. :fluffle: I hope you feel better, hun, everyone on this forum knows that you are amazing and deserve to be happy.

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

He's already under therapy and medication IIRC.

That's the point of posting here. He needs a job, so obviously he's asking friends for ideas. Except since he writes more articulately than he speaks, like a lot of us do, he's asking friends on NS, not all of whom he's met.

Except people here do care, from the kind of responses such threads tend to get. Hence, again, why it's being posted here.

thank you! :) :fluffle:

though in response to your second point there, my job and depression have actually cost me my RL friends. bah. i'm to blame ultimately, yes, but... you know.

If he's poor, a bunch of random advice is not going to help him. He needs to get help if he's depressed. He needs to get a job if he's poor.
if you read my OP you'll see i already have a job.
Oh PM! :(

I only read the OP, and I'll read the rest of the thread and try to help you out, but you need a hug. In lieu of a hug, here's a fluffle. :fluffle: I hope you feel better, hun, everyone on this forum knows that you are amazing and deserve to be happy.

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

*blushes* thank you :fluffle: :fluffle: :)

thank you! :) :fluffle:

though in response to your second point there, my job and depression have actually cost me my RL friends. bah. i'm to blame ultimately, yes, but... you know.

ah, yeah. Apparently, I had a good number of friends before I got depressed, but ended up alienating all of them. It's also difficult to start over, because it's no longer easy for me to make friends by any stretch of the imagination. Probably the same for you, and just about every clinically depressed person.


Also, Magburgadorfland appears to be another one of these "AMERICA FUCK YEAH!" types. Feel free to associate that with just about any other stereotypes your brain provides you. It's obvious that, in threads such as this one, he basically has no idea what he's talking about, so I think we can safely ignore him.

never give you is best i can say :(

Hey PM, here's some advice: NSG is not your personal blog. Seek help elsewhere...where you can actually get it...
If you don't like to contribute anything meaningful, why don't you just shut the hell up and go away?
yeah...thats your first problem. you dropped out of school. I dont care if you had depresssion. Get over it. I did.
Now, heres what you do. Take a loan out of one of your all powerful socialistic european banks. And go back to school. Get a degree in something. anything. Communications for god sakes. Get a new job. Make money, get an apartment away from your backwards family. Go to night school or something and work your way out of the hole you dug for yourself. And for the love of all that is good and holy do not ask the government for help or blame it in any way for YOUR screw up.
If you don't care, don't post. It's as easy as that. As for your "good advice". You don't know anything about clinical depression, otherwise you wouldn't sport such fucking nonsense in the first place. You're really not helping any.
I meant professional help. If he's depressed, a bunch of random people on an internet forum is not the help he needs. If he's poor, a bunch of random advice is not going to help him. He needs to get help if he's depressed. He needs to get a job if he's poor.

More than anything, he needs to find a better place to whine about it. As much as I'm sure you all want to read my personal problems, you don't see me posting them here. Oh what's that? You don't care? Exactly...
See, I don't consider Pure Metal some random bloke off the internet, and if he turns to his online friends for some advice, I'm more than happy to exchange thoughts and ideas with him, and to uplift his spirit, even if only a little.

People like you, on the other hand, who have nothing to contribute, not even the slightest degree of compassion, should simply refrain from posting.
This is NationStates GENERAL, after all, meant for GENERAL discussion about ANYTHING & EVERYTHING. If you don't like that, tough shit. Nobody forces you to read the posts in this thread or reply to them.

And you're right, I don't give a flying fuck about you or your problems, because honestly, the kind of behavior you've just displayed tells me I don't like you - at all. And that's probably one of the reasons why you wouldn't turn to NSG with your personal problems. You've shown that you don't care, so we don't care about you, either.
Good day to you! :sniper:

exactly my point. i'm not after money, just... i don't feel i can 'take' what life on my own is going to be for me, and what its like for everybody. yes it makes me weak, and yes i probably have to just pull my thumb outta my ass and just jump in, but this fear coupled with depression leads me to simply think that dying would be a lot more preferable to trying in vain to be happy for the rest of my life. if its futile to try and be happy (as almost everyone is in debt, stressed, and most people have jobs they hate) then why try when you already know you'll lose the game?

I'd like to say life is more like a never ending tournament than a game. And yeah, there are some winning streams and losing streaks that everyone has to endure. But the tournament is never ending, really, so you can't truly win or lose it. I mean, eventually, hopefully a very VERY long time from now, you'll die. But not really. I mean, hopefully you'll live on through memory of the children you might have, and the Generalites will remember you. So its never REALLY over.

And I think I'm in a vaguely similar position to you. I am petrified of the real world. Scared to death. And yeah, there are definitely days where disappearing into a vaccuum would be way easier. But what would NSG and Glitzi and your family do without you? We'd survive, probably, but that's incredibly cruel thing to do to everyone around you. My baby sister (who isnt really a baby at all) is the only reason I've never tried to commit suicide. So, since I'm in a similar boat, I've got no real advice, cuz lord help me if i'm not trying to simply avoid drowning myself. Besides which, I really wouldn't be able to add anything which wiser Generalites have already said more eloquently than I could, anyway.



Here's a couple of little things that helped me, although they might sound a bit ridiculous.

1) Put up a note on your wall. I chose the Peter Quincy Taggart quote from Galaxy Quest: "Never give up - Never surrender!"
It's a little cheesy, but that's exactly the message you should give yourself.

2) I'm still struggling with my low self-esteem, so I've written this little note that reads "I'm leading my life with courage and determination". And whenever I get that very feeling that you most likely have right now, I take it out of my wallet and read it out aloud. (Given that nobody is around, of course! I'm not that crazy!)

3) The last little trick I can tell you about is the following - it took me years to accept the fact that it does indeed work, and it's thrown me into conflict with my inner self more often than I can count: When you're feeling down, go find a mirror. Turn that frown upside down and smile at yourself. Very likely, you will not feel like smiling at all and resent this advice at first, I know I did.
Funny thing is, something is triggered in your brain when you smile. It's like reverse-smiling. If you're happy, you will smile. But it also works the other way around: If you smile, your brain will somehow go "Oh! Okay - time for happiness" and you will feel a change happen.
Go ahead, try it. Don't let the fact that you don't even feel the slightest bit like smiling discourage you. It does work!

I really hope that I could help you at least a little. I remember that you were there for me when I needed some kind words and advice. You're a great person and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let anyone, ever, tell you any different, my friend! :fluffle:

Smiling, like exercise, releases endorphines. Endorphines make you happy. Happy people don't just shoot their husband! (Sorry, couldn't resist the Legally Blonde quote). My biology teacher used to tell us "tell your face you're having a good day!" She was more than a bit weird, but that's not the point. It can help.

Also, I've only seen pics, but you certainly don't seem fat. It helps me sometimes to look in the mirror and say "Yeah, I am one sexy bitch." And even though I don't really believe it most of the time, I try to silence for a moment all the thoughts disagreeing with me, and see the sexy bitch in me.


More than anything, he needs to find a better place to whine about it. As much as I'm sure you all want to read my personal problems, you don't see me posting them here. Oh what's that? You don't care? Exactly...

He isn't whining, he's asking for help and advice. And the reason we don't care about your personal problems is because we don't care about you. Given that this thread is 4 pages long, and only 2 posters have claimed to not care, clearly you are wrong. Although, to be fair, the vindictive bitch in me hopes that you have a ton of personal problems and would love to laugh at your misery. However, from your post it seems that what you need to deal with first are personality problems.

Thank you to all the lovely people on here who have given advice, kind words, comfort, hope, or whatever - I know it means a lot to Huw, and it means a lot to me too :)

Also, thank you to all of the people who have reminded him that I love him! and would do anything for him, and am one good thing in his life that he can always depend on, through anything :) we've had tough times, and i'm still here, and i'm not going anywhere! (i'm sure i can get stalker skills if necessary... :P) :fluffle:

Huw, listen to all of the people who have said that some of the sucky things in life are worth it, to try and achieve your goals and to experience all the good in life, and listen to all those who have said that things can get better and to stick things out :) and i definitly agree with the therapy idea, and will do what i can to help you find that, and i also think the photography shop idea sounds kinda promising for getting you into the area, with contacts and extra knowledge and stuff *nods* also, just know that people care and understand :) especially me! *big hugs*

you are an amazing wonderful person, with a million fantastic qualities as a person and talents and things to be proud of :) and you make me happy :) and you are loved by me, and always shall be :) (and you know i'm intelligent and have good taste, so i can't be wrong ;) :P)

anyhoo, i'm always here, any time, and always with love and understanding :fluffle:

Thank you to all the lovely people on here who have given advice, kind words, comfort, hope, or whatever - I know it means a lot to Huw, and it means a lot to me too :)

Also, thank you to all of the people who have reminded him that I love him! and would do anything for him, and am one good thing in his life that he can always depend on, through anything :) we've had tough times, and i'm still here, and i'm not going anywhere! (i'm sure i can get stalker skills if necessary... :P) :fluffle:

Huw, listen to all of the people who have said that some of the sucky things in life are worth it, to try and achieve your goals and to experience all the good in life, and listen to all those who have said that things can get better and to stick things out and i definitly agree with the therapy idea, and will do what i can to help you find that, and i also think the photography shop idea sounds kinda promising for getting you into the area, with contacts and extra knowledge and stuff *nods* also, just know that people care and understand :) especially me! *big hugs*

you are an amazing wonderful person, with a million fantastic qualities as a person and talents and things to be proud of :) and you make me happy :) and you are loved by me, and always shall be :) (and you know i'm intelligent and have good taste, so i can't be wrong ;) :P)

anyhoo, i'm always here, any time, and always with love and understanding :fluffle:
Reading that made me go http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/cry2.gif, but don't worry, that's just me...

Reading that made me go http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/cry2.gif, but don't worry, that's just me...

Well, you also know I care about you and think you're a wonderful person (and we've already gathered that i'm always right about these things *nods* :P) :) and i'm here for you as much as i can be :) plus, you get some of my special fluffles too :p :fluffle: *hugs*

get my tg? :fluffle:

Well, you also know I care about you and think you're a wonderful person (and we've already gathered that i'm always right about these things *nods* :P) :) and i'm here for you as much as i can be :) plus, you get some of my special fluffles too :p :fluffle: *hugs*

get my tg? :fluffle:
Yes, I did, thank you very much.

I've always been very emotional, and reading your post above just triggered the soft side of me. Besides, right now, I'm not in the best condition, either.

But it's really nice to see that people like you exist somewhere out there. Despite all his problems, PM is a very lucky man indeed. :p

As always, it's quite nice to see the sappy sort of love these two have for one another, and the role that NS had in making it happen:)

PM, I have no better advice that the (good) advice given here, except to say, don't you dare give up!

I dont care if you had depresssion. Get over it. I did.

I love statements like this. It's always fun to replace the word "depression" with other health issues. For example:

I dont care if you had diabetes. Get over it. I did.

I dont care if you had cerebral palsy. Get over it. I did.

I dont care if you had cancer. Get over it. I did.

All of these statements make exactly as much sense as the original one. You can be the judge of exactly how much sense that is. ;)

PM, this is what you gotta do..

Realize that you really do have a great chance at success. You're talented, you're smart, and you watch a lot of StarTrek, which should make you quite happy. :p

What I'm trying to say is.. I suck at giving advice. :(

But yeah, I say you and Glitz get an appartment together, start up a small business, have a few kids, maybe even get a Volvo..

You need to see how much potential you have.. or something.

I love statements like this. It's always fun to replace the word "depression" with other health issues. For example:

All of these statements make exactly as much sense as the original one. You can be the judge of exactly how much sense that is. ;)

Very good point. Depression is too often understood (by the ignorant) to mean, 'moping around like a wuss'.

A great place to start to find an interim job is a temp agency. One that doesn't specialize in one thing (ie it doesn't just staff offices or lumber mills). Take every job that comes up no matter how awful it sounds. You just might be surprised at what you like and what you don't.

I ended up with a job in heavy industrial and loved it. Unfortunately they never had a full time job open up (apparently everyone loved it there). At least I know what I want to do if I ever change careers.

PM, this is what you gotta do..

Realize that you really do have a great chance at success. You're talented, you're smart, and you watch a lot of StarTrek, which should make you quite happy. :p
Actually I can see someone getting rather unhappy with Star Trek after a while. Some of the shows rely too much on the engineering whiz-kid modifying the phased output of the aft thrusters to correspond to the frequency of the subspace transceivers and emit a tachyon beam at plasmatic velocities to modulate the frequency of the doodad and violate all of the laws of physics at once to end the episode in 30 minutes.

Very good point. Depression is too often understood (by the ignorant) to mean, 'moping around like a wuss'.
No, the sad thing is that people who do mope around like wusses claim to be depressed, removing the label from actually clinically depressed people (i.e. the ones who really do have limited production and excessive consumption of serotonin vs. the emo kids) and making the ignorant especially think that all depressed people are like that.

Yes, I did, thank you very much.

I've always been very emotional, and reading your post above just triggered the soft side of me. Besides, right now, I'm not in the best condition, either.

But it's really nice to see that people like you exist somewhere out there. Despite all his problems, PM is a very lucky man indeed. :p
*big big hugs to you*
stay strong, cos you know you can get through this rough time, and come out the other side stronger - i believe in you :)

and hehe :P
As always, it's quite nice to see the sappy sort of love these two have for one another, and the role that NS had in making it happen:)
Heh, the NS Couple strikes again! *showers heart confetti around everyone*

-snap-
*claps*

Actually I can see someone getting rather unhappy with Star Trek after a while.
Don't mind Ruffy, he means "star trek"....

PM, this is what you gotta do..

Realize that you really do have a great chance at success. You're talented, you're smart, and you watch a lot of StarTrek, which should make you quite happy. :p

What I'm trying to say is.. I suck at giving advice. :(

But yeah, I say you and Glitz get an appartment together, start up a small business, have a few kids, maybe even get a Volvo..

You need to see how much potential you have.. or something.
(bold my own)
You give better advice than you think :)

Hey PM, here's some advice: NSG is not your personal blog. Seek help elsewhere...where you can actually get it...

Hey SB, here's some advice: NSG is not your personal shooting-range. Seek targets elsewhere ... where you can actually hit something...

EDIT: I've just seen all the love in the thread (forgot to update before posting again, feel so dumb) so I'll try to make it nice ... SB, go paintballing or duck-shooting or something, get the aggression out. It'll hurt someone if you don't, and it will probably be you.

And hey, to the OP: you didn't dig this hole, your parents did.
I'm not telling you to cut loose or trash your parents. I trashed my parents when I cut loose, and it turned out to be a bad idea.

None of these are serious suggestions, but I posit that they're all better than dying:


Move to the town where Glitzi is studying. Get a job there if you can, if not, stake out a nice dumpster. You could be together whenever it suited you both.

Find some other job. If you earn more than your parents are paying you, give them the balance to help pay your substitute.

Move out of home but keep working in the family business. You'd be dirt poor, and goddam your parents if they didn't give you a raise.

Grab your parents by the scruff of the neck and tell them their business ain't working.


Now tell me, how are any of those options worse than killing yourself?

I kinda had a similar problem, where I wasn't in college, but wanted a job I wanted to do and couldn't bear the thought of doing a job that I didn't love. Someone convinced me to just apply for whatever jobs, because if I took the job and hated it, I could always apply for another one, and in the meantime I'd have a little bit of money and gain a little bit of experience.
So anyway, I applied for a job, and it wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. It isn't wonderful or fulfilling, but I don't hate it. So that is my advice to you: you can keep trying for a job that you like while working one that you don't.

In the meantime, I'd suggest freelance writing, using your photography to supplement your articles. That way you can pitch both skill-sets at once - throwing your skill with a camera about the grapevine as well as making money from your written pieces.How might someone go about getting a freelance writing job?

I kinda had a similar problem, where I wasn't in college, but wanted a job I wanted to do and couldn't bear the thought of doing a job that I didn't love. Someone convinced me to just apply for whatever jobs, because if I took the job and hated it, I could always apply for another one, and in the meantime I'd have a little bit of money and gain a little bit of experience.
So anyway, I applied for a job, and it wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. It isn't wonderful or fulfilling, but I don't hate it. So that is my advice to you: you can keep trying for a job that you like while working one that you don't.
Either that is fantastically sound advice, or anything sounds good to me at this time ... nah, good advice.

How might someone go about getting a freelance writing job?
Write stuff. Submit it to your local paper (even community free rag who won't pay for your work). Don't bother submitting stuff which is days out of date. Keep writing and submitting. Put a contact number on it, and a low key "I'm looking for a job" note.
If you can get real news, cultivate a journalist by sending them stuff and letting them take the credit. If you can hunt down stories, you're better than most journos, and the back door is wide open.

Good question though, and I'm open to other answers.

yup its that time again... some emo-esque whiny rant from some fat, faceless internet boob. whee!

i feel like i am living two lives.

[snip]

who says you can't make a living off of photography?

Freelance. buy the equipment, make a darkroom and start snapping shots of everything. see an accident? snap pictures and sell it to your papers/news stations. save that money for when you move out.

snap pics of your family business, and use them to advertise it. (what business btw?) That might quiet them if you show that you are helping in your way.

make a web page to show off your photos.

when you and Glizy get together, have her become your Model. ;)

Save your negatives and make a portfolio of your work.

... and get into a world of debt, stress and pointless nonsense jobs till i can retire one day in the far future, or die, whichever comes first.

no thanks

I've always been unpleasantly blunt and logical so here it is, prepare to hate me:p -

Buck up (Nice phrase hmm) people in the third world are far worse off, get a boring but well paying job to support your photography career till it gets going and relax on the net when you get home. I mean I just got out through quite a few mental illnesses and problems so don't take me to be throwing this advice out because I felt mean when I woke up today;)
The situation you described leaves this as the only opportunity anyway, truth is everyone needs money (Unless you want to go and live hippy or somthing, also fun but less internets) and it's not always fun to earn it, millions of people put up with it every day.

Another thing, loose the parents, you are not cheap labour to balance thier budget, if thier business is failing as it has been for years abandon ship like a rat with sailing issues.
Note that I'm not saying this is all your parents fault, although they contributed. You're the one who has to work to get out of this cycle.