NationStates Jolt Archive

I had a story idea where a girl would make a radio show somehow (or some type of video or something) and talk about certain issues in a Daily Show/Colbert Report type of way. One of those issues just so happens to be sex ed.... I wrote it in script form, it's easiest.

DISCLAIMER: Everything that StS teaches you in the following passages is TOTALLY WRONG... some of it is what they teach you in abstinence-only classes, but exaggerated for effect.

DJ: Hey guys, this is Miss Information here, and today, we are talking about... sex. Yeah, sex, it's a common fact of life. My last show got some pretty good comments, but somebody from the Abstinence Clearinghouse [note: this is real] thought I was deceiving you all. Well, at first I thought "what retards, I'm teaching them the facts" but then I realized, "I'm not teaching my listeners abstinence! Maybe I should.." So, my guest here, Speedy the Sperm, will teach you everything you need to know about SEX.
Speedy: (in high pitched voice) Hiya guys! Let's talk about abstinence!
Miss: So, Speedy, we're taking in calls from actual listeners with real questions about sex. Ready to answer?
Speedy: Yup!
Caller #1: Hey Speedy, how many people have STDs in the US?
Speedy: 25% of the entire population. It's a good reason to wait till marriage.
Caller #2: Okay, Speedy, I've never had sex, but what exactly are the benefits of abstinence until marriage?
Speedy: Well, you'll be healthy, you won't get pregnant or have STDs, and you will never have to face dropping out of school or raising a baby on your own in financial ruin.
Caller#3: Speedy, I've been wondering... is masturbation healthy?
Speedy: Of course not! Masturbation increases the risk of cancer of the ovaries!
Caller #3: I'm a guy...
Speedy: It doesn't matter if you have ovaries or not! You will get ovary cancer!
Caller #4: What is a clitoris?
Speedy: A deadly weapon designed to rid the world of morality.
Caller#5: Well, Speedy, I've already had sex, and everything you just said is wrong.
Speedy: (gasps) YOU HAD SEX?!?!? YOU WHORE! I mean, uh, dear Jesus! You've had sex! Are you in a sexual relationship?
Caller #5: Um.... yeah...
Speedy: Stop having sex. Now. Having sex before marriage will have devastating consequences.
Caller #5: I know, I know, STDs, pregnancy, broken heart...
Speedy: Not just that! If you have sex before marriage, your baby will have brain damage! Your computer will have a virus and come up with gay porn no matter what oyu lcick on! Sprint will manipulate your phone into calling hit-men on Pluto! And then God will kill all the little children in Argentina! THINK OF THE CHILDREN IN ARGENTINA!
Caller #5: I've used protection.
Speedy: (gasps) WHAT?! Don't you know that condoms fail 89% of the time!?! Jesus Christ, I think I'm having a heart attack!

...Well? Most of it was exaggerated for effect., but some of it is true.

Interesting. Sounds good! Not my type of story, but I'm sure that there are other people who would enjoy it. :)

Interesting. Sounds good! Not my type of story, but I'm sure that there are other people who would enjoy it. :)

Well, this may be included in another story, though I'm not sure which current one. I don't want to make 32184728917x10^89347 stories. :p

its ovarian cancer not ovary cancer

keep working on it, youve got a good start.

some highschools have their own in-house radio station that could be used (ONCE) for this kind of show. as long as the host doesnt mind losing her job as soon as its over.

its ovarian cancer not ovary cancer

keep working on it, youve got a good start.

some highschools have their own in-house radio station that could be used (ONCE) for this kind of show. as long as the host doesnt mind losing her job as soon as its over.

I know it's ovarian cancer, Speedy doesn't ;)

My highschool doesn't have a radio station. :(

its ovarian cancer not ovary cancer
I assume that's a [ sic ].

I assume that's a [ sic ].

A what?

A what?
Sic. Latin word literally meaning "so". It's often used to describe errors made by the subject of the discussion and thus replicated in any second hand account. You'll probably see it in the odd bit of journalism.

Sic. Latin word literally meaning "so". It's often used to describe errors made by the subject of the discussion and thus replicated in any second hand account. You'll probably see it in the odd bit of journalism.

Oh. :)

I know it's ovarian cancer, Speedy doesn't ;)

My highschool doesn't have a radio station. :(

mine didnt either. how i envy those big city school that got all the cool stuff that might have made the whole experience worth doing.

anyway. its a story. the one in that highschool should have one. it would make a great side plot setting it up, doing it, then having the pricipal/schoolboard/parents react to the whole thing.

mine didnt either. how i envy those big city school that got all the cool stuff that might have made the whole experience worth doing.

anyway. its a story. the one in that highschool should have one. it would make a great side plot setting it up, doing it, then having the pricipal/schoolboard/parents react to the whole thing.

Persephone Skye! Yes! :fluffle:

Well, this may be included in another story, though I'm not sure which current one. I don't want to make 32184728917x10^89347 stories. :p

Quite.

It reminds me a bit of a screenplay I once wrote mocking Star Trek, actually. Eventually, you may even learn subtlety. ;) (Only playing... however, subtle sarcasm is more difficult to understand and people might actually take you seriously and claim "WTF? Everyone knows condoms fail only 78% of the time!")

My highschool doesn't have a radio station. :(

Don't worry, after a show like that it wouldn't have one anyway.

It reminds me a bit of a screenplay I once wrote mocking Star Trek, actually. Eventually, you may even learn subtlety. ;) (Only playing... however, subtle sarcasm is more difficult to understand and people might actually take you seriously and claim "WTF? Everyone knows condoms fail only 78% of the time!")

Quoted for LOL. :D :D :D :fluffle:

Quoted for LOL. :D :D :D :fluffle:

Yay! I get three colons followed by capital D's, plus the word "fluffle"! I feel special!

/me has smilies turned off.

I had a story idea where a girl would make a radio show somehow (or some type of video or something) and talk about certain issues in a Daily Show/Colbert Report type of way. One of those issues just so happens to be sex ed.... I wrote it in script form, it's easiest.

DISCLAIMER: Everything that StS teaches you in the following passages is TOTALLY WRONG... some of it is what they teach you in abstinence-only classes, but exaggerated for effect.

DJ: Hey guys, this is Miss Information here, and today, we are talking about... sex. Yeah, sex, it's a common fact of life. My last show got some pretty good comments, but somebody from the Abstinence Clearinghouse [note: this is real] thought I was deceiving you all. Well, at first I thought "what retards, I'm teaching them the facts" but then I realized, "I'm not teaching my listeners abstinence! Maybe I should.." So, my guest here, Speedy the Sperm, will teach you everything you need to know about SEX.
Speedy: (in high pitched voice) Hiya guys! Let's talk about abstinence!
Miss: So, Speedy, we're taking in calls from actual listeners with real questions about sex. Ready to answer?
Speedy: Yup!
Caller #1: Hey Speedy, how many people have STDs in the US?
Speedy: 25% of the entire population. It's a good reason to wait till marriage.
Caller #2: Okay, Speedy, I've never had sex, but what exactly are the benefits of abstinence until marriage?
Speedy: Well, you'll be healthy, you won't get pregnant or have STDs, and you will never have to face dropping out of school or raising a baby on your own in financial ruin.
Caller#3: Speedy, I've been wondering... is masturbation healthy?
Speedy: Of course not! Masturbation increases the risk of cancer of the ovaries!
Caller #3: I'm a guy...
Speedy: It doesn't matter if you have ovaries or not! You will get ovary cancer!
Caller #4: What is a clitoris?
Speedy: A deadly weapon designed to rid the world of morality.
Caller#5: Well, Speedy, I've already had sex, and everything you just said is wrong.
Speedy: (gasps) YOU HAD SEX?!?!? YOU WHORE! I mean, uh, dear Jesus! You've had sex! Are you in a sexual relationship?
Caller #5: Um.... yeah...
Speedy: Stop having sex. Now. Having sex before marriage will have devastating consequences.
Caller #5: I know, I know, STDs, pregnancy, broken heart...
Speedy: Not just that! If you have sex before marriage, your baby will have brain damage! Your computer will have a virus and come up with gay porn no matter what oyu lcick on! Sprint will manipulate your phone into calling hit-men on Pluto! And then God will kill all the little children in Argentina! THINK OF THE CHILDREN IN ARGENTINA!
Caller #5: I've used protection.
Speedy: (gasps) WHAT?! Don't you know that condoms fail 89% of the time!?! Jesus Christ, I think I'm having a heart attack!

...Well? Most of it was exaggerated for effect., but some of it is true.

LMAO

That was soo funny :fluffle:

Yay! I get three colons followed by capital D's, plus the word "fluffle"! I feel special!

/me has smilies turned off.

Turn them back on then! Fluffles aren't fun unless you turn them on! :mad:

Turn them back on then! Fluffles aren't fun unless you turn them on! :mad:

Sounds sexy.

Sounds sexy.

:(

That was meant in a much more innocent way.

I had a story idea where a girl would make a radio show somehow (or some type of video or something) and talk about certain issues in a Daily Show/Colbert Report type of way. One of those issues just so happens to be sex ed.... I wrote it in script form, it's easiest.

DISCLAIMER: Everything that StS teaches you in the following passages is TOTALLY WRONG... some of it is what they teach you in abstinence-only classes, but exaggerated for effect.

DJ: Hey guys, this is Miss Information here, and today, we are talking about... sex. Yeah, sex, it's a common fact of life. My last show got some pretty good comments, but somebody from the Abstinence Clearinghouse [note: this is real] thought I was deceiving you all. Well, at first I thought "what retards, I'm teaching them the facts" but then I realized, "I'm not teaching my listeners abstinence! Maybe I should.." So, my guest here, Speedy the Sperm, will teach you everything you need to know about SEX.
Speedy: (in high pitched voice) Hiya guys! Let's talk about abstinence!
Miss: So, Speedy, we're taking in calls from actual listeners with real questions about sex. Ready to answer?
Speedy: Yup!
Caller #1: Hey Speedy, how many people have STDs in the US?
Speedy: 25% of the entire population. It's a good reason to wait till marriage.
Caller #2: Okay, Speedy, I've never had sex, but what exactly are the benefits of abstinence until marriage?
Speedy: Well, you'll be healthy, you won't get pregnant or have STDs, and you will never have to face dropping out of school or raising a baby on your own in financial ruin.
Caller#3: Speedy, I've been wondering... is masturbation healthy?
Speedy: Of course not! Masturbation increases the risk of cancer of the ovaries!
Caller #3: I'm a guy...
Speedy: It doesn't matter if you have ovaries or not! You will get ovary cancer!
Caller #4: What is a clitoris?
Speedy: A deadly weapon designed to rid the world of morality.
Caller#5: Well, Speedy, I've already had sex, and everything you just said is wrong.
Speedy: (gasps) YOU HAD SEX?!?!? YOU WHORE! I mean, uh, dear Jesus! You've had sex! Are you in a sexual relationship?
Caller #5: Um.... yeah...
Speedy: Stop having sex. Now. Having sex before marriage will have devastating consequences.
Caller #5: I know, I know, STDs, pregnancy, broken heart...
Speedy: Not just that! If you have sex before marriage, your baby will have brain damage! Your computer will have a virus and come up with gay porn no matter what oyu lcick on! Sprint will manipulate your phone into calling hit-men on Pluto! And then God will kill all the little children in Argentina! THINK OF THE CHILDREN IN ARGENTINA!
Caller #5: I've used protection.
Speedy: (gasps) WHAT?! Don't you know that condoms fail 89% of the time!?! Jesus Christ, I think I'm having a heart attack!

...Well? Most of it was exaggerated for effect., but some of it is true.

This idea sucks! Everything about it is horrible! *Burns script*

...

jk. God, can't you take a joke?

:(

That was meant in a much more innocent way.

Lies, you're obsessed with sex.



;)

Lies, you're obsessed with sex.



;)

I meant that the post he was referring to was not meant to carry any sexual implications. ;)

Though.....

I meant that the post he was referring to was not meant to carry any sexual implications. ;)

Though.....

:eek: ZOMG, innuendo.


Actually, this is the first innuendo I've seen from Pancake. Awww, she's growing up.

:eek: ZOMG, innuendo.


Actually, this is the first innuendo I've seen from Pancake. Awww, she's growing up.

The first? BS.

The first? BS.

The first I've seen.

The first I've seen.

You have not been seeing then. How can this be your first time?

This idea sucks! Everything about it is horrible! *Burns script*

...

jk. God, can't you take a joke?

OMG! NOES! :eek:

:p :fluffle:

oh my the thing's i readed on page two :D

oh my the thing's i readed on page two :D

:D

:fluffle:

:D

:fluffle:

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: oh i see you be one of a hand full who will miss me if i get in

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: oh i see you be one of a hand full who will miss me if i get in

:fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle:

:fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle:

Argh! Teh fluffles!

Argh! Teh fluffles!

:fluffle::fluffle::fluffle:

Or would you rather have the n00b smileys?

:fluffle::fluffle::fluffle:

Or would you rather have the n00b smileys?

...I'll be good...

...I'll be good...

No fluffles... you poor, poor wretch. :(

:fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle:

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: just keep bring you

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: just keep bring you

:fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle:

:)

:fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle::fluffle:

:)

you and your fluffles :D