NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

about the same i'd say. although i'm not entirely sure i was in love since it was unrequited, probably that other thing that someone pointed out to me on wiki that's between love and lust and has a funny name.

I am not sure what you mean, I don't think I have ever fallen in love, that stereotypical "I can't eat, I can't sleep" thing......I didn't fall into anything (that I am aware of)

I've never fallen in love. There are two or three persons very dear to me who I could easily fall in love with, but I won't allow myself.

I usually date people shortly after I've just met them...

I used to fall for people faster I think, I guess age and experience have made me more cautious.

about the same i'd say. although i'm not entirely sure i was in love since it was unrequited, probably that other thing that someone pointed out to me on wiki that's between love and lust and has a funny name.

Limerence? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence)

Sounds like what I seem to have, anyway. It felt eerie reading the description, as it almost perfectly described what is going on.

I think four months is slow... But then again, I'm usually already in love with the people I ask out on a date, and I have a nasty tendency to fall in love with people who ask me out before they ask me out... If that made sense...

Feelings suck sometimes. :rolleyes:

For a man, I fall in love way too easy. If the person hasn't run away screaming after a month or two, I am completely, head over heals "Falling for the First Time" (Barenaked Ladies) in love.

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

You'll wait a whole 4 months before declaring undying love? What's wrong with doing that on the first date? :D

You'll wait a whole 4 months before declaring undying love? What's wrong with doing that on the first date? :D

"Hi, I'm Trish. I lik--"

"BE WITH ME!"

You'll wait a whole 4 months before declaring undying love? What's wrong with doing that on the first date? :D
I'm not big on creeping people out or saying things I don't (yet) mean.

im thinking that how fast you fall in love doesnt matter so much as will the love last and is it based on a realistic picture of the beloved.

quite often when we fall in love very quickly, we fall for the idea of what we think the beloved is and later on fall out of love because reality doesnt match up to the idea very well.

so there is nothing wrong with feeling a romantic attachment for someone fairly quickly but its foolish to act as if its permanent until much more time has passed.

Far more quickly than I should.

I thought minors can;t fall in love... :P

Oh yeah, I'm not talking about hearing wedding bells or imagining possible offspring or anything after that time...

I think four months is slow... But then again, I'm usually already in love with the people I ask out on a dateThat's what I was going to say - but we already had this discussion in Dakini's last thread about dating and relationships and "getting serious". :p

So, anyway, I don't fall in love quickly at all.

I have been known to crush on someone really hard when I'm not feeling good about myself, in those times there is that rather unhealthy "they are my lifeline" thing that comes on top of the very real feelings I have for the person, especially if I can't have them (the person, not the feelings ;p). Eventually I'll sober up after being rebuked often enough and that's that.

But in my more "sane" moments, I'm way too sensible and doubting and "yes, but..." about things to fall head over heels.

Which would be more amusing?

This concept of wub confuses and infuriates us!

Or

There was this one time, at Band Camp...

You decide!

This has been a CD Choose Your Own Facetious Reply™ post.

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

4 months? Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Damn. I wish I could hold out for four months.

"Hi, I'm Trish. I lik--"

"BE WITH ME!"

:D :fluffle:



http://img82.imageshack.us/img82/3374/love6pd.jpg

Ooh, Gravlen reminded me:

The Best BTAF Comic Ever! (http://www.angryflower.com/497day.gif)

I have been known to crush on someone really hard when I'm not feeling good about myself, in those times there is that rather unhealthy "they are my lifeline" thing that comes on top of the very real feelings I have for the person, especially if I can't have them (the person, not the feelings ;p). Eventually I'll sober up after being rebuked often enough and that's that.
Aaaw. That doesn't sound so good. Hope that doesn't happen too often :fluffle:

But in my more "sane" moments, I'm way too sensible and doubting and "yes, but..." about things to fall head over heels.
Sensible love is better than head over heels anyway :)

Ooh, Timewarp thingie is going crazy. Says I have to wait 30 seconds to post, 29 seconds remaining after typing the stuff above - and I haven't posted anything in the last minutes!

Aaaw. That doesn't sound so good. Hope that doesn't happen too often :fluffle: I'm working on it. Right now, things are going pretty damn good. :fluffle:



Ooh, Timewarp thingie is going crazy. Says I have to wait 30 seconds to post, 29 seconds remaining after typing the stuff above - and I haven't posted anything in the last minutes!I'm kinda liking this whole time warp craziness. For one, people are forced to read the threads much more thoroughly. :p

I'm working on it. Right now, things are going pretty damn good. :fluffle:
Glad to hear it :)

I'm kinda liking this whole time warp craziness. For one, people are forced to read the threads much more thoroughly. :p
Yeah, and it can be fun, but it's a bit annoying when five posts suddenly and without any warning pop out above your last one.

And why are we whispering? ... oh, right, I started it didn't I :p

Yeah, and it can be fun, but it's a bit annoying when five posts suddenly and without any warning pop out above your last one.

And why are we whispering? ... oh, right, I started it didn't I :p
That's true, it can be annoying. And it does take the funny out of a lot of posts when you read the replies a page earlier. :p
And we're obviously whispering so as not to attract any evil temptress that would make you fall in love with her, head over heels over time warp. *nods*

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

I dont think four months is fast but I'm not sure if I've ever been in love. Attraction, yeah. Love? Not sure...

Generally it takes me quite a while, and then quite a while longer to realise it, and even longer after that to admit it. But not this time. Hit me like lightning.

In my only serious relationship, I started hanging out with the girl for a few weeks, and then we had our first official "date", and then right away we were hanging out with each other for around 10-12 hours a day ish, average for....five months?. Both of us professed our undying love for each other within a couple a month or so, and meant it. At the time we met, both of us were slightly depressed, and we were the only things that could make each other smile, or so it seemed. So we "fell in love" very quickly. On the other hand, looking back, it was not a healthy relationship for either of us, and although I hope I have matured at least a bit since the last one, the immaturity I showed is one of the reasons I'm actively not looking for a relationship right now.

I used to fall easily into love, then I realized affection and/or lust is not love.

Now whenever I find myself thinking I'm in love, I still have to make the realization lest I fall into the trap of pseudo-romantic self-deception that everyone else is so fond of.

I don't date people seriously until I've known them for at least 6 months and usually a year. As for falling in love, I can't say, I don't know where the boundary between "love" and mere "infatuation" or "affection" is and whether I've really ever crossed it. But I'm still in my late teens, so I really can't make an educated statement on this kind of thing.

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

I don't know how quickly I fell in love with her--all I know is that I realized that I was in love her on Halloween and since then, I've become madly obsessed with her even though I hardly talk to her when I'm around her... I've tried to draw her, but I can never truly draw on paper how beautiful she is... It frustrates me. I've tried to write in word how she looks, but I never can perfectly describe her, or describe how I see her... I've tried it a million times, but I can never get it right...

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

I'm sorry....I was lost in your eyes....

*begins writing shitty poem*

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

I'm about the same, I think. It can happen even faster sometimes, actually.
And there's nothing unreasonable about. After all, there's nothing reasonable about love to begin with.

I don't and if I do, I usually get screwed over, so Fuck it.

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

i seem to remember some research that said the average is 3 months. i heard it on the radio so i have no source to back it up

It takes me forever to fall in love. I tend to be cautious and self-protective. But when I do I love them forever. I still love my exes, though obviously being able to live with them is a totally different thing.

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.


Sounds like someone is confusing falling in love with being infatuated.

About c, give or take.

if they look hot, then I fall in love with them

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.
I don't believe real romantic love can be present until at least a year or so has gone by. Before that, it is infatuation. Which is really fun, don't get me wrong, and is absolutely a powerful and important emotion. But, for me, "love" is a term that signifies a more lasting and deep emotion.

Of course, I also think that 99.9% of the time that people use "love" they aren't in love at all. :P

Anywhere between the Planck time and its inverse.

I don't believe real romantic love can be present until at least a year or so has gone by. Before that, it is infatuation. Which is really fun, don't get me wrong, and is absolutely a powerful and important emotion. But, for me, "love" is a term that signifies a more lasting and deep emotion.Arguably emotions don't get 'deeper' than infatuation.

Anyway, it varies from person to person. Some people slowly or suddenly fall in love with people they're used to be around. Others, like me, only ever fall for strangers.
And the year thing is.. Way off. Sometimes daylight is enough to burn away any hint of infatuation. Sometimes it turns to love in a matter of months & still other times, genuine love is part of it from the beginning. The latter is quite frightning, by the way. Of course, I also think that 99.9% of the time that people use "love" they aren't in love at all. :PAgreed. But as long as people call infatuation love, I don't see the problem. It's not dishonest, just wide open to interpretation. That said, I don't do it myself. Hell, I hardly ever say something like that, and when I do it's usually not deliberate. I'be been known to tell my friends I love them when I'm a few miles past shitfaced though. But I doubt that counts.

It really depends. I´ve fell in love at first sight, and I´ve dated for months without feeling anything in return. It really depends of the person.

I'm somewhat curious, I generally feel like I fall for people really fast (usually around 4 months after I start dating them) and I was wondering if it was really unreasonably fast and I'm just some silly girl like that or if a lot of people do that.

I usually fall in love on or before the first date. However it can take as long as a month or three before I realise how deeply I care for the person. My head likes to argue with my heart, but my heart usually wins in the end.

For me either there is instant chemistry, and everything clicks from the start, or it doesn't work at all and I end up breaking it off after a month or so.

But when it comes to matters of the heart, people function on profoundly different principles. I move fast, others move slow, as long as you get there in the end it doesn't matter.

Sounds like someone is confusing falling in love with being infatuated.
No, I know the difference between the two.

One thing that bothers me, I've never gotten exactly how "love at first sight" works. How is it possible to have a deep emotional connection or something similar with a person you've yet to talk to?

Arguably emotions don't get 'deeper' than infatuation.

Meh. Depends on your personal standards, I suppose. I don't think there's anything wrong with infatuation (I like it a whole lot, myself), but I also think it is quite different from actual love. I give relationships different significance depending on whether the parties involved are infatuated or in love. But that's just my personal standard.


Anyway, it varies from person to person. Some people slowly or suddenly fall in love with people they're used to be around. Others, like me, only ever fall for strangers.
And the year thing is.. Way off. Sometimes daylight is enough to burn away any hint of infatuation. Sometimes it turns to love in a matter of months & still other times, genuine love is part of it from the beginning.

Neurochemically speaking, early stages of "love" (characterized by a cocktail of dopamine, noradrenaline and phenylethylamine) are quite distinct from later stages of "love." The typical symptoms of infatuation arise primarily from the presence of this cocktail; increased heart rate, "butterflies in the stomach," euphoria, object of affection dominates one's thoughts, even loss of appetite and sleeplessness. This early cocktail, and the vast majority of the neurological changes that occur during early stages of "love," are hitting in regions of the brain that are associated primarily with pleasure and motivation. Regions that are primarily responsible for emotion actually do not become strongly activated until later on (months down the line).

Interestingly, the neuroscience of "love" can be compared to drug addiction. The "buzz" from infatuation is largely due to dopamine release, in a manner that is quite similar to what happens after using many recreational drugs, along with PEA. And, just as drug users will become habituated and will experience less "buzz" with continual use, the "buzz" from love also drops off over time. Between about 18 months and three years after the first "hit" of infatuation, this "buzz" phase of love comes to an end.

However, there are other neurochemical signals that appear to be involved in prolonging a relationship after the "buzz" has subsided. Chemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin have been associated with long-term bonding, both between mates and between individuals who are not sexually involved (such as parents and offspring).

I am willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and say that it might be possible, in some rare cases, for individuals to have passed the "buzz" phase in about a year's time. However, I think that most often people will still be in the infatuation phase for at least a couple of years.

I do not personally consider people "in love" until they have been together for at least that long. I do not consider it remotely appropriate for me to tell somebody I am in love with them unless we have been involved for at least that long, and I would have serious reservations about remaining in a relationship with anybody who said they were in love with me so quickly.


The latter is quite frightning, by the way. Agreed.

I do not personally believe it is possible for people to actually experience "love" from the beginning. I believe many people refer to their infatuations as love, but that is not how I, personally, use the term. I realize that most people are much less discriminating in how they use "love," however.

I automatically and reflexively laugh at any person over the age of 16 who believes in "love at first sight." I know it's rude, and I really try to be more polite, but it's just such a silly and immature way of viewing love and relationships. Most of the time "love at first sight" evaporates within a few months, if not sooner. In my experience, people who proclaim their "love at first sight" are actually more likely to break up than people who don't. :P

The funny thing is, most people would characterize my boyfriend and I as having been in love from first sight. We were best friends within 24 hours of meeting one another. We met one night while out with a group of mutual friends, and by dinner the next day people were asking us how many years we had known one another. It was really amazing how quickly and easily we hit it off. We had instantaneous attraction and a terrific connection of personalities. Yet neither of us believe in "love at first sight."


But as long as people call infatuation love, I don't see the problem. It's not dishonest, just wide open to interpretation.

I believe that most people are so casual and indiscriminate in how they use the word "love" that it loses all real meaning and significance. That's why I don't do so. I don't particularly care if other people toss the term "love" around like confetti, of course, because that's their personal choice. I just take it with a huge grain of salt whenever people claim to be "in love."


That said, I don't do it myself. Hell, I hardly ever say something like that, and when I do it's usually not deliberate. I'be been known to tell my friends I love them when I'm a few miles past shitfaced though. But I doubt that counts.
Lol, no, I don't think that counts. I'm sure I've done the same on occasion.

One thing that bothers me, I've never gotten exactly how "love at first sight" works. How is it possible to have a deep emotional connection or something similar with a person you've yet to talk to?
It doesn't work. Usually someone winds up building some perfect image of the other person and then they get all pissed off when that vision of perfection doesn't have anything at all to do with the actual person they claim to have fallen in love with. Well, that's been my experience with the phenomenon at least.

I do not personally consider people "in love" until they have been together for at least that long.

For the record, *opens notepad* It would be okay for me to completely disregard what you think about that, right?

How quickly do you fall in love?I can become infatuated pretty quick; but love? I wouldn't even dare presume I can any more..

I fall in lust extremely easily and quickly. I've been known to declare undying love by the time she smiles at me for the third time. True love is something one grows into, though, at least, I think so. My best relationships, including the current one, which is entering its 23rd year, grew slowly and weren't hurried.

On the "limerence" reference at the start of the thread ... does one wander about reciting "There was a young man from Nantucket ..."?

For the record, *opens notepad* It would be okay for me to completely disregard what you think about that, right?
Unless you are interested in being in love with me or one of my close friends/family members, there is no reason why you need to give a shit what I think about love.

I follow Bottle's line of thinking on this, I could not say I love someone until after a minimum of 6 months of friendship, and that'd be pushing it. But infatuation/attraction can happen much more quickly, maybe after a few weeks, maybe less, or more, depends on the person and also my inital relationship with them. Someone you see but do not speak to regularly is more likely to be an object of attraction faster, I think.

Unless you are interested in being in love with me or one of my close friends/family members, there is no reason why you need to give a shit what I think about love.

Just checking. (b^_^)b

Interestingly, the neuroscience of "love" can be compared to drug addiction.Complete with withdrawal symptoms if you go cold turkey on love, no?

Complete with withdrawal symptoms if you go cold turkey on love, no?
I don't know about "going cold turkey on love," but watch what happens to a person whose love interest is removed, and then compare it to cutting off a user's access to their drug of choice. There are certainly some strong similarities.

I don't know about "going cold turkey on love," but watch what happens to a person whose love interest is removed, and then compare it to cutting off a user's access to their drug of choice. There are certainly some strong similarities.

Define "removed".

Define "removed".
Oh, it could happen any number of ways. The object of their infatuation moves away, or the person who is infatuated moves away. The object of their affection starts going to a different school or gets a new job. The object of their affection becomes unavailable in some way, like becoming involved with somebody else, or announcing that they are gay (or straight) and therefore won't be interested in their would-be lover, etc.

Bottle of course it depends on your definition. I did say "arguably". What I meant was exactly what your biochemistry lesson explained ;)

To the best of my knowledge, no western culture distinguishes between the chemical high & the bonding. If I had to hazard a guess for why that is, I'd say it's probably because the freedom to choose a partner is very recent in western cultures, and because telling ourselves the chemical high can last forever, feels nice.

But since there's no distinction between the two, it's silly to expect individuals to do it. It's contrary to everything most of us have ever known. I'm in no way saying you shouldn't be rude. In case you give a shit, the only thing I dislike about you as an NSG persona, is that you're too fucking polite.
What I am saying though, is that people like you & I are the ones redefining the context in which the word is used, not everyone else. Of course I don't actually know anything about you, but given my perception of you, I'm surprised you haven't been confronted by lovers demanding to know how you feel, exactly because you don't behave like most people. I'm assuming you're roughly my age, and it's happened to more than once.

"Love at first sight" is more tricky. Popculture defines it one way, I define it like you did with your example of you & your lover. According to the latter, the concept is alive & kicking, and incidently, the only way I've managed to fall in any kind of love. Up until my current relationship, I didn't think the bonding type love could happen right away. Like you, I've dismissed people claiming it, because.. Well.. That chemical high addles people's brains. Cute, but slightly pathetic, hehe.
I've had to revise my opinion though, because it happened to me - not that I expect you to believe that. It took me months to come to terms with it myself.

Oh, it could happen any number of ways. The object of their infatuation moves away, or the person who is infatuated moves away. The object of their affection starts going to a different school or gets a new job. The object of their affection becomes unavailable in some way, like becoming involved with somebody else, or announcing that they are gay (or straight) and therefore won't be interested in their would-be lover, etc.

Hmm, odd. As much as it sucks, the experience seems different to me than an addictive drug withdrawl...


...not that I'd know what a drug withdrawl is like >_>"...

Limerence? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence)

Sounds like what I seem to have, anyway. It felt eerie reading the description, as it almost perfectly described what is going on.

that's the one! thanks :)

To the best of my knowledge, no western culture distinguishes between the chemical high & the bonding. If I had to hazard a guess for why that is, I'd say it's probably because the freedom to choose a partner is very recent in western cultures, and because telling ourselves the chemical high can last forever, feels nice.

That's quite possibly true. Yet another reason why I don't let "western culture" define how I view relationships. :D


But since there's no distinction between the two, it's silly to expect individuals to do it.

I do. I'm not a genius. I don't have super powers (yet). I have not been provided with a secret manual on Life that nobody else has got access to.

I expect nothing from other people that I don't expect from myself.


It's contrary to everything most of us have ever known. I'm in no way saying you shouldn't be rude. In case you give a shit, the only thing I dislike about you as an NSG persona, is that you're too fucking polite.

Well fuck you and the horse you rode in on, in that case.

(Sorry, that was totally uncalled for. I take it back. Cookie?)


What I am saying though, is that people like you & I are the ones redefining the context in which the word is used, not everyone else.

I agree with this as well. I know that my views on love and relationships are about as non-traditional and radical as it gets. This is why I don't butt my nose into other peoples' love lives and tell them who and how to love. If my opinion is ASKED, I share it, but I do my best to never offer unsolicited relationship advice.


Of course I don't actually know anything about you, but given my perception of you, I'm surprised you haven't been confronted by lovers demanding to know how you feel, exactly because you don't behave like most people. I'm assuming you're roughly my age, and it's happened to more than once.

Absolutely! My current partner is still confused by my feelings about our relationship sometimes, and we've been involved for years. He still has trouble accepting that I simply don't work the way most people do. I understand this, and I don't hold it against him.

However, I still have standards. If he were the kind of dupe who still believes in lurve at first sight or any of that middle-school crap, then I wouldn't be dating him. Rejecting the sappy Halmark BS does not require radical or usual thinking processes...it just requires a little thinking.


"Love at first sight" is more tricky. Popculture defines it one way, I define it like you did with your example of you & your lover. According to the latter, the concept is alive & kicking, and incidently, the only way I've managed to fall in any kind of love. Up until my current relationship, I didn't think the bonding type love could happen right away. Like you, I've dismissed people claiming it, because.. Well.. That chemical high addles people's brains. Cute, but slightly pathetic, hehe.

Exactly.

The thing is, I don't hold infatuation in contempt the way a lot of people do. I don't see a damn thing wrong with being addled over a new crush. It feels fantastic, and it can be a wonderful experience. It's fine to be silly over somebody when you first get together, and I don't begrudge anybody that.

I simply get annoyed when people try to call this infatuation "love." That's like going around telling people that your minivan is a Corvette. No, it's not, and you're only trying to pass it off as something it's not because you're reaching for the status that you think will come along with it. Stop trying to impress everybody with how "real" your love is...just enjoy your tummy butterflies and chill out.


I've had to revise my opinion though, because it happened to me - not that I expect you to believe that. It took me months to come to terms with it myself.
Well, according to most people it's happened to me, too. But I still don't think it was love at that point. It was a fantastic friendship, a great compatibility, and an instant attraction...but love develops over time.

I'm not sure if I've ever been in love or not, but if I have been, four months seems like a long time to me to fall in love.

I've never fallen in love and I'm sure I won't fall in love at least in one and a half years.

EDIT: And I've never had a crush on someone.