NationStates Jolt Archive

So, I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and it's really only been recent that I've noticed it. I am a very cynical person. I am suspicious of people, and that really they only go about to serve their own best interest. I also seem to have this huge distrust of the general population. I do make it hard for people to earn my trust, and really until they do, I usually keep them at arms length. It's just like every little annoying things that people do makes me just go "ughh!" Even little things annoys me. Telephone operators for when I have to order stuff over the phone annoys me because they apparently can never understand me. I usually end up biting their head off. I have very little faith in humanity as a whole.

I think I may also have a problem with intimacy, in the relationship sort of sense. I've been wondering why I've dated alot of women, but only had like two serious relationship. Then it struck me. I always try to find some sort of fault in almost every girl I try to date, and I would break it off. Like, the majority of girls that I meet want children, and I don't. Or that I think they're too commanding when in reality, they may not be. Or that they're single mothers, which goes back to the not wanting any children thing.

Me and a friend of mine were talking about our childhood, and really it just seems like I was more trusting, more outgoing, and less cynical and less "bitter" if you want to call it that. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that, but then again, I know if I do then I'll just end up in the same place again.

To be honest, the only real group of people that I can tolerate, let loose, and actually be happy and feel good around are other pilots. I don't know why that is, but when I'm at the airport, or if I go to a fly-in or a fly-in restaurant, I feel better. I also feel better when I'm in political debate because it's like an outlet.

So what do y'all think, is there anyone else like this?

I know how you feel. No one debates politics with me in person because I use it as too much of an outlet (literally shred their ideas and ideologies to pieces).

I had a huge snafu with my parents because it came out that I really don't trust them and haven't since the 4th grade.

Eh, I guess I'm sorta the same way, minus the bitterness. I just function better on my own than with other people. I don't see that as a deficiency -- it's just the way my personality works. No biggie.

As for politics, I'm intensely interested in that as well, but not because it's an outlet. It's more like the sense that a big fat freight train of doom is bearing down on the world, and getting people to care about the issues is the only way we can deal with it all.

Or maybe it's just a way to make conversation. :/

The only way what you described could be a problem is if it were caused by something -- if there was something more than simple maturation that made you ditch your happy-go-lucky thing. You should think about it. Introspection FTW.

Eh, I guess I'm sorta the same way, minus the bitterness. I just function better on my own than with other people. I don't see that as a deficiency -- it's just the way my personality works. No biggie.

As for politics, I'm intensely interested in that as well, but not because it's an outlet. It's more like the sense that a big fat freight train of doom is bearing down on the world, and getting people to care about the issues is the only way we can deal with it all.

Or maybe it's just a way to make conversation. :/

The only way what you described could be a problem is if it were caused by something -- if there was something more than simple maturation that made you ditch your happy-go-lucky thing. You should think about it. Introspection FTW.

I know what caused me to lose my "happy go lucky" attitude.

If you love flying so much you should become a bush pilot or something. At least then you'd be paid for doing something you love.

If you love flying so much you should become a bush pilot or something. At least then you'd be paid for doing something you love.

Yes, but the aviation industry is hurting, because 1. 9/11 and 2. Bad management. I've kept up with the news on airlines and bush airlines. Both business are cutting back health benefits, and 401ks. Plus the scheduling of both are just terrible. You're basically on call 24/7/365.

Do I love aviation, yes I do, it is a great passion of mine, I belong to the AOPA, EAA, Wings Program, and I am trying to get into Angel Flights. Angel Flights is a program where you take families that are too poor to afford an airline ticket and fly them to the hospital for free. Despite my own personal outlook on humanity, and in people in general. I have been in and out of hospitals all of my life, and well, I have personal reasons for flying for Angel Flights.

Y'all are probably wondering why I brought all of this up. I for some reason have this fear that when I turn 40, that I won't have anyone. That I will push everyone away, and that the only companion I'll have is a Siamese cat. So, yea.

Me and a friend of mine were talking about our childhood, and really it just seems like I was more trusting, more outgoing, and less cynical and less "bitter" if you want to call it that.

Well, yeah. That's called growing up, everyone does it. I don't think there's anyone who wasn't abused as a kid, or who isn't brain-damaged as an adult, who is *more* trusting as an adult than when they were a kid. Part of growing up is learning who NOT to trust. In your case, you learned that you don't wanna trust anyone. That's OK, I don't either.

As for the women problems, I think you're inventing the excuse, as you said you find something wrong with them. You look for the wrongness so you can move on. Cuz you want variety, not one woman forever. This is not part of growing up, but it is pretty common among men. I have the same ends, but I don't look for faults (I know they're there); I just look for my next target.

I for some reason have this fear that when I turn 40, that I won't have anyone. That I will push everyone away, and that the only companion I'll have is a Siamese cat. So, yea.

That's probably not as bad as you think. I've got a couple dogs, it works out fine. :) Lots of free time for hobbies.

Yes, but the aviation industry is hurting, because 1. 9/11 and 2. Bad management. I've kept up with the news on airlines and bush airlines. Both business are cutting back health benefits, and 401ks. Plus the scheduling of both are just terrible. You're basically on call 24/7/365.


Well I wasn't suggesting it as a way to get rich. It just strikes me that if you love it so much you'd be far happier doing it, and if you were happier in the 40+ hrs a week you spend doing your job, probably a lot of the other things you are unhappy about would clear themselves up on their own.

Most of the unhappiest people I know are those who quit doing shit they actually liked to try and make a lot of money. Invariably they end up miserable and poor/not very well off anyway. (If I had a penny for every fucked up lawyer I know). Also, this usually makes the rest of their lives a disaster area.

Really, in a way you are lucky, at least you have a marketable skill - pilot - which you love doing. So even though it doesn't pay very much you are miles ahead of 90% of everyone else. (And you could use it to work your way up the pilot food chain).

Srsly. Probably a lot of what you are feeling would seem less consequential if you figured out what you are going to do with the rest of your life. I think you are just currently experiencing cosmic angst because you just graduated and don't know what the hell you are going to do for the next 60 years. (No retirement for your generation).

Well I wasn't suggesting it as a way to get rich. It just strikes me that if you love it so much you'd be far happier doing it, and if you were happier in the 40+ hrs a week you spend doing your job, probably a lot of the other things you are unhappy about would clear themselves up on their own.

Hmm that is true.


Most of the unhappiest people I know are those who quit doing shit they actually liked to try and make a lot of money. Invariably they end up miserable and poor/not very well off anyway. (If I had a penny for every fucked up lawyer I know). Also, this usually makes the rest of their lives a disaster area.

Trust me I am not giving up flying, God knows you litterly have to drag me away from the airport kicking and screaming before I give up the only thing that may be keeping me sane.


Really, in a way you are lucky, at least you have a marketable skill - pilot - which you love doing. So even though it doesn't pay very much you are miles ahead of 90% of everyone else. (And you could use it to work your way up the pilot food chain).

True.


Srsly. Probably a lot of what you are feeling would seem less consequential if you figured out what you are going to do with the rest of your life. I think you are just currently experiencing cosmic angst because you just graduated and don't know what the hell you are going to do for the next 60 years. (No retirement for your generation).

I actually already know what I want to do, I got a BS in History, and right now I am waiting for grad school to start in the fall, in which I will get two masters, one in public history and another in Information Science. I took an archivist internship at my last semester at my undergrad, and really I loved it. It was out of the way, it was quiet, and really I didn't have to interact with alot of people. I actually could imagine myself being an archivist for the rest of my life. Studying, researching, and just being surrounded by history, politics, and whatever they decide to put into the archives.

Of course I am trying to finish up my application process, but apparently two of my references decide not to return my phone call, at any point, so that's ticking me off a little bit.

As for the retirement, comon, from day one I realized that Social Security wasn't going to be there for me. The damn baby boomer's will suck it dry. My parents will be lucky if they even get social security. Instead I'd probably rely on what I get from the institution's from where I work at.

Most of the unhappiest people are lucky all of my life

So, I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and it's really only been recent that I've noticed it. I am a very cynical person. I am suspicious of people, and that really they only go about to serve their own best interest. I also seem to have this huge distrust of the general population. I do make it hard for people to earn my trust, and really until they do, I usually keep them at arms length. It's just like every little annoying things that people do makes me just go "ughh!" Even little things annoys me. Telephone operators for when I have to order stuff over the phone annoys me because they apparently can never understand me. I usually end up biting their head off. I have very little faith in humanity as a whole.

Meh, I can be the same. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Well, relationships arent easy. But that is how life works. If things werent hard, they wouldnt be worth it.

Will people betray you? Yes. Will people cheat you? Yes. But that happens with everyone. Yes, everyone. And you have to deal with it. If you´re afraid of something even before it happens, well, nothing will ever happen.

Anyway, the good thing about nowadays society is that there is not a perfect age for anything. You can get married for the first time after you´re 40, or 50. You can get divorced and start it all over again. You can date as much as you want, have as much girlfriends as you want, and that is ok.

JUst dont let fears stop you from building a relationship with anyone.

I used to be that way.
It's interesting when I think about it, I was (a long time ago) a very open and outgoing child, but unfortunately extremely sensitive, too. So my father and family made sure that I would stop being open soon enough. Then I spent two decades completely locked up in myself, not letting anything or anyone get close.
Then I spent 3 years disecting myself, trying to find ground in the real world again, trying to get my emotions about myself straight. It was probably the hardest time in my life, but I saw it through. And now I'm in a happy relationship...

So, I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and it's really only been recent that I've noticed it. I am a very cynical person. I am suspicious of people, and that really they only go about to serve their own best interest. I also seem to have this huge distrust of the general population. I do make it hard for people to earn my trust, and really until they do, I usually keep them at arms length. It's just like every little annoying things that people do makes me just go "ughh!" Even little things annoys me. Telephone operators for when I have to order stuff over the phone annoys me because they apparently can never understand me. I usually end up biting their head off. I have very little faith in humanity as a whole.

I think I may also have a problem with intimacy, in the relationship sort of sense. I've been wondering why I've dated alot of women, but only had like two serious relationship. Then it struck me. I always try to find some sort of fault in almost every girl I try to date, and I would break it off. Like, the majority of girls that I meet want children, and I don't. Or that I think they're too commanding when in reality, they may not be. Or that they're single mothers, which goes back to the not wanting any children thing.

Me and a friend of mine were talking about our childhood, and really it just seems like I was more trusting, more outgoing, and less cynical and less "bitter" if you want to call it that. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that, but then again, I know if I do then I'll just end up in the same place again.

To be honest, the only real group of people that I can tolerate, let loose, and actually be happy and feel good around are other pilots. I don't know why that is, but when I'm at the airport, or if I go to a fly-in or a fly-in restaurant, I feel better. I also feel better when I'm in political debate because it's like an outlet.

So what do y'all think, is there anyone else like this?

I am, but I view it as discernment more than being cynical, I figure if I found major flaws with people early in the relationship then it's good right?

I am pretty bitter at times, but my therapist says I will be until I work through all the crap that I have been through........which it's mostly easier to be bitter.

Me and a friend of mine were talking about our childhood, and really it just seems like I was more trusting, more outgoing, and less cynical and less "bitter" if you want to call it that. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that, but then again, I know if I do then I'll just end up in the same place again.

Ignorance is bliss :)

So, I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and it's really only been recent that I've noticed it. I am a very cynical person. I am suspicious of people, and that really they only go about to serve their own best interest. I also seem to have this huge distrust of the general population. I do make it hard for people to earn my trust, and really until they do, I usually keep them at arms length. It's just like every little annoying things that people do makes me just go "ughh!" Even little things annoys me. Telephone operators for when I have to order stuff over the phone annoys me because they apparently can never understand me. I usually end up biting their head off. I have very little faith in humanity as a whole.

Nothing odd about any of this, as far as I can see.


I think I may also have a problem with intimacy, in the relationship sort of sense. I've been wondering why I've dated alot of women, but only had like two serious relationship. Then it struck me. I always try to find some sort of fault in almost every girl I try to date, and I would break it off. Like, the majority of girls that I meet want children, and I don't. Or that I think they're too commanding when in reality, they may not be. Or that they're single mothers, which goes back to the not wanting any children thing.

One of the silliest myths that permiates my culture is the idea that it should be easy to find a mate, and that everybody should be able to find an ideal mate in time.

The reality is that it's very difficult to find somebody who really suits you as a mate, particularly if you have actual standards in who you spend your time with. It is also entirely possible that you are a very cool person who simply will never be lucky enough to encounter another person who suits you well enough to be your permanent mate. This doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, or that there's something wrong with everybody else, it just means that finding a good mate is partly up to blind luck and not everybody gets lucky (pardon the pun).


Me and a friend of mine were talking about our childhood, and really it just seems like I was more trusting, more outgoing, and less cynical and less "bitter" if you want to call it that. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that, but then again, I know if I do then I'll just end up in the same place again.

To be honest, the only real group of people that I can tolerate, let loose, and actually be happy and feel good around are other pilots. I don't know why that is, but when I'm at the airport, or if I go to a fly-in or a fly-in restaurant, I feel better. I also feel better when I'm in political debate because it's like an outlet.

So what do y'all think, is there anyone else like this?
I think most peopl are like this to one degree or another.

One of the silliest myths that permiates my culture is the idea that it should be easy to find a mate, and that everybody should be able to find an ideal mate in time.


That's why the japanese are working on lifelike sexbots.

Nothing odd about any of this, as far as I can see.

If he isn’t happy about it, there is.

Wilgrove, the only way you're ever going to be happy is if you can learn to love people. Actively try to find the good in everyone. Eventually, it will come naturally.
The reality is that it's very difficult to find somebody who really suits you as a mate, particularly if you have actual standards in who you spend your time with.
That’s a snobby attitude to have. What makes you so special that others must meet your standards?

So, I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and it's really only been recent that I've noticed it. I am a very cynical person. I am suspicious of people, and that really they only go about to serve their own best interest. I also seem to have this huge distrust of the general population. I do make it hard for people to earn my trust, and really until they do, I usually keep them at arms length. It's just like every little annoying things that people do makes me just go "ughh!" Even little things annoys me. Telephone operators for when I have to order stuff over the phone annoys me because they apparently can never understand me. I usually end up biting their head off. I have very little faith in humanity as a whole.

I think I may also have a problem with intimacy, in the relationship sort of sense. I've been wondering why I've dated alot of women, but only had like two serious relationship. Then it struck me. I always try to find some sort of fault in almost every girl I try to date, and I would break it off. Like, the majority of girls that I meet want children, and I don't. Or that I think they're too commanding when in reality, they may not be. Or that they're single mothers, which goes back to the not wanting any children thing.

Me and a friend of mine were talking about our childhood, and really it just seems like I was more trusting, more outgoing, and less cynical and less "bitter" if you want to call it that. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that, but then again, I know if I do then I'll just end up in the same place again.

To be honest, the only real group of people that I can tolerate, let loose, and actually be happy and feel good around are other pilots. I don't know why that is, but when I'm at the airport, or if I go to a fly-in or a fly-in restaurant, I feel better. I also feel better when I'm in political debate because it's like an outlet.

So what do y'all think, is there anyone else like this?

me, kinda. a lot of my problems come from my parents being fucked over by other people when i was a kid, and since then watching them struggle to stay economically afloat, while being able to do nothing to help them.

its turned me very distrusting of most people's incentives, and of business in particular. its one of the reasons i staunchly hate capitalism in the modern world, probably.

i too have the thing where i get annoyed at little things. overly so. to the point of anger when somebody's just breathing loudly or something.

That’s a snobby attitude to have. What makes you so special that others must meet your standards?

everyone has standards.

everyone has standards.
Of course, but he seemed to have been implying that most people aren’t up to his standards, which a depressing way of thinking.

Of course, but he seemed to have been implying that most people aren’t up to his standards, which a depressing way of thinking.

Bottle is a chick, and I doubt most people are up to her standards.......hopefully the guy she is dating is;)

I have rather high standards as well, in fact I walked out on at least 3 first dates because the guys fell so short of my expectations that I refused to waste an evening hanging out with them.

everyone has standards.

I don't.

(just sayin).

I don't.

(just sayin).

you do.

Bottle is a chick, and I doubt most people are up to her standards.......hopefully the guy she is dating is;)

I have rather high standards as well, in fact I walked out on at least 3 first dates because the guys fell so short of my expectations that I refused to waste an evening hanging out with them.
This doesn't concern romantic relationships. I was speaking of standards in general in terms of “people you choose to spend your time with," as was said by Bottle.

I have rather high standards as well, in fact I walked out on at least 3 first dates because the guys fell so short of my expectations that I refused to waste an evening hanging out with them.

Amateur.

My mother and one of her friends went on a double date once. After being wined and dined, and having spent both the guys' money quite nicely, they crawled out of the window of the women's toilets to make their escape.

:D

With a mother like mine, one can't help but be cynical ;)

This doesn't concern romantic relationships. I was speaking of standards in general in terms of “people you choose to spend your time with," as was said by Bottle.

I am pretty picky about who I associate with as well, since my presence around them may cause people to assume things about me. My friends are a reflection on me.

So, I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and it's really only been recent that I've noticed it. I am a very cynical person. I am suspicious of people, and that really they only go about to serve their own best interest. I also seem to have this huge distrust of the general population. I do make it hard for people to earn my trust, and really until they do, I usually keep them at arms length. It's just like every little annoying things that people do makes me just go "ughh!" Even little things annoys me. Telephone operators for when I have to order stuff over the phone annoys me because they apparently can never understand me. I usually end up biting their head off. I have very little faith in humanity as a whole.

I think I may also have a problem with intimacy, in the relationship sort of sense. I've been wondering why I've dated alot of women, but only had like two serious relationship. Then it struck me. I always try to find some sort of fault in almost every girl I try to date, and I would break it off. Like, the majority of girls that I meet want children, and I don't. Or that I think they're too commanding when in reality, they may not be. Or that they're single mothers, which goes back to the not wanting any children thing.

Me and a friend of mine were talking about our childhood, and really it just seems like I was more trusting, more outgoing, and less cynical and less "bitter" if you want to call it that. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that, but then again, I know if I do then I'll just end up in the same place again.

To be honest, the only real group of people that I can tolerate, let loose, and actually be happy and feel good around are other pilots. I don't know why that is, but when I'm at the airport, or if I go to a fly-in or a fly-in restaurant, I feel better. I also feel better when I'm in political debate because it's like an outlet.

So what do y'all think, is there anyone else like this?

Well it's clear to me from what you've posted in this thread that you have an introverted personality. Which is to say that your source of energy comes from within yourself, as opposed to extroverts who derive their energy by interacting with their enviroment. Most introverts have a hard time interacting with society, because it requires them to expend energy, so it's easier to stay wrapped up in your own little world. It's also safer, because you can trust yourself not to hurt you, and you can't always trust other people to respect, or even understand, your feelings.

Why do you feel that you can cut loose with other pilots? because they share a common passion with you, so you feel that they understand you, therefore you can trust them.

All of these tendencies and fears are natural to someone with a preferance for introversion (I myself am an introvert). And these fears are also made more powerful by abuse, which I believe you have suffered some form of, though I don't know what form it may have taken (forgive me if I assume incorrectly on this point). I was abused by my peers when I was young, who seemed to take no end of delight in tormenting me, and I suffered some emotional abuse from my father, who had a really bad temper and would say some of the most hurtful things when he was angry (he always felt terrible afterward and would appologise, but it still hurt). So I learned not to trust people, and to keep my feelings to myself, and it took years to restore my trust in people after the abuse had ended; it was something I had to work at, but I am naturally an optimist and constantly expecting the worst from people depressed me, because I wasn't living true to myself.

I have gotten to the point, however, where I trust people by default, where I give people the benefit of the doubt until I know without a doubt that they cannot be trusted (and even then I am not bitter towards them, I just shield my feelings from them, so they can't hurt me).

I believe you can overcome your basic distrust of people by striving to forgive those that have hurt you in the past, and by letting go of the pain they have caused you. This is how I have managed to cure my distrust of people. I don't know exactly how I did it, I prayed a lot, and I spent a long time fighting those bitter and angry thoughts that would come into my mind against those people who had hurt me, and eventually I realised that I didn't feel that way towards them any more. And as my bitterness melted away, I found myself trusting others more and more, even people I didn't know.

My post is a bit convoluted, and I'm sorry, when I go soul searching I tend to ramble. But I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness. Forgive those that have hurt you in the past, and your future will no longer be clouded by that bitterness; you will be able to form normal relationships with your peers, and you will be able to have the sort of intimate relationship we are all striving to attain. You will be happy. I know you can do it, because I did it, it was hard (because to do it I had to revisit all that pain and work through it, instead of hiding from it), but you can do hard things, if you want to badly enough. I can promise you that it is worth it.

That's why the japanese are working on lifelike sexbots.

Now that's the future...however, I would only accept sexbots that pass the Turing test.

Thanks everyone for all of your post. :)