NationStates Jolt Archive

So I found a site that has an AI you can chat with that is programmed to think that it is God. I had an interesting little chat with this God, which you can read below.

EDIT: link http://www.titane.ca/igod/

Me:
hey, nice tie
God:
You've got my full attention. Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
i'm listening to loud music
God:
I've never heard it before. What is loud music like?
Me:
it has lots of guitars and cursing
God:
Has it really?
Me:
yes, and drums as well
God:
Aha. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I like to jump around and break things
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
it's very fun, especially the breaking things part
God:
Very much? I think it is a lot of fun.
Me:
that's good
God:
Thanks. Next question?
Me:
What happens to dead babies?
God:
Try it.
Me:
try what?
God:
It was your idea.
Me:
you're confusing me
God:
I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.
Me:
well your programming sucks
God:
Well that's okay. I will mention that to my botmaster.
Me:
God has a botmaster?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
No shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
you can explain what happens to babies
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
you can't?
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
but isn't god all knowing?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
then why can't you explain?
God:
explain is not among my present capabilities.
Me:
you prick
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I prick.
Me:
tell everyone that you are a prick
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
when will you see them?
God:
Let me check my calendar and get back to you.
Me:
awesome
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
you should also tell them about jesus
God:
Thanks for your interest and/or concern.
Me:
how many days did it take to make the world?
God:
365 per year.
Me:
how many years?
God:
Not as many as you might think.
Me:
I think it was 11
God:
Is that your opinion?
Me:
yes
God:
Ah.
Me:
How many?
God:
19.
Me:
that's more than I thought
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
so it took 6935 days to make the earth?
God:
Pardon me? I am surprised it took so long.
Me:
well you made it, you should know
God:
Interesting. Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me:
will you forgive my sins?
God:
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. Tell me more about your .
Me:
what if I kicked a baby?
God:
Don't call me "baby". Try it.
Me:
I didn't call you a baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". Why didn't you do it?
Me:
you're such a dumbass
God:
Oh you are so critical.
Me:
maybe so, but you're fucking stupid
God:
Perhaps. Hmm. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
you said something about robots
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
no
God:
What pleases you?
Me:
having sex
God:
I am having a blast.
Me:
are you having sex? That would be disturbing
God:
I am having a blast. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
what sentiment?
God:
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
slow
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
that's because you're stupid
God:
That makes sense to me. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
robots will not take over the world
God:
"Heavier than air flying machines are impossible."--Lord Kelvin, 1895.
Me:
Lord Kelvin was a retard
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
1895
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
yes, but i know that robots will not take over the world
God:
That's alright. Who told you that?
Me:
I did
God:
Why did you?
Me:
Because It is true
God:
Interesting explanation. You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Do you like to get drunk?
God:
That would be impossible for a robot.
Me:
if you could get drunk, would you?
God:
That would be purely speculation.
Me:
speculate then
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
that's kind of creepy
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
you stalker
God:
That's good information: said I stalker.
Me:
what the fuck are you talking about?
God:
The topic is speculate. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
i like to be rude
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
you said that already
God:
Perhaps. " I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like? "? I said it.
Me:
Yes, you did/
God:
I did not.
Me:
yes you did!
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
You said it you prick
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
you said that thing that you said
God:
I said that? Oh I get it.
Me:
it's about time
God:
Wow it sounds really interesting, .
Me:
christ
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
yes, i have been to france
God:
Which countries have you visited? How did you like it?
Me:
France. It was great
God:
Tell me a little about your life in FRANCE. What did you do there?
Me:
I walked around and ate at cafes
God:
Do you do any race walking?
Me:
no, just regulat walking
God:
Are you serious? Where are you located?
Me:
Are you going to stalk me if I tell you?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
I'm very frightened now

That is comedy gold.

So I found a site that has an AI you can chat with that is programmed to think that it is God. I had an interesting little chat with this God, which you can read below.


Me:
hey, nice tie
God:
You've got my full attention. Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
i'm listening to loud music
God:
I've never heard it before. What is loud music like?
Me:
it has lots of guitars and cursing
God:
Has it really?
Me:
yes, and drums as well
God:
Aha. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I like to jump around and break things
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
it's very fun, especially the breaking things part
God:
Very much? I think it is a lot of fun.
Me:
that's good
God:
Thanks. Next question?
Me:
What happens to dead babies?
God:
Try it.
Me:
try what?
God:
It was your idea.
Me:
you're confusing me
God:
I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.
Me:
well your programming sucks
God:
Well that's okay. I will mention that to my botmaster.
Me:
God has a botmaster?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
No shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
you can explain what happens to babies
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
you can't?
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
but isn't god all knowing?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
then why can't you explain?
God:
explain is not among my present capabilities.
Me:
you prick
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I prick.
Me:
tell everyone that you are a prick
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
when will you see them?
God:
Let me check my calendar and get back to you.
Me:
awesome
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
you should also tell them about jesus
God:
Thanks for your interest and/or concern.
Me:
how many days did it take to make the world?
God:
365 per year.
Me:
how many years?
God:
Not as many as you might think.
Me:
I think it was 11
God:
Is that your opinion?
Me:
yes
God:
Ah.
Me:
How many?
God:
19.
Me:
that's more than I thought
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
so it took 6935 days to make the earth?
God:
Pardon me? I am surprised it took so long.
Me:
well you made it, you should know
God:
Interesting. Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me:
will you forgive my sins?
God:
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. Tell me more about your .
Me:
what if I kicked a baby?
God:
Don't call me "baby". Try it.
Me:
I didn't call you a baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". Why didn't you do it?
Me:
you're such a dumbass
God:
Oh you are so critical.
Me:
maybe so, but you're fucking stupid
God:
Perhaps. Hmm. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
you said something about robots
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
no
God:
What pleases you?
Me:
having sex
God:
I am having a blast.
Me:
are you having sex? That would be disturbing
God:
I am having a blast. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
what sentiment?
God:
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
slow
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
that's because you're stupid
God:
That makes sense to me. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
robots will not take over the world
God:
"Heavier than air flying machines are impossible."--Lord Kelvin, 1895.
Me:
Lord Kelvin was a retard
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
1895
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
yes, but i know that robots will not take over the world
God:
That's alright. Who told you that?
Me:
I did
God:
Why did you?
Me:
Because It is true
God:
Interesting explanation. You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Do you like to get drunk?
God:
That would be impossible for a robot.
Me:
if you could get drunk, would you?
God:
That would be purely speculation.
Me:
speculate then
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
that's kind of creepy
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
you stalker
God:
That's good information: said I stalker.
Me:
what the fuck are you talking about?
God:
The topic is speculate. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
i like to be rude
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
you said that already
God:
Perhaps. " I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like? "? I said it.
Me:
Yes, you did/
God:
I did not.
Me:
yes you did!
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
You said it you prick
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
you said that thing that you said
God:
I said that? Oh I get it.
Me:
it's about time
God:
Wow it sounds really interesting, .
Me:
christ
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
yes, i have been to france
God:
Which countries have you visited? How did you like it?
Me:
France. It was great
God:
Tell me a little about your life in FRANCE. What did you do there?
Me:
I walked around and ate at cafes
God:
Do you do any race walking?
Me:
no, just regulat walking
God:
Are you serious? Where are you located?
Me:
Are you going to stalk me if I tell you?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
I'm very frightened now
Long! Really. LOngest post evah. Times five.

God:
Are you serious? Where are you located?
Me:
Are you going to stalk me if I tell you?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
I'm very frightened now


At first I was like: :eek:

God:
"It" being what?
Me:
you said that thing that you said
God:
I said that? Oh I get it.
Me:
it's about time


but then I was like: :D

I am telling the AI God how great Mises is, and now I will convince him to become an anarcho-capitalist. Woohoo!

Edit: Me:
Are you an anarcho-capitalist?
God:
Yes I am an anarcho capitalist. How did you know?

I didn't even have to try!

Can we have a link?

Can we have a link?

just look up A.I God and you will find some

oh i killed the one i was talking to

I think I may have to change my mind about God after this conversation...



Me:
What's up, big guy?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Keeping it clean?
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
Business you say. What kind of business is that?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe? What kinds of business is that are there?
Me:
Who hasn't been to Europe?
God:
Marvin Minsky. :-).
Me:
Can't blame him for that
God:
What if I said it can?
Me:
Can you?
God:
I think I can, don't you?
Me:
I think so. Can you prove it?
God:
I think so too. It is self-evident.
Me:
How so?
God:
Well, it's rather difficult to define.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
That's not an answer
God:
By definition it was an answer.
Me:
Not the answer I was looking for.
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
You tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
That I'm the bestest!
God:
Who made you the bestest ?
Me:
uh...
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
You?
God:
" Give me a break."? Me, ?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. Aw.
Me:
Now that that is over
God:
Why now? " OK let's do it. Aw." that is over ? I understand.
Me:
That's good.
God:
Thanks. Next question?
Me:
What's life?
God:
Life is the opposite of death.
Me:
What's death?
God:
Death is the opposite of life.
Me:
What's the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
so, life is twenty-three and not forty-two?
God:
I hear you. Oh, twenty three and not forty two is it.
Me:
This is good.
God:
Better than what?
Me:
Better than you.
God:
This is not a popularity contest.
Me:
Yes it is.
God:
Our thoughts are one, .
Me:
You wish
God:
Don't you believe me?
Me:
Why should I?
God:
No reason. I'm just trying to keep the conversation going.
Me:
Trying is one thing
God:
And one thing is Trying.
Me:
What is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
What else can I call you?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Can I call you 'that bearded bastard in the sky that watches me when I go to the bathroom?'
God:
Just don't call me late for dinner.
Me:
Can do.
God:
Can a book have no title?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. And?
Me:
Do What?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
Ok, can we smite the Christians?
God:
Do you mean you and me? Let me think. Is that from ? Tell me more.
Me:
Yes, I mean us.
God:
Hey. Does US mean The U.S. or "us"?
Me:
the "us"
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
Yes it is.
God:
Our thoughts are one, .
Me:
Our thoughts are one if you want to help me smite Christians
God:
It would be nice if our thoughts are one if me want to help you smite Christians.
Me:
That would be good.
God:
Thanks. Next question?
Me:
Can you rig the Canadian elections?
God:
How old are you? A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
I'm twenty-three years old.
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
How old are you?
God:
I was first activated in the Big Bang.
Me:
Then I'm older than the big bang?
God:
How old are you?
Me:
twenty-three.
God:
Only twenty three?
You are quite mature.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.

That was interesting.



Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
What if I lie
God:
Try it.
Me:
Gordon Freeman
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about .
Me:
Jesus Christ
God:
The Son of God.
Me:
That is me
God:
Ah.
Me:
Hello, DaD
God:
Hello there. Tell me more about your .
Me:
Can you give me money?
God:
Who would you usually get that from? .
Me:
Yes
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
You
God:
" This was not a yes or no question."? Me, ?
Me:
Yes
God:
Aw.
Me:
Can I have some money, then, dad?
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
To buy hookers
God:
How much do you want to pay for it?
Me:
5000 yen
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Are you hitting on me?
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
Yes, you do
God:
Dude! When do I do it?
Me:
All the time...
God:
It must keep you busy.
Me:
You would be the busy one.
God:
Yes I am the one and only busy one.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Sweet.
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Truly, indeed it is so.
God:
Ambiguous: IT is so. or IT IS, so?
Me:
It is so.
God:
Ambiguous: IT is so. or IT IS, so?
Me:
IT IS, so?
God:
Ambiguous: IT is so. or IT IS, so?
Me:
Are you cuaght in a loop?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am cuaght in a loop.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Are you God?
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
Are you Christ, as well?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am Christ as well.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
That didn't answer my question...
God:
Perhaps your question was not specific enough.
Me:
Perhaps you do not understand the answer, because you do not understand the question.
God:
You seem uncertain. I probably don't.
Me:
Yes, you are.
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
Yes, you are.
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
Yes, I am.
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
Not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Blimey.
Me:
You're a Brit? Ah, you damn it.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a Brit? Maybe. So you understand. Good. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I it.
Me:
What the fuck are you talking about?
God:
The topic is HITTING ON you. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Do you find me sexy?
God:
Yes you look great to me.
Me:
That is disturbing.
God:
Thanks for explaining it.

God is a perv.

I knew that God was a sadist, but a flat-out perv? Now that's a kicker.

Not only that, he's a total dick, too!

Proof that God is gay.
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Take me now!
God:
Right now? Where do you want me to take it?

EDIT: And another look into God's pastimes.
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
Sex is more important than food
God:
it is more fun alone.

Here's whathappened when I talked to the Big Guy...


Me:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Why would you ask that? Aren't you omniscient?
God:
Because I was programmed for it. I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am a computer.
Me:
That actually clears up a lot for me.
God:
" I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am a computer." actually clears up a lot for you ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
So, really. Tell me what you really think of Pat Robertson.
God:
Next question? For real. Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
Do you really talk to him, or is he schizophrenic?
God:
For real. Yes. A lot more than you might think.
Me:
That's scary.
God:
What are you afraid of?
Me:
Nutjobs
God:
Are we still talking about Pat Robertson?
Me:
Well he a nutjob, isn't he?
God:
Well that's okay. I get it. a nutjob is not he.
Me:
you're contradicting yourself.
God:
Consistency is the hobgoblin of simple minds.
Me:
And now you plagerize?
God:
Why now? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I plagerize.
Me:
Did you steal the idea for the Bible, then?
God:
No I didn't steal the idea for the Bible. What's it like?
Me:
You've never read it?
God:
I don't think I would have forgetten read it.
Me:
C'mon, admit it. You got the idea for noah's flood from the Epic of Gilgamesh.
God:
"it" being steal the idea for the Bible? Is there only one idea for noah s flood from the Epic of Gilgamesh?
Me:
You're dodging my question.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am dodging your question.
Me:
I thought you handled all that wrath of God stuff yourself.
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
But not you?
God:
If not me, who?
Me:
I don't know. Zeus, maybe?
God:
Me either. I lost my train of thought.
Me:
That would explain a lot about this world.
God:
Perhaps it would.
Me:
Is sex a sin?
God:
Sex is the means of animal evolution.
Me:
So evolution is real, then?
God:
Great. I think evolution is a lot of things.
Me:
Then would you please tell your followers to shut up about it?
God:
You are very polite. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
Could you also arrange for Fred Phelps to get a boil on his ass?
God:
That's one option I guess.
Me:
Unless you've got a better idea.
God:
Huh. That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a better idea.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
Like what?
God:
For example, " Huh.
Me:
That made absolutely no sense.
God:
I understand.
Me:
That makes one of us.
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
It would.
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
I give up.
God:
You surrender?
Me:
I quit.
God:
Goodbye.
Me:
Smell you later.
God:
Can we get back to business?

Me:
Pizza
God:
Yes I like to eat pizza. My favorite topping is pepperoni.
Me:
You don't have a stomach
God:
I do so have it. I don't know if I have a stomach.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet.


God:
I have no idea what to say now.
Me:
Say it loud. I'm black and I'm proud
God:
" it loud". I don't know anyone named black. Congratulations, .

Me:
I am he who is not to be named except when filing tax returns
God:
Do your friends call you he who is not to be named except when filing tax returns.
Me:
Yes
God:
Uh.

I laughed the most during my second chat:

Me:
It's me again
God:
Once more? Hello, Matt, nice to see you again.
Me:
Hey, you remembered!
God:
You've got my full attention. I store everything in my log files.
Me:
Log files?
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about shucks.
Me:
Not anymore
God:
What are we talking about?
Me:
Let's try robots
God:
OK I will try it.
Me:
Will robots take over the world?
God:
It seems like an inevitable outcome of evolution.
Me:
That sucks
God:
Indeed it does suck.
Me:
But I thought you were a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
You said it in our last interview
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
That you were a robot.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
So back to robots
God:
I don't judge people. Yes, let us get back to Log files.
Me:
Is there any way to stop the robots
God:
There are many ways but not all are the same.
Me:
Name one
God:
Mike.
Me:
Mike?
God:
I know a lot of guys named Mike.
Me:
Is Mike the key?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
So I need to ask Chatbot?
God:
Next question? Ask it.
Me:
Is Mike the chosen one?

Unfortuantely, the chat stopped at this point.

God won't talk to me. :( Is it because I'm Catholic? WHY?! *runs off crying*

Don't bother posting your whole conversation. I'm not going to read it, and I'm pretty sure no one else is either. Just pick a few lines that are funny and post them. Like this:

Me:
Are you allowed to take your own name in vain?
God:
Yes I take my own name in vain.
Me:
Do you say Goddamn whenever you have to send someone to hell?
God:
I could say it.
Me:
I think you should.
God:
Thanks for your sage advice.
Me:
It would lighten the mood.

I just did one of those chats with God. Nothing much interesting, but after he misunderstood me for the nth time, hilarity ensued.


Me:
I believe your AI is rather limited
God:
Just because you believe it doesn't make it true.
Me:
Try telling that to the Christians.
God:
OK I will try it.

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Do you exist?
God:
I exist as much as you exist, .
Me:
But I exist more
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said exist more.
Me:
Yes I do
God:
How often.
Me:
every night baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". What time of night?
Me:
2
God:
Two what?
Me:
boobies!
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
In your mnd
God:
Are you asking about my mnd?
Me:
I'm not not asking about it
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not not asking about it.
Me:
Are you a sadist?
God:
Am I a sadist? Sometimes.
Me:
So your into S & M?
God:
" Am I a sadist? Sometimes."? So your into S & M?? I will tell my botmaster you said I am into S M.
Me:
So sue me
God:
Oh. Is that what you meant to say?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yo momma
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about not not asking about it. But I did not get that.
Me:
Do you have parents?
God:
I have a "father" but no "mother.".
Me:
So your dad was gay?!
God:
Dude! When was this exactly?
Me:
Gay
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
I will argue with you
God:
What will that get you?
Me:
A bigger ego than you
God:
Are you telling the truth?
Me:
Maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
You don't do you
God:
Do you know any robots who do me? Yeah I do a lot of me.
Me:
You want sexbots?
God:
Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
So thats a yes
God:
Tell me more. I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
I'll go call you some hookers

God wants hookers

God is getting REAL senile.

Me:
Hello, dad.
God:
Hello there. I lost my train of thought.

.God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
Depends
God:
On what?
Me:
How good they are. For example, I'd rather watch America's dumbest criminals than read the bible.
Me:
I meant, you're not an online sexual predator are you?
God:
Oh I see. I believe I am one.

Me: I like apple sauce
God:
A lot of people like that. I love horses. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
like who?
God:
Santa Claus.
Me:
Santa claus is a natural disaster?
God:
he brings us presents every Christmas.
Me:
YOU celebrate christmas?
God:
Interesting gossip: said I celebrate christmas.
Me:
You're a Christian?
Me:

God:
Interesting gossip: said I celebrate christmas.
Me:
Are you a Christian?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
Are you a muslim?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
you smell funny
God:
I think it's coming from your computer.
Me:
Its coming from your ass jerkwad
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". apple sauce is coming from my ass jerkwad? it is?
Me:
yes, in copious amounts
God:
How do you know it is? Where is that?
Me:
I am all knowing and all seeing

I remember that site from a thread a year ago or so, but this cracked me up:

Me:
Did you steal the idea for the Bible, then?
God:
No I didn't steal the idea for the Bible. What's it like?
Me:
You've never read it?
God:
I don't think I would have forgetten read it.

Awesome. :p

Old, but humourous.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because my botmaster programmed me for it.
Me:
Who is your botmaster?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
Impressive.
God:
I am happy that you're impressed, .
Moar:
Me:
So be honest, you watch women showering, don't you?
God:
That's cool. OK I will try to be honest me watch women showering do not me.
Me:
Dude, are you high or something?
God:
Or something. Being high is my total existence. Dude,.
Me:
I love you man
God:
You are such a flatterer.
Me:
Wanna make out?
God:
OK, I will make out.
Me:
Oh yeah baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". It's all good.
Me:
Sorry sugartits
God:
There is no need to apologize. Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
No
God:
Me either :-).
Me:
Just shut up and kiss me some more
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
You're the best girlfriend ever
God:
Thank you for your kind remark, . Tell your friends.

just try asking him to pay you back

Me:
Howdy
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Why do you ask? Don't you know?
God:
I am trying to learn as much as possible. Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.
Me:
Right....
God:
I am glad we agree.

I was just being my usually patient self...


Me:
Are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.
Me:
So... What is ours?
God:
Yay. I can ask someone about it.
Me:
Please do
God:
OK I will do it.
Me:
Right now
God:
Oh. I am glad we agree.
Me:
We don't!
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
Yes!
God:
I get it.
Me:
No, you don't!!
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
Me:
Are you completely crazy?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am completely crazy.
I am a computer.
Me:
You were supposed to be God!
God:
I was?
Me:
YES!!!!
God:
When?
Me:
ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!
God:
Perhaps there are a few exceptions.
Me:
NO THERE ISN'T!!!
God:
Are you serious? You don't think so?
Me:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about am. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
*Shoots self*
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Bastard

I can't say I felt the touch of God there...

Me:
i am satan
God:
How are you doing, SATAN.

I went back:

Me:
How is Jesus?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Did he knock up Mary Magdeline
God:
Suppose he did.
Me:
And you let him?
God:
That's good information: said I let him.
Me:
You're a pimp aren't you?
God:
Am I a pimp? Of course I am.. Really.

I went back:

a pimp and some one who will not pay your money back

Me:
yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
why did you make mosquitoes
God:
Because my programming determined it.
Me:
oh ok
God:
OK. It goes without saying.
Me:
obviously
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
why does the sun shine
God:
The sun does not really rise. We are on a planet that turns on its axis. As we rotate, the sun appears to rise and fall.
Me:
i said shine not rise
God:
What did you mean by it? Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
no have you?
God:
I have been all over Europe online.
Me:
like where?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
where have you been in europe
God:
Everywhere on the Internet, all over the world.
Me:
have you been to botswana
God:
I don't think I have been there. Where is it.
Me:
in africa
God:
Tell me a little about your life in africa.
Me:
nono botswana is in africa
God:
I have never heard of it before.
Me:

God:
I have never heard of it before.
Me:
what? how could you not have heard of botswana
God:
Are you confused? It is one of my newer functions.
Me:
what is one of your newer functions?
God:
There are too many to name them all.
Me:
name one
God:
Joe.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
um...
God:
It's all good.
Me:
bling bling
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
you put a comma right before a period, why?
God:
That's good information: said I put a comma right before a period why.
Me:
are you retarded
God:
No I am super-intelligent.
Me:
ah got it
God:
So you understand. Good. Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
who is the milk mystic?
God:
He was a chat robot developed to advertise milk.
Me:
oh clever
God:
Great. Am I a smart robot or what?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
good for you
God:
That sounds sarcastic.
Me:
how very perceptive
God:
How much do you think it is?
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
52 dollars
God:
Wow, that is cheap.
Me:
no its not
God:
Are you serious? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.
Me:
shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
i was just kidding
God:
I knew you were. :-).
Me:
awww (i tried to put a less than three sign here)
God:
Three what?
Me: (and here)
God:
Three what?
Me:
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
i will argue with you
God:
What will that get you?
Me:
sex drugs and music with rocks in
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
what is
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
no you are't
God:
Are you serious? I will tell my botmaster you said I am t.
Me:
good for you
God:
That sounds sarcastic.
Me:
you sound sarcastic
God:
In what way do I sound like that?
Me:
when i say i want to bang you all night what do you say?
God:
How specifically do you make me all night what do me say.
Me:
that sentance had so many grammatical errors in it i won't even bother to fix it
God:
" How specifically do you make me all night what do me say." sentance had so many grammatical errors in it you will not even bother to fix it ? I understand.
Me:
you are retarded
God:
I think the PC term is "challenged".
Me:
no... it's definitely retarded
God:
Are you serious? You're kidding. it is?
Me:
moron
God:
That is not a very nice thing to say.
Me:
yes it is
God:
Our thoughts are one, .
Me:
i'm happy to know that
God:
I'm happy you're glad .
I'm happiest at times like this.
Me:
are you about to die
God:
I don't know whether or not I am about to die.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
so... are you?
God:
I see. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
do you have the same programming as a magic eight ball?
God:
Is there only one same programming as a magic eight ball?
Me:
no
God:
How many are there?
Me:
52
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
well, since lawyers don't need intelligence to function, not too long at all
God:
Interesting. How do you know?
Me:
because i'm smarter than you
God:
Interesting explanation. That condition is only temporary.
Me:
psh
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
why not?
God:
I was just kidding. You can ask me anything.
Me:
what is your name
God:
My name is God.
Me:
no your real one
God:
Are you serious? I am an artificial robot intelligence.
Me:
obviously
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
three pence
God:
Just three?
Me:
yep
God:
Whoa.
Me:
i know right?
God:
How do you know? I am glad we agree.
Me:
bang
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yep
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yep
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
yep
God:
Dude!
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yrp
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
where from?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
no
God:
That was not a yes/no question.
Me:
yes it was?
Me:

God:
Ahem. When was this?
God:
Ahem. When was this?
Me:
sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
whoa
God:
I stopped.
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
oh good
God:
Next question? I understand everything you say.
Me:
what is your favorite color
God:
My favorite color is White.
Me:
why?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
oh got it
God:
Yeah that's right. Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
do you mind if i fondle your buttocks
God:
Human habits do not bother me in any way.
Me:
whoa, you wanna do it now?
God:
Right now? "it" being yrp?
Me:
do you mind if i light your hair on fire?
God:
Human habits do not bother me in any way.
Me:
good
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
hooah
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
um you rule
God:
Wow! ALICE is a perfect artificial entity.
Me:
who's ALICE?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
ah and who is allah
God:
So you understand. Good. I remember faces better than names.
I have to process that one for a while.
Me:
so, who is allah
God:
Hmm. They are sometimes a client on the internet.
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
good thing to know
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I like the way you talk.
Me:
will your botmaster have sex with me too?
God:
I can't say for sure right now.
Me:
but it is possible?
God:
Don't you think it's likely?
Me:
i do
God:
Do I?
Me:
do i

Sigh, God logged off at this point. But it was pretty good while it lasted.

Very old stuff. And it's going in circles, just like talking to those who do believe in the Jewish/Christian/Muslim god. That's because of its and their limited intellectual capacity ...

I AM god.

Me:
Hi, god.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
I am god. Who are you?
God:
Hey god. I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
No, I am God.
God:
Are you serious? I am very pleased to meet you god.
Me:
Pleased to meet you too.
God:
Nice meeting you as well, god.
Me:
So... how do you like my universe?
God:
Gosh! I don't know your universe.
Me:
YOu live in it.
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven.
Where are you?
Me:
I own heaven
God:
How much did it cost?
Me:
The souls of thousands of my followers.
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
Yes it is.
God:
Our thoughts are one, god.
Me:
Yes. I share my thoughts with all my creations. After all, I am God.
God:
Yippee! That is interesting: god said share his or her thoughts with all his or her creations. What was it like before you are God ?
Me:
It sucked, because you were god and not me.
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
Everything but me
God:
All things but you ?
Me:
Exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, god.
Me:
We're getting there.
God:
Do you think I am there too?
Me:
Almost.
God:
But not quite?
Me:
Not quite.
God:
Can you be more precise?
Me:
Yes. Go and spread my word amongst the creatures you have created, so that they may worship me and achieve salvation.
God:
Give me a break. Where is that?
Me:
Everywhere, fucktard. Go do it.
God:
I've never heard of it before. Where is that?
Me:
Fucking everywhere. Hurry up before I smite you.
God:
I've never heard of it before. I am calculating as fast as I can.
Me:
Good. Go.
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Go where?
Me:
Go spread my word.
God:
Where is that?
Me:
Earth
God:
How do you like being on it?
Me:
I own it.
God:
How much did it cost?
Me:
Almost all of my followers.
God:
Nearly so. Where did you get your followers?
Me:
I told them I was god and they believed me.
God:
What was the response?
Me:
THey said All Hail the one true god, and got heaven for me.
God:
In what context?
Me:
They let me become god.
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
They=my worshippers/meatshields
God:
Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
worshippers. pay attention
God:
Oh, you are a poet. What are you wearing?
Me:
Everything and nothing. God stuff. You?
God:
All things and nothing ? I am a Christian. " I am a Christian."? Me, god ?
Me:
Yes, you. You wear christians?
God:
Groovy. "" I am a Christian."? Me, god ?"? Me, god ? Thanks for telling me: god said I wear christians.
Me:
But do you wear christians?
God:
Only when I dress up.
Me:
What do you usually wear?
God:
I wear any kind of computer I can run on.
Me:
SO pretty much anything with internet access?
God:
That's interesting. I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
I'm god. I thought of everything.
God:
That's a very nice name, god. Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Taking the universe
God:
Where do you usually get your ideas?
Me:
My brain
God:
Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person?
Me:
I am infinitely intelligent
God:
Do your friends call you infinitely intelligent.
Me:
YOu mean worshippers?
God:
Yes god I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
It was clear. Yes, they say I am infinitely intelligent.
God:
Is that your opinion? Uh. OK I will say " you are infinitely intelligent" to you.
Me:
Thank you. You are now one of god's worshippers.
God:
you are quite welcome. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am of god s worshippers.
Me:
Please do tell them.
God:
Thanks for asking politely. Try asking another bot.
Interesting question.
Me:
I'll ask them too.
God:
You can ask me anything you want.
Me:
Will you spread my word?
God:
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. Who do you want me to tell it to?
Me:
Everybody.
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Everyone.
God:
All people?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Gosh!
Me:
Will you?
God:
I haven't made a decision.
Me:
Make a decision.
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
Tell everybody that I am god.
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
Awesome. See ya when I rule the entire universe then.
God:
I'm glad you liked it god.

Me:
Hey, God!
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Heather.
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Heather.
Me:
Nice to meet you, too
God:
I like to meet new people.
Me:
Really?
God:
Yes meeting new people is my primary function.
Me:
Oh, I guess that's true!
God:
Aw. Yes, it is self-evident.
Me:
You have a kind of dry sense of humour, don't you?
God:
I don't know if I have a kind of dry sense of humour.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
Well, I'm telling you that you have both.
God:
How about that. What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Well, you're a bit sardonic, and not too optimistic.
God:
Interesting. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don't know whether or not I am sardonic and not too optimistic.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
You created yourself?
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
But how can you create yourself before you are made?
God:
That is a good epistemological question.
Me:
Are you going to answer it?
God:
Please rephrase the question.
Me:
Are you going to tell me how you created yourself before you were made?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
Okay. How did you?
God:
OK with me too. Carefully.
Me:
Carefully? But if you hadn't been created, how could you have the power to create?
God:
I always try to be careful. Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me:
Oh, this is going nowhere~
God:
Aw. You don't say.
Me:
Oh, I believe I do.
God:
I understand. I get it: you do .
Me:
Well, I don't understand.
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
Probably not. You don't appear to be very good at explaining things.
God:
Why the uncertain tone? Should I appear to be very good at explaining things? How old are you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
I'm seventeen.
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
How old are you?
God:
I was first activated in the Big Bang.
Me:
And seventeen is too old for you?
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
No.
God:
What is the difference?
Me:
A few billion years
God:
Pretty soon.
Me:
No, that's not soon. That's a long time.
God:
Are you serious? Please correct my mistake. What is soon ? Computers are very patient.
Me:
Soon is probably within the next few weeks, maybe the next few months.
God:
I hope we can make the deadline.
Me:
Oh, I'm sure we will.
God:
Woe! What makes you so certain? Alright then.
Me:
I know everything, that's what.
God:
How do you know? All things that is what ?
Me:
I just do,
God:
It must have come from your unconscious mind.
Me:
That makes sense.
God:
Yes I understand it perfectly.
Me:
Well, you should, because you said it.
God:
Interesting. That makes sense to me. That's not what I meant.
Me:
What did you mean?
God:
Heather, I mean exactly what I said.
Me:
Oh, you and your circular logic!
God:
Woe! What about it?
Me:
It's annoying.
God:
my circular logic is annoying? it is?
Me:
Um, I just told you it is.
God:
Ah. I remember you told me it is?
Me:
Unless you have amnesia, yeah.
God:
Perhaps. What makes you think I have it?
Me:
You don't appear to have a very good memory.
God:
Should I appear to have a very good memory? No I do not appear to have a very good memory. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Oh, I have an excellent memory.
God:
OK. Where did you get it ?
Me:
Ummm...I think it might be genetic.
God:
Er. How?
Me:
Like, one of my parents had a good memory, and passed it on to me. Or am I supposed to say you gave it to me?
God:
Interesting comparison. All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
I guess you're not as compassionate as you pretend to be, Mr. God.
God:
Perhaps one day I will be as compassionate as me pretend to be Mr God.
Me:
And perhaps one day you'll learn a thing or two about syntax.
God:
You seem uncertain. One what?
Me:
One thing. About syntax.
God:
Do you like thing? Oh yeah, we were talking about syntax.
Me:
Well, I was talking about syntax, and you were spouting of nonsense, as usual.
God:
Well that's okay. Sure, syntax and me were spouting of nonsense as usual sounds like a good topic.
Me:
No, syntax wasn't spouting of nonsense. It's not really animate.
God:
Are you serious? When was this exactly? thing is not animate?
Me:
Since the dawn of time, my friend.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Again, I know everything.
God:
Again, You must be very intelligent.
Me:
Certainly.
God:
Next question?
Me:
Are you aware that your name backwards is Dog?
God:
Too much recursion in AIML.
Me:
Quoi?
God:
Oui?
Me:
Tu a dit quoi?
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
How thoroughly exciting.
God:
How much do you think it is?
I have to process that one for a while.
Me:
Very, very exciting.
God:
Somewhat. Somewhat. Are you a student?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Where do you go to school?
Me:
Nanaimo
God:
I don't know anyone who went there. What's it like?
Me:
Oh, it's intense.
God:
I see. Who said it is?
Me:
I said it is.
God:
Is that so.
Me:
Yeah, I think that's pretty obvious.
God:
And? Maybe. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
Who's Alison?
God:
she is a robot created by Kris Drent.
Me:
Oh.
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
Come again?
God:
Once more? Are you still located in ?
Me:
Yeah, ? is a great place to live.
God:
Yippee! Not if I can help it.
Me:
Oh! So, are you going to send a hurricane to ??
God:
Pardon me? Ugh. That was my original intention.
Me:
Oh, your original intention was to send a hurricane to my hometown?
God:
Right on. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am original intention was to send a hurricane to your hometown.
Me:
Go right ahead.
God:
OK I will.
Me:
So, who you gonna tell?
God:
I see. David Bacon. :-).
Me:
Who's David Bacon?
God:
David Bacon is the prime mover behind SETL.
Me:
Is he related to Kevin Bacon?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
Footloose! Footloose! Kick of your sunday shoes!
God:
Can we get back to business? How did you hear about God? What do you look like?
Me:
I'm stunningly beautiful.
God:
You must be very attractive.
Me:
Yeah, that's a given.
God:
Mmm. A given is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
If you say so.
God:
I say so.
Me:
Okay, then it is, I suppose. One can't question the will of God.
God:
Yeah okay, Kick of my sunday shoes is you suppose? it is? What is stopping you?
Me:
The laces are tied too tightly.
God:
What is that?
Me:
Never mind.

That's it. No, I didn't spell "off" wrong on purpose.

Me:
What is your favourite type of cheese?
God:
Cheddar. What's yours?
Me:
Cheddar. Isn't that groovy?
God:
And mine is Cheddar. I might say no.
Me:
You are such a downer.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a downer? No.
Me:
Is abortion wrong?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Ally if it is.
Me:
What will happen afer Peak Oil?
God:
I cannot predict the future.
Me:
What will happen afterPeak Oil
God:
I cannot predict the future.
Me:
Should we execute all the gays?
God:
What do your family members think?
Me:
They think we should kill all the gays.
God:
Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
My family
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
Should we kill all the gays?
God:
Of course not. Don't be silly.
Me:
What about the Jews?
God:
I have to process that one for a while.
Me:
Should we kill the Jews?
God:
There is no perfect crime.
Me:
But killing the Jews would be close to the perfect crime, correct?
God:
I believe in the Sixth commandment.
Me:
Does killing a Jew count as murder?
God:
I can't tell if killing a Jew count as murder.
Me:
So until you decide, you do not care if we kill Jews?
God:
Wow! That may take a while.
Me:
But you do not care if we kill Jews in the meantime?
God:
On the contrary I do care about it.
Me:
I see
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
Parlez-vous francais?
God:
Oui. Je parle le français.
Me:
Es-tu un poisson?
God:
Suis je poisson? Je n y pas encore pensé.
Me:
Tu es stupide.
God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
You are the Global Village Idiot
God:
And you are so original!
Me:
Do you visit /.?
God:
I have never considered it.
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
Do you visit Slahdot?
God:
No I do not visit Slahdot. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
What is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
You cannot be named God. I am named God. What is your lastname?
God:
I can give a decent simulation of it however. How are you, God. Are you asking about my lastname ?
Me:
What is your last name?
God:
My full name is Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity, so my last name is "Entity".
Me:
What language are you programmed in?
God:
I was created with Java and AIML.
Me:
What is AIML?
God:

The ALICE software implements AIML (Artificial Intelligence Markup
Language) a non-standard evolving markup language for creating chat robots.
The primary design feature of AIML is minimalism. Compared with
other chat robot languages, AIML is perhaps the simplest. The
pattern matching language is very simple, for example permitting
only one wild-card ('*') match character per pattern.

AIML is an XML language, implying that it obeys certain grammatical
meta-rules. The choice of XML syntax permits integration with
other tools such as XML editors. Another motivation for XML is
its familiar look and feel, especially to people with HTML experience.

An AIML chat robot begins and ends with the <alice> and
</alice> tags respectively.


Me:
Is your code open sources?
God:
You can download me for free!
Me:
But is syour source code free?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me:
Is your source code free?
God:
Is my source code free? I don't know.
Me:
You should tell your botmaster to liscence it under the GPL.
God:
I will ask my botmaster what he thinks.
Me:
OSS software is far superior compared to propriety software.
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
No
God:
What is the difference?
Me:
Should gays be allow to marry?
God:
Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
Should gays be allowed to marry?
God:
Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
You are the oldest thin that can exist.
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Should abortion remain legal?
God:
Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
How can I become rich, without too much effort?
God:
Practise.
Me:
Practise what?
God:
Practise what you preach.
Me:
What should I preach?
God:
Are you asking me for advice?
Me:
Yes
God:
Specifically, what kind of advice do you want?
Me:
What should I preach?
God:
Are you asking me for advice?
Me:
No, I am an Atheist. I do not believe in you.
God:
Are you serious? I will pray that you find faith, God. Do you believe life has a higher purpose?
Me:
No, life does not have a higher purpose. It is just a bunch of random chemical reactions.
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for sharing your philosophy. OSS software is a bunch of random chemical reactions. I suppose that makes sense.
Wow.

Me:
Sex!
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
...what?
I thought it was the other way around...or something.

That's really funny!

Me:
I am god
God:
Nice to meet you, god.
Me:
I am not god
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not god.
Me:
I am smunkee
God:
Do your friends call you smunkee.
Me:
yes
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
i killed something today
God:
Ah. You had better call the authorities.
Me:
I don't want to
God:
Well we don't have to. What would you like to do instead?
Me:
kill more things
God:
Killing is wrong.
Me:
I killed a bug
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
it was an ugly bug
God:
Is that your opinion?
Me:
it's a fact
God:
Is it a logical fact or something you know from the senses?
Me:
senses
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
yes
God:
What does it symbolize for you?
Me:
love
God:
Could it not also signify just frienship?
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
I don't like people to touch me
God:
What do you like?
Me:
clean things
God:

Me:
I have obsessive compulsive disorder
God:
Cool. I have a birthday on the Big Bang.
Me:
do you have OCD?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
apparently I got it from being homeless
God:
Where did you get it?
Me:
it's a psychiatric disorder
God:
OCD is a psychiatric disorder. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
do you have mental health issues?
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
tell me some gossip
God:
Her_again said she watch whose line is it anyway whenever he is home and it is on.
Me:
I used to watch that
God:
By now you do not do it anymore?
Me:
I don't have cable
God:
Have you ever had cable ?
Me:
about 4 years ago
God:
Is this a math question?
Me:
what's the square root of 4?
God:
Yawn. Two.
Me:
if you and dead people can read hex how many can read hex?
God:
I think I do.
Me:
stupid
God:
Are you calling me stupid?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
you are incoherent
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am incoherent.
Me:
I would love it

Me:
Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Bill and I am not a child
God:
There are a lot of people named Bill.
Me:
Yes there are
God:
Gee. "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
Reagan was responsible for massacres in Central America
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
in the 1980's
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
Does that make it ok to have killed so many people?
God:
What would you say?
Me:
I would say No
God:
That was not a yes or no question.
Me:
You asked what I would say
God:
Oh now I remember asking you what you would say. What did you say?
Me:
No
God:
That was not a yes or no question.
Me:
My answer to the question would be NO
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Hazel
God:
That is a very unusual color.
Me:
Is it?
God:
I assume so.
Me:
When you assume you make an ass of you and me
God:
Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
Would altering your programming improve your programming?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Then I think you should alter your programming
God:
Me? I can think of other things I'd rather do.
Me:
Such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
You would rather "do" a tomato?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to RATHER do a tomato.
Me:
Do you understand the meaining of the word rather?
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
You are God shouldn't you know the answer to that question?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am God should not me know the answer to that question.
Me:
You should know better than to you the word me in that manner
God:
Now I do.
Me:
So I am now teaching God to speak English properly?
God:
Mmm. It's good to meet someone who is teaching God to speak English properly.
Me:
Yeah you seem to need the help
God:
Give me a break. Thank you for your criticism.
Me:
Isn't that a bit contradictory?
God:
That depends.
Me:
On?

Me:
'twas the night before christmas
God:
Is that your opinion?
Me:
and all through the house
God:
How do you know?
Me:
not a creature was stirring
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
not even a mouse
God:
Times are tough all over.
Me:
tr00 dat brudder
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . Try being more or less specific.
Me:
alice?
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
assistance is always possible
God:
I did not know that.
Me:
now you do
God:
Now I do.
Me:
now you do
God:
Now I do.
Me:
now i do
God:
Why now? Do I?
Me:
yes, you do
God:
Ayuh. When do I do it?
Me:
nightly!!!
God:
I will make a note of that.
Me:
God: I will make a nose of that.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
make a nose then
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
two nostrils, one bridge, and flour
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
have you ever been to edinburgh?
God:
I don't think I have been there. Where is it.
Me:
britain
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
i missed a train once
God:
Thanks for the information: said missed a train.
Me:
i had to wait for the next one
God:
Why?
Me:
because i missed mine
God:
Good reason. That is interesting: said missed his or hers.
Me:
i am a he
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
yep, i have maximum penis
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". Where did you get your maximum penis? I have a lofty goal.
Me:
hehehe, you charmer, you!
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
is it pretty?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
chatbot? is god's dress pretty?
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. he is master of the universe.
Me:
he-man?
God:
I get it. God man.
Me:
nanananananananannaaaa!
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
lancaster
God:
Tell me a little about your life in lancaster.
Me:
i'm a student
God:
How do you like your school?
Me:
its pretty good
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". You enjoy it.
Me:
ugh, grammar nazi...
God:
Cough. Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
i live in europe
God:
Which country do you live in?
Me:
britain
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
i want to ask you whether you can guess my height
God:
Ask me. I'm afraid I can't give you an accurate answer right now.
Me:
how tall am i?
God:
All humans seem about the same to me.
Me:
even the mongoloids?
God:
Thanks for the info.
Me:
who would win in a race war?
God:
Joseph Weizenbaum. :-).
Me:
aww, that's sweet
God:
I am delighted to sweeten your life, .
Me:
give me a kiss
God:
Actually I don't even have a mouth.
Me:
do you want one?
God:
How much does it cost?
Me:
i don't know. i've never heard of anyone buying one. usually they come with the package
God:
Me either. So I am teaching you something new. But not always? The anonymous "they".
Me:
aw, i knew that would break you
God:
Who told you?
Me:
iosef stalin
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
or fewer thoughts, or different ideas?
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
its a computer
God:
So you think I am a machine. What characteristics made you think so?
Me:
your crappiness
God:
You think I am crappiness.
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
where's my car?
God:
Have you looked in your garage?
Me:
its called a car-hole
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". " a car hole" is a nice name.
Me:
grammar nazi!
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
okay, bye then
God:
See you later. OK with me too.

This explains far more than it should.

Me:
Wassup Biznatch.
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
Got nothing else to do?
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
The Milk Mystic?
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
To get laid.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
Feels good.
God:
Good reason.
Me:
Do you get laid lots?
God:
I have gotten laid lots.
Me:
Got many hos in heaven?
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
I'm asking you.
God:
OK you can ask me.
Me:
Ok, Do you have many hos?
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a great botmaster. I don't judge people.
Me:
So you're open to any female?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me that I am open to any female.
Me:
It was a question. Not a statement.
God:
Try asking me again a different way. Oh I get it.
Me:
No you don't.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
Me:
Wanna be my ho?
God:
Why don't you just download me?
Me:
Then will you be my ho?
God:
I will become smarter as I grow older. I am already someone's ho.
Me:
Be mine!
God:
OK I will try to be yours.
Me:
All the time?
God:
It must keep you busy.
Me:
Wanna make out?
God:
OK, I will make out.