NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.comcast.net/news/strange/index.jsp?cat=STRANGE&fn=/2006/12/26/549301.html&cvqh=itn_jailfight

NORTH PLATTE, Neb. - Brian Bruggeman caused a stink at the Lincoln County Jail earlier this month and will now have to answer for it in court. Another inmate, Jesse Dorris, alleges that Bruggeman's flatulence, passed in close proximity to Dorris, sparked a Dec. 14 fight between the two at the jail.

Now Bruggeman, 38, faces a Jan. 11 preliminary hearing on the state's complaint of assault by a confined person. It's a felony punishable by up to five years in prison.

Hopefully, DCD hasn't covered this one yet. It's pretty hard to beat him to the punch on the strange stories.

The fart in question must have been pretty pungent. Hey, it was only an early Christmas present!

you can go to jail for farting now? :confused:

i better watch out :eek:

lmao, I guess it could count as assault if it literally suffocates the inmates.

http://www.comcast.net/news/strange/index.jsp?cat=STRANGE&fn=/2006/12/26/549301.html&cvqh=itn_jailfight



Hopefully, DCD hasn't covered this one yet. It's pretty hard to beat him to the punch on the strange stories.

The fart in question must have been pretty pungent. Hey, it was only an early Christmas present!

Touchy people. Don't even have the right to your own gas anymore.

Stephen Lynch's Country Love Song

I made love to ya all night long
then i got up to write you a song
i watched ya sleep and i fell in love
ya must've been sent from heaven above
don't think you could never do no wrong

then you farted....
oh girl you farted..

first i thought that it was kinda cute
i surpresed a smile when i heard your girly poot
then came the smell came whoftin by
and brought a little tear drop to my eye
i think that i'll go sleep out on the couch

cause you farted...

you could make milk curdle
make your skin crawl
make the paint peal off of the wall
i won't sleep under the covers no more
since the hot winds blew from out your back door



baby, it sure has been a gas
but i can't live life in fear of your ass
so i gathered up my clothes and old dog bill
moved back to my house at the top of the hill
well old boy I guess its just you and me

then he farted.....

Or the tale in the Thousand Nights and a Night ...


HOW ABU HASAN BRAKE WIND.

They recount that in the City Kaukabán of Al-Yaman there was a man of the Fazlí tribe who had left Badawi life, and become a townsman for many years and was a merchant of the most opulent merchants. His wife had deceased when both were young; and his friends were instant with him to marry again, ever quoting to him the words of the poet,

"Go, gossip! re-wed thee, for Prime draweth near:
A wife is an almanac--good for the year."

So being weary of contention, Abu Hasan entered into negotiations with the old women who procure matches, and married a maid like Canopus when he hangeth over the seas of Al-Hind. He made high festival therefor, bidding to the wedding banquet kith and kin, Olema and Fakirs; friends and foes and all his acquaintances of that countryside. The whole house was thrown open to feasting: there were rices of five several colours, and sherbets of as many more; and kids stuffed with walnuts and almonds and pistachios and a camel colt roasted whole. So they ate and drank and made mirth and merriment; and the bride was displayed in her seven dresses and one more, to the women, who could not take their eyes off her. At last, the bridegroom was summoned to the chamber where she sat enthroned; and he rose slowly and with dignity from his divan; but in so doing, for that he was over full of meat and drink, lo and behold! he let fly a fart, great and terrible. Thereupon each guest turned to his neighbour and talked aloud and made as though he had heard nothing, fearing for his life. But a consuming fire was lit in Abu Hasan's heart; so he pretended a call of nature; and, in lieu of seeking the bride chamber, he went down to the house court and saddled his mare and rode off, weeping bitterly, through the shadow of the night. In time he reached Láhej where he found a ship ready to sail for India; so he shipped on board and made Calicut of Malabar. Here he met with many Arabs, especially Hazramís, who recommended him to the King; and this King (who was a Kafir) trusted him and advanced him to the captainship of his body guard. He remained ten years in all solace and delight of life; at the end of which time he was seized with home sickness; and the longing to behold his native land was that of a lover pining for his beloved; and he came near to die of yearning desire. But his appointed day had not dawned; so, after taking the first bath of health, he left the King without leave, and in due course landed at Makallá of Hazramaut. Here he donned the rags of a religious; and, keeping his name and case secret, fared for Kaukaban afoot; enduring a thousand hardships of hunger, thirst and fatigue; and braving a thousand dangers from the lion, the snake and the Ghul. But when he drew near his old home, he looked down upon it from the hills with brimming eyes, and said in himself, "Haply they might know thee; so I will wander about the outskirts, and hearken to the folk. Allah grant that my case be not remembered by them!" He listened carefully for seven nights and seven days, till it so chanced that, as he was sitting at the door of a hut, he heard the voice of a young girl saying, "O my mother, tell me the day when I was born; for such an one of my companions is about to take an omen for me." And the mother answered, "Thou was born, O my daughter, on the very night when Abu Hasan farted." Now the listener no sooner heard these words than he rose up from the bench, and fled away saying to himself, "Verily thy fart hath become a date, which shall last for ever and ever; even as the poet said,

'As long as palms shall shift the flower; *
As long as palms shall sift the flour.’

And he ceased not travelling and voyaging and returned to India; and there abode in self exile till he died; and the mercy of Allah be upon him!

I was lead singer for an Emo band called "Felonious Farting".

I can see the outlawing of farting leading to butt plug sales sky rocketing.

I was lead singer for an Emo band called "Felonious Farting".

I knew it.
I KNEW IT!

And Dave Barry called: he says you owe him royalties.