NationStates Jolt Archive

I've spoken to people on the internet and noticed that, perhaps, counsellors and people on helplines are often useful BUT they have a set of guidelines for dealing with each call which can perhaps make it difficult to deal with the call eventually - for example, I'm willing to bet there is a rule against becoming 'personally' involved in ANY way, so on an ordinary helpline, a suicidal-person and helpline person conversation would almost certainly NOT go anything like this (obviously I've shortened it):

"I want to kill myself"

> "What's making you feel this way?"

"Nobody cares about me" - goes on to list people who apparently don't care about him/her, along with apparent evidence of those people not caring about him/her

> "I care about you. If you died, I'd be really upset - I obviously don't know you, but I care about everyone, and, from what you've just told me, you've made me feel like you don't deserve what you're going through and even though I've only been talking to you for a while, I'd be really upset if you killed yourself" - then goes on to list suggestions of how things the person can try to make their self feel better

In my helpline, this would be fine, but almost certainly, in most helplines, or perhaps even all at present, such a statement as the previous one would be 'too personal' and it would perhaps be considered 'unprofessional' to list suggestions of things the person could do to try to make their self feel better (rather than saying stuff which a lot of counsellors seem to be fond of, but that seems to annoy people enormously,such as "What do you think you could do to make yourself feel better? How do you think you could help yourself?", etc.)

So does anyone know how I can set up a helpline?

yeah. but I won't tell you.

telling a suicidal person "I care about you" is against the rules of most help lines for a reason.

telling a suicidal person "I care about you" is against the rules of most help lines for a reason.

What is this reason? Suicidal people don't like being lied to?

What is this reason? Suicidal people don't like being lied to?

it's condescending.

;)

it's condescending.

;)

Ah. I guess that kinda makes sense. Most people probably couldn't say "I care about you" to a random stranger without coming off as condescending.

The loss of any human being is a loss to myself.

The loss of any human being is a loss to myself.

Oh, I disagree. Some people deserve to be tortured to death over a period of months or years.

I nominate Dick Cheney, for one.

1. I've told people (on chat sites, or over the phone) even when I've only just met them that I care about them, when it's been true (I care about all humans, as I told these people)

2. It seemed to help.

3. It would only be condascending if I was talking crap. As I'm not talking as a volunteer on a 'professional' helpline, I have no qualms about showing emotion (but I'm careful not to cry and potentially upset the other person). This may not be the same for everyone, but at least a few of the people I've spoken to who've felt suicidal have just wanted to know that somebody, somewhere, DOES care about them - and volunteers at helplines that are around at the moment are seemingly not allowed to say that THEY care and would be upset if the person died, but, as long as it's true, I would see no reason not to, especially as it's seemed to work in the past.

1. I've told people (on chat sites, or over the phone) even when I've only just met them that I care about them, when it's been true (I care about all humans, as I told these people)

2. It seemed to help.

3. It would only be condascending if I was talking crap. As I'm not talking as a volunteer on a 'professional' helpline, I have no qualms about showing emotion (but I'm careful not to cry and potentially upset the other person). This may not be the same for everyone, but at least a few of the people I've spoken to who've felt suicidal have just wanted to know that somebody, somewhere, DOES care about them - and volunteers at helplines that are around at the moment are seemingly not allowed to say that THEY care and would be upset if the person died, but, as long as it's true, I would see no reason not to, especially as it's seemed to work in the past.

there are three basic types of people who call the suicide hotline

1 people who are depressed and scared

2 people who are really hopeless and looking for help

3 people who need attention

none of these people benefit from being told by a stranger that they are "cared about".

I wonder if you really do care about these people, seriously. I think you think you do, but people who are depressed have already heard so much BS by the point that they are calling strangers that even heart felt BS will still sound like someone dismissing their problems.

there are three basic types of people who call the suicide hotline

1 people who are depressed and scared

2 people who are really hopeless and looking for help

3 people who need attention

none of these people benefit from being told by a stranger that they are "cared about".

I wonder if you really do care about these people, seriously. I think you think you do, but people who are depressed have already heard so much BS by the point that they are calling strangers that even heart felt BS will still sound like someone dismissing their problems.

I do care about these people, and those are not the only people who call suicide helplines. Sometimes someone just wants to know that somebody somewhere cares - and as I've stated, knowing this is from experience.

I wonder if you really do read these posts, seriously. I think you do, but posts have already been read so much by the point they are being read by Smunkeeville that even short posts will still feel like Smunkeeville is dismissing their postworthyness. :)

I do care about these people, and those are not the only people who call suicide helplines. Sometimes someone just wants to know that somebody somewhere cares - and as I've stated, knowing this is from experience.


if you feel that you personally care about every single person in the world that may or may not be suicidal and might be sad/depressed if they hurt themselves I recommend against getting yourself into a situation with anyone who might need your help.

if you feel that you personally care about every single person in the world that may or may not be suicidal and might be sad/depressed if they hurt themselves I recommend against getting yourself into a situation with anyone who might need your help.

Thanks for your recommendation but my empathy is one of my strong points, not one of my weak points - it allows me to more closely understand how a person may be / is feeling (though of course there are times when one can't understand how another person is feeling). However, it does not take over me - I have heard and scene extremely disturbing things, things that make me incredibly upet, and after watching (or whilst watching) or hearing it, I may cry for some time - but then I get on with my life as though it hasn't happened; not because I no longer care, but because I am able to focus my mind on other things - in short, I am able to listen to or see emotional things without it affecting me in the long-term, even if I continue to try to help whoever needs my help. also I never guarantee to help someone - I only say I will try, if I know I will be able to try. I don't usually get involved in certain types of problems (such as relationship problems) as I do not have the faintest idea of how to deal with, or how to suggest dealing with, most relationship problems. But I have had suicidal thoughts myself and I therefore have some knowledge of the subject of suicide first-hand. When I was suicidal, just knowing people cared about me made me feel better - and if I had actually attempted suicide (I nearly did), just a hug would have changed my feelings immediately.