NationStates Jolt Archive

Everyone's bringing food to the office. There's a plate of peanut butter fudge not six feet from me and I'm doing my damnedest to ignore it. Then there'll be the insurance company bringing in sacks of caramel popcorn, which is so good it's disgusting. Cookies, candies, meats and cheeses, all conspiring to add pounds and weaken willpower.

Bring cash, not cookies!

Everyone's bringing food to the office. There's a plate of peanut butter fudge not six feet from me and I'm doing my damnedest to ignore it. Then there'll be the insurance company bringing in sacks of caramel popcorn, which is so good it's disgusting. Cookies, candies, meats and cheeses, all conspiring to add pounds and weaken willpower.

Bring cash, not cookies!

So, it's my fault that I make great fudge, and you never exercise?

Merry Christmas, Mr. Man-Boobs!

eat some peanut butter fudge........seriously.

get one of those little plates fill it with very small servings of everything that won't immediately kill you and then go on with your day.

So, it's my fault that I make great fudge, and you never exercise?

Merry Christmas, Mr. Man-Boobs!

Hey, I exercise atleast three times a week. And the avoiding man-boobs is the reasoning behind the fudge evasion.

Tis the season, just give in. Enjoy those added pounds :)

Resistance is futile, it will be eaten.

You know what's a great appetite suppressant? Crack. Ever see a fat crack whore? They're so skinny that anorexic models think they've got a problem. Try smoking some crack at work and you won't want to eat any of that great food.

You know what's a great appetite suppressant? Crack. Ever see a fat crack whore? They're so skinny that anorexic models think they've got a problem. Try smoking some crack at work and you won't want to eat any of that great food.

Ah DC...always with the great advice...

But talk to Keith Richards...heroin addicts tend to have a longer shelf-life :)

Ah DC...always with the great advice...

But talk to Keith Richards...heroin addicts tend to have a longer shelf-life :)
Heroin, however, tends to have the unfortunate side effect of making people become confused about the differences between a shotgun and a tuba.
Plus, crack is energizing, whereas heroin makes people feel happy and horny.

I think they've got it right you should gorge yourself on all the food this xmas then you go on a crash crack/heroin diet in January.

Bring cash, not cookies!
You'd just have spent it on peanut butter fudge anyway.

It’s the most fattening time of the year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
It’s the most fattening time of the year

It’s the lip smackingest season of all
while your shopping you’re cheating
impulsively eating that junk at the mall

It’s the heav-heaviest season of all

There’ll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravy will flow
there’ll be cookies that mom baked
and leftover fruit cake from a christmas a long time ago

it’s the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet you’re blowing
there’s calories going straight down to your rear
it’s the scale flattening time of the year

there’ll be after meal dosing
and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
it’s too cold to go jogging
to brisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll

It’s the most fattening time of the year

All those gingerbread shingles and
chocolate Chris Kringle’s will tremble in fear

It’s the most fattening time,
it’s the belt loosening time,
it’s the most fattening time of the year

The 12 Days Of Christmas (For the politically correct)


On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to
me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of
members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in
their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw
red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge
have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further
Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been
revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

AND a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.