NationStates Jolt Archive

Friend sent this list to me and I thought it amusing enough to share.

CHRISTMAS FAVORITES FOR EVERY PERSONALITY:

1. Schizophrenia --- Do I Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia -- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissuses --- Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and.....

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy -- can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,J ingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells....

Lol, quite amusing :D

frogs in winter :confused:

and more:

Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave
My House

Autistic --- Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock ...

Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My
House in My Slippers and Robe

Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I
Burned Down the House

Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
While I
Sit Here and Hyperventilate

Depression : Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely

Passive-Aggressive Personality : On The First Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me ( and then took it all away)

Borderline Personality Disorder : Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire.

LOLZ! Reminds me, it's time to break out this (http://www.google.com/musicl?lid=YoOthYOXdgD&sa=X&oi=music&ct=landing&cd=2) :p

Rofl :d

*looks at lists*

no don't see one for me right now

*looks at lists*

no don't see one for me right now

Tell us your disorder, maybe we can find one ;)

Tell us your disorder, maybe we can find one ;)

just read what happen to me tonight in the NSG Annual Office Party theard
then you tell me
i just add he still gone on

Inspired by TIOR's thread on the "'Twas the night before" story, I bring you:

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA -
Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY -
We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA -
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC -
Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA -
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA -
Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER -
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

DEPRESSION -
Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER-
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell... (YOU GET THE IDEA)

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY-
The Twelve Days of Christmas
(don't make me repeat that again)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY -
Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE -
Silent Night

Can you think of any more?

I'm afraid I don't find making fun of the psychiatrically challenged "humorous."

I'm afraid I don't find making fun of the psychiatrically challenged "humorous."

Well I am psychiatrically challenged and I enjoy poking fun at myself.

ADHD:
Deck The Ha----Jingle Bel----Silent Nigh-----Ooo snow!----Oh shiny object!

ADHD:
Deck The Ha----Jingle Bel----Silent Nigh-----Ooo snow!----Oh shiny object!

lol.

I'm afraid I don't find making fun of the psychiatrically challenged "humorous."

Please. I find that hilarious and have almost everything on the list.

Why is "PERSONALITY DISORDER" one of the listed disorders...pretty much every disorder in there IS a personality disorder. That seems kind of redundant, yes?

Why is "PERSONALITY DISORDER" one of the listed disorders...pretty much every disorder in there IS a personality disorder. That seems kind of redundant, yes?

Yes indeed, but in the spirit of the season, lets let it live in the lie of being its own disease for a while longer.

Please. I find that hilarious and have almost everything on the list.

Have you considered that you may find it funny precisely because you have everything on your list? To ameliorate your suffering, I suggest that you pray to God to relieve your burden and devote your life to spreading his word -- it helped me.

Have you considered that you may find it funny precisely because you have everything on your list? To ameliorate your suffering, I suggest that you pray to God to relieve your burden and devote your life to spreading his word -- it helped me.

*smacks forehead* Please just laugh at the jokes, they're jokes, just laugh. You know, ha ha ha?

Sex addiction/nymphomania:

"O Come, O Come, O Come, O Come, All Ye Faithful."

Tourette's syndrome:

"O Holy F***!"

Have you considered that you may find it funny precisely because you have everything on your list? To ameliorate your suffering, I suggest that you pray to God to relieve your burden and devote your life to spreading his word -- it helped me.

If you don't find this funny, then why are you in here in the first place? Are you trying to stir up trouble?

Have you considered that you may find it funny precisely because you have everything on your list? To ameliorate your suffering, I suggest that you pray to God to relieve your burden and devote your life to spreading his word -- it helped me.

My new favorite troll. Think he's an early christmas present from the Internet Gods?

Have you considered that you may find it funny precisely because you have everything on your list? To ameliorate your suffering, I suggest that you pray to God to relieve your burden and devote your life to spreading his word -- it helped me.

*smacks forehead* Please just laugh at the jokes, they're jokes, just laugh. You know, ha ha ha?

Eh, this is the same guy that found it hilarious that humans could evolve from single-celled organisms. Don't take it personally.

Sex addiction/nymphomania:

"O Come, O Come, O Come, O Come, All Ye Faithful."

Tourette's syndrome:

"O Holy F***!"

yes, careful with the more colorful ones. I don't want to see anyone banned.

My new favorite troll. Think he's an early christmas present from the Internet Gods?

Your welcome.

*Internet God of godmodding and generally exaggerated characters and ideas.*

Also, its not Multiple Personality Disorder, its Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Have you considered that you may find it funny precisely because you have everything on your list? To ameliorate your suffering, I suggest that you pray to God to relieve your burden and devote your life to spreading his word -- it helped me.

If God did this to me, there is no way I will ever worship such a sick, twisted, sadistic monstrosity.

Dendrophiliac-

"oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree how lovely are your branches"

I'm afraid I don't find making fun of the psychiatrically challenged "humorous."
Because if you did, you'd always be laughing at yourself?

Also, its not Multiple Personality Disorder, its Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I've heard it called both, but why argue over it?

If God did this to me, there is no way I will ever worship such a sick, twisted, sadistic monstrosity.

He punished you for your sins. He is trying to teach you a lesson. Learn it and accept Him. Insulting God will not cure you of your affliction; only accepting Jesus as your savior will save you.

Because if you did, you'd always be laughing at yourself?

And this is coming from somebody whose appellation is "Demented Hamsters."

He punished you for your sins. He is trying to teach you a lesson. Learn it and accept Him. Insulting God will not cure you of your affliction; only accepting Jesus as your savior will save you.

hi troll.


I am a Christian and I am still afflicted with a mental health issue.

My new favorite troll. Think he's an early christmas present from the Internet Gods?
Do you think someone on this board wrote to Santa and asked him for a troll for Xmas?
"Please Santa,
can you send NS a troll we can feed, poke with a stick, and generally mock and laugh at?
Please?
I've been ever so good this year."

come on! fess up? Which one of you was it?

He punished you for your sins. He is trying to teach you a lesson. Learn it and accept Him. Insulting God will not cure you of your affliction; only accepting Jesus as your savior will save you.

Yea, because who needs all these pesky medicines and science! Why the pastor in the big tent will heal us by hitting our foreheads! Of course he is requesting $100 up front, and $100 after he "cures" us. :rolleyes:

Sometimes I wonder why some Christians can't seem to accept the fact that if God didn't want us to get as far as we did, we would all be dead by now.

Insulting God will not cure you of your affliction; only accepting Jesus as your savior will save you.
Listening to God certainly helped Peter Sutcliffe overcome his mental afflictions.

I know this is not a mental health, but meh.

PMS:
We Three Kings of, wait kings? Oh and where were the wives huh? Probably stuck at home stuck in the kitchen while the three "kings" went out and party! And another thing......

*ducks*

Do you think someone on this board wrote to Santa and asked him for a troll for Xmas?
"Please Santa,
can you send NS a troll we can feed, poke with a stick, and generally mock and laugh at?
Please?
I've been ever so good this year."

come on! fess up? Which one of you was it?

General was getting boring without MTAE and Fourth Reich. :(

hi troll.


I am a Christian and I am still afflicted with a mental health issue.

I am sorry, but God punishes those whom he loves most as a way of testing them. Don't waver in your devotion and you'll be handsomely rewarded in the next life.

I am sorry, but God punishes those whom he loves most as a way of testing them. Don't waver in your devotion and you'll be handsomely rewarded in the next life.
you know you are........very familiar.

I am sorry, but God punishes those whom he loves most as a way of testing them. Don't waver in your devotion and you'll be handsomely rewarded in the next life.

So I will get 74 virgins and be able to do battle forever in Valhalla?

Wow, I knew that concept looked familar..... I posted it yesterday!

Wow, I had no idea. I need to get into general more. Thanks Kat, sorry if I made you mad.

Made me mad? nah. Just figured we didn't need two of these floating around -- and some of yours are different and funnier than the ones I posted, too.

Made me mad? nah. Just figured we didn't need two of these floating around -- and some of yours are different and funnier than the ones I posted, too.

Well, true. redundancy can only be carried so far. I mean, why else would the U.S. have a Department of Redundancy Department?

*I have been looking for a way to use that particular department for waaaay to long.*

*AHEM* let me try my hand at writing one full length.

Santa Clause is coming to get us:

You better hide out
You better not Run
Better not shout
If you don't know I'll you why
Santa Claus is coming to get us.

He's making a list,
And checking it thrice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice.
Santa Claus is coming to get us.

He sees us when we're sleeping.
He knows when we're awake
He knows where we've been hiding
So be quiet for goodness sake!

O! You better hide out!
You better not run.
Better not shout, If you don't know I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming to get us.
Yes Santa Claus is coming to get us!

He punished you for your sins. He is trying to teach you a lesson. Learn it and accept Him. Insulting God will not cure you of your affliction; only accepting Jesus as your savior will save you.

What sins? You talking about that "original sin" thing, which directly contradicts God's word on the subject? (Can't punish anyone after... the tenth generation, I believe.)

Reminds me of the Psychiatric Hotline.

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

As of my last psychiatric diagnosis, I have 2 clinical conditions. And I found these utterly hilarious....especially the ones I DO have.

If you can't laugh at yourself from time to time, then you're waaay too serious.

Life's about having fun.

I am sorry, but God punishes those whom he loves most as a way of testing them. Don't waver in your devotion and you'll be handsomely rewarded in the next life.

I think I'd rather waver in my devotion and be handsomely rewarded now. With a certain type of religious person, it's "pie yesterday, pie tomorrow, but never pie today."

And I don't buy that you show love for people by torturing them in order to test them.

I recall that it says, somewhere in the Bible, "and who of you, when your children ask for bread, would give them stone?" Seems to me that your interpretation of God gives an awful lot of stone and precious little bread.

Don't take your religion so seriously - it's not God. I'm not even sure that it's about God. It strikes me that it's more about control than about God or love or laughter or happiness or anything positive.



Anyway, Christmas Carols for Today's World - transgendered sex-addict "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear."

Have you considered that you may find it funny precisely because you have everything on your list? To ameliorate your suffering, I suggest that you pray to God to relieve your burden and devote your life to spreading his word -- it helped me.

Have you considered Martin Luther might find himself on this list just as well, meassured by today's standards? or Jesus himself?

So I will get 74 virgins and be able to do battle forever in Valhalla?
i'll be happy with that
Wow, I had no idea. I need to get into general more. Thanks Kat, sorry if I made you mad.

yes i did that weeks ago,find out lots things

I am sorry, but God punishes those whom he loves most as a way of testing them. Don't waver in your devotion and you'll be handsomely rewarded in the next life.

Here's $50. Please go to Target and buy yourself a sense of humor. This was a joke thread. If you can't bring yourself to laugh at anything, even something slightly awful, then stay out of the thread. We don't come here to hear some horseshit about spreading the word of God; I have a God and I rather like Him.

Now I'll cut this post short so you can go yell at some poor, innocent soldiers' families or whatever it is you do to spread the word of God.

I am sorry, but God punishes those whom he loves most as a way of testing them. Don't waver in your devotion and you'll be handsomely rewarded in the next life.

So, if my psychodiagnosis is correct, this "God" guy you keep talking about would be a pervese sadist that rationalizes his behavior by claiming to be "testing" people. Mmm.

I mean, you're obviously not talking about a REAL God, so I'll assume it's just a case of equal names for the actual God and a perverse sadist textbook case.

AUTISM - blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrb

GHETTO - Yo, yo, wazzup, fo' shizzle mah dizzle! Happy Holidayz, yo! I've been repin' fo dis time o' yeahh, when Santa Clauz will come on down ta town ta give out presents n' sh*t, yo!

He punished you for your sins. He is trying to teach you a lesson. Learn it and accept Him. Insulting God will not cure you of your affliction; only accepting Jesus as your savior will save you.

Oh, so God gave me abusive parents who beat me half sensless while screaming insults and obscenities at me leaving me with chronic severe depression and PTSD to punish me for my sins? I have been informed by several family members that my parents started hitting me when I was no older than a year and a half. What sins did I commit as an 18 month old baby to deserve that? Was my disability, which I was born with, also punishment for my sins? I'd love to hear what sins you think I could have committed in utero.

ADHD:
Deck The Ha----Jingle Bel----Silent Nigh-----Ooo snow!----Oh shiny object!

:D

Coming from someone who has ADD, that's really quite accurate! :D

:D

Coming from someone who has ADD, that's really quite accurate! :D

How do you think I got it so accurate. ;)

I have ADD too.

How do you think I got it so accurate. ;)

I have ADD too.

:p

Talking about Christmas songs: http://www.hermann-uwe.de/blog/10-100-creative-commons-christmas-songs

Download and have fun!

*looks at lists*

no don't see one for me right now
Dyslexia: "Satan Baby"

Yes, I had to use the old joke, and no one has ever heard of that since I used wikipedia's list of christmas carols. I just woke up, give me a break.

http://www.gotfuturama.com/Multimedia/MP3Sounds/

He knows when you are sleeping
He knows when you're on the can
He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pak-i-stan
Oooooh
You better not breathe
You better not move
You're better off dead cause I'm telling you dude...
Santa Claus is gunning you dowwwwwn!

I still like this little GEM (http://www.bobrivers.com/player/lyrics.asp?SongID=1034) as sung by the Angel sitting on top of the christmas tree.

Do you think someone on this board wrote to Santa and asked him for a troll for Xmas?
"Please Santa,
can you send NS a troll we can feed, poke with a stick, and generally mock and laugh at?
Please?
I've been ever so good this year."

come on! fess up? Which one of you was it?

Well... I asked if Jesussaves could come back. The Redemption Army seemed more like his style though.

Also: I think that The Fourth Holy Reich actually meant it. What happened to him, anyway?

Well... I asked if Jesussaves could come back. The Redemption Army seemed more like his style though.

Also: I think that The Fourth Holy Reich actually meant it. What happened to him, anyway?

Perma-ban.

Dyslexia: "Satan Baby"

Yes, I had to use the old joke, and no one has ever heard of that since I used wikipedia's list of christmas carols. I just woke up, give me a break.

http://www.gotfuturama.com/Multimedia/MP3Sounds/Xmas%20song.mp3 (http://www.gotfuturama.com/Multimedia/MP3Sounds/Xmas%20song.mp3)

:D Santa Claus from futurama hates us all

Talking about Christmas songs: http://www.hermann-uwe.de/blog/10-100-creative-commons-christmas-songs

Download and have fun!
Thank you. http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/santa.gif

Well I am psychiatrically challenged and I enjoy poking fun at myself.
Me too. I'm an actually certified nut-case and can tell some really funny stories about my time in the wacky-ward.

Me too. I'm an actually certified nut-case and can tell some really funny stories about my time in the wacky-ward.
I had a few schizophrenic family members, they passed on peacefully though. I have it too though. I enjoy every bit of it too.

This is one of my Holiday favorites:


there's something stuck up in the chimney
and i don't know what it is
but it's been there all night long.
well, i waited up for santa all christmas night
but he never came and it don't seem right.
and there's something in the chimney
and it doesn't make a sound,
but i wish you merry christmas.

there's something stuck up in the chimney
and i don't know what it is,
but it's been there all week long.
well the dog keeps barking up the chimney flue
and we don't know what we're gonna do.
cos there's something in the chimney
and it doesn't move around
and it's been a week since christmas.

there's something stuck up in the chimney
and i don't know what it is
but it's been there all month long.
well, it's jammed up tight above the fireplace
now the house smells funny, such a big disgrace.
that there's something in the chimney
and it doesn't talk at all
and it's been there since last christmas.

there's something stuck up in the chimney
and i don't know what it is
but it's been there all year long.
i'll be waiting up for santa like i did last year
but my brother says, he's already here...
and he's stuck up in the chimney
and he doesn't say a word
and he'll be there every christmas.
and we'll have him every christmas.

I may get Mod-slapped for this, but it's funny. I came up with it on my own and "sang" it on RuneScape (my friends had talked me into coming back for a few days).

Rudolph the Pothead Reindeer
Had some very bloodshot eyes
And if you ever saw them
You would know that he did weed
All of the other reindeer
Forced him into doing weed
They never let poor Rudoplph
Spend a single night off weed!
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say (ho ho ho)
"Rudolph you've been smoking pot,
You can't drive my sleigh tonight"
All of the other reindeer
Convinced Santa to let him drive
And Rudolph the pothead reindeer
crashed the sleigh into a tree!

nad no comment.... :(

I may get Mod-slapped for this, but it's funny. I came up with it on my own and "sang" it on RuneScape (my friends had talked me into coming back for a few days).

Rudolph the Pothead Reindeer
Had some very bloodshot eyes
And if you ever saw them
You would know that he did weed
All of the other reindeer
Forced him into doing weed
They never let poor Rudoplph
Spend a single night off weed!
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say (ho ho ho)
"Rudolph you've been smoking pot,
You can't drive my sleigh tonight"
All of the other reindeer
Convinced Santa to let him drive
And Rudolph the pothead reindeer
crashed the sleigh into a tree!

nad no comment.... :(

just saw it
guess Santa or Rudoplph dead

*goes back to the dog house*

Me too. I'm an actually certified nut-case and can tell some really funny stories about my time in the wacky-ward.

Really? Do tell. :D

I may get Mod-slapped for this, but it's funny. I came up with it on my own and "sang" it on RuneScape (my friends had talked me into coming back for a few days).

Rudolph the Pothead Reindeer
Had some very bloodshot eyes
And if you ever saw them
You would know that he did weed
All of the other reindeer
Forced him into doing weed
They never let poor Rudoplph
Spend a single night off weed!
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say (ho ho ho)
"Rudolph you've been smoking pot,
You can't drive my sleigh tonight"
All of the other reindeer
Convinced Santa to let him drive
And Rudolph the pothead reindeer
crashed the sleigh into a tree!

:D A few too many lines ending in weed, but ROFL!

:D A few too many lines ending in weed, but ROFL!

Yeah, it's a little different from how i sang it the first time, I may change some of the "weed" ot "pot" though :D