NationStates Jolt Archive

I was walking my youngest to school this morning along with my wife. One parent either side of the child, talking over his head sorta thing. When my wife was outlaying some of her daily problems, I just started to laugh.

I was laughing at the trivial things my wife called problems, I couldn't help it, I'm normaly a happy bloke.

After the slap, which made her feel better, and my son laugh(it was me reciving the slap from wifey) my son asked me if I had any problems, I thought awhile, chewed a bit on my bottom lip, and proclaimed:

'Problems for me are like 3 foot giant cookies'

Which caused them both to stop walking and give me that look(you know the one) so I explained:

'People keep telling me about them, but I've never really seen one'

Soooo anymore funny, rude, or mildy witey ones from the good folx of NS General?

:rolleyes: That analogy was as about as subtle and pleasant as a brick through a windshield.

:rolleyes: That analogy was as about as subtle and pleasant as a brick through a windshield.

Heh an analogous analogy huh!

Strange that I have just noticed the word anal in analogy?:eek:

'Problems for me are like 3 foot giant cookies'

Which caused them both to stop walking and give me that look(you know the one) so I explained:

'People keep telling me about them, but I've never really seen one'So how does one get to have such a charmed life? <Takes notes.>

So how does one get to have such a charmed life? <Takes notes.>

Don't worry over much about things you have no control over. Laugh a lot, enjoy yourself. Thats £1000, or a pint you owe me now!

I think this is appropriate to this thread.
http://www.partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1472

In non-picture format
Max: Why'd you let that guy walk outta here?
Gangster: He had my money. You don't butcher a cow til after it stops giving milk.
Max: That guy ain't no cow, boss. He's more like a - ... What's a dangerous animal you can milk?
Gangster: A cobra?
Max: ... what?
Gangster: Yeah, getting venon from a cobra is called "milking"
Max: Oh, arright, then a cobra.
Gangster: A snake farmer doesn't butcher a snake 'til it dries up either, Max.
Max: So what do you butcher before it dries up?
Gangster: At this point I would say, "an analogy".

I always liked

"it was unpleasant, like being drunk"

I always liked

"it was unpleasant, like being drunk"

Huh? I don't get it......No wait, do you mean some people don't like being drunk?:eek:

Hahahha

Huh? I don't get it......No wait, do you mean some people don't like being drunk?:eek:

Hahahha

sorry I misworded it from bad memory

"it's unpleasantly like being drunk"

"what's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"you ask a glass of water"

it's a joke. It gets tossed around a lot in our house.

sorry I misworded it from bad memory

"it's unpleasantly like being drunk"

"what's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"you ask a glass of water"

it's a joke. It gets tossed around a lot in our house.

Is that from Hitch-hiker's guide to...?

Is that from Hitch-hiker's guide to...?

yes. In fact it's almost part of the culture around here, we make comment and quote it quite a bit. Although we quote other things a lot too......it's the kind of weird we possess.

yes. In fact it's almost part of the culture around here, we make comment and quote it quite a bit. Although we quote other things a lot too......it's the kind of weird we possess.

The good kind *nods*

See, I wish I could bust out the really crazy analogies and metaphors like those nifty ninja-guru master guys in the really low budget ninja films.

Those guys are great.

sorry I misworded it from bad memory

"it's unpleasantly like being drunk"

"what's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"you ask a glass of water"

it's a joke. It gets tossed around a lot in our house.

Ahhh now that's just the sort of bad although child freindly joke I can tell in front of my kids. I like it, and I thank you.

yes. In fact it's almost part of the culture around here, we make comment and quote it quite a bit. Although we quote other things a lot too......it's the kind of weird we possess.


Yep yep, we're more of a Simpsons quoteing family, it's dynamite for quotes, but hey like you didn't already know that!:)

The good kind *nods*

We think so, it annoys some of our more.......uh......dense......friends

Ahhh now that's just the sort of bad although child freindly joke I can tell in front of my kids. I like it, and I thank you.

it's not bad........when you think about it, it's quite astute.

Yep yep, we're more of a Simpsons quoteing family, it's dynamite for quotes, but hey like you didn't already know that!:)

we traverse between books, movies, and a little television, we don't often quote the Simpsons though as we hardly ever watch it.

These aren't mine. Found them somewhere ages ago, and saved them.
Think they were for some Bulwer-Lytton type contest:
Strange Analogies
The sun rose over the horizon like a great big radioactive baby's head with a bad sunburn, but then again it might just have been that Lisa was always cranky this early in the morning.

Jane was toast, and not the light buttery kind, nay, she was the kind that's been charred and blackened in the bottom of the toaster and has to be thrown away because no matter how much of the burnt part you scrape off with a knife, there's always more blackened toast beneath, the kind that not even starving birds in winter will eat, that kind of toast.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter'.

As Fiona slowly drew the heavy velvet curtain aside, her eyes smoldered black, deep, and dark as inside the lungs of a coal miner, although it would be black in anyone's lungs if you could get in there because there wouldn't be any light, even in the pink ones of people who don't smoke.

Losing is like fertilizer: it stinks for a while, then you get used to it.

A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant.

He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes "woo woo woo".

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-and-a-half-inch tree.

Just like (or as) a bicycle rider lifts his butt from the seat when he sees a bump coming, so Bob pulled back, emotionally, when Alice got angry.

She danced with the grace and elegance of a pregnant cow.

The painting was very Escher-like, as if Escher had painted an exact copy of an Escher painting.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

After sending in my entries for the Style Invitational, I feel relieved and apprehensive, like a little boy who has just wet his bed.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The moon looked like a discarded toenail clipping submersed in a puddle of saliva on a black formica countertop.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

We are all like those little pink and blue plastic people in the game of Life.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

She was sending me more mixed signals than a dyslexic third-base coach.

She felt used and unwanted, like the two chocolate halves of an Oreo cookie after someone has already licked the cream out of them.

My underwear stuck to my backside like an All-Pro cornerback to a rookie wide receiver as I browsed through the seed catalog that had mistakenly found its way into my mailbox.

Chicken: it's like a cow, but different.

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat.