NationStates Jolt Archive

Just curious to know what the religious folk believe.

What did God do for the 4.5 billion years before he created Mankind?
And what did he do before the creation of the Universe?

Ate 50 pounds of beans and chilli?

If you listen real closely, you can still hear the echo of a cosmic *fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap.... *

Pmsl

Sat on the couch watching daytime TV & masturbating.

Tried to figure out how to create himself.

Tried to figure out how to create himself.

I like that one ;)

created several earlier versions of man, which he aborted.

That is why the religions that believe in god fear abortion, they know that one day they may be aborted as well.


After that went on for about 3.5 million years, God gave up and masturbated for a while. Then decided to give it one more shot and got us.

I like that one ;)I was just about to say that. Good one.

What did God do before making Mankind?


From the looks of things, about 4 million shots of vodka.


Don't drink and create.

created several earlier versions of man, which he aborted.

That is why the religions that believe in god fear abortion, they know that one day they may be aborted as well.


After that went on for about 3.5 million years, God gave up and masturbated for a while. Then decided to give it one more shot and got us.

Hey, did you write The Matrix?

Well, I think it's more like 15 billion years, not 4.5.

And I can't really answer for the entire period. But judging by the fossil record he seems to have spent a few hundred million of those pointlessly torturing animals before he moved on to his human project.

Just curious to know what the religious folk believe.

What did God do for the 4.5 billion years before he created Mankind?
And what did he do before the creation of the Universe?

As loath as I am to shatter your cozy religious ideals, I feel that you must know the truth. There is no God; yet there are gods. The Old Ones, the ancient cosmic deities of terrible and malevolent power. Billions of years ago, the stars were right, and they could traverse the galaxies at will.

However, there came a time when the stars were wrong, and they found a planet in which they could slumber until the heavens would allow them to exist once more. In the undersea city of R'lyeh, Great Cthulhu sleeps, awaiting the day when the frail human race will awaken him. You see, mankind was created as a an insurance that they would be stirred from their eon of sleep.

When Cthulhu awakens, terror and destruction will envelop the Earth, because Cthulhu is not a god of benevolence. He is a god of death and devastation, and revels in spreading malignance and despoiling the land. When his time comes, his tentacles will crush the tottering cities of men, and show us eternal, unimaginable suffering.

There is nothing that can be done. Cthulhu is invincible. You can only hope to be eaten first, and thus spared the agonizing, protracted torment that most will suffer instead.

Played Solitaire.

Or tried to figure out the plot to Neon Genesis Evangelion for about ten million eternities before deciding that making a entire universe and a form of setient life would be much easier.

If you listen real closely, you can still hear the echo of a cosmic *fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap.... *

yep, god masturbated. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atum)

in fact, he sat on a mound of mud in the middle of nowhere and gave himself head. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ennead)

honestly I believe that creation myth is a much better metaphor than most of the others.

http://www.uni-regensburg.de/Fakultaeten/Theologie/fakultaet/aktuelles/studientag/os-ws0203/ouroboros.jpg

From the looks of things, about 4 million shots of vodka.


Don't drink and create.

lol...I couldn't disagree more, but points for humor.

Just curious to know what the religious folk believe.

What did God do for the 4.5 billion years before he created Mankind?
And what did he do before the creation of the Universe?

Three words...

Chinese Finger Trap

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8d/Fingertrap.jpg

As loath as I am to shatter your cozy religious ideals, I feel that you must know the truth. There is no God; yet there are gods. The Old Ones, the ancient cosmic deities of terrible and malevolent power. Billions of years ago, the stars were right, and they could traverse the galaxies at will.

However, there came a time when the stars were wrong, and they found a planet in which they could slumber until the heavens would allow them to exist once more. In the undersea city of R'lyeh, Great Cthulhu sleeps, awaiting the day when the frail human race will awaken him. You see, mankind was created as a an insurance that they would be stirred from their eon of sleep.

When Cthulhu awakens, terror and destruction will envelop the Earth, because Cthulhu is not a god of benevolence. He is a god of death and devastation, and revels in spreading malignance and despoiling the land. When his time comes, his tentacles will crush the tottering cities of men, and show us eternal, unimaginable suffering.

There is nothing that can be done. Cthulhu is invincible. You can only hope to be eaten first, and thus spared the agonizing, protracted torment that most will suffer instead.

Hey, I have no religious ideal, I was asking the religious 'cos they have the answers to everything!!!

Who created the old Gods?

Well, I think it's more like 15 billion years, not 4.5.

And I can't really answer for the entire period. But judging by the fossil record he seems to have spent a few hundred million of those pointlessly torturing animals before he moved on to his human project.

I think 4.5 is the aproximate age of the planet, isn't it? that's how long it took in Sim Earth (http://blog.alucardx.net/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/SimEarth4.jpg)...getting those damn prokaryotes to mutate into eukaryotes was always a bit of a doozy if you didn't cheat...

Hey, I have no religious ideal, I was asking the religious 'cos they have the answers to everything!!!

Who created the old Gods?

time and causation are illusions. the old gods are conceptualisations of certain tendencies within the fractal energy pattern of manifest and unmanifest reality. *actually believes that*

I think 4.5 is the aproximate age of the planet, isn't it? that's how long it took in Sim Earth (http://blog.alucardx.net/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/SimEarth4.jpg)...getting those damn prokaryotes to mutate into eukaryotes was always a bit of a doozy if you didn't cheat...

Yah. But the universe is around 15. (A little less I guess, I'm rounding up).

Yah. But the universe is around 15. (A little less I guess, I'm rounding up).

Well I'm talking about Humans on Earth, 4.5 billions years. If he/she created man in another part of the universe then 15 billion. But then again, what did he do before that?

Well I'm talking about Humans on Earth, 4.5 billions years. If he/she created man in another part of the universe then 15 billion. But then again, what did he do before that?

the orthodox christians say each member of the trinity constantly emptied itself out in love into the other two members of the trinity in a constant and perfect flow of selfless love.

I still say masturbated.

the orthodox christians say each member of the trinity constantly emptied itself out in love into the other two members of the trinity in a constant and perfect flow of selfless love.

I still say masturbated.

Dang it, with members of the trinity emptying itself into one another out of love makes it sound like God porn.

He stirred it and stirred it to get all the lumps out. Ther's nothing worse than a lumpy universe. :P

Dang it, with members of the trinity emptying itself into one another out of love makes it sound like God porn.

Who does God call out to during sex?

"Oh, me! Oh, me! Oh! OH!!! OHH MEEEE!!!!" :eek: :D

hmm.. probaly perfecting how to be total bastard and machiavellian being (ie dfifferences in Old and New testament)

Just curious to know what the religious folk believe.

What did God do for the 4.5 billion years before he created Mankind?
And what did he do before the creation of the Universe?

Chill.

Tried to figure out where he came from.

Dang it, with members of the trinity emptying itself into one another out of love makes it sound like God porn.

the orthodox also compare the tomb of christ to a bridal chamber.

mysticism is extremely erotic. ever heard of tantra?

Played Solitaire.

Or tried to figure out the plot to Neon Genesis Evangelion for about ten million eternities before deciding that making a entire universe and a form of setient life would be much easier.

I'm almost certain it was Tetris

LOL but god made the world in 7 days not 4.5 billion years LMAO

;)

LOL but god made the world in 7 days not 4.5 billion years LMAO

;)

:confused: Question is, what did he do before he created people?

I have yet to see any religious people step up and make a reasonable offer.:upyours:

:confused: Question is, what did he do before he created people?

I have yet to see any religious people step up and make a reasonable offer.:upyours:

Ignoring your strange use of the flippy-off smiley as a period, my best, most reasonable guess, would be God was planning.

Second best is, when he thought himself into existence, he thought the world in and was micro-managing.

Also keep in mind as an omnipotent being, he could have just fast-forwarded through the first few billion.

:confused: Question is, what did he do before he created people?

I have yet to see any religious people step up and make a reasonable offer.:upyours:


He was busy making the light and the dark, and the Earth, and the seas, and plants, and stuff.

This takes time (possibly several billion years). Fortunately, the Lord is infinitely patient. (He needs to be)

yep, god masturbated. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atum)

in fact, he sat on a mound of mud in the middle of nowhere and gave himself head. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ennead)

honestly I believe that creation myth is a much better metaphor than most of the others.
Ha, I tend to agree. I had no idea. The things I miss by not paying attention to ancient Egyptian gods.
Strictly, the myth states that Atum ejaculated his Semen into his mouth, impregnating himself, possibly indicating autofellatio:p

god was doing your ma before making mankind.

Who does God call out to during sex?

"Oh, me! Oh, me! Oh! OH!!! OHH MEEEE!!!!" :eek: :D

Hey! I've been known to do that!:p

Well as we all knoe God works out side of time, so I would guess that the concept of time works a whole lot differantly his day probably went a little like this:

7:30 Wake up
8:00ish Get out of bed, yawn, stretch, scracth bum
9:00 Showered, now where did I leave that universe thing.
9:20(approx) Ahhh found it by the kettele, handy that I'll just pop that on to boil while I make some toast.
9:25ish Shit hot water all over the universe, damn, and butter and toars crumbs.
9:30 Heyup wazzat? Look well lookee here, life evolving in the universe, where did them crumbs land, hey on the earth, well shit look single cellled organisms.

10:00 Holy crap, there's people all over the earth.

enjoy the earth before we screw it up as he must have known we would have

Drugs

Drugs

Indeed!

http://www.walnet.org/rosebud/cannabisgod.html (its audio)

I have yet to see any religious people step up and make a reasonable offer.:upyours:

the modern stigma against masturbation aside...I was actually being somewhat serious. I believe creation procedes directly from divinity in an unconcious manner...god's existance outside of time interacted with god - literally god touched itself, and spurted out creation. I wasn't joking when I mentioned the egyptian myth.

when an initially two dimentional fractal collides with itself in two dimentions, the fractal pattern will express itself in three dimentions instead. I conceive of "god" (and reality as a whole, which is fundamentally no different than "god") as singularity of energy (a la superstring theory) which manifests in the same way a fractal does. when god started to double back onto itself, it manifested into progressively more and more dimentions. not that god has a penis or a mouth, but I honestly consider the matter that, er, ejaculated out into space with the big bang, to have been a direct result of God's contact with itself producing creativity. the masturbation is really not a bad metaphor at all, though I would qualify it with the disclaimer that while the universe was ejaculated, it never ceased to *be* "god", so while ejaculated semen will become distinct from the masturbating male, the universe did not become distinct from god (who, I might add, is neither male nor female, not self-aware...frankly I could easily conceive of God as a cosmic bodiless orgasm....)

Ha, I tend to agree. I had no idea. The things I miss by not paying attention to ancient Egyptian gods.
:p

no kidding - egyptians had a wonderfully complex and mature conception of cosmology and metaphysics.

no kidding - egyptians had a wonderfully complex and mature conception of cosmology and metaphysics.

Which is probably why their religion lasted longer than any other sofar (though the Hindus will overtake them eventually).

Random fact: it is quite likely that the animals in the stable we know from the story of Jesus' birth are supposed to represent the Egyptian Gods.

the modern stigma against masturbation aside...I was actually being somewhat serious. I believe creation procedes directly from divinity in an unconcious manner...god's existance outside of time interacted with god - literally god touched itself, and spurted out creation. I wasn't joking when I mentioned the egyptian myth.

when an initially two dimentional fractal collides with itself in two dimentions, the fractal pattern will express itself in three dimentions instead. I conceive of "god" (and reality as a whole, which is fundamentally no different than "god") as singularity of energy (a la superstring theory) which manifests in the same way a fractal does. when god started to double back onto itself, it manifested into progressively more and more dimentions. not that god has a penis or a mouth, but I honestly consider the matter that, er, ejaculated out into space with the big bang, to have been a direct result of God's contact with itself producing creativity. the masturbation is really not a bad metaphor at all, though I would qualify it with the disclaimer that while the universe was ejaculated, it never ceased to *be* "god", so while ejaculated semen will become distinct from the masturbating male, the universe did not become distinct from god (who, I might add, is neither male nor female, not self-aware...frankly I could easily conceive of God as a cosmic bodiless orgasm....)


:confused: just doesnt begin to cover it, and I've studied fractals.

Just curious to know what the religious folk believe.

What did God do for the 4.5 billion years before he created Mankind?
And what did he do before the creation of the Universe?

My belief is that God was once as we are now, and through obediance to his father's plan, he was exalted to the station He now holds.

"As man now is, God once was. As God now is, man may become."

This is also my answer for the purpose of life, to grow by our experiances to become as our Heavenly Father is. That's why bad things some times happen to good people, God isn't concerned with just our temporal well being, He has something far more nobel, and eternal in mind for us, and "all these things shall give thee experiance, and shall be for thy good.", also "thine affliction and adversity shall be but a small moment, and if thou endure it well God will exalt thee on high".

There's some food for thought for you.

Hey! I've been known to do that!:p

http://www.abestweb.com/smilies/browcho_marx.gif

He probably played some FPS games with the other gods, and then won the competition, thus allowing him to be the one to create the new universe, and thus 'God-like' becoming the highest compliment possible.

Just curious to know what the religious folk believe.

What did God do for the 4.5 billion years before he created Mankind?
And what did he do before the creation of the Universe?

There is no concept of time for him I guess depending on what idea of God you have, so he wouldn't have to "wait".

He was creating Hell for people who ask silly questions like this.

He was creating Hell for people who ask silly questions like this.

No, that's what NSG was created for, it seems. ;)

Which is probably why their religion lasted longer than any other sofar (though the Hindus will overtake them eventually).

Random fact: it is quite likely that the animals in the stable we know from the story of Jesus' birth are supposed to represent the Egyptian Gods.

and the magi are zoroastrian priests?

:confused: just doesnt begin to cover it, and I've studied fractals.

haha, did I say something wrong about fractals or do you just find it odd that I would consider god to have fractal charactoristics? I'm not the only one (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arabesque)

He was creating Hell for people who ask silly questions like this.

Why is the question silly ? Plenty of believers are quick to say "God is eternal" whenever something like the origin of life is debated. This question serves to explore that claim.

Whatever he felt like, probably drank God-beer.

Why is the question silly ? Plenty of believers are quick to say "God is eternal" whenever something like the origin of life is debated. This question serves to explore that claim.

:rolleyes: Okay. Just quoting Saint Augustine. I guess he didn't say "silly." Maybe more coffee ...

:rolleyes: Okay. Just quoting Saint Augustine. I guess he didn't say "silly." Maybe more coffee ...

augustine was a nice guy but he's kind of lame. the standard opinion of the eastern church is that he's like Origen - he wrote some good stuff and came to *alot* of bad conclusions. had he not been about the only major theologian writing in latin at at time when the rest of the christian world was writing in greek, he would have been extensively debunked. he shouldn't be taken to respresent christian thought infallably. Chrysostom would be a much much better choice.

and the magi are zoroastrian priests?

Possibly ;)
The Egyptian Gods thing makes sense though. That religion was pretty dominant when Christianity rose (and would be up until Islam). Having the figures that had been familiar as gods for thousands of years, reduced to a weaker form (Ibis to dove, Dog to ass) standing around the crib, showing their inferiority when compared to baby Jesus would be a powerful message.

Whatever he felt like, probably drank God-beer.

God-beer? Gotta get me some of that! :D

augustine was a nice guy but he's kind of lame. the standard opinion of the eastern church is that he's like Origen - he wrote some good stuff and came to *alot* of bad conclusions. had he not been about the only major theologian writing in latin at at time when the rest of the christian world was writing in greek, he would have been extensively debunked. he shouldn't be taken to respresent christian thought infallably. Chrysostom would be a much much better choice.

The eastern Church discounts Augustine? Who knew? I find him repulsive, personally, but he did have that line about what God was doing before the creation of the world. If Pelagius had triumphed over Augustine, Western Christianity would not have been poisoned by Original Sin and the rest of that terrible, terrible old man inflected on it.

So why did God create dinosaurs? Was this just a trial run? They lived a dang long time.

He probably played some FPS games with the other gods, and then won the competition, thus allowing him to be the one to create the new universe, and thus 'God-like' becoming the highest compliment possible.

Bet he cheated by playing in God mode

He stirred it and stirred it to get all the lumps out. Ther's nothing worse than a lumpy universe. :P

Actually I thought that "lumpiness" was a major reason that matter dominated instead of an equal amount of matter and antimatter which would have resulted in much emptier universe.

The eastern Church discounts Augustine? Who knew? I find him repulsive, personally, but he did have that line about what God was doing before the creation of the world. If Pelagius had triumphed over Augustine, Western Christianity would not have been poisoned by Original Sin and the rest of that terrible, terrible old man inflected on it.

exactly. the eastern church doesn't believe in origional sin in anything even remotely approaching the same way the western church does. this is taken from the abstract of a paper on pastoral care from an eastern orthodox church:

It is suggested that the doctrine of ancestral sin naturally leads to a focus on human death and Divine compassion as the inheritance from Adam, while the doctrine of original sin shifts the center of attention to human guilt and Divine wrath.

and from wikipedia:

Eastern Orthodoxy acknowledges that the introduction of ancestral sin into the human race affected the subsequent environment for mankind, but denies (or rather never accepted) Augustine of Hippo's notions of original sin and hereditary guilt.

the way they talk about origional sin reminds me more of AIDS babies than people who are OH SO VERY VERY GUILTY. it always bugs me when people quote augustine and calvin in the same breath - they take augustine to be a good representation of historical christianity, but in reality the greek theologians that lived at the same time as him completely disagreed with many of his conclusions - unfortunately augustine was writing in the middle of an empire that was falling apart in an era when almost every other intellectual spoke greek...it's like writing a paper in swahili and then claiming you're correct because none of the english-speaking world bothered to peer-edit it. the east calls augustine "blessed augustine" because he was a nice guy, but they do *not* consider him a saint, and they *do* consider his writings to contain a great many errors on very significant topics...origional sin prominent among them.

Possibly ;)
The Egyptian Gods thing makes sense though. That religion was pretty dominant when Christianity rose (and would be up until Islam). Having the figures that had been familiar as gods for thousands of years, reduced to a weaker form (Ibis to dove, Dog to ass) standing around the crib, showing their inferiority when compared to baby Jesus would be a powerful message.

ohhhhhhhhhhhh ok, I thought you were going all davinchi code on me...I was like o_O now I see what you mean though, that makes sense, though I'd have to see a historian say it to start telling it to other people, haha.

He played ALOT of Solitary

exactly. the eastern church doesn't believe in origional sin in anything even remotely approaching the same way the western church does. this is taken from the abstract of a paper on pastoral care from an eastern orthodox church:



and from wikipedia:



the way they talk about origional sin reminds me more of AIDS babies than people who are OH SO VERY VERY GUILTY. it always bugs me when people quote augustine and calvin in the same breath - they take augustine to be a good representation of historical christianity, but in reality the greek theologians that lived at the same time as him completely disagreed with many of his conclusions - unfortunately augustine was writing in the middle of an empire that was falling apart in an era when almost every other intellectual spoke greek...it's like writing a paper in swahili and then claiming you're correct because none of the english-speaking world bothered to peer-edit it. the east calls augustine "blessed augustine" because he was a nice guy, but they do *not* consider him a saint, and they *do* consider his writings to contain a great many errors on very significant topics...origional sin prominent among them.

That would've been a really interesting post if I for one second believed anything from the bible. But I don't, so it pretty much discounted everything there - "Saint Augustine wrote--" "And?" "But he wrote about original sin--" "He was a bullshitter." That's pretty much how it played out in my head.

So for all the other people out here who don't believe a dung from the bible, let's take the context away from the Christian god for a second and assume there's a generic creator - he can be either self-aware or not, whatever you personally prefer, just make sure you tell us which you're going for before you post.

I think this way we can try to philosophize based on general thought and theory, rather than what dead people wrote so many years ago.

Again, I suggest the rest of the thread be assumed on the basis that we know -nothing- about god - we don't know what he wants, where he comes from, or what type of god he is, and none of the religious texts or faiths of the world have any idea what he is.

Now we can get down to some discussion.

Actually I thought that "lumpiness" was a major reason that matter dominated instead of an equal amount of matter and antimatter which would have resulted in much emptier universe.

Vicious rumors started by His competitors. :p

That would've been a really interesting post if I for one second believed anything from the bible. But I don't, so it pretty much discounted everything there - "Saint Augustine wrote--" "And?" "But he wrote about original sin--" "He was a bullshitter." That's pretty much how it played out in my head.

So for all the other people out here who don't believe a dung from the bible, let's take the context away from the Christian god for a second and assume there's a generic creator - he can be either self-aware or not, whatever you personally prefer, just make sure you tell us which you're going for before you post.

I think this way we can try to philosophize based on general thought and theory, rather than what dead people wrote so many years ago.

Again, I suggest the rest of the thread be assumed on the basis that we know -nothing- about god - we don't know what he wants, where he comes from, or what type of god he is, and none of the religious texts or faiths of the world have any idea what he is.

Now we can get down to some discussion.

just as an aside I'm not a christian and what I've been discussing earlier about fractals is my own speculation independant of any religious text or tradition. I just wanted to point out that augustine is not a universally accepted writer within the christian tradition.

just as an aside I'm not a christian and what I've been discussing earlier about fractals is my own speculation independant of any religious text or tradition. I just wanted to point out that augustine is not a universally accepted writer within the christian tradition.

I know, I just felt we were heading towards a brick wall with the christian theme. :p

I know, I just felt we were heading towards a brick wall with the christian theme. :p

ah ok - in that case....I'm still waiting to hear somebody talk about the fractal issue...

Actually I have a better idea of what he was doing:

System Idle Process SYSTEM 100 16K

Actually I have a better idea of what he was doing:

System Idle Process SYSTEM 100 16K

DEUS *EST* MACHINA!!!:eek: :eek: :eek:

I know, I just felt we were heading towards a brick wall with the christian theme. :p

Not at all, there's plenty to discuss. Just be glad we didn't slide over into a discussion of the nature of Christ. Arianism, anyone? :D

From the various bits of mythology I have read, having sex with swans seems to be popular with most Gods.

From the various bits of mythology I have read, having sex with swans seems to be popular with most Gods.

Well, it wasn't so much sex with swans as sex in the form of a swan. And I think Zeus only did that once. My fave is having sex with someone by turning yourself into an shower of gold coins. Or was that a euphemism for something a bit grosser?

From the various bits of mythology I have read, having sex with swans seems to be popular with most Gods.

Swans may look pretty, but they have evil tempers and shit everywhere. Like Paris Hilton. :p

Well, it wasn't so much sex with swans as sex in the form of a swan. And I think Zeus only did that once. My fave is having sex with someone by turning yourself into an shower of gold coins.

I prefer the gentle shower of warm rain.
Is it just me, or are we modern people far less creative in these areas ? The multilayeredness of many works of art from previous eras, the hidden symbolism in stories and paintings... they all make Oprah seem so... shallow.

I prefer the gentle shower of warm rain.
Is it just me, or are we modern people far less creative in these areas ?

I may be misunderstanding you but I don't know anyone capable of shape-shifting to the extent the ancient gods and goddesses could, so I don't know that it's a matter of creativity. As for lovemaking in general, I've had my moments.

Swans may look pretty, but they have evil tempers and shit everywhere. Like Paris Hilton. :p

I'd still screw Paris Hilton. A swan? Not so much. :p

Just curious to know what the religious folk believe.

What did God do for the 4.5 billion years before he created Mankind?
And what did he do before the creation of the Universe?

Picked his nose. Which in actuality is where the universe came from.

I'd still screw Paris Hilton. A swan? Not so much. :p

I wouldn't touch it with a standard-issue ten-foot pole of purification +5.