NationStates Jolt Archive

Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitchslap that mother$&%#@£ upside the head....pass it on.

You know, intelligence is like smoking. You do it once or twice to impress but after a while it's hard to stop.


Now, just for kicks, lets take this one step further. Imagine that I didn't climb into your window but up your ass. Starting to get the picture?

Blind foolishness, accompanied by cries of "but I'm not like this."


Sounds like jolt's treating us like a poor relation..
Well, we live rent-free on their servers, consume more of their bandwidth than any other single group, and make programming demands on their time. We also don't wash the dishes or pick up our dirty underwear off the floor, and GMC's catgirl friends won't use the litterbox. Hack refuses to share the remote, and Karmabaijon's El Camino has been sitting out front on blocks for the better part of two years now.

Sounds like poor relations to me.


Widow - *Crying* "I'm sorry, i don't think i can answer anymore police questions at this time"
Frank Drebin - "I'm sorry, we would have come earlier. But your husband wasn't dead then"


As a DragonballGT fan...... I expect an apology......
We're sorry your a GT fan.


A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.


I'm still meddling, so Europe is not lost yet.


Either you're babbling, or you just told me in Cherokee that my scrotum is many coloured.

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

The UN is like a neutered tomcat. It can make a lot of noise but doesn’t have the balls to do anything.


Anyone have anything to include?

lol... where'd you find all those?

lol... where'd you find all those?
Yeah, I don't remember seeing Plato post on these forums...;)

Yeah, I don't remember seeing Plato post on these forums...;)
LOL, you never know- could be his ghost or some kind of scary phenomenon.

lol... where'd you find all those?
From around here. They are all Jolt (if not NS) player quotes.

Addition!


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November 2005

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to take the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline


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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November 2005

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family

Pauline


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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November 2005

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline


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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November 2005

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline


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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: Al! l F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November 2004

RE: The ******** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 9th November 2005

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

John Bishop

So you are faced with a choice. On your right you see a scenery that could be ground breaking for your career, on your other side you see bush senior and bush junior drowning. Now will you use a color camera or an old fashion black and white?

No, you see, you go way beyond simple 'grammatical errors'. Imagine the English language is a tender young cabana boy named Felipe. You are the traveling, lonely, sexually frustrated businessman named Jorge. One day you meet Felipe and begin to earn his trust. You learn a little about him, just enough to take advantage of him. Then one day you take Felipe, and in an attempt to serve your own selfish desires you rape him. You violate him. You turn Felipe's anus into a playground of blood, feces, and tears. After what you've done to Felipe, he will never been the same. He will never trust again. Never love again. Shame on you, Jorge. Shame on you.

You know what cracks me up, Trojan condoms. If you think about it, a Trojan horse was really full off all these little men, and it was a trick to get them inside the fortress. Once inside, the horse BUSTS open, and all the little men come flowing out.

You know what cracks me up, Trojan condoms. If you think about it, a Trojan horse was really full off all these little men, and it was a trick to get them inside the fortress. Once inside, the horse BUSTS open, and all the little men come flowing out.

When I first heard of Trojan condoms, I thought of this. Quite an odd name for a condom, if you think about it.

now that we know what the people here at NSG think about in their spare time.... moving on.

now that we know what the people here at NSG think about in their spare time.... moving on.

I'd hardly say it was in my spare time, seeing that I was at Wal-Mart when I first saw the packaging. And I wouldn't be caught dead going to Wal-Mart in my spare time.

Uhhh, I thought trojan was named after troy, impenetrable fortress that it (Theoretically) was.

The trojan horse is slightly bad name, like the hiroshima bomb. Thats what it was used on, it wasn't them who did it.

Edit: Sorry to ruin everyones fun with that, if it helps, I still think it's bad naming due to the implications the term has. They could have found better (Fortress for example)

And it wasn't the Greeks that put it in in the epic. It was Virgil.

lot i have seen one of those before

So you are faced with a choice. On your right you see a scenery that could be ground breaking for your career, on your other side you see bush senior and bush junior drowning. Now will you use a color camera or an old fashion black and white?

No, you see, you go way beyond simple 'grammatical errors'. Imagine the English language is a tender young cabana boy named Felipe. You are the traveling, lonely, sexually frustrated businessman named Jorge. One day you meet Felipe and begin to earn his trust. You learn a little about him, just enough to take advantage of him. Then one day you take Felipe, and in an attempt to serve your own selfish desires you rape him. You violate him. You turn Felipe's anus into a playground of blood, feces, and tears. After what you've done to Felipe, he will never been the same. He will never trust again. Never love again. Shame on you, Jorge. Shame on you.

You know what cracks me up, Trojan condoms. If you think about it, a Trojan horse was really full off all these little men, and it was a trick to get them inside the fortress. Once inside, the horse BUSTS open, and all the little men come flowing out.

I like the second one, I'll post that.

Bump for interest, anyone have any comments they would like to share?

does it have to be on NSG?

Well, this made me chuckle:
http://nikki.grazfam.net/hitler-watermelon.gif

does it have to be on NSG?

No, anything that is funny.

http://sinfest.net/comikaze/comics/2000-04-02.gif

Just because I'm a post whore