NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, so Leah's friend (who we'll call Jane) apparently told Leah's other friend (who we'll call Mary) that she has feelings for me. Of course this cause trouble for Leah. Personally I am tired of this crap (it's been going on since day one) and I am this close to ending it myself. We've tried talking about it, we've tried a deceitful underhand way of stopping this but nothing works. Jane never was comfortable with me and Leah dating, even though she says she's fine with us dating. (Her actions kinda refutes what she says.) Personally I think it's time for me an Leah to put a stop to this, however I don't think me being blunt (which is so easy for me to do) will work. Why not, because Leah and Jane are friends, and if I piss the friend off I piss Leah off, and Wilgrove will not be happy. So, I can't believe I am asking this but I need advice on how to be tactful about this, however also sending a stern and strong message that Jane needs to quit this and accept that we are dating and that Leah is happy.

Ok, so Leah's friend (who we'll call Jane) apparently told Leah's other friend (who we'll call Mary) that she has feelings for me. Of course this cause trouble for Leah. Personally I am tired of this crap (it's been going on since day one) and I am this close to ending it myself. We've tried talking about it, we've tried a deceitful underhand way of stopping this but nothing works. Jane never was comfortable with me and Leah dating, even though she says she's fine with us dating. (Her actions kinda refutes what she says.) Personally I think it's time for me an Leah to put a stop to this, however I don't think me being blunt (which is so easy for me to do) will work. Why not, because Leah and Jane are friends, and if I piss the friend off I piss Leah off, and Wilgrove will not be happy. So, I can't believe I am asking this but I need advice on how to be tactful about this, however also sending a stern and strong message that Jane needs to quit this and accept that we are dating and that Leah is happy.
Your tact could be a blunt.

Your tact could be a blunt.

Well what I mean is beside saying "Look Jane, me and Leah are dating, and you are going to have to accept that. It's not fair to any of us that you are playing these stupid games, You need to stop being an ass and start being a friend and support Leah, because this relationship makes Leah happy."

I need to find a way to say that, nicer.

Wilgrove needs to find a way to end these kinds of dramatic relationships.
Wilgrove also needs to stop talking like Al Gore... or maybe that kind of thing works for Wilgrove, who the hell knows.

Get Jane and Mary drunk, and see if you can hook them up. Your problem will be solved, and the world will have two more lesbians.

Wilgrove needs to find a way to end these kinds of dramatic relationships.

Ban Soap Operas, Lifetime, Oxygen, Oz, or anything that has to do with Oprah Winfrey, or Dr. Phil and that'll be done.

Ban Soap Operas, Lifetime, Oxygen, Oz, or anything that has to do with Oprah Winfrey, or Dr. Phil and that'll be done.

1) oprahs not dying. shes got so much money she could stay alive for dozens of years.

2) maybe you should just tell Leah that you have nothing to do with this other girl and that, if shes still bothered with her going out with you earlier, maybe its better that you two not be together (AKA take some time to spend apart, thats easier on womens' ears ;) )

EDIT! well, shit, i guess i didnt get the OP at all...

you should be blunt with this friend. use #2 but just put the friend in place of Leah and flip the meanings so that it seems like youre barring her from interfering with the relationship

1) oprahs not dying. shes got so much money she could stay alive for dozens of years.

2) maybe you should just tell Leah that you have nothing to do with this other girl and that, if shes still bothered with her going out with you earlier, maybe its better that you two not be together (AKA take some time to spend apart, thats easier on womens' ears ;) )

1. In Agent's Smith Voice: She is still human.

2. I did reassure her that I only see Jane as a friend and nothing more, that seemed to work. As for not being together, HA, yea like I'm going to let Leah get away. Leah is my female counterpart, seriously we are versions of each other, and I'm not letting that go.

Although believe it or not, my main concern is that Leah and Jane remain friends. *shrugs* maybe I'm an idiot but if they remain friends, even if I have to move out of the pic, then that's the way it's to be.

*lurks on thread*

It's really thoughtful that you want Leah and Jane to remain friends, but if Jane is going to behave like this maybe your precious deserves to have better friends in her life. Talk frankly with Leah and find out if she is willing to spend the rest of her life dealing with this sort of thing, and if she would be willing to cut this kind of stress and drama out of her life.

If the girls want to stay friends, then both you and Leah need to accept that Jane is going to behave and feel in these sorts of ways, and not put too much energy into fighting it. Like a bully, the more attention a dramaqueen gets the more they do it. The best thing to do is to shrug and laugh when these sorts of things happen and just immediately forget it. That way people like Mary won't be drawn into the middle of the mess, and it'll die out real fast.

Also, give Jane positive feedback when she is around you guys and behaves like a good friend instead of like a jealous desperate freak. Appreciating her acceptable behaviour and ignoring her drama will gradually turn her into a joy to be around, with only the rare (instead of common) instance of dumbness.

That's as tactful as I can be. My first instinct is to go the blunt and confrontational route, but if you've already said something to her then you need to mold (fix) her behaviour through subtler means.

It's a problem, but as you correctly note, it is only your problem because Leah might stop liking you if you don't handle it properly.

It's Leah's problem! Consider how you feel about a 'best friend' who tries to date your steady. You set them straight, right? That's what Leah should be doing, putting the hard word on her friend.

Whether Leah chooses to use tact, bluntness or physical assault is her call. Getting you to do it is skanky.

If that isn't clear: blunt. If blunt doesn't work, use sharp.

Theres always the option of dating one or more of the girls sisters. That way you'd piss them all off.

Ok, so Leah's friend (who we'll call Jane) apparently told Leah's other friend (who we'll call Mary) that she has feelings for me. Of course this cause trouble for Leah. Personally I am tired of this crap (it's been going on since day one) and I am this close to ending it myself. We've tried talking about it, we've tried a deceitful underhand way of stopping this but nothing works. Jane never was comfortable with me and Leah dating, even though she says she's fine with us dating. (Her actions kinda refutes what she says.) Personally I think it's time for me an Leah to put a stop to this, however I don't think me being blunt (which is so easy for me to do) will work. Why not, because Leah and Jane are friends, and if I piss the friend off I piss Leah off, and Wilgrove will not be happy. So, I can't believe I am asking this but I need advice on how to be tactful about this, however also sending a stern and strong message that Jane needs to quit this and accept that we are dating and that Leah is happy.

Is one of these two friends the friend your girlfriend is going to be spending New Years with?

Well what I mean is beside saying "Look Jane, me and Leah are dating, and you are going to have to accept that. It's not fair to any of us that you are playing these stupid games, You need to stop being an ass and start being a friend and support Leah, because this relationship makes Leah happy."

I need to find a way to say that, nicer.

how about adding the word nice around the ass part? :D

Get Jane and Mary drunk, and see if you can hook them up. Your problem will be solved, and the world will have two more lesbians.

I second this proposal!

Get Jane and Mary drunk, and see if you can hook them up. Your problem will be solved, and the world will have two more lesbians.

no date all three at same time

*as i have just been told*

Shit blunt man, be blunt, be as blunt and brutaly honest as you can. Bluntness it's a must.

I advocate cunnilingus. Cunnilingus solves everything.

I advocate cunnilingus. Cunnilingus solves everything.

I'll change my name to Canistan and get a job at the local pharmacy!

Well what I mean is beside saying "Look Jane, me and Leah are dating, and you are going to have to accept that. It's not fair to any of us that you are playing these stupid games, You need to stop being an ass and start being a friend and support Leah, because this relationship makes Leah happy."

I need to find a way to say that, nicer.

"Look Jane, I am dating Leah, you like me, you need to realize that I am with Leah because I want to be with her, if you can't be nice and be a good friend to her then I am not going to talk to you anymore, Leah's happiness is my #1 priority and you need to get on board with that if you want to be her friend."

which is a long way of saying what you did, and it's not much nicer.

sorry.

Get Jane and Mary drunk, and see if you can hook them up. Your problem will be solved, and the world will have two more lesbians.
remember to post pictures!

I advocate cunnilingus. Cunnilingus solves everything.
including gonorrhea?

Get Jane and Mary drunk, and see if you can hook them up. Your problem will be solved, and the world will have two more lesbians.

This post is made of win.

blunt, as in a blunt object.

Tell Jane that you're with Leah right now, but if things don't work out you'll be happy to hit Jane on the rebound.
Then tell her you like anal.
Goatse anal.

Ban Soap Operas, Lifetime, Oxygen, Oz, or anything that has to do with Oprah Winfrey, or Dr. Phil and that'll be done.

Condescending much? Look, did it ever occur to you that you maybe ought not worry about it? Relationships between individuals are difficult enough without making sure your girlfriend's friends are getting along. If there's to be a confrontation, it'll come between your girlfriend and her friend, and there'll be precious little you can do about it. But to think you can fix things is to act as though your girlfriend can't handle it on her own, and unless she's mentally or emotionally incompetent, she probably can.

Condescending much? Look, did it ever occur to you that you maybe ought not worry about it? Relationships between individuals are difficult enough without making sure your girlfriend's friends are getting along. If there's to be a confrontation, it'll come between your girlfriend and her friend, and there'll be precious little you can do about it. But to think you can fix things is to act as though your girlfriend can't handle it on her own, and unless she's mentally or emotionally incompetent, she probably can.

you know I said that last time.

however, if she (Jane) is doing things that directly affect him (like if she lied about something to try to get him in trouble) then I think it's okay for him to talk to her about it.

you know I said that last time.

however, if she (Jane) is doing things that directly affect him (like if she lied about something to try to get him in trouble) then I think it's okay for him to talk to her about it.

Thats very true, or do what I do with people that want to play silly games with me.

Walk away.

Thats very true, or do what I do with people that want to play silly games with me.

Walk away.

yeah, I would tend to walk away from the entire situation at some point, if she is friends with girls who play games, chances are she is a girl who plays games.

however, most people tend to play games, so he might have trouble finding anyone to date.

yeah, I would tend to walk away from the entire situation at some point, if she is friends with girls who play games, chances are she is a girl who plays games.

however, most people tend to play games, so he might have trouble finding anyone to date.

Yeah good point also. Oi oi I have 5 younger sisters you know perhaps I'm in the market for another bruv-in-law!:D

Goodness me Wilgrove - have made it your ambition in life to live like an episode of Dawson Creek??

This is really Leah's problem. You should tell Leah what has been going on with Jane (if she doesn't already know) and leave it at that.

you know I said that last time.

however, if she (Jane) is doing things that directly affect him (like if she lied about something to try to get him in trouble) then I think it's okay for him to talk to her about it.

But that's between him and the friend, not between the girfriend and the friend. The thing I was trying to point out is that Wilgrove, in the OP, makes it sound like he thinks he can fix the situation between his g/f and her friend, as though his g/f is incapable of doing it on her own. That's both silly and condescending.

Condescending much? Look, did it ever occur to you that you maybe ought not worry about it? Relationships between individuals are difficult enough without making sure your girlfriend's friends are getting along. If there's to be a confrontation, it'll come between your girlfriend and her friend, and there'll be precious little you can do about it. But to think you can fix things is to act as though your girlfriend can't handle it on her own, and unless she's mentally or emotionally incompetent, she probably can.

:D I like to agree with someone, even if I said it first.

EDIT: I hate being a Superior Gamer. I must post more. And of course, edit less.

But that's between him and the friend, not between the girfriend and the friend. The thing I was trying to point out is that Wilgrove, in the OP, makes it sound like he thinks he can fix the situation between his g/f and her friend, as though his g/f is incapable of doing it on her own. That's both silly and condescending.

yeah, that's what I said a few threads back when he first started whining about her friend.

I said "even if she tells you her friend is being evil, she doesn't want you to fix it"

it's true.

yeah, that's what I said a few threads back when he first started whining about her friend.

I said "even if she tells you her friend is being evil, she doesn't want you to fix it"

it's true.

Damn! Trumped by a previous thread ... and I thought I was solving the world's relationship problems. Agh!

Damn! Trumped by a previous thread ... and I thought I was solving the world's relationship problems. Agh!

hey, he might actually listen to you.

I think he didn't believe me because I am a chick.

besides, the past job I had counseling couples apparently isn't a good enough background to say "if it's not your dog, don't feed it"

It's social stuff, isn't it? I mean, Leah could have asked Jane to tell Mary that Jane fancied Wilgrove, so that when Leah told Wil that Mary had told her that Jane fancied him, it wasn't just unsubstantiated BS, but rather three friends with fully substantiated BS.

When I was about 18, my younger sister asked me to hit on her boyfriend, because all her friends kept telling her her boyfriend was gay. It made sense, to her, at the time. But really ... 'nerdy, bearded, unwashed older brother of girlfriend makes clumsy and offensive pass at boyfriend, refused, therefore boyfriend not gay' ... I refused. As far as I know, he turned out to be an insectivore. And a Goth, which covered a lot of ground back in 1980.

Anyway. Do Mary or Jane have boyfriends? Threesomes are inherently unbalanced, but a foursome is another matter. Every participant is in a foursome with two people of the opposite sex ...
{slaps self on forehead, spectacles fall on keyboaurd}
I mean, you need allies. Run some interference on this shit.

hey, he might actually listen to you.

I think he didn't believe me because I am a chick.

besides, the past job I had counseling couples apparently isn't a good enough background to say "if it's not your dog, don't feed it"

There's a lady up my street I keep telling that to. Every dog that can find a way under the fence is hanging around her front yard. It's not the food (they get that at home) ... it's the EXTRA food that gets their attention.

Yeah, extended analogy. One of my vices.

But really, Smunkee, I think your advice is so freely offered that people just take it without saying 'thanks for that.' I do, anyway.

I would leave it up to Leah, but she's not umm confrontational, right now she is letting Jane do this because she doesn't want to lose her friendship, so until she gets the balls to actually tell Jane that this is unacceptable it's going to keep on going. Meanwhile, I would like to have a normal drama free relationship, so I would like this crap to end as soon as possible.

Ok, so Leah's friend (who we'll call Jane) apparently told Leah's other friend (who we'll call Mary) that she has feelings for me. Of course this cause trouble for Leah. Personally I am tired of this crap (it's been going on since day one) and I am this close to ending it myself. We've tried talking about it, we've tried a deceitful underhand way of stopping this but nothing works. Jane never was comfortable with me and Leah dating, even though she says she's fine with us dating. (Her actions kinda refutes what she says.) Personally I think it's time for me an Leah to put a stop to this, however I don't think me being blunt (which is so easy for me to do) will work. Why not, because Leah and Jane are friends, and if I piss the friend off I piss Leah off, and Wilgrove will not be happy. So, I can't believe I am asking this but I need advice on how to be tactful about this, however also sending a stern and strong message that Jane needs to quit this and accept that we are dating and that Leah is happy.talk it over with Leah first.

Ok, so Leah's friend (who we'll call Jane) apparently told Leah's other friend (who we'll call Mary) that she has feelings for me. Of course this cause trouble for Leah. Personally I am tired of this crap (it's been going on since day one) and I am this close to ending it myself. We've tried talking about it, we've tried a deceitful underhand way of stopping this but nothing works. Jane never was comfortable with me and Leah dating, even though she says she's fine with us dating. (Her actions kinda refutes what she says.) Personally I think it's time for me an Leah to put a stop to this, however I don't think me being blunt (which is so easy for me to do) will work. Why not, because Leah and Jane are friends, and if I piss the friend off I piss Leah off, and Wilgrove will not be happy. So, I can't believe I am asking this but I need advice on how to be tactful about this, however also sending a stern and strong message that Jane needs to quit this and accept that we are dating and that Leah is happy.Woman troubles. In my experience, being blunt can cause all sorts of problems, but works out after a while. If you used it in the right situation. Misunderstandings have their way of developing, so perhaps a tactfully blunt solution to this problem is what you should be striving for.

Theres always the option of dating one or more of the girls sisters. That way you'd piss them all off.

That will do it. I actually hit a trifecta once. Was fun while it lasted until they all turned on me eventually.

Your tact could be a blunt.

Best response ever, and ever so true.

I would leave it up to Leah, but she's not umm confrontational, right now she is letting Jane do this because she doesn't want to lose her friendship, so until she gets the balls to actually tell Jane that this is unacceptable it's going to keep on going. Meanwhile, I would like to have a normal drama free relationship, so I would like this crap to end as soon as possible.
No such thing as a "drama free" relationship, nor "normal" for that matter. The issue is Leah's. If she doesn't want to handle it, then that is her choice...not an invitation for you to handle it. If she specifically asked you to, well, then that is unfair of her to do. It is her best friend. If she honestly thinks she is going to lose such a close friend over something so petty and trivial, then I hate to break it to her, but the friendship ended before it began.

Ok, so Leah's friend (who we'll call Jane) apparently told Leah's other friend (who we'll call Mary) that she has feelings for me. Of course this cause trouble for Leah. Personally I am tired of this crap (it's been going on since day one) and I am this close to ending it myself. We've tried talking about it, we've tried a deceitful underhand way of stopping this but nothing works. Jane never was comfortable with me and Leah dating, even though she says she's fine with us dating. (Her actions kinda refutes what she says.) Personally I think it's time for me an Leah to put a stop to this, however I don't think me being blunt (which is so easy for me to do) will work. Why not, because Leah and Jane are friends, and if I piss the friend off I piss Leah off, and Wilgrove will not be happy. So, I can't believe I am asking this but I need advice on how to be tactful about this, however also sending a stern and strong message that Jane needs to quit this and accept that we are dating and that Leah is happy.

get a penis enlargement


problem solved......

Every time I was in a relationship where the friends didn't like me, it ended badly except for one. In that instance, the friend was to involved in her own life to try and break us up.

It'll eventually come down to you or them.

It'll eventually come down to you or them.

I'm going to lose that battle aren't I?

I'm going to lose that battle aren't I?

Probably. At least in my experience.

Has Jane tried telling Leah that she thinks you're to controlling, that you try and tell her how to dress, what she can do, etc.?

Probably. At least in my experience.

Has Jane tried telling Leah that she thinks you're to controlling, that you try and tell her how to dress, what she can do, etc.?

Nah, she actually doesn't think I'm controlling. However Leah does think Jane is controlling.

get a penis enlargement


problem solved......

Just don't take the pump on a trip to Turkey with your mother ...

Anyway, Jane has feelings for you & Leah won't deal with it? Have you simply said to Jane, "I'm very flattered but I'm happy with Leah and I hope you'll be happy for us"? And is Jane trying actively to break you and Leah up? Sorry, I came late to the party. If she is, then you need to tell her the same thing only more forcefully, as in, "And I really don't appreciate you trying to get between us." Of course, before that I would tell Leah what I intended to do. No sense making trouble for yourself.

jane isnt the new years eve chick is she?

ERROR ERROR: PLEASE RESTATE COMMAND

Sorry, I didn't understand a word of your story. Line breaks are your friend.

jane isnt the new years eve chick is she?

No, Leah is my girlfriend. The friend Leah is going with is a male friend.