NationStates Jolt Archive

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?

You are a very smart boy. If she is forced to choose between friends and a boy, she will (or atleast, should) pick friends. Don't put her in that situation.

As for New Years, call her exactly at midnight. Even if she doesn't answer, the voicemail will be a good thing for you.

You're both. Go out and get some booze and strippers.

You're both. Go out and get some booze and strippers.

And blackjack. ;)

poll! poll! poll!

I wouldn't call you a wimp, incidently. ehh....more a doormat.
It's slightly better

you said OR, yet the terms aren't mutually exclusive.

If you'd made an issue, she'd be doing what she is now, but not be as happy.

Why did I suddenly imagine the words "NS Meetup" and "good idea" when I read "Times Square" and "New Year's Eve"..?

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?

Smart and understanding ... its hard but you sound like me ... it works out for the better

Why did I suddenly imagine the words "NS Meetup" and "good idea" when I read "Times Square" and "New Year's Eve"..?
My bet is on either temporary insanity, or severe inebriation.

Smart and understanding ... its hard but you sound like me ... it works out for the better

Wow, I am agreeing with alot of people I never thought I would agree with lately. I am afraid to wake up now. :eek:

My bet is on either temporary insanity, or severe inebriation.No, it's most likely option number three: Sleep deprivation mixed with high caffeine intake. :p

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?

new years man i hate you now for bring that up i feel so old

back to the topic there are still more new years that when her friend knows you more that you, Leah and here friend can go to

on side note never heard the name Leah before till i came to NS

Why did I suddenly imagine the words "NS Meetup" and "good idea" when I read "Times Square" and "New Year's Eve"..?

Hmm...Good idea.

You werent invited to come along.

Period.

Therefore, its obvious she has plans and they dont involve you hanging with you on New Years.

You dont really have any right to tell her what she can and cant do.

What is this girl to you?

A friend?

Someone you have sex with on a regular basis?

What I mean is, what do you mean "Tell her to spend New Years with me".

Why do you believe you have any say in what she does for the occasion?

Weren't you the one espousing the virtures of 'manly men'?

You werent invited to come along.

Period.

True. However we have been talking about this before her friend invited her.

Therefore, its obvious she has plans and they dont involve you hanging with you on New Years.

See above.

You dont really have any right to tell her what she can and cant do.

Duh.

What is this girl to you?

My girlfriend who is basically my female counterpart. Yes ladies and gentlemen, there is a female Wilgrove running around out there, and I am dating her. :D

Someone you have sex with on a regular basis?

Considering the fact that I am a virgin, no.

What I mean is, what do you mean "Tell her to spend New Years with me".

Well I wanted to spend New Years Eve with her, and we've talked about it before, then she tells me that her friend invited her. So instead of saying, asking, fighting, whatever, to spend New Years with me, I just told her that I hope she has fun.

Why do you believe you have any say in what she does for the occasion?

I don't, sorry if it sounded like it did. Leah and I have an understanding that we don't tell each other what to do.

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?

Now you can spend New Years on NS with the rest of us that have no lives.

Now you can spend New Years on NS with the rest of us that have no lives.

Oh Joy, instead of hanging out with my girl, I get to hang out with a homosexual, a commie, and a liberal. :p (just kidding you guys, you know I love ya.)

Oh Joy, instead of hanging out with my girl, I get to hang out with a homosexual, a commie, and a liberal. :p (just kidding you guys, you know I love ya.)

Hey you forget baby eater!

:fluffle:

Hey you forget baby eater!

:fluffle:

Of course, how could I have forgotten the baby eaters.

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?
You're doing the right thing, you're very understanding and supportive of your girl - don't see anything wrong with that.

Yes, do give her a call - but remember that the phone net usually breaks down around midnight, so make sure you get it done shortly beforehand.

(And don't even start thinking negatively about yourself, calling yourself a wimp and crap - that's really unnecessary.)

you don't own her, if she wants to do something it's really not much of your business.

you don't own her, if she wants to do something it's really not much of your business.

I always thought the point of relationships was discussion and give and take, not 'I'm doing this and it's none of your business'?

I always thought the point of relationships was discussion and give and take, not 'I'm doing this and it's none of your business'?

he has no room to take here.

they are dating, you don't get much say when you are dating, you aren't willing to put in, you sure aren't going to get much out.

that's just my opinion.

you don't own her, if she wants to do something it's really not much of your business.
Hooray for that "positive" input and those nice words. :rolleyes:

he has no room to take here.

they are dating, you don't get much say when you are dating, you aren't willing to put in, you sure aren't going to get much out.

that's just my opinion.

And he didn't try to have any say, he simply told her to enjoy herself. I'm unsure why you're having a go at him.

And he didn't try to have any say, he simply told her to enjoy herself. I'm unsure why you're having a go at him.

the fact that he thinks he is being a "wimp" for 'letting her go'?

the fact that he considered telling her that she should stay with him for new years?

the fact that he thinks he is 'being understanding'?

she made plans, she didn't invite him, end of story, there is nothing to assume from it, it requires no action on his part.

Definitely understanding. Way to be a good boyfriend. :)

And he didn't try to have any say, he simply told her to enjoy herself. I'm unsure why you're having a go at him.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did the right thing. It's not like the post was:

"Stupid girlfriend of mine got out of the kitchen long enough to ask my permission to see a friend on a holiday. Good thing I beat her back into submission in time to go out and have sex with my mistress."

it was:

"Am I a wimp for discussing an issue with my girlfriend and deciding in her favor?"

Incidentally, no. Also, she'll remember your generosity.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did the right thing. It's not like the post was:

"Stupid girlfriend of mine got out of the kitchen long enough to ask my permission to see a friend on a holiday. Good thing I beat her back into submission in time to go out and have sex with my mistress."

it was:

"Am I a wimp for discussing an issue with my girlfriend and deciding in her favor?"

Incidentally, no. Also, she'll remember your generosity.

I don't understand why it had to be "discussed" at all though.

the fact that he thinks he is being a "wimp" for 'letting her go'?

the fact that he considered telling her that she should stay with him for new years?

the fact that he thinks he is 'being understanding'?

she made plans, she didn't invite him, end of story, there is nothing to assume from it, it requires no action on his part.

I'm assuming there must be different rules for dating in the US than in Britain. Over here it's considered good form to offer an explaination to your significant other if you decide to spend a special occasion with someone other than them and it would be fairly natural for me personally to want to try and alter a situation to allow me to spend the occasion with my girlfriend.

Still keep looking around for that damn reply button.

Anyway, let her have her fun with her pal. Then call her and tell her you miss her.

I don't understand why it had to be "discussed" at all though.

It certainly should have been discussed if they are dating. New Years Eve is a night when couples normally celebrate together.

Whether you are being a wimp or not depends on what happens when you have something planned with your mates and then she wants to come along. If you end up with her tagging along on a lads night out then you are being a wimp and being taken advantage of.

It has to work both ways.

im thinking that its good of you to let your girlfriend be a good friend without whining about it but that you might consider telling her that being with her on new years is a big deal for YOU and suggest that you and she have your own "wilgrove new year" celebration before she goes or after she gets back.

get dressed up and go out to a club as if it were new years (and get your new year's kissing in). if she's really into you, she'll love it. and so will you.

I'm assuming there must be different rules for dating in the US than in Britain. Over here it's considered good form to offer an explaination to your significant other if you decide to spend a special occasion with someone other than them and it would be fairly natural for me personally to want to try and alter a situation to allow me to spend the occasion with my girlfriend.

I guess it would depend on what type of relationship you are in, when I was dating I didn't 'answer' to my sig. other, I had friends, family, etc. that were there before and would most probably be there after, if a guy had to "discuss" everywhere I went and what I did on holidays and who I hung out with and why wasn't I hanging out with him, I would have to drop him.

When I got married that shifted, we are one, we are a team, but in a dating relationship having that sense of entitlement is going to screw some stuff up. IMO.

You're both. Go out and get some booze and strippers.

Indeed. It beats waiting out in the cold, with a probable chance of rain, for 8 hours, just to see a puny white dot drop from a pole down to the ground on a tall building with thousands of loud people.

Over here it's considered good form to offer an explaination to your significant other if you decide to spend a special occasion with someone other than them and it would be fairly natural for me personally to want to try and alter a situation to allow me to spend the occasion with my girlfriend.
Exactly! That's the way I('d) feel about it, too.
Still keep looking around for that damn reply button.
It's gone! And then - after minutes of searching - it's in the wrong space. Why? WHY?
Anyway, let her have her fun with her pal. Then call her and tell her you miss her.
Yup.
It certainly should have been discussed if they are dating. New Years Eve is a night when couples normally celebrate together.
Yes, and I know I'd feel sad if that didn't work out. But I'd have done the same and shown support for my girl's decision.
Whether you are being a wimp or not depends on what happens when you have something planned with your mates and then she wants to come along. If you end up with her tagging along on a lads night out then you are being a wimp and being taken advantage of.
There's a simple, single word concerning girls on a lads night out. NO!
It has to work both ways.
It should. But then we're talking about women - and it seems that a different set of rules applies for that gender...
im thinking that its good of you to let your girlfriend be a good friend without whining about it but that you might consider telling her that being with her on new years is a big deal for YOU and suggest that you and she have your own "wilgrove new year" celebration before she goes or after she gets back.
get dressed up and go out to a club as if it were new years (and get your new year's kissing in). if she's really into you, she'll love it. and so will you.
Now that sounds like a really good plan!

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?
You know she is just going to cheat on you, i say return the favour.

You know she is just going to cheat on you, i say return the favour.

You are totally mercenary.

I'm assuming there must be different rules for dating in the US than in Britain. Over here it's considered good form to offer an explaination to your significant other if you decide to spend a special occasion with someone other than them and it would be fairly natural for me personally to want to try and alter a situation to allow me to spend the occasion with my girlfriend.

I'm from the UK, but know quite a few Americans. Over there 'Dating' often means something a lot more casual than it does here, and the casual period lasts a lot longer.

For a UK example - think the level of seriousness if you're with someone for 2 or 3 weeks and they cancel plans to do something with you to go do something with their friends. In America that sort of casualness often carries on for a few months, sometimes indefinately until an official 'talk' about making the relationship serious, officially being boyfriend and girlfriend and being exclusive.

New Years is about a month away, and I presume the guy has been with this girl for a little while - a month perhaps? So they will have been together for maybe 2months by the time New Years rolls in? From a UK perspective I would find it very odd if I was with someone for two months and they did not invite me along to a special and fun occasion like New Years, particulary with no explination. In fact the only times I have not invited a girlfriend to things like New Years, Christmas Parties, or Birthday Parties etc etc was when I was planning on dumping them and looking to pull someone at the party. The only exceptions would be when it is a guys only thing - like the Club Dinner of my Rugby Club - a black tie event with no dates, and in that case I would explain that it is a guys only event.

I respect Wilgrove. He has understaood his girlfriends wishes and should not be considered a wimp.

He can also spend the rest of the year cashing in on the massive amount of 'man points' he has earned:D

the fact that he thinks he is being a "wimp" for 'letting her go'?

the fact that he considered telling her that she should stay with him for new years?

the fact that he thinks he is 'being understanding'?

she made plans, she didn't invite him, end of story, there is nothing to assume from it, it requires no action on his part.

I think he thinks he might be being a wimp for letting her break off their plans to spend New Years together to hang out with her friends with no questions asked.

I am not sure how long they have been together - but if they are vaguely serious then he is being a bit of a doormat for not even asking about it. I think it is unhealthy for a relationship if you are not allowed to disagree with your partners choices as you seem to be implying, it creates an imbalance in the relationship - respect for your partner does not mean you can't disagree with them or be pissed if they go off and do something you don't want them to.

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?
As long as you are clear with her about how you feel, then you are behaving appropriately by allowing her to make her own choices without guilting her.

I think he thinks he might be being a wimp for letting her break off their plans to spend New Years together to hang out with her friends with no questions asked.

I am not sure how long they have been together - but if they are vaguely serious then he is being a bit of a doormat for not even asking about it. I think it is unhealthy for a relationship if you are not allowed to disagree with your partners choices as you seem to be implying, it creates an imbalance in the relationship - respect for your partner does not mean you can't disagree with them or be pissed if they go off and do something you don't want them to.
I think it's unhealthy for a dating relationship for one partner to assume that the other will automatically spend time with them because it's a holiday.

I think it's unhealthy for a dating relationship for one partner to assume that the other will automatically spend time with them because it's a holiday.

I didn't automatically assume, we have talked about spending New Years together (not official planning though), and Leah and I have agreed to open and frank discussions.

I think it's unhealthy for a dating relationship for one partner to assume that the other will automatically spend time with them because it's a holiday.

yes but there are 2 days of the year that a person can be forgiven for expecting to be with his/her sig-oth.

new years and st. valentines day.

one of the big benefits of having a sig-oth is that you never ever have to worry about getting a date for new years eve. (not that such a thing ever bothered me, but it does bother many singles in their 20s and 30s)

so while he does not own his girlfriend, he should be congratulated for not whining that he is missing out on one of the big benefits having a girlfriend.

You are totally mercenary.
Well it is true, they've been going out a while now and she wants to ditch him on New years, obvious and blatant unfaithfulness.

ANyways what is the surgery?

I didn't automatically assume, we have talked about spending New Years together (not official planning though), and Leah and I have agreed to open and frank discussions.

I totally agree with open and frank discussions.

I just got from the tone of your OP that you felt like maybe you were 'letting her go' so that you could be the bigger person, so I felt the need to tell you that you don't 'let' her do anything, and that if you were harboring feelings that made you on any level 'feel bad' because she didn't 'choose you' that you should probably reign those in.

Grow a backbone already and stick it in her pooper.

You aren't "letting" her do anything, you're just not throwing a temper tantrum (causing her to resent you and question your motives) whenever she lives her life. You can't control her. All you can do is make choices based on HER choices. If you see that she is spending tons of time doing things with other people and not you, you can talk to her about how you feel and let her know what you want. If she continues to do it, you've got a problem and you can decide whether it's worth staying. That's the long and short of it.

I don't understand why it had to be "discussed" at all though.

I think he just felt a little sad and needed some eSupport. Give the guy a break. I know what you mean though, Smunkee, it smacks of a patriarchal mindset, like those guys who say, "Yeah, I'd let my wife work. I'm an understanding guy." I think he just meant it in terms of two human beings trying to make it through life...a little discussion here, a little "whatever you want dear" there, the occasional huge tantrum, and there you have it. Relationship city.

I'm assuming there must be different rules for dating in the US than in Britain. Over here it's considered good form to offer an explaination to your significant other if you decide to spend a special occasion with someone other than them and it would be fairly natural for me personally to want to try and alter a situation to allow me to spend the occasion with my girlfriend.

My last boyfriend wanted to spend New Years' at a huge Phish concert, and I said "Go ahead dear, no problem. I hate Phish, so I'll do my own thing." I did the same thing another time when I was hanging out at his house, and he got a call from his buddies who said that it was a friends' bachelor party and they wanted him to go to a strip club, and he asked me if he could drop me off at home early so he could go. I said, "No problem, baby!" He thought I was the coolest girlfriend ever. What I have told every boyfriend since then is this...if I seeminly don't have a problem with something like that, it's because I'm already cheating on you. A little healthy jealousy is a good thing.

Now, my current boyfriend has a fun life and goes out with friends a lot, but not without a little voice in the back of his head saying, "My girlfriend misses me right now and wishes she were here." That is how I do my thing.

I'm from the UK, but know quite a few Americans. Over there 'Dating' often means something a lot more casual than it does here, and the casual period lasts a lot longer.

For a UK example - think the level of seriousness if you're with someone for 2 or 3 weeks and they cancel plans to do something with you to go do something with their friends. In America that sort of casualness often carries on for a few months, sometimes indefinately until an official 'talk' about making the relationship serious, officially being boyfriend and girlfriend and being exclusive.

New Years is about a month away, and I presume the guy has been with this girl for a little while - a month perhaps? So they will have been together for maybe 2months by the time New Years rolls in? From a UK perspective I would find it very odd if I was with someone for two months and they did not invite me along to a special and fun occasion like New Years, particulary with no explination. In fact the only times I have not invited a girlfriend to things like New Years, Christmas Parties, or Birthday Parties etc etc was when I was planning on dumping them and looking to pull someone at the party. The only exceptions would be when it is a guys only thing - like the Club Dinner of my Rugby Club - a black tie event with no dates, and in that case I would explain that it is a guys only event.

That sounds about right actually, unless you're in New York City, in which case the casual period lasts right up until marriage, when you have to start rationalizing your still-casual relationship with, "It's MY life, he/she is trying to control me! I refuse to have a marriage like my parents did, because they look miserable to me." It remains casual right through the divorce and after, too, when you may very well continue to hang out and occasionally sleep together. New York New York is anathema to codependance. ;)

Understanding.

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?

Just make sure you remind her of this whenever you want to go hang out with the guys.

You are a very smart boy. If she is forced to choose between friends and a boy, she will (or atleast, should) pick friends. Don't put her in that situation.

As for New Years, call her exactly at midnight. Even if she doesn't answer, the voicemail will be a good thing for you.

agreed. and if you can get the hotel they're staying at, some flowers and a bottle of champaine and three glasses timed to be there at midnight (even if it's left out on the door) is also a nice touch and a sign to her that you care for her. ;)

I think it's unhealthy for a dating relationship for one partner to assume that the other will automatically spend time with them because it's a holiday.

Well - they had talked about it.

What I ment though is that while he definately does not have the right to tie her up and lock her in the basement to stop her going out he does have the rights to:

a. ask her to do something with him.
b. ask her why she does not want him to come out with her.
c. ask her why she does not want to invite him.
d. be pissed off with her ditching him for new years.
e. have an arguement (of course she also has the right to walk away)
f. break it off with her if he's really pissed about it (extreme I know)

I think a relationship is a bit off if you can't do a, b, c, d or e. And it is unhealthy if you view a relationship in a way where you can't even ask 'why' or 'why not?'. Unless you're a total submissive and ahve a master partner.

I don't think he's being a wimp for 'letting' her go out, but I think he is being one for not even asking why he's not invited or why she does not want to carry through with whatever plans they were making.

So, I have a question. Leah is going to Times Square (for New Years celebration) with her friend who will have surgery after they go, and I wasn't invited (her friend doesn't know me that well), so instead of begging her or telling her to spend New Years Eve with me, I told her to go, have a good time etc. Also every time her friends need her help I leave her alone so she can help her friends, and other similar situation. Am I a wimp or understanding?
You are not only understanding, but smart.

Girls are fickle. You need to slap them around a bit to show them you ain't messing around.

Girls are fickle. You need to slap them around a bit to show them you ain't messing around.

I dub this to be the best way..............to get arrested for assault.

Girls are fickle. You need to slap them around a bit to show them you ain't messing around.

I agree with that first comment with everything I have right now (which does not include a girl, because she was a fickle slut):D <-forced smile

understanding. yep on be half of all wimps, i'd say understanding :D

Don't know if it's been discussed already (too lazy to look through the post pages, sorry), but I would wonder as to the motives of the friend.

A real friend wouldn't insist or expect their mate to come along to something as important as a NY eve's Do sans signif other (sigot).
To use the excuse that they'd been together only a couple of months is shite, imo. As a friend, you should naturally want your friends to enjoy themselves, espesh on big nights like NYeve. Said enjoying should naturally include spending it with their sigots. It also gives you the opportunity to meet said sigot.

A very good friend of mine has just recently started dating someone.
We had already made plans to spend Xmas day together, seeing as we were both going to be 'orphans' here this year (neither of us heading back to our parents in OZ and NZ respectively for Xmas). I wouldn't dream of telling her that she's not allowed to bring her new man along to dinner on Xmas day, simply because she's only been going out with him for a few weeks.
That's just being an arsehole.
I trust my mate's taste, so figure that if she's found someone whose company she enjoys, then it follows that I'll probably get on with him too. So for that reason alone, I don't see the problem of him coming along. It's always good to meet new people.


Several years ago, I had a sort of similar exp to Wilgrove. My g/f at the time - whom I had been seeing for 4 years - started work in a lawyer's office. One of her fellow lawyers (indeed several) took a dislike to me, simply because I wasn't a lawyer (a more stuck-up bunch of wankers I've never met, nor wish to meet again).
She was getting married and invited my g/f to the wedding. She specifically told my g/f that the invite was for her and her alone, and I wasn't invited. My g/f couldn't understand why I felt so insulted and agrieved by this: She tried to explain it as being that the other woman didn't know me well enough (much like Wilgrove in his situation), hence the non-invitation. A load of horseshit was my reply to that - it was a delibrate snub because she felt I wasn't 'good' enough.
Said wedding was a lavish affair, with over 600 guests - so one could hardly say she couldn't afford for me to attend.
What annoyed me most though was my g/f accepting said snub. I would never accept an invitation like that, and would seriously consider my friendship with someone who made such conditions on their invitations proffered to me.

Later (and this, I think is very important for Wil) when my g/f and I were having relationship difficulties and she mentioned this to her workmate (the one mentioned above), her workmate's first, last and only suggestion (almost a command) was for my g/f to leave me asap. She even offered to let my g/f move in with her and her husband immediately. No other advice: just DTMFA.

That's my personal experience with a g/f's friend who decided that I wasn't to attend their special events.


And that's why if I were Wilgrove, I'd be slightly apprehensive about this friend of the g/f.
Hopefully, I'm just being paranoid, but...

Don't know if it's been discussed already (too lazy to look through the post pages, sorry), but I would wonder as to the motives of the friend.

A real friend wouldn't insist or expect their mate to come along to something as important as a NY eve's Do sans signif other (sigot).
To use the excuse that they'd been together only a couple of months is shite, imo. As a friend, you should naturally want your friends to enjoy themselves, espesh on big nights like NYeve. Said enjoying should naturally include spending it with their sigots. It also gives you the opportunity to meet said sigot.

Another good one.

The only times when I have not wanted my significant other to meet my friends was when I was planning on ditching her. Whenever I have been keen on a girlfriend I have always invited them out with friends for occasions like this.
The only times my friends have explicitely asked I don't bring my girlfriend was when they thought the gf in question was an evil bitch. When my friends have been neutral or positive about a girlfriend they have either said to invite or not mentioned it on the assumption that I would invite her along anyway.

If a girlfriend said to me "Oh, she's not met you very often so I don't want you to come out as it might make her uncomfortable" I would think "WTF?". How are you supposed to get to know your friends if they work on that sort of premise? And what sort of party is it innappropriate to bring a guest that is unknown to your friends? You bring them and then introduce - or they say hi again after it being a while since they last saw you.

Don't know if it's been discussed already (too lazy to look through the post pages, sorry), but I would wonder as to the motives of the friend.

A real friend wouldn't insist or expect their mate to come along to something as important as a NY eve's Do sans signif other (sigot).

I think maybe New Year's isn't as important for some as it is for others. I've never viewed NY eve as particularly couple-oriented, myself. I tend to like to spend holidays with my partner, just because he's a shitload of fun to party with, but there's nothing about NY eve that makes it especially important that we be together.


To use the excuse that they'd been together only a couple of months is shite, imo.

Again, I dunno about this. If I'd been seeing somebody for a couple of months, I would expect them to respect the fact that I've got friends who I've known for many years, and those friendships carry a lot of weight with me. If somebody who'd been dating me for a couple of months felt that it was fair to expect me to choose them over a friend of many years, I'd begin questioning the relationship very seriously.


As a friend, you should naturally want your friends to enjoy themselves, espesh on big nights like NYeve. Said enjoying should naturally include spending it with their sigots. It also gives you the opportunity to meet said sigot.

Again, maybe some people have different traditions about NY eve, because I don't really see it as a "couples" holiday at all. It's usually been a time for me and my friends to get together and party. Sigots are not banned, but they're also not required, and nobody minds if couples split up to go to different parties or hang out with different groups of friends.


A very good friend of mine has just recently started dating someone.
We had already made plans to spend Xmas day together, seeing as we were both going to be 'orphans' here this year (neither of us heading back to our parents in OZ and NZ respectively for Xmas). I wouldn't dream of telling her that she's not allowed to bring her new man along to dinner on Xmas day, simply because she's only been going out with him for a few weeks.
That's just being an arsehole.

I don't think I've ever told a friend that they were "not allowed" to bring their partner along with them to anything, unless we simply didn't have a ticket for that person or something. However, I am also somewhat bothered when couples feel the need to do everything together, without having any individual time out. I know that couples often are inseparable during the first infatuated phase of a relationship, but I think it's very important for each person to still feel like they have room to themselves.

New Years, for me, is currently the time of year when I get together with a group of my closest friends. We've been holding to this tradition for several years now, since we've moved apart somewhat and like to get together. Conveniently, my boyfriend is a member of this same group, so we don't have any conflict about hanging out with them vs. hanging out together. However, if I ever broke up with my boyfriend and started dating somebody else, I would expect that person to respect that New Years is my time to keep in touch with some very special people who I often only get to see this one time each year.


I trust my mate's taste, so figure that if she's found someone whose company she enjoys, then it follows that I'll probably get on with him too. So for that reason alone, I don't see the problem of him coming along. It's always good to meet new people.

I trust my mate's taste, in that I trust he doesn't make friends with jackasses or boring people. However, he and I are not exactly the same person, and we have areas where our interests diverge. My interest in being a gigantic science nerd is something my partner likes, but does not not share with me, and he doesn't have much fun when I get together with my science nerd friends and nerd it up with them. I understand that, and I don't take it personally.

I agree that it's good to meet new people, and to get to know your partner's friends. But it's silly to expect that all their friends will become your friends; some probably will, but some probably won't. That's okay.


Later (and this, I think is very important for Wil) when my g/f and I were having relationship difficulties and she mentioned this to her workmate (the one mentioned above), her workmate's first, last and only suggestion (almost a command) was for my g/f to leave me asap. She even offered to let my g/f move in with her and her husband immediately. No other advice: just DTMFA.

That's my personal experience with a g/f's friend who decided that I wasn't to attend their special events.

I don't mean to sound harsh or anything here, but that one experience is a pretty shaky foundation for the assumption that it's wrong for one's g/f to have "friends-only" events.

Yes, what you described was shitty, and it sounds like your g/f wasn't handling things very well. But that doesn't mean it is always inappropriate to have friends-only time.


And that's why if I were Wilgrove, I'd be slightly apprehensive about this friend of the g/f.
Hopefully, I'm just being paranoid, but...
I don't think you're being "paranoid," you're just speaking from your own personal experience. It's reasonable for you to be cautious, considering what you described as your past history with this sort of thing.

I just think it's important to not leap to the worst possible conclusions about one's g/f or b/f. Don't assume they're trying to cut you out of their life, or dump you, or rag on you with their friends, just because they want to spend a holiday with others. They may just want to have some space with their friends. That doesn't have to be anything insulting or hurtful.