NationStates Jolt Archive


Microwaveable Babies: Delicious and Nutritious!

Kryozerkia
29-11-2006, 00:00
Most of us have seen what happens when we put various objects in the microwave, haven't we? It's usually amusing, even if it breaks the microwave.

But... putting a kid in it? Uh... I'll let you be the judge.

DAYTON, Ohio — A mother was arrested on suspicion of murdering her newborn daughter by microwaving the baby in an oven.

China Arnold, 26, was jailed Monday on a charge of aggravated murder, more than a year after she brought her dead month-old baby to a hospital. Bail was set Tuesday at $1 million.

"We have reason to believe, and we have some forensic evidence that is consistent with our belief, that a microwave oven was used in this death," said Ken Betz, director of the Montgomery County coroner's office.

He said the evidence included high-heat internal injuries and the absence of external burn marks on the baby, Paris Talley.

Arnold was arrested soon after the baby's death in August 2005, then was released while authorities investigated further. Betz said the case was difficult because "there is not a lot of scientific research and data on the effect of microwaves on human beings.''

The death was ruled homicide by hyperthermia, or high body temperature. The absence of external burns ruled out an open flame, scalding water or a heating pad as the cause, Betz said.

Arnold's lawyer, Jon Paul Rion, said his client had nothing to do with her child's death and was stunned when investigators told her that a microwave might have been involved.

"China — as a mother and a person — was horrified that such an act could occur," Rion said.

The night before the baby was taken to the hospital, Arnold and the child's father went out for a short time and left Paris with a baby sitter, Rion said. The mother didn't sense anything out of the ordinary until the next morning, when the child was found unconscious, Rion said.

Arnold has three other children.

In 2000, a Virginia woman was sentenced to five years in prison for killing her month-old son in a microwave oven. Elizabeth Renee Otte claimed she had no memory of cramming her son in the microwave and turning on the appliance in 1999. Experts said that Otte suffered from epilepsy and that her seizures were followed by blackouts.

Mother accused of microwaving baby (http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&pubid=968163964505&cid=1164711548583&col=968705899037&call_page=TS_News&call_pageid=968332188492&call_pagepath=News/News)
Curious Inquiry
29-11-2006, 00:01
Makes me feel warm inside . . .
Gauthier
29-11-2006, 00:01
So we go from "Kick the Baby" to "Nuke the Baby."

Society has come along so far.
Gauthier
29-11-2006, 00:03
Does anyone else see a Stouffer's Babies Cuisine commercial with Fat Bastard?
Kryozerkia
29-11-2006, 00:04
So we go from "Kick the Baby" to "Nuke the Baby."

Society has come along so far.

Does anyone else see a Stouffer's Babies Cuisine commercial with Fat Bastard?

Comedian-in-training are we?
Curious Inquiry
29-11-2006, 00:05
If you read anything about this, they waited a year to charge the mother, and cited the reason as the lack of research regarding the effects of being put in a microwave on humans. :p
Gauthier
29-11-2006, 00:06
Wouldn't surprise me if these women suffered from Andrea Yates grade PPD.
Seangoli
29-11-2006, 00:07
If you read anything about this, they waited a year to charge the mother, and cited the reason as the lack of research regarding the effects of being put in a microwave on humans. :p

Uh... who was the test subject for this, now that they apparentl know the effect?
Texan Hotrodders
29-11-2006, 00:07
If you read anything about this, they waited a year to charge the mother, and cited the reason as the lack of research regarding the effects of being put in a microwave on humans. :p

I would certainly hope that there would be a lack of such unethical research.
Lunatic Goofballs
29-11-2006, 00:07
I saw this, and I considered posting it, but there's so much uncertainty. I mean, even IF the baby got microwaved, and even IF the mother did it, the fact that she has three other children(whom I am assuming are raw and uncooked), she probably was suffering from post-partem depression.

The onyl things I could say definitively about the case are crude and barbaric observations like:

Baby: 3 minutes per pound.

or...

She was trying to make a new superhero. :)
Katurkalurkmurkastan
29-11-2006, 00:11
She was trying to make a new superhero. :)
hm, no mention of other animals being put in the microwave too? perhaps a spider?
Rhaomi
29-11-2006, 00:12
What's with all the :p's and the :)'s? The woman cooked her own infant alive, for God's sake...
New Stalinberg
29-11-2006, 00:33
What's with all the :p's and the :)'s? The woman cooked her own infant alive, for God's sake...

I make those "dead baby" jokes all the time, and even I'm kind of shocked at the responses. Well not shocked, I just thought there would be more sympathy rather than smiley faces.

On the other hand, being sad won't make the baby come back. :D
Pyotr
29-11-2006, 00:37
What's with all the :p's and the :)'s? The woman cooked her own infant alive, for God's sake...

its NSG...
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
29-11-2006, 00:38
What's with all the :p's and the :)'s? The woman cooked her own infant alive, for God's sake...
Allegedly! She allegedly cooked her own infant alive.
It is entirely possible that the baby was already dead when she put it in the microwave.
Laerod
29-11-2006, 00:40
I would certainly hope that there would be a lack of such unethical research.Possibly a pig, perhaps even a dead one. Microwaves boil the water in whatever is in their path, and that works on dead tissue as well.
IL Ruffino
29-11-2006, 00:43
That's hot.
Kryozerkia
29-11-2006, 00:55
If you read anything about this, they waited a year to charge the mother, and cited the reason as the lack of research regarding the effects of being put in a microwave on humans. :p
They had to start with everyday objects first... :p
Morvonia
29-11-2006, 01:13
lol...ya that all i can say....lol indeed.
Curious Inquiry
29-11-2006, 01:17
What's with all the :p's and the :)'s? The woman cooked her own infant alive, for God's sake...

Someone has it in their sig: Life is comedy to those who think, tragedy to those who feel. NSG tends to be more thoughtful.

ETA: NERVUN has it sigged.
Curious Inquiry
29-11-2006, 01:18
Allegedly! She allegedly cooked her own infant alive.
It is entirely possible that the baby was already dead when she put it in the microwave.

ROFL!
Katganistan
29-11-2006, 01:49
If you read anything about this, they waited a year to charge the mother, and cited the reason as the lack of research regarding the effects of being put in a microwave on humans. :p

I can't imagine why-- they've had accidents before with people being too close to RADAR in action, and if I recall correctly, THOSE were microwave burns as well.
Sel Appa
29-11-2006, 02:21
Who names their child China?

YUM! I've always wanted a microwaved baby, but I think oven baked would be better.
Hakeka
29-11-2006, 02:31
Who names their child China?

YUM! I've always wanted a microwaved baby, but I think oven baked would be better.

But it would scream too loud, and too long. Someone would notice. No, microwave babies are much faster. And safer. For me at least.

(Where's that ninja smiley when you need it?)
Congo--Kinshasa
29-11-2006, 05:41
Ugh.
Congo--Kinshasa
29-11-2006, 05:41
Ugh.
Greater Trostia
29-11-2006, 05:46
Oh come on. Is microwaved *anything* really delicious and nutritious?

I can believe she'd microwave her baby, but you can't make me believe it would both taste good and be good for you. One or the other at best. But I have yet to find out for myself.
Curious Inquiry
29-11-2006, 05:49
Oh come on. Is microwaved *anything* really delicious and nutritious?

I can believe she'd microwave her baby, but you can't make me believe it would both taste good and be good for you. One or the other at best. But I have yet to find out for myself.

Tastes like chicken, depends if it was raised free range.

edit to add: today's comic (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/comics/6Chix.dtl) :p
Curious Inquiry
29-11-2006, 18:35
Bumpage, because cartoon serendipity should not go unnoticed.
Kryozerkia
29-11-2006, 18:41
Bumpage, because cartoon serendipity should not go unnoticed.
No, the cartoon should not. It is highly amusing. It amused me.
New Iskindireyya
29-11-2006, 18:47
Jonathan Swift has a lot to answer for. Damn him and his "Modest" Proposals!
Khadgar
29-11-2006, 19:10
Baby back ribs anyone?
Kryozerkia
29-11-2006, 19:22
Baby back ribs anyone?
I'll take a drum stick! :p
Khadgar
29-11-2006, 19:48
Everyone in this thread is going to the Special hell.
Eve Online
29-11-2006, 19:50
It's either babies or mutton....
New Xero Seven
29-11-2006, 19:52
A Modest Proposal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_modest_proposal), anyone?
Kanabia
29-11-2006, 19:53
I'm hard pressed to think of a more painful way to die.
Kryozerkia
29-11-2006, 19:58
Everyone in this thread is going to the Special hell.
Yay! Our special hell is like the Mormen heaven!
Carnivorous Lickers
29-11-2006, 20:04
What's with all the :p's and the :)'s? The woman cooked her own infant alive, for God's sake...

A little unnerving,isnt it? Dead baby jokes are one thing, but when they are based on an actual fact, they're real scumbaggery.

I saw this story on the news. Its so totally sickening. For some reason, its worse than shaking a baby or beating it to death.
Either way, the baby is dead at the hands of some twisted defect fuck that needs to be permanently removed from society.
Kryozerkia
29-11-2006, 20:06
I saw this story on the news. Its so totally sickening. For some reason, its worse than shaking a baby or beating it to death.
Either way, the baby is dead at the hands of some twisted defect fuck that needs to be permanently removed from society.
I agree.

Jokes are jokes until there is reality involved... unless of course reality itself is making the joke.
Dinaverg
29-11-2006, 20:09
I'm hard pressed to think of a more painful way to die.

Unlikely... I mean, you basically heat up real quick from the inside. Over in minutes. I can imagine things involving razor wire, bits of flesh, and a few weeks that would probably involve more pain.
SHAOLIN9
29-11-2006, 20:14
What's brown and taps on the window?

/sick dead baby joke
Dinaverg
29-11-2006, 20:16
What's brown and taps on the window?

/sick dead baby joke

Actually, Microwaves don't generally cause browning far as I can tell.
SHAOLIN9
29-11-2006, 20:19
Actually, Microwaves don't generally cause browning far as I can tell.

fair enough......I'll have to change the answer to that to "baby in an oven". It doesn't sound as funny though.

Although....some microwaves grill also, so that would!

Joke still works!:D
Eve Online
29-11-2006, 20:21
How about "bully baby", where we turn them all into potted meat product, and can smear them on crackers?
Curious Inquiry
29-11-2006, 21:02
A little unnerving,isnt it? Dead baby jokes are one thing, but when they are based on an actual fact, they're real scumbaggery.

I saw this story on the news. Its so totally sickening. For some reason, its worse than shaking a baby or beating it to death.
Either way, the baby is dead at the hands of some twisted defect fuck that needs to be permanently removed from society.

I agree that this is a senseless tragedy, but I prefer to emphasize the "senseless" rather than the "tragedy." Too much of the daily horror of existance, and I might end up like Edwardis :eek:
Lunatic Goofballs
29-11-2006, 22:28
A little unnerving,isnt it? Dead baby jokes are one thing, but when they are based on an actual fact, they're real scumbaggery.

I saw this story on the news. Its so totally sickening. For some reason, its worse than shaking a baby or beating it to death.
Either way, the baby is dead at the hands of some twisted defect fuck that needs to be permanently removed from society.

Oh, it's a lot worse. Shaking or beating to death is usually an act of emotional rage, sometimes coupled with a lack of concern. Even leaving a baby in a dumpster is relatively mild in comparison. This lady would have not only put her baby in a microwave, but set the timer. Which means she decided how long to cook it for! :eek: That's cold and calculating evil. I hope she didn't do it. That kind of evil chills my innards(insert microwave joke here).
Dinaverg
29-11-2006, 22:32
Oh, it's a lot worse. Shaking or beating to death is usually an act of emotional rage, sometimes coupled with a lack of concern. Even leaving a baby in a dumpster is relatively mild in comparison. This lady would have not only put her baby in a microwave, but set the timer. Which means she decided how long to cook it for! :eek: That's cold and calculating evil. I hope she didn't do it. That kind of evil chills my innards(insert microwave joke here).

Actually, my mom usually just puts a big number on and takes it out when she thinks it's done.


Oh. Wait, damn. Then she's like, testing it: *opens door* *poke* *Squish* "Hmm....Not quite yet." *close door*
Kanabia
30-11-2006, 07:30
Unlikely... I mean, you basically heat up real quick from the inside. Over in minutes. I can imagine things involving razor wire, bits of flesh, and a few weeks that would probably involve more pain.

Well, in terms of length, it's not the most protracted death, but as an individual means, it's gotta be up there with being set on fire. If you microwaved someone for a while on "HIGH", then you might cause some organs to rupture, too. (try putting a full chicken in a microwave) If you stopped it just before the screams reach full intensity, they might actually live for a couple of hours after the incident.

I think i'd prefer the razor wire myself, but that's a pretty tough call.