NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, here's the deal. Some guy at my old middle school was caught vandalizing somebody's property. He'd had friends over and they snuck out at 2 AM, so the parents were asleep at the time. The boys had to fix the house themselves, with the construction workers. And he's invited to my sister's party, but my mom doesn't want him to come.

My sister's side: He's learned his lesson, he won't do it again.
My mom's side: He's an evil little twit who will vandalize our house.
My sister: He learned his lesson, he won't vandalize our house.
My mom: He will vandalize our house, he is evil.
Sister: He is not evil, you don't know him.
Mom: I don't want to know him if he is a vandal.
Sister: I thought you believed in second chances.
Mom: Not for vandals.
Sister: He really is a good person, he just messed up! Jeeze!
Mom: He's not a good person. Honestly, didn't his parents teach him right from wrong?
Sister: Yes! He snuck out at 2 AM! They trusted him and had their trust abused! Don't drag his parents into this!
Mom: Obviously if this boy is a vandal, the parents are to blame for not raising him right.
Sister: He's a good person, he messed up!
Mom: He is the spawn of Satan (she didn't actually say that) and he is not coming.
Sister: I invited him! You're going to look evil!
Mom: He's still not coming. Un-invite him now or the whole party is off!

Here's some more tidbits. My sister was on the phone with her friend, Mom told her to get off and not talk to the friend anymore because the friend was dating the vandal.
MomAnd this girl approves of what he's done?
Sister:No! He's not a bad kid!
Mom: This guy vandalized someone's house, and she still likes him? What kind of people do you want to hang around?
Sister:You can't judge somebody before you know them!
MomI don't want to know this kid!
Sister:You haven't even met him!
MomI don't want to meet him! He is a vandal and he's evil and his parents are letting him come to a party?
Sister:HE had to work REALLY hard!
Mom: I don't care, he's not coming and vandalizing our house!
Sister: Nice! Now you've got all three of us mad at you! (she doesn't know I'm mad too now)
Mom: I don't care! Soemthing is wrong with you if you want to hang around people like that! I don't want to meet this guy, he is a bad person!
Sister: You're a bad person! You're judging this guy before you know him!

Now my mom is on the phone with my dad, trying to convince him that this guy is the child of Satan, Medusa, and my first second grade teacher. :rolleyes: IS my mom right?

Yet another edit: My mom says I'm a "good girl" because I told her about the kid, and I'd thought hse'd already known. And my friend got mad and gave her this look that very clearly told her she was mad, now my mom doesn't want the friend over anymore. :rolleyes:

Oh jeeze, yetanother: My parents are going to talk to the friend's parents for her "playing the game", and my mom thinks that the friend is out to hurt my sister.

Speaking as someone who once threw eggs off an overpass onto passing cars on the highway, I think people deserve second chances. :p

even if he is some sort of compulsive vandalizer, i somehow doubt that he will do so during a party with other people there.

even if he is some sort of compulsive vandalizer, i somehow doubt that he will do so during a party with other people there.

Yeah... and my mom can be very conservative when it comes to second chances. :rolleyes:

Jeez, he vandalized something, he didn't rape someone.
Your mom should get a grip.

(She said, safely separated from said mom by some rather comfortable distance :p)

Vandalising stuff is pretty normal for boys. I did some vandalising and burgarly too when i was <16 and now i can't vandalise stuff (that isn't mine!) any longer because i 'matured'. You just grow out of it and look back at it as something stupid you did, but some memories remain great.

Wheres the proof he learned his lesson?

IS my mom right?

Your mom has a lot of experience with people by virtue of the fact she has lived longer than either you or your sister and dealt with people longer than either of you. She also has the maturity you two are lacking. Listen to what she is saying. If the kid truly has learned his lesson, time will tell. :fluffle:

She also has the maturity you two are lacking.

if her views are being accurately characterized here, then i'd have to reject that premise.

Your mom has a lot of experience with people by virtue of the fact she has lived longer than either you or your sister and dealt with people longer than either of you. She also has the maturity you two are lacking. Listen to what she is saying. If the kid truly has learned his lesson, time will tell. :fluffle:

Now my mom is going ove rto the friend's house to talk to her parents.

I personally think she's being prejudiced, regardless of maturity.

if her views are being accurately characterized here, then i'd have to reject that premise.

95% accuracy, I'm afraid (though the "spawn of Satan" remark was mine).

IS my mom right?

Depends. What exactly did he vandalise ? Did he set fire to an orphanage ?

Depends. What exactly did he vandalise ? Did he set fire to an orphanage ?

Spray paint, lawn furniture in creek, stolen porch lights. Pretty bad IMHO but jeeze.

Your mom has a lot of experience with people by virtue of the fact she has lived longer than either you or your sister and dealt with people longer than either of you. She also has the maturity you two are lacking. Listen to what she is saying. If the kid truly has learned his lesson, time will tell. :fluffle:
That seems like a pre-judgement itself. How do you know if her mom is "mature" enough to know how people work? I know a number of young mothers with the common sense of the average housefly, and I know a number of people my junior who could run rings around my seniors.

Despite what the political world might be trying to tell us, suspicion bordering on hysterical paranoia is not always the result of a rational and experience-based analysis of the situation.

Mind you, it is your mom's place. A concession on this may be in order. However, if this is something you both feel strongly about, it is worth suggesting to your sister to explicitly make the point that you are only denying him the invite because you respect your mother's right to set the rules; not because you agree with her reasoning behind them.

That seems like a pre-judgement itself. How do you know if her mom is "mature" enough to know how people work? I know a number of young mothers with the common sense of the average housefly, and I know a number of people my junior who could run rings around my seniors.

Despite what the political world might be trying to tell us, suspicion bordering on hysterical paranoia is not always the result of a rational and experience-based analysis of the situation.

Mind you, it is your mom's place. A concession on this may be in order. However, if this is something you both feel strongly about, it is worth suggesting to your sister to explicitly make the point that you are only denying him the invite because you respect your mother's right to set the rules; not because you agree with her reasoning behind them.

The party is off. My friend is now takign out her anger on my sister.

And the screaming match JUST ended, and my mom said that my dad will call the cops on the guy if he steps into the yard.

Spray paint, lawn furniture in creek, stolen porch lights. Pretty bad IMHO but jeeze.

Oh my God. How will they see their keys when returning home at night without their porch lights! :eek:

Also, how is one a complusive vandal? Does he get a nervous tic when not tagging people's property?

"I n-n-n-need some spray paint bad, man! GIVE IT TO ME!"

Now my mom is on the phone with my dad, trying to convince him that this guy is the child of Satan, Medusa, and my first second grade teacher. :rolleyes: IS my mom right?

You mean you got kept-back? lol, it doesn't matter. :D

Anyways, I don't know what you can do. You have to stoop low to get out of this one. You and your sister should try and plead with your father, and if he agrees with you then maybe he can convince your mother.

Spray paint, lawn furniture in creek, stolen porch lights. Pretty bad IMHO but jeeze.

Not bad enough to deny him a second chance in my opinion, especially since he fixed it.

Oh my God. How will they see their keys when returning home at night without their porch lights! :eek:



And what did they do at all to deserve having their property damaged?

Not bad enough to deny him a second chance in my opinion, especially since he fixed it.

Because he was caught

And what did they do at all to deserve having their property damaged?

Sarcasm.

And what did they do at all to deserve having their property damaged?

It is of course possible they DID deserve it. But since the boy was punished I assume that was not the case.
However, since he was punished and says he has learned his lesson he should get a second chance. If he blows that... well, I personally do not do third chances.

Because he was caught

You assume. Not enough information to be certain of that.

Sarcasm.

But werent you being sarcastic about the level of punishment based on only a couple of porch lights being stolen? Meh if i'm wrong i apologise

You assume. Not enough information to be certain of that.

How often do people who vandalise go back to apologise when they know they got away with it?

Also, how is one a complusive vandal? Does he get a nervous tic when not tagging people's property?

"I n-n-n-need some spray paint bad, man! GIVE IT TO ME!"

must...key...cars...

How often do people who vandalise go back to apologise when they know they got away with it?

I did when I was young.

I did when I was young.

Exception to the rule then. In general however?

I did when I was young.

Good for you.

Give him a second chance.
That way you can truly prove his character.
If he's an evil twit once again, then everyone will know as the evil twit
And no one will invite him to their parties.
I'm sure he'll figure it out.

Give him a second chance.
That way you can truly prove his character.
If he's an evil twit once again, then everyone will know as the evil twit
And no one will invite him to their parties.
I'm sure he'll figure it out.

My mom is trying to keep it going. She's taken my sister's cell phone away so now she can't call anyone.

I don't think either of them is right.

The mother seems very prejudiced and narrow-minded for condemning the kid like that, and she is definitely taking this too far, but let's not forget that the kid is the bad guy here. Vandalism isn't something that should be tolerated, even if it was normal behaviour for boys (which I don't think it is). He obviously is not the little angel the sister believes him to be. Give him a second chance after letting him mature for a year or two.

As for now, I'd side with the mother to be on the safe side. I don't think he would cause trouble at the party, but his actions call for more consequences than just repairing the damage.

I think that since the mother owns the house, she has the right to prevent anyone she does not want from entering her house.

I think that it's normal to be concerned about the people one's children hang out with, and that if one does not approve of them, then one can bar them from the house.

Any kind of vandalism that involves having to fix it with construction workers is clearly not the same as spraypainting the side of one's house or breaking a window.

When you live in your own house and pay your own bills, you can make your own rules. While you still live in their home and they pay your bills, your parents get to make the rules, like them or not.

<OP>

Speaking as a parent, it sounds like your mom needs to change her tampon. Or maybe your dad should stop working so much and give her more/better sex. Hasn't she ever made a mistake? And now it seems she's willing to alienate your family from the entire town if they even associate with the guy? Has she talked to the person whose house was vandalized at all and found out how they feel about it? Why is she even sticking her nose into it if it is between the kids (and their parents) who broke up and subsequently fixed the house and the guy who owns the house? She wants to talk to the parents of your friend, did she bother to talk to the parents of the boys?

I have a feeling there's some larger issue here, like she doesn't like the parents of that boy and she's using this as an excuse to pick a fight. Unfortunately for you, if your dad is on her side also, then there's nothing you can really do about it except get hurt. She is being incredibly unreasonable, but that's life when you live under your parent's roof. Not much you can do, unless you have a stronger case for getting yourself declared emancipated, moving out and supporting yourself. Which really, really sucks.

Remember kids, its not the end of the world. :)

I should have known only you could have such a story.

You have a very INTERESTING life. Second chances for sure. :)

Your mother is overreacting. But that is her peroggative. I'd probably be similarly nervous about allowing some kid who vandalized a neighbor's house onto my property, and I sure as hell wouldn't want my hypothetical kids hanging out with someone who does that for fun. You may be right; the kid might have learned his lesson. But your mother is perfectly justified in not just taking your word for it.

I should have known only you could have such a story.

You have a very INTERESTING life. Second chances for sure. :)

Interesting life? ME?!? Wow.

Well, the party's back on, but I don't think the guy is coming. I went over my friend's house and came back and my sister and mom were still decorating the back porch, so meh, I'm going to be on all night :)